Title: Heaven Can Wait

Summary: Maybe the amulet wasn't meant for Spike or Angel, but for a different champion.
A/N: This is a season 5 Ats rewrite. Most of the things that happened in the season, happen in this rewrite although I don't hash them all out. Some of the lines are very similar if not exact to what was said in the show. I used transcripts from buffyworld.com. Thanks to Lee, Ashley, Rachel and Lynn for looking this over. Any mistakes left are my own entirely.

Two      Three      Four      Five      Six      Seven      Eight      Nine      Ten


Chapter One
Sunnydale May 20, 2003
 
 
“Get them out of here, Spike!” Buffy screamed as the cavern collapsed around them. She tossed her scythe to Spike. “Give that to Faith, tell her it’s hers now.”

“Can’t just run off and leave you, Pet,” Spike paused beside her.

Buffy smiled softly at him. There was a calm peace in her eyes that he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen there before. “Yes you can. You’ve got to take care of Dawnie. You promised ‘til the end of the world. That looks like it’s right now.”

Spike shook his head. He glanced around the cavern. It was quickly collapsing. He looked back up at Buffy, tears in his eyes. “I love you,” he said.

“I know,” she said with another smile. “Now go.” Once Spike was gone, her slayer strength fled. She fell to her knees, a scream ripped from her very soul.

Spike galloped up the stairs, two at a time. He snagged the heavy wool blanket he’d worn in and pulled it over his head, trying to avoid chopping off a hand with the slayer scythe. He ran head long toward the school bus that was just pulling away from the school.

“Wait! Spike!”

He smiled to himself; that was Niblet’s voice. The bus stopped barely long enough for him to barrel inside. He crouched down in the floorboard in the very back of the bus. It wasn’t long before Dawn slunk back there with him. She crawled under the blanket.

“She’s always leaving me,” Dawn said brokenly.

“She didn’t want to, Niblet. Someone had to save the world.”

Dawn nodded slightly and sniffled. Tears dripped off the tip of her nose. “Why does it always have to be my sister?”

“She’s the slayer, Luv, a hero,” Spike said.

 “I just-there won’t be a funeral or a headstone this time, will there?”

“We can have a memorial when we get to where ever it is we’re going,” Spike said. He pulled the girl into his arms and cradled her head against his chest. “Doesn’t seem like it now, Lil Bit, but it’ll be okay,” he tried to reassure her.

Dawn broke down into sobs and Spike rocked her, stroked her hair and let her cry herself out. There was nothing else he could do. He’d made a promise to a girl.



Los Angeles June 9 2003
 

“Meanwhile, we do the work our way, one thing at a time. We deal with whatever comes next,” Angel said. He ripped open the envelope that had been sitting on his desk since that morning. He faltered when the amulet fell to the floor, the amulet he’d given Buffy, the amulet that had killed her nineteen days ago.

The moment the amulet hit the floor a black whirlwind sprung up. It rustled the papers on Angel’s desk as it spun, hanging in a central part of the room. Slowly it begin to gain form, at first skeletal and then fleshing out until Buffy lay before them, curled into a fetal position and screaming at the top of her lungs.

Angel fell to his knees beside her. He reached out to touch her, to comfort her, anything to stop her pain and was shocked when his hands passed through her.

“Buffy?” He took a deep breath and smelled nothing, or at least nothing Buffy; no vanilla, no sunshine, no strength.

Buffy’s screams were cut abruptly when Angel said her name. She sat up and glanced around the office, confusion painting her features. “Angel? Wha-what? Where am I?”

“Wolfram and Hart,” Gunn answered as it was obvious Angel was in too much shock to answer her.

Buffy reached out to touch Angel and watched as her hand passed right through him.

“What’s wrong with me?” She asked, her voice quivering with fear.

“I’d say you were a ghost, Kitten,” Lorne said stepping closer to Buffy.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Fred asked.

Buffy stood up and stumbled back, falling through Angel and into his desk. She looked around in blind panic at these people she didn’t know. “I burned up. I died. I shouldn’t be here. What happened?”

Angel finally came to his senses. He stood up and paced protectively in front of Buffy. “Get out. You can all ask questions tomorrow.”

“Angel, you don’t know what brought her here-she-she could be evil,” Fred stammered.

Angel growled low in his chest. “Buffy is not evil.” Fred actually flinched at Angel’s murderous tone.

“Okay, we get the point, Angelcakes. You don’t have to drive it home with that grumbly tone of voice,” Lorne said. He spread his arms wide, attempting to herd Wes, Gunn and Fred out with him. After some gentle prodding they followed his lead, glancing back over their shoulders at Angel and the ghost of Buffy.

Once everyone had gone, silent, ragged sobs over took Angel. “Oh God, Buffy I’m so sorry. You burned and I’m so sorry. I didn’t know-I wouldn’t have given it to you if I had known.” He covered his face with his hands and sobbed silently into them. Buffy moved toward him. She hovered next to him, aching because she couldn’t give him any real comfort.

“Angel, it’s okay. It got the job done and that’s what’s important, not me or you. Besides, I’m not the only one anymore, there are lots of slayers out there to replace me,” Buffy said.

“No! There may be a thousand slayers, but there will only ever be one you and I killed you!” Angel snapped.

“You didn’t kill me; you helped me save the world, again. If you hadn’t given me that amulet everyone there would have died and then the First would have come to LA and you would have had to deal with it,” she said.

“At least I wouldn’t be carrying around this unbearable guilt, knowing I’d killed you,” Angel said.

Buffy sighed. Angel on a guilt trip was  like a dog with a bone. She turned and walked away from Angel. She stood by the window and smiled wryly at her lack of reflection there.  She’d always been comforted somehow by Angel’s lack of reflection, her own was worrisome. A frown creased her brow.

“Do I look like me?” She asked.

He swallowed hard and walked up behind her. He stood close enough that his breath would have ruffled her hair, had he had breathe and had she not been a ghost. “You look so real, so much like you and so beautiful that I would give almost anything to touch you one more time.”

She smiled sadly. “Don’t you know by now, no matter how many times I die, you’re always my last touch, my last breath, my last heartbeat?”

“What if-what if something I did-that amulet kept you out of Heaven? What if it’s the reason you’re here?” Angel asked.

Buffy sighed and shook her head. “I didn’t want to go back. I wasn’t ready yet it’s-I don’t know. It’s okay. I wouldn’t have changed anything.”

“I would have. I would have worn the amulet,” Angel said brokenly.

“Shhh,” she whispered. She placed her hand next to his cheek, almost close enough to touch.

“Close your eyes and imagine for just a moment that you can feel my hand against your skin. Imagine that I’m touching you,” Buffy whispered.

Angel calmed at the sound of her voice. He closed his eyes and he concentrated on remembering what being touched by Buffy had felt like.  He ached because he could remember exactly what Buffy felt like, what she smelled like, tasted like. He also remembered she was dead, and he’d murdered her by giving her that amulet, letting her wear it even though it’d come from Lilah and Wolfram and Hart. Tears made silent tracks down his cheeks. He opened his eyes.

Buffy smiled sadly at him. She looked so solid and real. He reached to touch her, but stopped himself half way. It would only hurt more to watch his hand go through her.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

She shook her head. “No, don’t be. I’m not. I couldn’t have saved them without you. Dawnie, Willow, Xander, Giles, Faith…I did save them didn’t I? I mean they got out okay.”

Angel nodded. “Yeah, I talk to them semi regularly. They’re living in San Diego. Giles decided to rebuild the Watcher’s Council in the United States.  I just-I wish I’d worn the amulet.”

Buffy shook her head. “No, it was my decision and I don’t regret it. I needed you here, in case…I’m glad I didn’t need the second front.”

Angel glided his fingertips just over her face, her eyebrow, her cheekbone and her lips. Buffy closed her eyes and ached, pretending she could feel his touch.

“Why are you here?” He asked his voice soft and full of awe. If Wolfram and Hart had done this, if they’d kept her out of Heaven…he’d make Angelus look like a babysitter.

Buffy opened her eyes and moved away from Angel, taking care not to walk through anything. It was an odd feeling. She sighed. “I don’t know. I mean I don’t really remember anything before this. There was burning and then this. How long have I been gone?”

“Nineteen days, 10 hours and 23 minutes,” Angel said. He knew because he’d counted. He’d counted and he’d blamed himself for every single minute of her death. He’d imagined a hundred different ways he could have saved her; most of them meant his own demise, but it hadn’t mattered. He’d die a thousand deaths so Buffy could have one more moment on this earth, so this earth could have one more moment of her.

Buffy smiled slightly at him. “Well in that time, there’s nothing. No memories of Heaven, or even Hell. Before, I remembered it all, especially at first.”

“Tomorrow we’ll have Fred do some tests, Wes can research. They’ll come up with some answers,” Angel said.

“Fred?” Buffy asked.

“The brunette girl.”

“Oh, the one who thought I was evil.”

“She didn’t mean-” Angel faltered.

“Relax, I’m kidding. I might be a ghost, but all the more reason to retain my sense of humor,” she said.

“I was going to go up to my penthouse. I-are you tired?” He asked.

She shook her head. “I don’t know if ghosts get tired.”

“We don’t know that’s what you are,” Angel said.

Buffy arched an eyebrow at him. “I died and now I can go through things, what do you think I am?”

He considered it a moment. “Okay, ghost.” There was no one else he’d rather be haunted by; it was both pleasure and pain.

They took the elevator up to Angel’s penthouse. Buffy waited until the doors had opened by force of habit more than anything. Angel shrugged the suit jacket he wore off and unbuttoned the top two buttons on his shirt. Buffy turned in a circle, taking in everything.

“Wow, this is different. It’s nice. I expected dark and gloomy,” she said.

Angel shrugged. “I didn’t decorate it. It came this way.” He sat down on the couch. Buffy sat beside him and fell through the couch to the floor. She wrinkled her nose.

“Okay, so I can sit on the floor but I can’t do furniture,” she said.

Angel gave her a little half grin and the stretched out on the floor. Buffy smiled and lay down next to him, propped up on one elbow. Everything inside of him hurt, knowing she was dead and gone because of something he’d done. It was hard to stand upright some days because the guilt weighed so much it buckled his knees. He forced himself out of bed every morning, he forced himself to go to work at Wolfram and Hart because he’d made a deal with the devil and you didn’t exactly back out on deals with the devil.

‘Will you tell me what happened? Spike wouldn’t, either out of real emotion or the desire to get to me,” Angel said. It was something that had been driving him crazy. Part of him yearned to know how Buffy had spent her last few minutes. Had she hurt? Had she cried? The other part of him didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to think about her like that. He was afraid it’d alter the image he had of her in his head, an image of her standing on the end of a pier bathed in sunlight on a day that time had forgotten.

Buffy gnawed on her bottom lip a moment. Her eyes got a distant look. “Willow’s spell worked. She made all these slayers and we were doing pretty well. Some of them fell, but over all we were winning. The amulet was just lying there, doing absolutely nothing and then it started to burn. This light shot out of it like the sun compressed or something. It-burned so bad, hurt so much that I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t talk. It froze me in place and the light was shooting through me instead of the amulet. The vamps started dusting and the whole place started to come down. Everyone was running, getting the hell out of Dodge. Spike stayed with me until nearly the end. I made him leave. After that it’s so fuzzy, but I remember I could scream and I did. I tried to be strong, slayer strong and I couldn’t, Angel. I screamed.”

Tears welled in her eyes and tumbled over her lashes, spilling down her cheeks. Angel wanted to wipe the tears away, but he couldn’t. Tears of his own trickled down his face.

“It’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with screaming when it hurts,” he whispered. He wanted to scream. He wanted to scream until his throat bled and his voice was gone. He wanted to scream until all of this was a distant memory. He wanted to scream until Wolfram and Hart was gone, until the irreparable damage to his son was gone, until Buffy wasn’t dead and haunting him.

“I think maybe it was worth it, the burning, the pain. I think maybe it was worth it because I got to come back to you,” Buffy said.

  Chapter Two


“She’s not a ghost.” Fred glanced back down at the gadget she held in her hand. “I mean-I didn’t mean to talk about you like you aren’t here. We just-just aren’t used to it, you know. Anyway, you’re not a ghost.”

“Then what is she?” Angel was pacing his office like a caged lion.

“She’s-I don’t know. I mean I’m getting electromagnetic readings consistent with spiritual entities but there isn’t an ectoplasmic matrix,” Fred said.

“And that means?” Buffy asked.

“Ectoplasma is what makes a ghost visible to humans. So if you were a ghost, we wouldn’t be able to see you right now ‘cause you don’t have any ectoplasma.”

“Cool, I don’t think I’ve ever been an entity.” Buffy was trying to stay lighthearted about all this. She knew if she broke down, Angel was going to lose it because he was still making much with the guilt.

“I’m also detecting brain waves and you’re radiating heat. Usually the area around a ghost is actually cooler, because they absorb heat and light.”

“What the hell is she then?” Angel asked, clearly growing irritated. He wanted to know what and why Buffy was back, not because he was eager to get rid of her, but because he didn’t want to keep her out of Heaven if that’s where she was supposed to be. He also didn’t want Wolfram and Hart or anyone else using Buffy for an evil purpose.

“Whatever she is, Buffy is clearly tied to the amulet. Her essence must have been trapped within it. Do you remember anything? Maybe some sort of strange sensations as you were released from it?” Wes asked.

Buffy tried not to wince. She remembered being burned alive, very rapidly and yet agonizingly slowly. She couldn’t say that though, it’d only throw Angel into a deeper brooding pattern. She shook her head. “Nope, not a thing. Just poof, I was here.”

“How did the amulet get here? Wasn’t it buried in a crater in Sunnydale?” Angel looked to Buffy for confirmation on that.

“Yeah, I mean I think so.”

“Well, it had to have been sent here for a reason. You know a higher purpose? Maybe the Powers that Be…” Fred trailed off when she caught Angel’s angry expression.

“I’m sick and tired of the Powers that Be screwing with me and Buffy. She’s saved their world a dozen times, what the hell gives them the right to screw with her?” Angel raged.

“Angel, calm down. It’s okay. I’m alright with being here. Yeah, being able to touch things, not falling through furniture, it’d be nice. The walking through walls thing, kind of-“ Buffy started to fade before their eyes. After a moment she was gone.

“Where’d she go?” Angel screamed, flailing in every direction.

Fred scanned the place Buffy had just been standing. “I don’t know. She just-there’s no readings.”

“Nooooo!” Angel screamed at the ceiling. “You cannot send her back and then take her away like that!”


“Huh? What?” Buffy reappeared as quickly as she’d disappeared.

“Oh, thank God,” Angel breathed. He walked over and hovered near Buffy. “Where did you go? What happened?”

“I-uhm-I don’t know,” she replied honestly. She had been gone for such a split second that she hadn’t gotten her bearings on where she’d been.

“Fred, I want you to drop everything that lab is working on and find out why Buffy is here, where she came from, why she faded away a minute ago, where she went and how or if it’s possible to make her solid,” Angel dictated.

Fred nodded, trying to keep up with Angel’s rapid fire orders. “Okay, we’ll get to work on it. I’m sure we’ll have answers pretty soon. I mean I’ve got a whole lab! They’ve gotta be good for something.” She dashed out of the office without any further prodding.

“Wes, I want your department working on the same thing. I’m hoping if we approach it from a mystical and scientific angle we’ll figure something out soon. Work with Fred’s department if you need too,” Angel instructed.

Wes nodded and walked out, leaving Buffy and Angel alone.

“Are you okay?” Angel asked, turning to Buffy in concern.

She nodded and smiled at him. “Yeah, I’m-I’m fine. The fading was a little disorienting, but it didn’t hurt.”

Angel nodded. “Fred and Wes will figure out what’s going on. We’ll fix this.”

Buffy smiled. “Angel, I don’t know if there’s anything to fix. I mean people show up as ghosts all the time, right? And yeah maybe I’m a different sort of ghost, but I was a different sort of girl. This may be what I am, for however long.”

Angel raked his fingers through his hair and paced the length of his office.

“Being haunted by me so bad?”

He shook his head. “No, no. Not at all. It’s just- I don’t want to keep you from where you’re supposed to be.”

Buffy walked over to Angel. She reached out and placed her hand just over his chest, almost touching the spot where his heart was. “This is where I’m supposed to be.”

*

Angel sat down behind the desk and pressed the intercom button. “Fred, I need you up here now. Bring Wes with you.”

“Angel, it’s-don’t worry so much. We got the bad guy, that’s what counts,” Buffy said.

“And you were gone for ten minutes. Where did you go? You had to have gone somewhere!”

Buffy shook her head. She had an idea now of where she’d been now and there was no way she could tell Angel. “I don’t know. I mean-maybe it was the same place I went while I was in the amulet. There was just a lot of nothing.”

Angel growled. “We’ll find a way to release you from the amulet permanently then. I’m not going to have you trapped here, appearing and disappearing at the Senior Partners whim.”

Wes and Fred stepped into the office interrupting further discussion, much to Buffy’s relief.

“So, Hainsley’s out of business?” Fred asked.

Angel nodded. “For the time being. That’s not why I called you here. Let’s get back to Buffy. She disappeared while we were there. She was gone for almost ten minutes, maybe a little more. I don’t want that happening again. She’s not something for the Senior Partners to toy with, to torment me with. She’s a person.”

Fred swallowed hard, not pointing out that technically no she wasn’t. Buffy was a spirit, of some sort. “I don’t think we can-stop it, I mean.”

“I don’t want to hear that,” Angel growled.

Fred sighed. “Alright, you tell him then, Wes.”

“I’ve had my entire department working researching the amulet. It’s tied to Wolfram and Hart, other then that, there’s not much on it, at least not on the subject of releasing Buffy from the amulet. “

“You said there wasn’t much, implying there’s something,” Angel said.

Wesley gulped and nodded. “There’s nothing on releasing Buffy from the amulet in the conventional sense.”

“We’re not exactly dealing with conventional here, Wes. Spit it out.” Angel paced, growing more irritated with every second.

“We can give Buffy” Wes paused and glanced at Buffy first and then Angel, “eternal rest.”

Angel swayed a little on his feet. He looked at Buffy. Could he really give her up? He gritted his teeth. He’d have to, if there was a chance that Buffy could go to Heaven, where she belonged he’d have to give her up. He cleared his throat. “Could-do-do you know where she’d go?”

“No!” Buffy turned towards Angel. “No, I told you I don’t want to go anywhere. I want to stay here with you.”

Angel rubbed his temple. “Buffy, if there’s a chance you can go to Heaven you have to take it.”

“I want to stay here with you,” she emphasized every word.

Angel shook his head. “No, I can’t let you do that.”

Buffy’s eyes welled with tears. “Don’t.”

He quirked an eyebrow at her. “Don’t what?”

“Don’t make this decision for me just because you can, just because I’m not corporeal and I can’t physically stop you.”

Angel recoiled like she’d hit him with a physical blow. She winced, automatically sorry for her words. She stepped closer and placed her hand next to his cheek, almost touching his skin. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it,” she whispered.

He looked up at her, pain streaking across his eyes. “Yes, you did and you’re right.”

Wes cleared his throat. Angel glanced up. He’d forgotten anyone else was in the room. Funny how even a ghost of Buffy could do that. “Then we’re in agreement to not release Buffy from the amulet?”

Angel looked at Buffy one more time. She nodded. He glanced back at Wes. “Yes, but keep working this. There’s got to be something we can do.” He looked at Fred pleadingly. “Please, keep everyone on this.”

 Chapter Three



Buffy wandered into Fred’s office. The brainy girl was bent over some papers on her desk.

“Hey, working on the werewolf girl thing?”

Fred jumped and looked up startled. “Oh! Oh, Buffy, sorry I didn’t-I didn’t hear you. Well of course I didn’t hear you. You don’t make noise being a not ghost or whatever you are. I’m sorry did you want something? Oh, yeah I’m working on finding the girl.”

Buffy nodded. “Yeah, Angel told me about her. I don’t mean to bug because werewolf stuff important. I mean you can’t have her loose out there, especially not knowing what she is, but have you found out anything new about-about me?”

Fred took her glasses off and wrinkled her nose. “Gosh, no. I mean I had some ideas, but we need to find this girl before nightfall.”

Buffy nodded and tugged at a strand of her hair. Odd how she could touch herself, pull her hair, bite her lips but she couldn’t touch anything else. “I-of course-I mean I understand. It’s just-” she stopped and looked at Fred. “It’s getting worse.”

“What do you mean? Getting worse?”

Buffy paused. She wasn’t sure how much she wanted to tell Fred. She hadn’t confessed anything to anyone yet. She sighed. “It’s-my disappearances are getting longer. I-I’ve tried to keep them from Angel because he worries.” She stepped closer to Fred and gave her a hard look. “Can I tell you something? I mean and you not tell Angel?”

Fred put her papers down and grew very serious. “Yeah. What’s wrong?”

Buffy took a deep breath. She paced the room, not even noticing that she kept walking through a chair. “It’s just-it- when I disappear I’m not going to nothing like I told Angel. I’m-I think I’m going to Hell.”

Fred got pale. Some of her papers fell to the floor and she knocked her glasses off the desk when she stood up, bumping into the desk. “Oh, Buffy. Why didn’t you say anything earlier? I’m sorry. I-well I can get someone else to work on this werewolf case. I’ll return to your stuff. I-why don’t you tell Angel?”

Buffy shook her head. “No, you cannot tell him. Ever. He’d just worry and feel guilty. This isn’t his fault. I wouldn’t have let him wear the amulet no matter what. I mean-I was pretty sure that whoever wore the amulet was going to die. That’s why I couldn’t let anyone else wear it. He doesn’t need this burden. He’s got so many other things on his mind. Just-you can’t tell him, Fred.”

The brunette nodded. “It’s okay. I won’t tell him. I’ll figure this out, Buffy. I promise. It’s what I do. I work the problem.”

Buffy smiled weakly. “I know you will, Fred and thanks. Now I’ve got to go. Angel’s supposed to be calling Giles and letting him know I’m back, sort of.” She started to leave the room and stopped. “Fred, hurry. Please.”

“We will. I’ll get Wes on it too, but I won’t tell him details. Just try not to fade into you know where… permanently. This place…we’ve got everything.”

*

Buffy stood in front of the windows looking over the city. Her arms were wrapped around her body. Angel was out retrieving the werewolf. She’d decided to stay here. There wasn’t really anything she could do and she was afraid she’d just be a distraction to him.

She understood why Angel had to be out there getting the werewolf. The girl couldn’t be allowed to roam the city. She wouldn’t understand what was happening or why, not to mention the destruction she could cause in wolf form. Angel was the only one strong enough to handle the girl in werewolf form. Buffy would be anxious until he got back.

Hours later Angel walked into his penthouse. He smiled and went to stand next to Buffy, close enough that it appeared she was leaning against him. She tilted her head up and smiled at him. “Get your girl?”

“Nope, but I did get the werewolf.”

“That’s what I meant, Silly.”

Angel paused a moment. He closed his eyes and bowed his head so that his nose was almost buried in the crown of her head. He took a deep breath and imagined he could smell that special scent that was Buffy, vanilla, sunshine and something else indefinably Buffy. “You still my girl?” He whispered.

“Always,” she whispered and closed her eyes. Her entire being ached to feel his touch. They stood like that in silence for a moment.

Finally Buffy opened her eyes and spoke. “I’d give up all my days in Heaven to touch you.”

“Shhhh, don’t say such things.”

“Why not? It’s true,” she said.

Angel took a deep breath and stepped away from Buffy. He looked off into the distance of night. “Don’t say that because I’m afraid it will come true.”

“I don’t care if it comes true! I hope it comes true!”

Angel turned toward Buffy. Anger, guilt, remorse were etched across his face. “I want to touch you so badly it hurts! I may be immortal, but I’m not invulnerable, Buffy. All it takes is one piece of wood, one beheading, one slayer who doesn’t know who I am and you’re left here to wander this earth by yourself. I don’t want to keep you out of Heaven. I don’t want to tie you to this plane.”

“Angel, I-“ she didn’t get to finish her comment because she faded away.

*


“I want to speak to the Big Cat right now,” Angel said through gritted teeth.

Gunn winced and held up both his hands in a surrender gesture. “Angel, man I understand, but you just can’t bother the Big Cat with every little thing. Fred and Wes are working on this. Give them some time.“

Angel grabbed Gunn by the collar and slammed him against the wall. He slipped into vamp face and growled. “I will not lose her. I. Want. To. Talk. To. The. Senior. Partners. Now. If you can’t manage that for me then I’m going to start spreading all that knowledge they crammed into your brain across this wall, bit by brainy bit.”

Defiance flitted through Gunn’s eyes before he finally surrendered. This wasn’t the Angel he knew. This was Angel losing the love of his life for a second time; he had to cut the man some slack. “Fine, I’ll take you but if the Cat eats me, I’m haunting your ass and it won’t be filled with hearts and flowers.”


The white room was empty when they walked into it.

“Hello? Testy vamp here,” Gunn called.

“I want to speak to the Senior Partners now!” Angel roared.

“What’s the matter? You don’t like your present?”

Angel whirled on his heel to find Eve standing in the center of the room. She was wearing a black suit that made her stand out starkly against all the white.

“I didn’t say I wanted to speak to the Senior Partners’ worthless minion,” Angel snarled.

Eve smiled and slowly approached Angel. “They can’t help you. The Senior Partners didn’t do this.”

Angel reached out and snatched the woman by the throat. He dangled her at eye level, her feet inches above the floor. “Then who did?”

Eve floundered, her face growing more red by the moment. Angel dropped her, shoving her away from him. She scrambled back on all fours and stared at him with wide eyes. She reached up and rubbed at her throat. “Don’t know,” she rasped and coughed.

“If you’re lying I will take out your intestines and decorate my office with them,” Angel threatened.

“Nice imagery there, Boss,” Gunn said with a disgusted look on his face.

“Yeah, if I knew anything I’d tell you without the gruesome threats.” Eve slowly got to her feet.

“Find out then and tell the Senior Partners we’re not doing a damn thing until we figure it out. The entire firm will work on this problem.”

*

Buffy hung back from the group gathered in Angel’s apartment.  She smiled as they all fawned over the place. They were a family, like she and the gang back in Sunnydale used to be, before so many things happened; things like dying, going to Heaven and being brought back. She missed this, this sense of family and togetherness. Maybe if Fred could save her from burning in the depths of Hell forever, she’d fit in with them, one day.

Angel walked over to where she stood and smiled slightly. “Hey, are you okay?”

She looked up at him and nodded. “Yeah. So the werewolf, Nina, is she going to be okay?”

Angel nodded. “I think so. I took her back home this morning. It’ll be hard, dealing with this, what she’s become, but she’s going to come back next month. We’ll put her in the cage; let her ride out the full moon cycle. Oh, I talked to Giles.”

“And?”

“He’ll be here tomorrow. He’s bringing Willow, Dawn and Xander with him.”

“Was he-“ Buffy stopped. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to ask or what sort of reaction she’d expected from Giles.

“He’s leery. He asked a bunch of questions I couldn’t answer. I’m hoping we’ll know something more soon,” Angel said.

Me too because I don’t know how much longer I’m going to get to be here, Buffy thought. She was saved from having to respond by Fred.

“So everyone up for Chinese?”

“Just order the usual, Fredykins,” Lorne piped up from behind the bar where he was making cosmos.

Angel smiled and ambled over to a chair. He sat down in it. “I’m buying.”

“Ladies and Gentlemen, Hell just froze over,” Lorne joked.

Angel smirked at him. Buffy hung back a little while longer, half expecting to fade out. It would be easier on Angel this way if she did. She knew it hit him hardest when she faded with him standing right there.

“So, Angel, I think I saw werewolf girl giving you a look,” Gunn teased.

Angel looked over at Buffy in the corner and beckoned her closer. “Nah, I’ve got all the girl I need.”

 

Chapter Four



Buffy smiled as Angel sat down on the floor next to her. He’d taken to sleeping on the floor next to her, just a hair’s breath from touching her. Everyone had finally left the apartment and Angel had cleaned up the Chinese food. He sighed contentedly.

“This isn’t what I thought working for Wolfram and Hart would be like.”

She smiled. “What did you think it would be?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know, but not being haunted by the most beautiful spirit I’ve ever seen.”

She laughed softly. It was cut short by the sight of a man hanging from the ceiling. Her brow furrowed.

“What’s wrong?”


“You don’t see him?” She asked and pointed toward the man.

Angel looked in the direction Buffy pointed. “Don’t see who?” He got to his feet and glanced around the room.

She drew her eyebrows together and shook her head. The man disappeared. “Nothing, I-maybe I’m the ghost version of tired.” She smiled her face relaxing. Angel returned to her side. “Lie down and sleep. It was just-I don’t know.”

“You sure? I can get Fred up here to run some readings.”

“Positive. She’s already in bed, I’m sure it’s nothing.”

*

Buffy woke up with a start and glanced around. She wasn’t in Angel’s room anymore, but she wasn’t in the fire and brimstone Hell she’d been slipping away to either. It was…well, a basement. Buffy furrowed her brow and walked through rows of filing cabinets. She knew Wolfram and Hart had a basement, several in fact. They even had sub basements. She was pretty sure she was in one of them. She scrunched up her forehead.


“Hello?” Her words echoed back to her. “Guess I’m the only one here,” she whispered. She turned a corner and saw a woman walking.

“Hey! Excuse me? Could you—“

The woman turned. Half of her face had been carved away. “Help me.”

Buffy staggered, shocked by the woman’s face. “I-uhm-I-who did this to you?”

“Help me,” the woman pleaded again.

“Of course, just—“

And then she was back in Angel’s penthouse. She didn’t know how long she’d been gone, but it was daylight outside and Angel was gone.

“Don’t let them take me.”

Buffy spun around to see a man with his legs cut off. “Oh, God,” she stumbled, falling through a chair. Her stomach felt queasy and she wondered if ghosts could vomit. “Who did this to you? Who’s going to take you?”

The man disappeared as quickly as he’d appeared. Buffy let out a strangled cry and ran through the wall, trying to get to Angel as quickly as she possibly could.

*

“No, they were there. I’m telling you. They’re here right now! All around us! Can’t you see them?” Buffy sobbed.

Fred walked around the room with a gadget in her hand. It beeped and blipped softly. “I’m not getting any readings for ghosts.”

“Then they are whatever I am! They’re here. Look, right over there!” Buffy pointed to a woman with half of her body burned to a crisp.

Gunn walked into Angel’s office. “The mystics say they don’t detect any ghosts, at all. I’ve told them to run checks every fifteen minutes, but so far, two scans have found nothing.”

“Angel, Angel, listen to me. They’re here! They’re everywhere!” Buffy sobbed.

“It’s okay. We’ll find something. We’ll figure it out, Buffy.” He tried to comfort her, but Buffy faded away.

*


Buffy paced Angel’s penthouse. She knew Giles, Willow, Xander and Dawn were downstairs.  She could have gone to meet them with Angel but she was a little nervous about seeing them again. The last time she’d seen any of them hadn’t been on the best terms and now she had to deal with the ghosts she was seeing as well. She closed her eyes as the man she’d seen the night before appeared, hanging from the ceiling. She couldn’t freak out, not while Dawn was here. She had to hold things together.

She turned toward the door as they walked in and tried to smile. Her smile faded slightly at the sight of a man with a broken pane of glass stuck in his neck. Blood crusted his entire torso. She stepped toward the door, away from the ghost and fought against screaming. Giles looked older, but good. Willow and Xander hadn’t changed much. Dawn had only gotten prettier, more mature. Buffy was a little surprised to see Spike walking in with them.

“Buffy,” Giles said with a smile. He stepped forward and Buffy instinctively threw her arms around him to hug him, forgetting for a moment that she couldn’t. She fell right through Giles and came out on the other side. Giles jumped at the sensation.

“Oh dear,” he said.

Buffy sighed. “Yeah that’s kind of everyone else’s thought too, but Fred and Wes are working on finding a way to solidify me.”

Dawn stood off to one side, her hand clasping Spike’s tightly. She looked at Buffy with tears in her eyes. Buffy walked over close to her. She smiled sadly. “Dawnie.”

“Buffy, I’m-you’re-well, not back but back.”

“Yeah, sort of. We-everyone is doing some research to find out why,” Buffy said.

“I didn’t do a spell. I promise,” Willow emphatically swore.

Buffy smiled at Willow. “I know, Will. It was the amulet I wore. Someone sent it here. I’m guessing it wasn’t any of you guys.”

Willow shook her head. “Nope, it-well it was buried at the bottom of Sunnydale as far as we knew.”

“Yup, can’t keep the Buffster down. Powers should know that by now, killing her doesn’t work. She’s the Energizer Buffy,” Xander joked in attempt to lighten up the group.

Angel briefed everyone on the little bit of information they’d dragged up on the amulet and Buffy.

“Perhaps, if Buffy can be returned to where she’s supposed be, maybe that’s for the best,” Giles suggested.

Buffy shook her head. “No, Giles. No.”

Giles turned towards Buffy. “We have no idea what kind of things are being upset because of your presence here. If Wolfram and Hart did this, there was reason for it and it’s likely that it’s not a good reason.”

“No, I don’t want to go back, Giles.”

Giles rubbed his temples and glanced up at Buffy. This was not an easy decision for him either. Losing Buffy once had been hard enough, losing her a second time had nearly done him in.  “The Powers that Be have no reason to bring you back when you can not affect the world in any way. We have to assume that something evil brought you back. If we can thwart those plans by sending you to your eternal rest in Heaven then it’s for the best.”

“Giles! You don’t understand! I’m not going to Heaven, when I slip away I’m going to Hell!” Buffy screamed without thinking, without thought to the impact her words would have on everyone, especially Angel. I can’t go to Hell. I can’t! She had a moment to see his look of complete horror before she faded away again. She was only gone a moment this time, or so she thought.

“Buffy-what-where-Get her back! She can’t-we’ve got to get her back,” Angel stammered.

“Its okay, Angel. I’m right here,” Buffy said.

Angel snatched the phone up. “Fred, my penthouse now. Bring your equipment and don’t tell me you don’t know how to get Buffy back.” He called Wes and delivered much the same message.

“She-why is she-“Willow stopped and started.

“No, Buffy does not go to Hell. She does not deserve that. Buffy doesn’t go to Hell, she doesn’t go to Hell. She doesn’t go to Hell!” Angel chanted over and over again.

Fred and Wes walked in about that time. Fred winced as she listened to Angel breaking down literally in front of them.  She walked over and placed a hand on Angel’s shoulder. His head snapped up and he grabbed her wrist. “She doesn’t go to Hell, Fred. You’ve got to get her back. She doesn’t go to Hell.” He wore a look of pure panic, bordering on madness.

Buffy looked wildly back and forth between Angel and her friends. Why can’t they see me?  “Guys, I’m right here!” She yelled. No one seemed to hear her, but the ghosts had returned in full force.


*

She was in the basement again. She walked down a hallway reluctantly. A little girl appeared, skipping in front of her.

“He’s coming for you,” she sing songed.

“Angel will always come for me,” Buffy said. The girl wasn’t telling her anything she didn’t already know.

The little girl giggled and stopped. She turned toward Buffy and that was when she saw the criss cross of stitches marring the little girl’s face.

“Nun uh, the Reaper, he’s coming for you.”

“Sorry, been there done that, twice, three times if you count this last death. He’s not really that scary anymore,” Buffy tried not to look at the little girl’s face as she spoke to her.

“It hurts…” the little girl’s lip quivered and her eyes filled with tears. “It hurts so much.”

*

Angel stood in the steamy shower, letting the hot water run over him. His body shook with silent sobs. Buffy couldn’t be going to Hell. He deserved an eternity there, but not Buffy, never Buffy. He took a deep breath, trying to get a hold of himself. He couldn’t help Buffy like this. He had been near total meltdown when Fred had suggested he take a shower and get some rest while she tried to figure things out.

He turned just in time to see the words being written on the steamed up glass of the shower wall. R-E-A-P-E-R. The glass shattered moments after Angel had seen the words.


Buffy huddled naked in the corner of the cell. Her bare back was striped with whip lashes. Cuts, bruises and scrapes adorned her body and face. She shivered and wrapped her arms tighter around her knees.

“I know all your dirty little secrets, Slayer. I know the things you keep from your friends, from the vampire you love. I know the reasons you don’t sleep at night. You pretend everything is alright; your world is sweet and good, pure. It’s all a façade, a façade. This is my domain, Slayer. Reality bends to my will here. Here, I’m God.” Pavayne said.

Buffy hissed as Pavayne’s whip streaked across her skin. She gritted her teeth. “Fought a god once. She’s dead now. I think I can handle you.”

“It doesn’t matter you know, all the times you’ve saved the world, all the good things you’ve done. You get one shot at Heaven. Little witch friend of yours blew that for you. Now it’s Hell, Hell all the way and you get to come back here over and over and over again,” the little girl sing songed as she paced back and forth across Buffy’s cell.

“This isn’t real, none of this is real,” Buffy hissed.

Pavayne cracked the whip across her back, flaying the skin all the way to the bone. “Real enough, real enough.”

Something primal flashed through Buffy’s eyes as the whip bit into her skin again. She moved with slayer speed, grabbing the ends of the whip and standing up, jerking Pavayne toward her. She lashed out, shoving her fingers into Pavayne’s windpipe. He stumbled back gasping for breath.

“You know, I may look blonde, but when you hand me the key it’s only gonna take a second for me to figure it out. I’m one of those think on my feet girls. Reality bends to will, right? That’s why I could write your name on the glass. I wanted it bad enough. So here, all I have to do is want something bad enough,” she glanced down to find herself completely clothed. “And guess what; I wanna kick your ass pretty bad.”


*

“She’s here,” Fred said as she glanced down at her scanner. Giles, Willow, Dawn, Xander, Angel, Wes and Gunn all stood in a circle around the machine Fred had put together.

“Hurry up, Buffy! We’ve only got once chance to make you corporeal!”

However, all the attention diverted to Dawn who was obviously choking, struggling against an invisible opponent. She was beginning to turn blue.

“Dawn!” Spike screamed and stepped toward her. Giles, Angel and Wesley charged toward her trying to help her. The problem was trying to fight something you couldn’t see. Pavayne knocked them across the room like pins in a bowling alley.

“Stop it!” Buffy screamed at Pavayne.

Pavayne chuckled. “Now why would I ever want to do that? Look at what a pretty shade of violet she’s turning, haven’t much time now. What will be? The flesh, the chance to be with your lover, or the girl?”

Buffy stepped away from the ring on the floor.  “If you know all my dirty secrets, then you know I’ll always choose Dawn.”

“There now, there’s hope for you yet, Slayer.” Pavayne said as he released Dawn, who fell to the ground choking and coughing.

Buffy disappeared and re-appeared beside Dawn and just behind Pavayne. “I’m the Slayer, there’s always hope.” She shoved Pavayne into the fully charged ring.

Pavayne looked down at his corporeal body and screamed. It echoed off the walls.


*

Buffy smiled as Angel stepped into the room. “Is Dawn okay?”

Angel nodded and stepped close to Buffy. “She’s fine. She’s resting in her room right now. She’ll have some bruises, but there was no permanent damage.”

“Good. And Pavayne?”

“He’s taken care of. He won’t get out and he won’t die, not as long as Wolfram and Hart exists,” Angel said.

“Which is pretty much forever right? I mean they’ve been around since the dinosaurs,” she rambled.

“Buffy, I’m sorry. Fred-she can’t make another machine. That was it, your only shot.”

She shook her head. “It’s okay, really. Besides, I picked up a few tricks.” She turned to face Angel, stepped closer to him and laid her hand on his cheek. She leaned forward and kissed him, pouring need, want, love and comfort into it.


Chapter Five


“So you can touch things now?” Fred asked Buffy the next morning.

Buffy nodded. “Yeah, it’s a long way from corporeal and I have to concentrate, want something bad enough to do it, but its better then having no affect on the world what so ever.”

Fred sipped at her coffee and smiled. “You never had no effect on the world, I mean just look at the way Angel looks at you. I’d love to have someone look at me that way.”

Buffy stared at her in total shock. “You’re kidding right?”

Fred arched an eyebrow at her. “Whaddya mean? The way he looks at you…”

“No, I mean-yeah I know how Angel looks at me…it’s amazing, but hello? Have you seen how Wes looks at you?”

“What? Wesley? He’s just-I mean he just looks at me like the geeky girl who knows everything.”

“Okay, Fred. I know you have an enormous, perfect brain. Use it! Wes is so head over feet in love with you he can’t think straight,” Buffy argued.

Fred blushed and looked down at her coffee. “No—I mean I’ve been working with him for years now, he just-I’m one of the guys.”

“Please, he’s totally crazy about you. You should ask him out for coffee, or something.”

“Coffee?”

Buffy nodded. “Yup, coffee. It’s a perfect first date. It’s not as committed as dinner, it’s not as business casual as lunch. It should be a night time coffee. There’s this great little coffee shop on Santa Monica Promenade. Ask him.”

“Wha-what if he says no? I mean I have to work with him. I don’t want things to be uncomfortable.”

Buffy grinned. “Trust me, he’s not going to say no.” She glanced up at the clock on the wall in Fred’s office. “Okay, I’ve gotta go watch Dawn eat lunch or something in the restaurant upstairs, but next time I talk to you I want there to be a coffee date, or something in the near, very near future.”


Getting around this place is easier when I’m body challenged, Buffy thought as she slipped through the walls and floors of Wolfram and Hart. She thought she’d gotten turned around when she popped into the room. Spike was sprawled out across the couch.

“Okay…I thought this was Dawn’s room,” she said looking around.

Spike jumped. “Bloody Hell, Slayer—ought to tie a little bell ‘round your neck. This is Niblet’s room. She’s in the bathroom, bit nervous about talking to you, might want me to stay.”

“Spike, I’m not going to hurt Dawn.”

“Didn’t think you would. Bit is just kinda dependant on me now days. I’ve been taking care of her, like you asked. Makin’ sure she eats, does her homework, sleeps.” He wanted to say more, Buffy could tell and she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to hear more. Dawn was seventeen years old. The same age you were when you realized you were head over heels in love with Angel. No, this is Spike not Angel. Dawn and Spike… her thoughts trailed off. It was too awful to contemplate.

Dawn saved them both an uncomfortable situation by walking into the room. Buffy noticed the way she automatically latched onto Spike’s hand. What had she done throwing the two of them together like that, charging Spike with taking care of Dawn?

There were livid purple bruises on Dawn’s neck. Buffy stepped closer and winced. “Are you-does it still hurt?”

Dawn shook her head. “No-not really. Sometimes if I cough…I’m sorry, Buffy I know it was your only chance at becoming corporeal and I ruined it for you.” Tears filled the girl’s eyes.

Buffy shook her head. She held out her hand. Dawn looked at her hesitantly and Buffy nodded. After a few hesitant moments Dawn was in Buffy’s arms, sobbing. “Shhh, I don’t regret it, Dawnie. I’ll always choose you. No matter what. You’re everything good I’ve ever done in my life. I never regret choosing you.”

“But you and Angel-“

“Still can’t be together, even if I were corporeal. Hello curse and stupid gypsies. The last thing we need right now is Angelus. That’d be right up Wolfram and Hart’s alley.” Dawn fell through Buffy and hit the floor as Buffy lost her concentration on the solidity.

She winced and Spike helped Dawn to her feet. “Sorry, I can only hold it so long. I’m hoping maybe the more I use it, the longer I’ll be able to be solid. Right now it has a lot to do with desire, concentration and even my emotions.”

“It’s good though. I mean that you figured out a way to touch things. I’m still sorry.” Dawn’s shoulders drooped and she sagged against Spike.

Buffy concentrated, trying to pour every bit of herself into running a strand of Dawn’s long hair through her fingers. “Its okay, Sweetie. Honestly. I’m alright with this.”

“How’s Angel handling things? I mean all of it, you, ghost, this place.”

Buffy shrugged. “He’s-he’s being taciturn, broody, non-communicative guy. He’s being…Angel.  I think he’s doing okay, for the most part.”

Dawn nodded. “Giles and Willow are working with Wes and Fred to find out why you’re here. I mean what brought you here, not that we’re not glad you’re here and not where ever. I don’t know.”

Buffy smiled. “I know and it’d be nice to know if there’s a purpose. My life has been so destiny driven for so long, it’s hard to accept that I may just be now. Of course I guess this is my unlife now.” She paused and glanced at Dawn ensconced in Spike’s arms. She couldn’t deny he held her the way you hold a lover. She bit her bottom lip. “How are you doing, Dawnie? I haven’t really gotten a chance to talk to you since you got here, not about you.”

Dawn shrugged. “Okay, I guess. Willow, Giles, Spike and Xander are home schooling me. Willow takes math and science. Giles, literature, art, languages. Spike, history and literature. Xander is teaching me to build a birdhouse and carve stakes, in case Spike gets fresh.”

Spike grumbled but didn’t let up his hold on Dawn. She glanced up at him and grinned. The affection between the pair was palatable.

“Well, you’ve got good teachers then and Fred can help with physics and stuff if you need that. It doesn’t answer my question, how are you?”

Dawn cast her eyes down. “I have nightmares still. Spike stays with me so that I don’t wake up alone.”

Buffy cut her eyes toward Spike. “That’s all I do, Slayer. Stay with her so don’t get any ideas. “

“Buffy, I wouldn’t have made it without Spike. Yeah, I have Willow and Giles and Xander, but they’ve got the potentials thing and the Watcher’s Council thing. Spike just has me. I’m his project.”

“You’re not a project, Luv. No place I’d rather be,” Spike said placing a kiss on top of Dawn’s head.

Buffy would be lying if she had said that whatever it was between Spike and Dawn didn’t make her uncomfortable. However, Spike seemed to be good for Dawn and he had a soul now. He wasn’t the same person he’d been before. She took a deep breath. “I’m going to go see what’s going on around this place. If you need me, Dawnie, I’ll be around.”

Dawn nodded. Buffy glanced up at Spike, catching his eyes.

“Take care of her, Spike.”

Spike cocked a grin at her. “Til the end of the world, Slayer. Til the end of the world.”

Chapter Six



“You realize they may never find a way to make you corporeal? And since Pavayne is no longer an issue, you’d actually go to whatever dimension you’re meant for. Maybe you should consider letting Wes release you permanently,” Eve suggested.

Buffy shook her head. “No. It doesn’t matter if I’m corporeal or not. I’m needed here. Angel needs me. Dawn needs me.”

“Do they? Or is it just harder for them, seeing you stuck here, knowing you’ll never move on and have true peace. “

Buffy turned to Eve. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. Do you know how I spent my night? Lying on the floor watching Angel sleep. I have true peace, Eve.” A soft smile touched her face. “And now I need to go. I’ve got to check on Angel. I haven’t seen him all day.”

“Wait!” Eve shouted, but Buffy had already slipped through the closed door.

Eve muttered. She was about to be in so much trouble. If the Senior Partners found out….

*

Panic shot through Buffy and she didn’t even have to think about solidifying when she saw the blue slug looking thing attached to Angel’s chest. She grabbed it and threw it across the room with enough force to bust it like a water balloon. Angel could worry about the nasty blue stain on the wall later. She knelt on the bed next to him, running her fingers over him, looking for any signs of damage. Angel’s eyes fluttered and opened.

“Buffy,” his voice sounded pained.

She smiled at him. “I’m here, Baby. It’s going to be okay.”

“I want to hold you. I need to hold you.” His voice was weak.

She nodded, tears filling her eyes and lay down next to him on the bed. She closed her eyes, determined to stay solid long enough for him to fall asleep holding her.

*

“It was a Selminth parasite. It pumps neurotoxins into the body, producing hallucinations, paralysis and fever dreams,” Wes explained.

“And if Buffy hadn’t pulled it off Angel…” Fred trailed off, letting Wes fill in the blank.

“Angel would have been stuck in a vegetative state.”

Fred nodded. Buffy glanced up at Angel. He hadn’t said a word to her about what he’d dreamed. He seemed to be continuing that trend in front of everyone else.

Eve walked into Angel’s office with a bright smile. “Good to know the conquering hero is back on track.”

Buffy glared at her. “Why would the Senior Partners want Angel in a celery state? He’s no good to them then and Angelus can’t come out play if Angel is in a coma.”

Eve shrugged. “I don’t know, Sweetcakes. Maybe you missed the memo, but I don’t work with the Senior Partners. I work for them, liason, a glorified secretary. I only know what they tell me.”

Buffy shook her head. “No, you tried to stop me from going to check on Angel. You were all Chatty Cathy, wanting to talk about sending me to my eternal rest and true peace, yada yada. You did this, Eve.”

Eve laughed. It was a sarcastic, tinkling laugh. “Was your imagination this good when you were a real girl?”

Buffy stalked closer to Eve. “I’m about to show you just how real I can be.”

Eve shook her head. “So that’s it. You have a problem you can’t deal with and you start looking for somewhere to lay the blame. Here’s a tip, look inward if you’re really interested in what’s going on. Unless you don’t like what you see.”

She turned to walk out of Angel’s office. Buffy clamped her hand down on Eve’s wrist. “No, you don’t get away that easy. I wasn’t born yesterday, Eve. I’m blonde, not stupid.” She smashed Eve’s nose with her fist, releasing Eve’s wrist and letting the woman fly across Angel’s office. She hit the expensive wood paneling and a crack resounded throughout the room.

Gunn looked at Eve’s prone form and then at Buffy. He let out a low whistle. “Remind me not to piss you off.”

Fred grinned. “You’re really getting the hang of that solidity thing.”

Buffy laughed and shrugged. “I just really wanted to hit her.”


*

Buffy glanced around wildly. This was not happening again. Pavayne was gone. The ghosts haunting this place were gone and yet she was still wandering one of the sub basements in the middle of the night. Thankfully, there were no signs of mutilated ghosts or weird little girls.

“Uhm…not really wanting to ask if anyone else is down here, because I’m kind of hoping not but how do I get out of this place?” She glanced around. It was one big maze. Buffy walked past rows and rows of filing cabinets. She didn’t know how anyone knew what was down here. She trailed ghostly fingers through the filing cabinets as she walked.

There was one filing cabinet slightly open, like someone had been looking through it and hadn’t closed it securely. It was odd in that all the other filing cabinets were closed and locked. A frown marred Buffy’s face as she solidified and slid open the drawer. The corner of one file stuck up. The name read Buffy Anne Summers-Slayer.

Buffy arched an eyebrow. “This is a little like Alice’s drink me bottle and we all know how well that turned out.” She pulled the file out nevertheless and opened it. There was a bright flash. Buffy nearly dropped the file. She glanced around. Everything was quiet. She shook her head and leafed through the file. It was all pretty standard information about her. They had her senior class picture in there. She groaned. “Couldn’t they have chosen something a little more flattering?” Wolfram and Hart listed her current status as residing within the building.

“I’m not exactly sure I’d call ghosting, residing, but whatever.” She muttered as she placed the file back in the cabinet. She slid the drawer shut and made a mental note to find out where this was. Giles had gone back to San Diego to work on Watcher things, but he’d be back to visit and he’d find this place fascinating.

Buffy continued to wander the maze like basement until she finally found the elevator going up. “Really got to get a map of this place,” she muttered to herself and walked through the elevator doors, or tried to. “Ow!” She shrieked as she walked right into the doors. Buffy stepped back puzzled. She reached out and was surprised to feel the cool metal of the doors underneath her fingers. She didn’t particularly want to touch the doors, nor was she concentrating on it. She certainly hadn’t been concentrating on it when she walked into the doors.

“Oh God, okay…uhm wow…Angel, I have to find my way out of this stupid basement and I’m starving to death!”

The elevator took her up to the lobby where she could take a private elevator to Angel’s penthouse.

Buffy rushed into Angel’s bedroom and shook him out of sleep. He woke with a start, getting to his feet and searching for a shirt. “What’s wrong? What’s going on?”

Buffy grinned and shook her head. She wrapped her arms around Angel and tiptoed, teasing his lips with hers. “Nothing’s wrong, Silly,” she whispered against his lips.

Angel smiled into the kiss and ran his hands down Buffy’s back, pulling her closer to him. “Just decided you really wanted a kiss that couldn’t wait until morning?”

She shook her head. “Nope just decided I was corporeal.”

Angel paused. He pulled back from her. “What?”

“Not that I don’t really want this, but I’m a real girl now, totally solid. Or at least I think I am. I walked into the elevator doors.”

Angel glanced around the room. “Why? Where? How?”

“All good questions. I was poofed somewhere, into one of the sub basements with all these filing cabinets. One of them was open so I took the bait, opened the drawer and pulled out a file with my name on it. There was this flash, at least I think that’s what did it, because right after that I went to leave the basement and ran into the elevator doors.”

“We need to talk to Wes, find out what this means. If you were taken somewhere, than someone wanted you to find that file. Someone wanted you corporeal.” Angel rushed around the room, grabbing a shirt and pulling it over his head. He searched through his dresser for socks.

Buffy put her hand over Angel’s. “We can do all that in the morning. Right now I want…” she grinned and wiggled between Angel and the dresser, draping her arms over his neck. She tiptoed and placed kisses on his neck, taking little bites of skin. Angel groaned, his hands running over all the safe parts of her body. He reluctantly pulled himself away from her, raking his fingers through his hair.

“Buffy.” That one word spoke of all the pain, the desire and the need inside of him.

She sighed and pressed her fingers to her eyes. “I know, curse, want, need, can’t have. The story of our lives.”

“I’m sorry.”

She shook her head. “No. You don’t have to apologize. I know you’d change it if you could.”

“I’d give up a lot of things to not have to worry about my soul.”

She turned and let Angel gather her into his arms. He placed a kiss on the crown of her head. “I’d give up everything,” she said.

“No, you wouldn’t and you shouldn’t. There are more important things then my soul.” Angel whispered and ran his fingers through her hair.

“Very few. Can-can I-would you mind very much if we lay down and you just hold me. It sounds odd, but I want to fall asleep in your arms.”

Angel smiled and stepped away, retaining his hold on Buffy’s hand. He sat down on the bed and pulled her with him. “It doesn’t sound odd at all. It’s one of my favorite activities.”

*

“So what’s the deal, Wes? She’s corporeal all of the sudden. I’m not complaining, but I’d like to know why.” Angel paced his office. Buffy was upstairs visiting Dawn and Angel was glad that he had some time to talk freely to Wes about this.

“I don’t know. Fred has gone over most of the information we have about corporealization. The best guess I can come up with, the Powers needed their warrior back.”

Angel shook his head. “It’s not good enough. I need to know specifics. I need to know who brought her back, why and what they have in mind.”

“I’ll do the best I can, Angel. I’ll put my department on it. Is Buffy going to stay here?”

“Yeah, for now. Dawn is staying, looking into some classes at UCLA. Fred has agreed to help with her home schooling. Spike and I are teaching her history and literature. I’m also working with her on art history. I think she and Buffy are trying to step away from the slayer life for a little while. I agreed to let them stay here.”

“And the curse?” Wes asked.

Angel took a deep breath. He hated that his personal life was a topic of conversation and research. He hated that Wes had every right to ask these questions. “Buffy is going to move into one of the other apartments. We’re going to be careful, Wes. I don’t want Angelus around anymore then you do. “

There was a knock on Angel’s door. Both he and Wes turned to see who it was. Buffy stepped inside, holding a shopping bag. “Hey, Dawn and I are back from our shopping trip. We’ve sort of got a limo full of stuff. Wanna help unload?”

Angel smiled and stepped forward to kiss Buffy lightly on the forehead. “Sure. I take it you made it alright?”

Buffy grinned. “Yeah, I’m not so sure about your credit card though.”

Chapter Seven


There was a light knock on Angel’s office door. He glanced up as Nina stepped in. She was dressed up in a skirt and heels. She certainly didn’t look like she was about to be locked in a cage.

“Hey, I just wanted to stop by and see how you were. I haven’t really talked to you since last full moon.”

Angel smiled and stepped out from behind his desk. “I’m okay. How are you doing though?” He should have checked up on Nina. He knew from his experience in Sunnydale with Oz, that the wolf was always there. It was something Nina would deal with every single day. He chastised himself and mentally made a note to check on her more often.

Nina shrugged. “I’m okay. I’m learning to deal with things. It’s weird. I didn’t think it would affect me every day. I mean I assumed I’d have to worry around the full moon, but things like my sense of smell is better, all the time. I like my meat rare now. Little things, every day things.”

Angel nodded. “You can always call up here. I’ve got contacts. I’ve been trying to get a hold of someone I used to know, a werewolf. He’s learned a lot of things about controlling the wolf. I was hoping I could locate him and get him to talk to you.” Oz was a hard man to get a hold of. No one seemed to have a forwarding address for him.

Nina smiled. “Thanks. I was actually kind of wondering…I know I’ve got to get downstairs, but maybe tomorrow morning we could have coffee or breakfast. I hear the restaurant upstairs is really good.”

Angel was surprised. He had no idea Nina was interested in him. “I’m sorry, Nina. I-I’m with Buffy.”

“Yeah, Eve sort of filled me in on that. I mean I know you two can’t actually have sex. She’s like your trigger. You turn into a monster.”

Angel went still with anger. After a moment his eye twitched and he regained the ability to speak. “Buffy and I are none of anyone’s business. I love Buffy. That’s all that matters.”

“Okay, whatever. I just thought we could see other, date, have fun. “She started to walk out of the office but stopped, turning around to face him again. “When you get tired of being a monk, let me know.” With that last remark, Nina turned and sauntered out of the office.

Angel shattered his mug of blood against the wall. The door opened again and he looked up with a growl. His eyes flashing gold.

“Wow, did I miss an apocalypse?” Buffy stepped inside and shut the door behind her.

The tension eased out of his body the moment he set eyes on her. A crooked smile graced his face. “No, it was nothing.” And it was nothing, now that she was here.

Buffy’s brow creased in a frown. “You sure? I saw Nina walking through the lobby. She looked pissed and she gave me one of those rawr girl looks.”

Angel shook his head and walked over to Buffy. He pulled her into his arms. “She wanted to have coffee or breakfast with me. I told her I was with you.”

“And that elicited shattering mugs and rawr looks?” Buffy pushed.

Angel shrugged. “Apparently Eve filled her in on our relationship and the curse.”

“Eve? What the hell does bitch in training know about us?”

“Nothing. Nina’s comments made that pretty clear. It’s not a big deal, Buffy. I handled it.”

“Not a big deal! Wolf Girl hit on my boyfriend. What else did she do?” Buffy pulled away from Angel and paced the room, anger coming off her in waves.

Angel tried to hide a smirk. He had to admit, he liked it when Buffy got possessive and jealous. “Buffy, it’s not important. I love you. I told her that.”

She pouted. He laughed and pulled her back into his arms, kissing her bottom lip. “So if you were to find me downstairs in her cage with an oops dead werewolf, it would be bad.”

“Buffy.”

“Hey, she could attack me. I mean maybe she had a flea. I was going to get it off and bam, attack! No reason.”

Angel grinned. “I like the jealous thing, really but there’s no reason for it. I’m yours completely.”

“Care to make a declaration to the world? Or you know all werewolves.”

“We could do that.” He’d been thinking about it since she’d become solid.

Buffy arched an eyebrow at him. She pulled back just enough to look him in the eye. “What? You say we could do that and think you’re going to get to leave it at that.”

Angel crossed over to his desk and opened the bottom drawer. He got out an antique mother of pearl box. He walked over to Buffy and handed it to her. She glanced up at him hesitantly. He nodded. “Go ahead, open it.”

She opened the box slowly as if she were afraid of what would pop out. With her history of boxes, it could be a dismembered arm. Inside were two silver claddagh rings. Her eyes filled with tears.

“I found it after I came back. It was scorched. I had it cleaned up here in LA. I didn’t want to wear mine if you weren’t wearing yours,” Angel explained.

Her eyes held his for a moment and she nodded. “I’d like that. I mean if you wore yours and I wore mine. Heart pointing inward.”

He smiled and stroked her cheek. “Always with the heart pointing inward.”

“Still mean you belong to someone?”

“Always has, always will,” he said as he picked her ring up out of the box and slipped it on her left ring finger. He started to take his out of the box and she stopped him.

“Wait, let me do yours.” She fumbled getting the ring out of the box. Buffy slipped it on his finger with shaky hands. She laughed nervously. “I feel like I just got married.”

Angel shrugged. “If we were in Ireland a couple of centuries before my time, this is all we’d need to make a marriage official.”

“Okay, you’re just scaring me now.”

Angel brow furrowed in a frown. “The thought of marrying me scares you?”

“No, that I want it so much scares me,” Buffy whispered, never taking her eyes off Angel’s ring. He pulled her to his chest and rested his chin on the top of her head. It still amazed him how she fit in his embrace. They had been born over 250 years apart and yet he had no doubt she had been made for him.

*

Buffy giggled. “Are you sure you can’t stay this way for a little while longer?” She picked up Puppet Angel and cuddled him. Fred, Wes and Gunn stared in abject shock. Angel had been so grumpy about letting Fred fawn all over him.

Angel chuckled and snuggled closer to Buffy. This wasn’t so bad, really. He glanced up from Buffy’s cuddling to where Wes stood. “How long am I likely to stay this way?”

Wes stammered, still a bit taken aback by Angel’s willingness to be carried around by Buffy. “I-I’m not really sure. Th-three or four more hours, perhaps a bit more.”

Buffy pouted. “I want my own Puppet Angel. I need something to cuddle with at night.”

Angel purred. He’d love to be that something. “Okay, Wes, Gunn, Fred get out. I’m taking the day off. Buffy and I are going up to my penthouse.”

It was odd to hear Angel giving orders when he was a puppet. Buffy giggled.

Wes flushed even redder. “Uhm—I-uhm hate to bring it up, but curse.”

“Ewww, Wes. He’s felt! We’re going to cuddle not….ewww,” Buffy squealed.

Angel grumbled a bit at Wes’ suggestion. He wouldn’t…actually he would but he wasn’t sure he even could. As Buffy had pointed out he was felt, and besides unrestricted cuddling from Buffy wasn’t something he was going to turn away, regardless of whether he was felt or not.

Buffy was lying on Angel’s bed, her arms wrapped around Puppet Angel. She had her nose buried in the top of his head. His face was consequently buried in her breasts, and he wasn’t complaining.

“You still smell like Angel.”

“That’s because I’m still Angel, just…felt,” he responded.

“Am I squishing you too much?”

He grinned. “No you are definitely not squishing me too much. Close your eyes and go to sleep.” He knew she hadn’t been sleeping well since they’d gotten separate rooms. It showed in the black circles under her eyes.

She mumbled and smiled happily, squeezing him a little closer. “Sure you have to go back? I like falling asleep with you.”

He’d never confess how much he liked falling asleep with her.

Chapter Eight



Angel closed his eyes as the elevator went up several floors to Wolfram and Hart’s state of the art workout center. It was his refuge, generally empty it provided him a place to unleash his frustrations and clear his mind.

He knew as soon as the elevator doors opened it wasn’t empty today. She was there, apparently unleashing her frustrations on a punching bag. She stopped when he stepped into the room.

“Uh…hi,” she said, pulling off the tape she’d put on her hands. She kept her eyes on her hands, the floor, the punching bag, even Angel’s feet, anywhere but his eyes.

He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know…”

She shook her head. “It’s fine. We can’t keep tip toeing around being alone in the same room.”

Angel sighed. “I know. We-come watch a movie in my penthouse tonight? I’ll cook for you.”

Buffy smiled. “You sure?”

Angel nodded. “Yes. It’s hard to be near you and not want more, but it’s harder to not touch you. I miss talking to you, Buffy. I miss watching you. I miss hearing your laugh and the way you say my name. We’ll figure this out. We’ll find a way to be together without…”

“Being together,” Buffy finished for him.

“Exactly.”

Buffy smiled. “Okay, so are you up for some sparring? We can work out some frustration before…”

“We build up some more?” Angel joked.

Buffy laughed. “Exactly.”

*

Having Buffy so close was driving him crazy. He spent hours doing Tai Chi trying to keep himself centered, focused. He needed to touch her, like she needed air, but it could only go so far. There were times even sitting in his apartment, Buffy snuggled into his embrace, Angel had to check and make sure he wasn’t too happy. Times like that he could call to mind his son’s face that day in the mall. It usually squashed any remotely happy feelings.

Of course that led him to wonder what kind of results keeping Connor in mind while he was with Buffy would have. He wasn’t even sure it was possible to avoid perfect happiness with Buffy. The world fell away when she was in his arms. Thinking wasn’t exactly part of the big picture. It didn’t matter. He’d rather have the memory of one perfect night (sans Angelus) then a lifetime of nights sullied with revisiting horrors to keep from attaining that perfect happiness.

He finished up his afternoon Tai Chi and changed into a suit. He had a few more things to take care of in the office and then he had a date with Buffy in the restaurant upstairs. He walked through the lobby to his office.

“Hey, Dad!”

Angel froze. He recognized that voice, but it couldn’t be. He turned and his gaze fell on Connor. Angel shook his head. No, they promised. This was part of the deal he made. He-no.

“What-what are you doing here?”

“Hey, Dad?” Connor asked and looked beyond Angel. Angel turned to see a middle aged couple sitting in Wes’ office. The man turned toward Connor and smiled.

“Yeah, it’s okay. Come on over, Connor.”

Wes stood up and stepped just outside his office. “Angel, if you’d come meet the Riellys.”

Angel walked over toward Wes’ office shell shocked. Connor looked good. He looked happy, healthy. He needed a hair cut but he looked like a normal teenager. If Wolfram and Hart were about to screw that up…Hell hath no fury.
 
“This is Laurence and Colleen Rielly and their son-“

“Connor,” he introduced himself, holding his hand out for Angel to shake.

Angel took it. It was everything he had in him not to pull Connor into his arms. He swallowed hard. “A-Angel.”

There was a moment of awkward silence that Wes rushed to fill. “Angel is the CEO here at Wolfram and Hart. It seems Connor was walking across the street to get the mail. A car hit him, fairly hard the Rielly’s say.”

“He doesn’t have a scratch on him, not a bruise, not a bump. It threw him several feet,” Colleen Rielly said.

“I told you, Mom. I’m lucky.” Connor blushed and scuffed his foot on the carpet. It was obvious he didn’t want to be here.

“I’m sorry. We can’t help you.” Angel was anxious to get them out of the building before Connor raised Wolfram and Hart’s red flag. His son was not going to have any part of this world. He’d paid dearly for that.

“Wh-what? The police officer said that you handled cases like this. Why?” Colleen asked. She looked confused and upset.

“Like Connor said, he’s lucky.” Angel crossed his arms over his chest. “Thank you for coming by. Connor, look both ways crossing the street.” He turned on his heel and walked out of the office.

*

“Okay big guy, spill. What’s up with the case Wes wanted you to take?” Buffy asked as she wrapped her arms around Angel from behind. She’d stopped by to pick up Angel for dinner and found him staring out the window, brooding.

Angel shook his head. “It’s nothing. It’s not what we do. The kid was lucky.”

“Maybe, but very few people could get hit that hard and not have some kind of injury. I can’t think of any that aren’t slayers or part demon.”

“He’s not a demon,” Angel snapped.

“Oookay. I’m guessing you know this because you smelled him?” Buffy asked.

Angel nodded. “He’s just a kid, a normal kid who got lucky. He needs to be careful. He might not be so lucky next time. Can we-would you like to patrol?”

“Sure, we can pig out on pizza when we get back…” Buffy trailed off. It was odd. Angel hadn’t asked her to patrol with him since she’d got here. There had been too much going on with Fred dying, Illyria showing up and then the whole dealing with Illyria thing.

Angel nodded and strode over to his weapons cabinet. He got a couple of things out and tossed Buffy a stake. They’d take the GTX. He’d be able to smell Connor better with the top down.

*

Connor was sitting in the hospital room with his father and mother. Buffy and Angel were standing outside the room watching through the window. Angel had a look of such longing on his face that Buffy couldn’t describe it.

“Okay, Angel. Who is this kid?”

He shook his head. “No one. I don’t know.”

“No, that’s not no one face. He’s something to you. He’s something-looking at him you’ve got this expression that I’ve never seen,” Buffy said.

Angel glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. He couldn’t tell her. He wanted to. He wanted to share his son with anyone, but especially with the woman he loved, the woman he was trying to build a life with. He sighed. “I can’t, Buffy. I’ll tell you when I can, but that’s not now.”

She furrowed her brow and watched him. Normally she’d push, she’d pout and act like a brat until Angel told her. This was different. She could sense the grief in his voice, the longing to tell her, but something stopped him. She pressed her lips into a thin line. “I’ll let it go…for now.”

Angel caught her hand in his. Their fingers threaded until her and him was indistinguishable. “Thank you.”

*

Buffy waited in Angel’s penthouse for him to come back. She paced back and forth in front of the windows. He wouldn’t let her go with him and Connor to Vail’s house. He’d been adamant about it. Only the look on his face when he mentioned Connor kept her from insisting.

She jumped when Angel walked into the room. He looked worn out, tired and distraught. “Angel, is everything alright? Is Connor?”

“He’s fine. He did what Vail wanted him to do. He killed the guy.”

She sighed and watched him closely. “Okay, so why the dire?”

Angel shook his head. “You don’t—you still don’t know who Connor is?”

Buffy shook her head. “No more so then I knew earlier today. Why?”

Angel sighed. “Come sit down.” He beckoned her over to the couch.

She walked over warily, slowly. This was sit down moment. She swallowed hard and struggled to breathe. She perched on the edge of the couch next to Angel. “Okay, so what is it that I need to sit down for? Cause I was doing okay with the standing.”

Angel pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. He’d had this conversation with Buffy dozens of times in his head, before he’d taken over Wolfram and Hart. He’d picked up the phone to tell her. He’d written letters. He’d even gotten in the GTX to drive to Sunnydale. He’d never been able to tell her though, and now he had to.

“It-three years ago I hit a low point, rock bottom. I wanted to slip away. I wanted everything to just stop. I didn’t want to fight the good fight anymore.” He paused, collecting his thoughts. “I-Wolfram and Hart had brought back Darla from Hell, it’s a long story. Anyway, she was trying to turn to me into Angelus, get me to lose my soul. I stopped fighting her. I slept with her and Connor was conceived. Connor is my son.”

Buffy stared open mouthed at Angel. Angel had a son? And I didn’t know. That seems like…like something I should know. She shook her head and swallowed hard. She stood up, walked a few paces and stopped. She turned around and shook her head again. “No, you left me because you can’t have children.”

“I know, Buffy. It-Connor was a prophecy. Two vampires will bear a human son. It-I can’t have children, Buffy, not anymore. Only Connor.”

Buffy nodded. “So, Darla-she-why isn’t she the happy mom?”

“Darla staked herself so that Connor could be born.”

Buffy glanced at Angel surprised. She would have never thought Darla to be the self sacrificing type. “Wait…three years ago? But he’s eighteen, nineteen?”

Angel nodded. “There was a fake prophecy planted. The Father will kill the Son. Wes translated it and thought I was going to kill Connor-“

“You would never!” Buffy protested.

“I know, but Wes-he-prophecies are rarely wrong. He took Connor and gave him to someone he shouldn’t have trusted. That someone took Connor to a Hell dimension.”

“Where time moves faster,” Buffy said, the pieces were beginning to fall together.

“He was gone eight weeks. He came back seventeen years old.”

The pain in Angel’s voice actually made Buffy ache and in a flash she realized the kind of pain Angel dealt with on an hourly basis.  She sat down on the couch next to him and wrapped herself around him. She ruffled her fingers through his hair and pressed kisses to his head.

“I was afraid-I don’t know. I was afraid you’d be mad at me,” he said.

Buffy shook her head, still holding him tightly. “I can’t. You have a son. Yeah, I wish it had been with me, but I’m not going to begrudge you a child no matter who it is with. I love you and I love Connor just because he’s a part of you. “

They sat entwined on the couch, taking comfort from each other. After a moment, Buffy spoke.

“So why didn’t he know you were his dad?”

Angel took a deep breath. “That’s another story. Connor came back from the Hell dimension deeply disturbed. He-he went into this destructive downward spiral. I couldn’t save him. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t save him. When I came to Wolfram and Hart, part of the deal was that they erase everyone’s memory, save mine, and give Connor a normal, happy life. They made memories for him, much the way the monks did for Dawn. Tonight that got taken away.”

“So he knows?”

“That’s the thing. I don’t know. He should. Wes broke the spell. Wes remembers, Illyria has Fred’s memories of him. Connor-- he…he just walked off after he killed Sahjahn. He said maybe this fighting thing wasn’t for him. He never mentioned it.” Angel’s voice sounded distant and world weary.

She didn’t say anything because there wasn’t anything to say. Buffy didn’t know how you healed a hurt that deep. She pulled him closer, wrapping as much of herself as possible around him and tried to give him comfort the best way she knew how, through her touch, her kiss, her presence.

Chapter Nine



Buffy gave Dawn a smile as they walked into the lobby of Wolfram and Hart. “You go on upstairs, Dawnie. I’m gonna stop by and say hi to Angel.”

Dawn nodded and carried her shopping bags to the elevator. Buffy walked to Harmony’s desk. “Hey, Harm, is Angel around?”

“Oh yeah, but he’s in a meeting. Something about a senator, supposed to be a big deal.” Harmony never looked up from her nails. She was painting them cotton candy pink.

Buffy wrinkled her nose. Her thoughts were interrupted by a blond stepping up to the desk. “You must be Buffy,” she said.

Buffy arched an eyebrow. “Yeah…and you are?”

“Nina.”

“Oh.” Buffy’s mouth formed a very round O for a moment. Gonna try for mature here, after all I’m the one with the guy. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Nina’s eyes raked over her. “I don’t see what the big deal is.”

Or maybe not…”Excuse me?”

“First of all, -you’re- perfect happiness? You barely have breasts. I can see why the monk thing wouldn’t be a problem.” Nina continued to assess her with her eyes.

Buffy’s mouth flew open. Who the hell is this girl? “Jealousy is a bitch and apparently so are you.”

“I’m not jealous. I just don’t understand it. At least with me he could have sex,” Nina says.

“What? Angel is not having sex with anyone!”


“I hope not. Well, I am still evil so maybe he wouldn’t kill me,” Harmony mused.

Buffy glanced at the vampire. “Harmony, shut up.” She glared back at Nina. “What Angel and I do or don’t do is none of your business.”

Nina shrugged. “Yeah, but I’m trying to understand why a man who looks like that would want you. And aren’t you supposed to kill his kind anyway, not fall in love with them.”

That was it. Buffy had had enough. Besides, it’s not like she was really human. She was werewolf. One punch sent Nina flying three feet across the lobby. Buffy stalked over to her. “Ok, wolf girl. I don’t want to see you here again unless it’s in that cage and it’s a full moon.”

“Bite me,” Nina hissed between bloody teeth.

“No, that’s your gig.” Buffy bent down and picked her up by the shirt collar. She was about to hit Nina again when Angel came out of the office.

“Buffy! Stop!”

Buffy let Nina go and turned around with an unconscious pout. “She started it.”

“She’s human.”

“Only 27 days out of the month.” Buffy sounded like a petulant child.

Angel smirked. “Nina, did you need something?”

Nina glanced between Buffy and Angel. “Eve was wrong. I’m never going to get between the two of you.” She turned and walked out of the lobby.

Angel cleared his throat. He placed his hand on Buffy’s shoulder. He turned the woman dressed in a suit behind him. “Senator Brucker, this is Buffy. She does some work for us from time to time.”

Buffy started to say something, but Angel squeezed her shoulder hard enough to let her know that she should play along. She shook the woman’s hand. “Hi, nice to meet you.”

The senator looked her up and down. “Like wise, I’m sure.” She looked at Angel. “I look forward to working with you, Angel.”

“It’s my pleasure, Senator.”

Angel waited until the senator and her minions had left the building, then he directed Buffy to his office. He shut the door. “What was that all about?” His voice had an angry bite to it.

“Hey, don’t even take that tone with me unless you want your ass handed to you.” Buffy whirled on Angel. “She started it. I don’t know what she came here for, but when she approached me she was all over me about us and about me. I don’t know what her thing is. Apparently because we can’t have sex she thinks that you’re going to leave me. But then that’s never happened before.”

Angel reached Buffy in two long strides. He grabbed her by the biceps hard and pulled her close. “I am not going to leave you, for any reason.” He kissed her to emphasize his point. They both pulled away panting and breathless.

“Okay, so you’re not leaving. What did Nina mean by saying Eve was wrong?” Buffy asked.

Angel shook his head. “I don’t know but I’m going to find out.”

“I’m coming with.”

*

They found Eve in the white room, in lieu of the Big Cat. Buffy went on first attack. “What’s the deal with Nina and why do you want her to come in between us?”

Eve glanced at Angel and Buffy. “Nice to see you to.” She smiled at Angel. “I see where she gets her manners.”

“I didn’t ask you,” Angel snapped.

“You need to be answering, now.” Buffy crossed her arms over her chest.

“Okay, I don’t know who Angel told you I was, but I work for the senior partners. I take orders from…guess who? The senior partners, not slayers.”

Buffy answer to that was a roundhouse kick that sent Eve to the ground, sliding across the white room floor. She stalked over to her and reached down to pick the girl back up. “One more time, why are you shoving Nina at Angel?”

Eve wiped at the blood on her nose. “Sorry, honey. I can’t tell you anything.”

“Can’t, or won’t?” Buffy shoved her away.

Eve stumbled back on her heels. “You don’t understand. They’re the same thing. If I tell you, I promise nothing you can do to me will be as bad as what they’ll do.”

“Oh yeah?” Buffy started to hit her again and Angel caught her hand.

“She’s right. Come on, I’ll stay away from Nina and there won’t be a problem.”

The white room faded and they were back in the elevator. Buffy whirled on Angel. “She could have told us something useful!”

Angel shook his head. “She wouldn’t have. Wolfram and Hart owns her soul. They can torture her for eternity. Anything you can do to her is miniscule in comparison.”


*

They paused, looking up at the shelter. Buffy crossed her arms over her chest. “You sure we can trust her?”

Angel nodded. “I’ve known Anne a long time. She’s on our side.”

Gunn nodded and led everyone inside. “Hey, Anne?”


“Just a second!” A voice yelled from an office and a blonde walked out.

Buffy stared, her brow furrowed. It’d been years, but she was pretty sure it was…”Lilly?”

“Oh My God! Buffy?” Anne stared at her in shock and then threw her arms around the slayer in a warm hug.

“Wait a minute…you two know each other?” Gunn asked and looked to Angel, who shrugged.

Buffy pulled away from Anne’s embrace and nodded. “Yeah. Uhm, remember Ford, the friend in Sunnydale with the tumor?” She asked Angel. Angel nodded. “Well then later, that summer I ran away, I helped Lily…Anne with something.” Buffy turned to look at Anne. “Good know you got some use out of the name.”

“Yeah it’s been good to me,” Anne said. “But, how do you two know each other?” She asked looking from Angel to Buffy.

“That’s a long story. Angel was in Sunnydale around that time. We’re-have always been…” she trailed off and looked up at Angel, unsure what they were.

Angel smiled down at Buffy. He reached out and ran his thumb along her bottom lip. “Buffy’s mine.”

*

Anne poured everyone their third cup of coffee and went back to her office. They were planning an apocalypse while she was trying to move to a new shelter.

“Okay, so this Black Thorn, we need a list of members?” Buffy asked.

Gunn nodded. “Yeah. I’ve tried all my contacts. It’s super secret.”

“And I’ve tried to dredge up everything on the Black Thorn I can with my books. There’s nothing useful,” Wes said.

“We’ll find someway. Maybe I can infiltrate them, try to join them,” Angel suggested.

Wes shook his head. “They don’t take do-gooders. They might Angelus, but he’s known as a loose cannon.”

“Then we make them think I’m Angelus with some control.”

Wes shook his head again. “They’ll be able to smell the soul on you.”

“This can not be hopeless. We’ll…what if we let Angelus out?” Angel suggested. He glanced at Buffy. He knew they wouldn’t need shamans, spells or soul jars this time.

Buffy gave him a look. “This is Angelus we’re talking about. You want to turn him loose during an apocalypse? Let’s just take him to Disneyland while we’re at it! No, use your head. Wes, Gunn, you both are supposed to be these big brains here. We’re talking Wolfram and Hart. They’ve got everything known to man. They’ve got this list, somewhere.”

“Then it’s hidden well. I can’t find it.” Wes said.

“Then we keep looking. Angelus is not an answer and I won’t help.” She directed the last at Angel.

“If they had this list where would it be?” Angel asked.

“Under lock and key, likely the mystical variety,” Wes said.

“Alright then we look for mystical hotspots in the building. Fred…the lab might have some equipment for that,” Buffy said, mentally slapping herself for the slip.

Wes got that look on his face that Buffy was used to seeing on Angel. He nodded. “I’m sure they do. We can ask when we get back.”

“I’m sorry, Wes,” Buffy apologized.

Wes shook his head. “No, she’s gone. I know that and there’s nothing any of us can do about it.” No matter how much it hurts…

Chapter Ten



Wes was in Fred’s apartment, again. The door was open and really there were very few of her things left to clean out. He sat down on the stripped bed and picked up a stuffed bunny. He let out a bone deep sigh and tried to fight the tears back.

“If it helps, she’s not where I am.”

Wes looked up at the words. He wasn’t surprised to see Lilah Morgan leaning on the door frame. “What?”

“Knox, he was telling the truth. Wolfram and Hart didn’t do this. Knox used them to get it done. Your little country gal, she’s not in Hell. That’s not to say I know where she is, I just know where she’s not.” Lilah walked closer to Wes. She still had that sway to her hips.

“I’m sorry, Lilah we’re in the middle of things. Does this visit have a purpose?”

“Everything has a purpose, Wes. It’s the big picture, the scheme of things. Wolfram and Hart, Senior Partners, Powers that Be, they always work with a purpose in mind.”

She smiled at him and sat down on the bed next to him. “What’s the matter, Tiger? At one time you wouldn’t have been so eager to get rid of me when there was a bed, or a floor, a wall, chair…”

“At one time…” he trailed off.

“Listen up. I won’t be allowed back. There’s a key. A key they never thought would be created. The white room kind of took its cue from that theme.”

Wes perked up. “A key to what?”

A sexy smile spread across Lilah’s face, “Now lover, if I told you that it wouldn’t be any fun.”

“I need more to go on,” he demanded.

“No you don’t. Use that big, sexy, perfect brain of yours.” She got up and walked to the door. She paused and turned back around. “You’ll find the bad guys aren’t all that creative.”

*

Anne’s shelter had become the ideal meeting spot. It was generally quiet because everyone was busy getting things ready at the new place.

“We’re taking advice from Lilah Morgan?” Gunn asked.

“Why not? She handed us the law firm. “ Wes pointed out.

“ Yeah and we know that turned out so well,” Gunn grumbled.

Wes sighed. “We don’t have anything else to go on. Lilah has helped us before. Besides, I’ve been researching what she said all night. I think she’s right.”

“So what is this key? And before anyone suggests it, it had better not be Dawn,” Buffy said.

Wes shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. Glory was insignificant to Wolfram and Hart. They have very little information on her or Dawn, not more then a mention. It’s something else they never conceived of. The plans to this place were laid centuries ago. The secrets, some of the defenses haven’t changed since then. Lilah talked like this key was as old as The Circle of the Black Thorn itself. “

“And you’re certain that this key unlocks whatever the list of members is in?” Angel asked.

“No, not certain but it is the only thing we’ve been looking for recently.”

“Okay, Wes, go through everything Lilah said again, even if it seems inconsequential,” Angel said.

He withheld the information about Fred. That was his. “I asked if her visit served a purpose. She said everything serves a purpose. It’s the big picture, the scheme of things. She said Wolfram and Hart, the senior partners, the powers that be always work with a purpose. Then she said there was a key they never thought would be created. She talked about it like the key had been created maybe at the same time Black Thorn had.”

“Which has existed since Illyria’s time,” Angel said.

Wes nodded. “She said the bad guys aren’t that creative and that the white room took it’s theme from the key.”

Gunn cocked an eyebrow at Wes. “It’s white…how’s that a theme?”

Angel shook his head. “No…it’s white –and- black. The black circle in the center and the cat.”

“Yesss! White and black, light and dark…how can that be related to a key? A key that couldn’t be predicted, that nobody saw coming?” Wes pondered.

Buffy remained quiet, listening to everything being said. She gnawed on her lower lip.
 
Nobody saw you coming.
 
              She jolted upright in her seat. “Nobody saw you coming.”
 
They turned to her. “What?”
 
“It’s…maybe not related at all, but when Angelus tried to awaken Acathla, Whistler told me that nobody saw me coming. He said that in the same breath talking about Angel and I…well awakening Angelus. I used to think about it that the summer I ran away. Even the Powers never saw Angel and I falling in love. “
 
“They couldn’t predict it,” Wes said.
 
“Exactly.” Buffy smiled.
 
 
*
 
 
First time he kissed me, he but only kissed

The fingers of this hand wherewith I write;

And ever since, it grew more clean and white,

Slow to world-greetings, quick with its 'Oh, list,'

When the angels speak. A ring of amethyst

I could not wear here, plainer to my sight,

Than that first kiss. The second passed in height

The first, and sought the forehead, and half missed,

Half falling on the hair. O beyond meed!

That was the chrism of love, which love's own crown,

With sanctifying sweetness, did precede.

The third upon my lips was folded down

In perfect, purple state; since when, indeed,

I have been proud and said, 'My love, my own.'
 
Angel closed the time worn copy of Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s Sonnets From the Portuguese. It was one of the few things Buffy had taken from Sunnydale.

“Once this is over, we spend every day like this,” Buffy purred.
 
Angel’s arm snaked around her waist, pulling her closer. He placed a kiss on her temple. The sun turned her hair to gold. “I didn’t realize this place was up here or we would have spent more time.”
 
“How did you find out?” Buffy asked.
 
“Lorne, apparently he entertained some clients up here. I decided it’d be perfect for a picnic.”
 
The necro tempered glass atrium at the top of the Wolfram and Hart building was perfect for a picnic. There were flowers, trees and even patches of green grass. Buffy and Angel were snuggled up on a picnic blanket on one of those patches. They’d eaten ice cream and peanut butter and chocolate, none of which Angel could taste, but he could remember a time when he did.
 
“I need to go and you’re going to visit Dawn, right?”

Buffy nodded. “Yeah, then she’s getting on a plane in a couple of hours. Spike’s going with her. I-I know it would be useful to have him here, but I won’t take him away from her, not when I know there’s a good chance…”
 
Angel nodded. “I understand and we’re getting a witch out of the deal. We’ll need her.”
 
Buffy nodded. “Yeah. I wish…we need Willow.”
 
“I wish we didn’t need any of them, Buffy. I wish you and I could go in there and do this all by ourselves. We can’t. We need everyone, Wes, Gunn, Illyria, you, Willow.”
 
Buffy nodded. She stretched out the length of his body and pressed her lips to his mouth. They melted into each other, the world, the apocalypse, everything melted away. They were the only two people that had ever existed or ever would.
 
Angel’s hand strayed to her hip and pulled her closer while he dipped his head to nibble at her neck. Buffy moaned and arched up into his body. She tangled her fingers in his hair. Her other hand tugged at the front of Angel’s shirt, ripping the buttons off.
 
“Need to touch you,” she gasped. Her mouth found his neck, placing wet, open mouthed kisses on his skin. She bit the curve of his neck with blunt teeth and Angel jumped away like she burned. His breathing was loud and harsh.
 
“Okay, so this is me going to see Dawnie,” Buffy stumbled to her feet, breath coming short and rasping.
 
Angel nodded. “And I’m going to see Connor.”
 
*
 
They all stepped into the white room, Angel, Buffy, Gunn, Willow, Oz and Wes. Illyria was in her room playing video games. She preferred to volunteer only for the battle portions of the event.

The white room was empty.

“Hello?” Gunn’s voice echoed off the walls, if it had walls.

Angel glanced around. “Okay, Wes, what do we do?”

Wes cleared his throat and looked around. “I’m not quite sure. I’ve not been here so I wasn’t certain what to expect.”

“Knowing soon would be good. When they find out what we’ve done…” Gunn trailed off.

“I know.” Wes’ eyes fell on the black circle at the center of the room. He smiled. The bad guys aren’t that creative. “Of course, The Circle of the Black Thorn.” He led the group to the circle and withdrew a dagger from his pocket.

“Buffy, Angel, let me see your hands.”

Buffy held out her left hand. Angel did the same. “Are you sure this will work, Wes?”

“Not at all, but it makes sense to me from what Lilah told me.” He made a shallow cut across both of their palms. They let the blood well there for a moment on white skin. “Now join hands.”

They did as they were told. Buffy smiled tightly at Angel as they stood in the center of that circle, hands entwined.

“And put your palms on the circle.”

There wasn’t a flash of light, or an opening of anything. The walls were suddenly painted with names.

“The room is the list,” Wes whispered in awe.

“Cool.” Oz stuffed his hands in his pockets and glanced around with a disinterested look on his face. He had been almost as surprised as the others when he’d shown up at Wolfram and Hart a few days earlier. When asked why he was there, Oz had shrugged in his usual Oz way and said “Don’t really know. I was told to come here…so witness me here.”

Angel quickly took note of all the names and nodded. “Alright, let’s get out of here.”

*

Battle strategy, they had to have one here. It wasn’t like what they’d done before. Those had been apocalypses. This was The Apocalypse. Angel looked at the people he was about to send to his death and ached.

“Oz, how well can you control the wolf?”

“Well enough.” Oz’s voice never changed monotone.

Angel nodded. “You and Wes take out the Sahrvins. Willow, you’ve got Vail. Illyria, Izzy and the 3 demons with him. Gunn, Brucker has a campaign head quarters in the area.”

“I know just where it is.”

“Buffy, get the baby from the fell brethren. Make sure there aren’t enough pieces left to bury.”

Buffy nodded.

“When this is done, we meet back in the alley near the Hyperion. Buffy, you can find it?”

She smiled. “We went there three times the other day. I can find it.”

He nodded. “Alright then, let’s go to work.” Angel grabbed Buffy’s hand as the rest of them filed out of the shelter. He saw Oz and Willow stop near the door. Last goodbyes.

Buffy placed her fingers on his lips. Stopping him from saying anything. “I will find you. Don’t give up, don’t quit. I will find you.” Tears made her eyes shine like emeralds.

Angel nodded. And he knew, she always would.

 
 

 
  ~ Fin