Title: Legacy

Authors: Lisa and Kristi

Summary: AU Takes place two and a half years after the end of the series. The movie never happened, but if you’ve read the comic book Those Left Behind, it did. Everything Inara has worked for in her life is finally happening but an old friend shows up, making her doubt everything she’s wanted.

Pairing: Mal/Inara

Rating: PG-13 - R

A/N: The title comes from an Emily Dickenson poem.

 

You left me, sweet, two legacies,-
A legacy of love
A Heavenly Father would content,
Had He the offer of;

You left me boundaries of pain
Capacious as the sea,
Between eternity and time,
Your consciousness and me.

 

Two   Three   Four   Five   Six   Seven   Eight   Nine   Ten   Eleven   Twelve

 

Thirteen  Fourteen


Chapter One

Inara was standing outside on the patio adjacent to her room. The garden was spread out in front of her; the elegant room to her back and the air was heavy with the scent of lavender, roses and night blooming jasmine. The guild house slept, all the girls in their beds, which was where Inara should have been. Insomnia had never been a problem for her before…Now it was one she couldn’t be rid of. She’d tried meditation and herbal tea but neither chased away the feelings, the memories, or the thoughts.

The garden before her was a picture of peace and should have been enough on it’s own to lull her into sleep but everything inside of her was a turmoil of emotion and memories. She’d left Serenity years ago but she still missed her with an ache that ran so deep it woke her in the middle of the night.

If she were to be truthful, Serenity wasn’t the only one she missed.

There was Kaylee of course. She spoke to her often via wav and had even seen her a few times at the guild house but the ship and it’s crew always managed to find reasons to stay out in the black as far as from the core as possible. She understood the reasons why and she couldn’t argue them. There was safety first and foremost but there were other darker, more personal reasons.

Inara worried because Kaylee’s smile seemed to fade each time she saw her regardless of the fact that the redhead assured her things were shiny with everyone, more than shiny with Simon. Of course Kaylee never mentioned the captain. They’d come to an agreement a long time ago that He was a subject they couldn’t touch on. It hurt too much to think about it, to wonder and Inara would never tell Kaylee that but she suspected the mechanic knew anyway because of the way she always steered the conversation to other crewmembers.

Inara slipped back into her room and made herself a pot of tea, hoping that would stave off her insomnia. A long time ago, a lifetime ago in fact, she could have slipped up to Serenity’s bridge and had her tea there. She would have stared at the stars, counting them, naming them and eventually the knowledge that there was something so much larger than her would soothe her to sleep. She’d return to her shuttle, all traces of insomnia lost to the black.

She didn’t look up anymore, even though Sihnon provided a clear view of the night sky. It hurt knowing where she was and where she had been. The knowledge that He was up there, looking at the same stars was a knife sharp pain in her chest that left her gasping for air.

Everything in her life hurt now but the alternative was to go back to Serenity, to see him every day, be close enough touch and know he would never be hers. In short, there was no alternative. That life was never in the cards for her. She is a companion and soon she would be house priestess at the largest guild house in the universe.

She still doesn’t look up at the stars.


*

Mal’s hands scraped along the hard floor as he was pushed down to the ground in the small holding cell he’d spent the last three months in. He started to get up to fight but then thought better of it. He’d had no food, had been sedated, and was outnumbered by too many.

He sat down with his back against the wall, trying to catch his breath and ignore the pain that swept through his bruised and blood slicked body. The chains were clamped around his wrists and his head lolled back as a sadistic chuckle escaped him.

“What could you possibly be laughing about?” A blonde, blue-eyed soldier smirked at him. “You’re a prisoner here… the least liked prisoner at that. Just had another beating and you can’t even fight anymore.”

Mal shook his head, the drugs they’d used to sedate him making his mind fuzzy. “Ain’t a fair fight. No food in days, had to starve and drug me to beat me. Just find it funny that the mighty Alliance is so scared of me they gotta have me drugged to beat me down.” The chains clinked as he brought a hand up to wipe some of the blood from his cheek and mouth. He got a kick to his side for that comment, and winced. Still a laugh bubbled inside of him as they closed the door on his cell.

He knew he had to be going crazy. The delirium was coming to a head and he felt like he was losing any sanity he had. The last few weeks he’d pushed buttons on purpose just to try to make them leave him in the cell. Still, every other day they took him out and let the officers have at him. They thought they could break him… No. He’d looked every officer who’d hit him, cut him, or spit on him, in the eye. He remembered every name they’d called him, every curse they’d hurled his way, and every scar they’d put on his skin. He’d have his day. He just had to wait for his crew to break him out. Surely they’d come… Zoe wouldn’t leave him here.

Every now and then a small seed of doubt and uncertainty would creep into his thoughts. He never let it show unless he was alone in this dark cell. He couldn’t afford for them to know he got worried or scared at times. They’d use it against him. For now, the Alliance soldiers here thought he was a crazy, unbreakable son of a bitch and he preferred it that way.

It was harder now that they’d started drugging him. The strength it took to keep himself together wore him out. By the time he was back in his cell and the door was shut, his heart rate would speed up and he knew that it was possible he’d have a panic attack. He tried to focus on his crew. Kaylee and Zoe wouldn’t leave him behind for sure. They were just formulating a plan. They had to be.

Sometimes he’d let his mind slip even farther into the dark. To Inara with her flowered incense and tea sets. So proper and addicting, but never his. He didn’t stay there in those thoughts for long… he couldn’t.

He heard the locks on the door being turned again and straightened up, putting on the rock hard mask he wore around the soldiers. “Time for another party? Last one just ended.” He asked, his speech slurring together with the drugs. “M’up for another go.”

“Shut up you shabi.” A large guard un-cuffed him and hauled him to his feet before cuffing his hands behind his back. He yanked Mal’s head back by his hair and put his lips close to Mal’s ear before whispering. “We’re going to watch you really close. Any chance we get to put you back in prison we’ll be taking. If you think the last three months have been Hell, wait until we get you back. I would be very careful and be very good Mr. Reynolds.”

Mal had no idea what the guard was talking about. “Guess it’s good that you ain’t me. I’ve never been one to walk the straight and narrow.”

“Then I guess we’ll be seeing you again soon.” The guard punched Mal hard in the stomach, and then pushed him roughly from behind. He led him through the hallways and several different security points before he came to a front desk. “Prisoner bail has been paid.”

Mal’s head shot up and his swollen eyes darted around the room before they fell on a familiar face. <I>Don’t break… not yet. Don’t break yet. Not in front of the Alliance</I>. He tried to keep his drugged gaze focused on Zoe as he felt the cuffs being taken from his wrists.

“You’re free to go.”

He heard the words behind him and for a moment didn’t believe them. After a second of hesitation he took one faltering step forward, a hand going out to steady his self against the wall. His gaze didn’t leave Zoe as he squared his jaw and took another step to the sounds of the guards chuckling behind him at his weakened state.

Zoe stepped forward and put an arm around him. “Sorry it took so long, Sir. They wanted a heap of money for you, money we didn’t have.”

“Ain’t mindin’ so much now that you came.” Mal’s voice broke at the last word and he ducked his head to hide any tears of relief that were in his eyes. “S’go home.”

“Serenity ain’t but a transport ride away, Sir.” Zoe helped Mal onto the small transport that would take them back to Serenity.

 

 

Chapter Two

 

The house priestess, Dria, scrolled through the files on her comm screen. Even at nearly seventy years old she was still an exquisitely graceful and beautiful woman. The preparations to retire and hand the guild house over to their most promising companion, Inara Serra had begun.  In a little over a weeks time, the coronation would take place.

 

Dria remembered clearly the day Inara had come to the guild house. There had been something special about her from the very beginning. She’d been a beautiful child of course, but a companion must have so much more than mere beauty. Dria had seen potential in the shy, dark headed waif from the very beginning. There was inherent grace that couldn’t be taught.  There was a stubborn will that was a treasure if handled correctly.  The only motivation Inara ever needed was to be told that she couldn’t do it.

 

Dria smiled to herself, recalling how often she’d taken that tact with Inara. It had never failed to push the girl into proving that not only could she do what she was told she couldn’t, but also she could do it better than anyone had ever estimated.

 

Within five years of debuting as a registered companion, Inara had become the highest paid companion in the guild. At the top of her profession, she’d left the guild house and taken up with the crew of Serenity.

 

A wrinkle formed between Dria’s eyebrows. That was when the hiccup had occurred, the only one in Inara’s file, the time she'd spent on a transport ship, with a less than shimmering reputation, called Serenity. Other companions had taken up with ships but they were always luxury liners, cruise ships designed for tourists who wanted to see the universe.  Rumors had run rampant about Inara, particularly where a space pirate named Malcolm Reynolds was concerned.

 

Dria didn't often believe rumors, nor did she take much stock in them but she did like to see the whole truth for what it was when she had the occasion. She trusted Inara in all things, however the fact remained that while Inara had been the consummate companion and role model for the other girls, the woman seemed to have lost some of her shine once she'd returned. She was still beautiful and elegant but the Inara she had known had lit up a room, this one faded into the shadows.

 

Dria decided it was time to meet the reason why and assure herself that he would not be a problem in the future. The house priestess set the tone for the guild house. Inara would need to be completely committed to this life, to the guild house and to the students here if she were to become a successful house priestess.

 

It took a little bit of searching and a few palms greased but eventually she got in contact with the ship Serenity. She beeped the Captain and hoped he'd answer. She only had a few weeks to get this settled.

 

Mal was sitting in the dark, his eyes closed. He'd been quiet and reserved since Zoë had freed him from the Alliance prison. He'd also spent a lot of time in this shuttle... her shuttle. It was peaceful, calm, and no one bothered him when he was here unless it was important. 

 

A few of his things were scattered about the room, some discarded clothes, books, captures, and uneaten food.  He still held wounds that required a visit to the infirmary once a day and fading bruises were scattered about his skin.  He knew that they needed to find work.  The ship needed fuel and the crew needed money.  He kept promising himself just one more day and so far, the crew hadn’t complained.  As a matter of fact they’d been quiet about the whole thing, a bit over-protective at times.  He knew they worried about him mainly because he was worried about himself.  Again, he promised himself another day before he had to get back the fight he normally had.

 

"Captain, got a wav here. Lady asking for you." Wash's voice sounded over the com.

 

Mal knew he should take the wav if Wash was interrupting him. He walked to the front of the shuttle. "Take it back in the shuttle."

 

He flipped on the cortex screen and found an older woman who was obviously very well bred. "Captain Reynolds." He said dryly, not bothering to turn on any of the background lights to the shuttle for the woman to clearly see his face from the dark shadows of the shuttle.

 

Dria leaned forward slightly, trying to get a better look at the man in the shadows, when she couldn't she sat back, ram rod straight and nodded slightly at the man, a polite smile curving her lips. "Captain Reynolds, I'm Dria Lang, house priestess for the training house on Sihnon. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

 

She left it at that, deciding she'd wait and gauge Captain Reynolds reaction to her before she moved forward with her proposal.

 

 Mal lifted an eyebrow, his features remaining hard. He bowed his head, cleared his throat, and looked back up at the screen. "Don't get many calls from priestess's.  Must have the wrong captain."

 

What would a priestess of the guild want with him? It suddenly occurred to him that something might have happened to Inara. His gut twisted inside of him nervously. "'Nara's there?" He asked simply.

 

Interesting, Dria thought, her smile never wavering. Even after almost three years, his first thought was of Companion Serra.

 

 "She is. In fact, that's why I'm calling. I wonder if you would be willing to travel here. Just a short trip, perhaps on a shuttle. I would personally guarantee your safety." She’d read enough of Malcolm Reynolds’ history to know that he often had trouble with the Alliance.

 

Mal smirked lightly and shook his head. "No offense... just got away from the core a few weeks ago. Weren't real hospitable there. I don't really fit in to the core's way of thinkin'."

 

Still, he was curious. If Inara were in trouble, there was no way he wouldn't go. He narrowed his eyes. "Got some trouble?"

 

"In a manner of speaking," Dria answered. "I think you'll find the guild's idea of hospitality to your liking. You'd be privy to all the amenities here. Hot springs, massages, and of course any of our companions should you choose to take advantage of them."

 

Mal glanced back at the three uneaten meals on the floor in the shuttle and back to the woman on the cortex screen. He didn't give a zaogao about any of that finery they had at the guild. He'd barely been taking care of himself here. He wasn't going to use their so-called hospitality.

 

"Look, don't like games... do I look like a man who needs hot springs, massages, and the like to you? Cause you got me pegged wrong if you're thinkin' I am." Mal lowered his gaze for only a moment then looked straight at the priestess to ask the only question that would make him go there if the answer were the correct one. "'Nara in trouble?"

 

Dria lowered her gaze for a moment, fixing it on her hands folded elegantly in her lap. The truth of the matter was that Inara was in trouble, just not likely the kind Captain Reynolds meant. She looked back up at the man, holding his gaze. "Yes, Captain, I think she is and I think you're the only one who can get her out of it this time."

 

Mal's heart felt like it skipped a beat. All he could think was that Inara was in trouble. Yes, he would go to get her out of it. Part of him wondered why Inara hadn't called him if she was in trouble. She had to know that he'd come for her. "Don't guess you'd be tellin' me this trouble now... or do I have to wait 'til I get there to know?"

 

"I think perhaps it's best if I explain once you're here," Dria answered. She wanted to see what Inara's reaction to this man's sudden appearance after nearly three years would be. It would tell her far more than Inara’s words. "You may bring your crew if you like but I'd prefer that you come alone. You have my word that no harm shall befall you while you are under my roof."

 

Mal shook his head lightly. Always the same empty promises from the same Alliance supporting bureaucrats "Don't mean to offend but your word means nothin' to me."

 

He tapped an index finger on the com and drew a deep breath before giving the woman a short nod. "I'll come. And if this is some Alliance trap, you're gonna be on my bad side. Trust me, you don't want over there."

 

He knew that Simon would have a fit. Some of the cuts on his skin were still in need of antibiotic cream. He'd been making daily trips to the infirmary for checkups and had been warned over and over that he needed to eat and take care of himself. The whole crew had been over protective of him. This would be fun.

 

"I understand, Captain Reynolds," Dria said, not in the least bit offended. She'd read quite a bit about Malcolm Reynolds and if she had his history with the alliance she was sure she'd feel the same way. "I assure you your bad side isn't where I want to be either. Frankly I'm too old for such a thing. I shall expect you in two days then. Zài-jiàn," Dria said as she signed off.

 

This was going to prove a very interesting week.

 

**

 

Zoë walked into the galley, curious about the meeting the captain had called. He hadn't called one since they rescued him from the Alliance. In fact, he hadn't done much of anything besides sit in Inara's empty shuttle looking at the trunk of things she'd left behind.

Kaylee and River were already in the galley, River sitting cross-legged on the counter and working her hair into tiny braids.  Kaylee sat at the galley table chatting to River more than with her since River seemed content to stay quiet.

 

"Wonder what Capt'n is callin' the meetin' 'bout? Good to see 'im runnin' 'round doin' capt'ny things again, ain't it?"  Kaylee smiled at Zoë when she walked into the room.

Zoë nodded, reserving her judgment until she'd heard what the captain had to say. Quite frankly, she was worried about him. She had been for a long time; But since they’d gotten him out of jail, he’d only gone downhill.  They all knew he hadn’t been sleeping enough or eating except for a bite here and there.

Jayne strode in with a grunt, picking at his teeth with a slender dagger. He wanted an apple. Truth was they were living too slim these days to afford such luxuries. They hadn't had a decent job since before the captain had been taken and all the money they had made since then had gone toward bailing Mal out of jail. He made a sour face and sat down at the table, still picking his teeth with the dagger.

 

Wash had set Serenity out to drift in the black as they'd been for the last two weeks since Zoë had brought Mal home. He entered the galley and shrugged lightly at Zoë with a curious look. "What's with the meet and greet?"

"We don't know yet." Simon walked into the galley behind Wash. "I suppose it's good to see the captain wanting to do something though."

""Maybe it's something to do with the wav he got earlier." Wash said.

"Capt’n got a wav?" Kaylee asked. "From who?"

 

"House priestess on Sihnon." Mal answered for Wash as he walked into the galley. "Says 'Nara needs me. In some kind of trouble." He stood at the head of the table, his arms crossed over his chest.

 

"What kind of trouble?" Simon asked skeptically, leaning forward slightly.

Mal shook his head. "Wouldn't say. Conjure she'll tell me when I get there."

 

Panic rose up in Kaylee's belly at Mal's words. "Nara in trouble?" she squeaked. "Guess I ain't waved her in a few days but..." she shook her head. She'd noticed that Inara wasn't quite herself but it'd become so common that she'd just assumed that was Inara now. They’d all changed in some way or another. Kaylee wasn’t sure what had made Inara change, but she had her suspicions.

"Don't like the sound of that, Sir," Zoë started. "The gun shootin' sort of trouble?” She wasn’t sure there was any other sort of trouble where Mal was concerned.

 

Mal shook his head. "Didn't really ask. Think if it were gun shootin' trouble, 'Nara would have waved me herself."

"Ain't plannin' on goin' by yourself, are ya?" Jayne asked, eyebrow raised. He’d stopped picking at his teeth with the dagger. Now he was twirling it in a lazy circle on the table top. "Keepin' all them whores for just you? It ain't right."

"Yes Jayne," Simon rolled his eyes. "Let's think of the companions. Never mind that the captain still isn't one hundred percent." He shook his head and looked back at Mal. "You're still weak. You can't possibly be thinking about going by yourself."

"Not thinkin' about it... goin’ to." Mal said matter of factly. “I'll take a shuttle in once we get close enough.”

 

Zoë watched Mal carefully for several moments before nodding. He seemed to have more conviction about this than he had anything in a while. She was going to count that as a good sign for the moment. Conviction was part of Mal, any part of him approaching normal, she was behind one hundred percent. "We'll be close enough you can wav us if you need anything. Might be nice."

 

They all knew that the captain hadn't been the same since Inara had left almost three years ago. Zoë couldn't remember the last time she'd seen him smile and his laughter was a completely foreign thing these days. Some closure with Inara might be just what he needed.

"The guild house is real nice an' relaxin'," Kaylee said. She'd been there a few times to visit Inara. "They got these hot springs an' it all smells so nice an' the companions give massages. Leave there feelin' like a whole 'nother person.”

 

“Still don't think its right, usin' all those purdy girls and hot springs for yourself." Jayne said. "Gettin' paid for this job?"

"Didn't ask." Mal answered blankly. "Won't be usin' their finery. Just make sure 'Nara's shiny and get out."

Wash nodded and started out of the galley. "I'll set course." He doubted it would be that simple. Whether Mal wanted to admit it or not, he was a man in love and matters of the heart were complicated.

"Sure this ain't another trap Alliance set for you?" Jayne asked. "Not that I care, just want to be able to get some jobs. Kinda hard with you in jail since you're the one people like doin' business with."

"Already warned the woman about my bad side. She ain't aimin' to be on it." Mal said.

Jayne laughed. "No, she's aimin' to be on one of your sides though." His gaze darted around to everyone staring at him. "What?" He asked obliviously. "S'what they do there..."

"Captain, I still don't like it." Simon said. "If you got hurt again..."

"I'd wav you and you could come get me." Mal finished the sentence for Simon. "M'goin' in to check on her. Won't be stayin' long."

 

"Jayne, the house priestess ain't like that," Kaylee rolled her eyes at the man. "She's old an' gittin' ready to retire. ‘Nara’ll be-" Kaylee stopped, her eyes flicked to Mal. She didn't generally talk about Inara around him.

 

Mal's gaze caught Kaylee's glance and he drew a needed breath. There were times when Kaylee reminded him of everything he would never say to Inara. "I'll go prep the shuttle. Pack a few clothes."

Jayne pointed to the door after Mal had walked through it. "Already plannin' on takin' his clothes off..."

 

Kaylee smirked and tossed a piece of bread at Jayne. "Well you can't go in them hot springs with clothes on," Kaylee teased him.

"Ain't no time for playin' games. Dong Ma? Stay on the alert, Jayne. 'Case we have to go save the Capt'n," Zoë said as she started out of the galley.

 

Jayne pushed back away from the table, snagging his dagger with one fluid, almost graceful motion.  “I’ll be in my bunk,” he grumbled and walked out of the galley behind Zoë.  Since when did he start caring about people on Serenity?  It was downright unsettling.  Hopefully they’d get some cash when the captain got back.

"And they all fall down," River whispered from her position sitting on the counter top, her fingers still braiding her hair into tiny braids.  “Never easy.”  She looked to Kaylee and gave her a childish almost impish smile.

 

 

Chapter Three  

 

Mal had docked the shuttle at the Sihnon docking station and the small transport that took him in closer to the place he'd said he'd never go was driving along the path that led up to the house gate. Plant life lined the path, carefully manicured by servants, he was sure.

When the transport stopped, he grabbed his small bag and the rifle he'd brought. Two revolvers hung at each hip hidden under his jacket and a dagger was tucked into his boot. He was ready for anything and with the scars still healing on his body, he knew he looked every bit the rogue space pirate he was rumored to be.

 

Dria sat in the chair on the front porch of the guild house awaiting the arrival of her guest. She'd already had one of their best guest rooms made up. She intended to make good on her word to make Malcolm Reynolds comfortable. She wasn't a cruel woman, quite the opposite, but she did need to make sure that Inara would be fully committed to her task as house priestess before she officially turned the house over to her.

She glanced down at the gold pocket watch tucked into the waistband of her gown. She expected him to arrive any moment now.  As if on cue, the sillouette of a man appeared around the bend.  Dria studied him closely as he made his way towards the porch.  He looked intimidating even though he seemed slim and held scars on his face.  She could clearly see the pistols at his sides as his coat flapped behind him with each step.  He was indeed a pirate that one might imagine from a fictional story… a sight to behold.

Mal walked up to the porch and looked over the woman sitting there like she was expecting something from him. He gave her only a curt nod. "I'm Captain Reynolds. Think they're expectin' me.”

 

Dria got to her feet, offering her hand to Malcolm. "Captain Reynolds. I'm Dria. I spoke to you on the comm. It is a pleasure to meet you.”

 

Mal switched the small bag to his other hand to carry both the rifle and the bag in one hand then took Dria's hand to give her a strong handshake. He had on the mask of strength that was so easy to slip on even when he didn't have any strength to spare. "We did. Mighty fine house you got here." His gaze darted over the building, looking discreetly for any sign of Inara.

 

"Thank you. If you'll follow me I'll show you to your room," Dria said as she started inside the guild house. "I trust your trip was pleasant." She looked over her shoulder at him as she spoke.

 

Mal shrugged lightly, taking in everything he could around him. If the trouble was bad, he'd need to know his way back out. "Was alright. Comin' to the core ain't what I'd call pleasant. Usually try to stay away less its needed”

 

"I suppose it would be a bit confining for a man used to so much space," Dria said as they walked. The students, mostly girls between fifteen and seventeen, were peeking out of the doorways and rooms, whispering among themselves about Priestess Dria's guest. She knew once word got around that this was Mistress Serra's Pirate the whispering would be worse.

"You'll have to excuse the young girls, they are after all young girls," Dria smiled at him. "If you have any difficulties with them, let me know." She stopped in front of a door, extracted a key from her pocket and unlocked it then opened the door and stepped inside. "This will be your room for the duration of your stay," she said holding out the key for Mal. "I hope you'll be comfortable here."

The room was large with a massive four poster bed, down mattress and silk hangings on the bed. There were French doors and a patio that looked out onto the garden.  Inara's room was next door and shared a patio with this one. Dria didn’t believe in coincidence. Malcolm’s visit did her no good if he never saw Inara.

 

Mal walked into the room and for the first time questioned whether he should be here even if Inara needed his help. She hadn't asked him personally.  "This is... don't really need to be..."

He set his bag down but kept a hold of the rifle. "You wanna tell me 'bout this trouble 'Nara's in? Should I talk to her 'bout it or is it somethin' I can take care of quick? Need some details and the like to tell my crew."

 

"I'm afraid it's something that will keep you here for a few days at least," Dria answered. She considered the man for a moment, taking in everything about him. He was handsome to be sure and looked a little rough around the edges but there was a warmth about him. She could certainly see the appeal he would hold for someone like Inara. Inara had spent her entire life sheltered. Malcolm Reynolds represented everything that was dangerous and free.

"Inara hasn't been the same since she left your ship. I thought with time she would adjust but she hasn't." Dria sat down in one of the chairs, deciding now was the time to level with Captain Reynolds.

"I'm retiring in two weeks. On the eve of Inara's thirtieth birthday, a week  from now she will officially become the House Priestess. I can not hand over such a position to her in the mental and emotional state she is in right now. I had hoped that young friend of hers from your ship, Kaylee, would be of some help to her but she hasn't. I'd like for you to speak with her, see if perhaps there's anything left of the old Inara still there. I don’t know what happened on your ship, Captain Reynolds, but whatever it was scarred Inara.”

 

Mal's grip tightened around the revolver so tight that his knuckles turned white.  He’d been called here to ‘fix’ Inara emotionally?  Was this some social experiment? He tried desperately to control the anger boiling inside of him. "'Nara's wantin' that position. She should be havin' it. And if you're expectin' me to be fixin' her emotions you got the wrong man. I do nothin' but mess her up, dong ma? I mess up everything about her and if you asked her, she’d tell you that."

He lifted his bag again and shook his head. "I ain't gonna mess up somethin' that she worked her whole life for... somethin' that's rightfully hers and somethin' that she's wantin' real obvious-like. You don't like 'Nara now, then you ain't never liked the real her. She's more 'Nara now than she ever was and if you want the opinion of a petty thief, she's better for it. Not that the likes of this guild house would ever let her be herself."

He drew a deep breath over the protective shield he'd put up in Inara's defense. He felt sick to his stomach and part of him was glad he hadn't eaten anything yet. "Now if there ain't somethin' I can be shootin' or someone I can be helpin' then I think I'll be goin' back to my ship before my bein' here messes anything up for her.”

 

Dria listened with interest to Malcolm's tirade. If she hadn't been certain of it before, his feelings for Inara were clear. His feelings were the least of her concerns, although it would complicate matters if Inara felt the same way.

"That's the problem, Captain Reynolds. I think you can help Inara. From what I've gathered over the years, neither of you really said goodbye and she needs that kind of closure if she is to move on and be successful in her position."

"You're wantin' me to say goodbye to 'Nara... then we're done here." Mal was still for a moment then shook his head with a light smirk. "Can't say goodbye...not to her. Ain't that easy. Think she can be well off in the job without my goodbye's." He squared his jaw and started for the door. "Now if there ain't somethin' else more useful I could be doin' here, I'll be goin' back to my ship.”

 

Inara was sitting on the patio looking over the rose garden when she heard voices in the room next door. She stepped closer to the French doors, curious about who was in the room. Typically it was empty unless they had a prestigious guest. Priestess Dria hadn't informed her of any such guest. After a moment, Inara recognized the priestess' voice. Her breath caught and her heart jumped up in her throat when she thought she heard a voice she hadn't heard in years. She could never mistake it for anyone else's voice. She stood at the door, one hand upon the handle hesitating about interrupting.

 

She was close enough that she could hear Mal's words now. She knew that she should stay where she was, let him go without ever seeing him but something inside of her couldn't. She felt like she needed to see him more than she needed to take her next breath.

Her heart was hammering in her chest like a trip hammer as she opened the door and stepped inside the room. Her throat closed up at the sight of Mal's back and it took a supreme effort to say anything. "Mal..." she finally said in a half whisper.

 

Mal stopped just in front of the door that would take him out of here and away from this place. His head bowed and he drew a shaky breath as he lightly shook his head. Just his name on her lips was enough to push him over the edge.

He felt faint and put a hand to the wall before slowly turning around and looking at her. She was just as beautiful and graceful as she'd always been. "'Nara... I..." He started then shook his head, his gaze lowering to the floor. "I was just leavin'. Don't wanna be in your way. I thought... was told that you..." He looked back up to her. "I was just leavin'."

 

Dria watched Inara's face, her body language when she entered the room. She could see the woman struggling against stepping closer to the man. Her face conveyed all the pain and love Dria knew had to be waging a war inside of Inara. For a companion schooled in keeping her emotions and inner thoughts at bay, Inara was failing horribly.

Inara fisted one hand in the skirt of the midnight blue gown she wore. Her knuckles went white and with her other hand her fingers drummed against her leg, attempting to channel the emotions she was feeling toward something positive. He was too thin and there was a new scar on his cheek. She could see the angry red edge of one peeking out from his neck too. Her eyes flooded with tears. She didn't know what Mal had been going through since the last time she saw him, but life thus far had not treated him well. She damned herself for not asking Kaylee about him. No matter how much it hurt she should have asked.

"Mal...wait," she choked out, her voice betraying her with a tremble. She knew she should be more in control than this but right now it was taking everything inside of her to stay on her feet.

Dria nodded slightly, sadness settling over her like a cloak. Inara was in love with the man. It was as clear as the rising sun to anyone who cared to look and just as certain. She wasn't sure what Inara would decide when Mal finally left this place but Dria needed to go find a second choice for House Priestess. "I'll leave you two alone," she said in a cool, calm voice and stepped out of the room, closing the door behind her.

 

 

Chapter Four

 

Mal waited for the door to shut before his shoulders slumped and he bowed his head again.  He needed to sit down, but wouldn’t allow himself that luxury yet… not after being so easily played by the house priestess.  "Told me you were in trouble and needed my help. Wouldn't have come, I just thought..."  He stopped short and looked back up to Inara, one hand rested against the wall still and in the other he carried the bag and the rifle. Thought you needed me. 

 

Part of him itched to go over to her while the other part knew that if he did, it could be bad.  Now that he’d seen her it was hard to even look away from her.  He knew that if he touched her, he’d be lost completely.  It had been so long since he had seen her and his mind and body hadn’t completely recovered from recent events. 

 

"Messin' things up true to form. Told her that's all I did in your life. Guess she didn't believe me." He drew a deep breath past the ramble that tried to force itself to continue.  Her scent was already everywhere in the room and with the breath he took he inhaled the flowered fragrance.  An awkward moment passed before he nodded and continued.  "I'll tell everyone you said hi... You smell the same...good.”

 

"No...It’s...you look..." Inara trailed off. She stepped closer to Mal, knowing she shouldn't. He looked good; too thin but good none the less. He looked like all her dreams made solid and it made everything inside of her hurt but at the same time she felt like she was standing on the cusp of a very high cliff. Part of her knew if she'd just jump, she'd find out that she'd grown wings somewhere along the way.

"I-don't go yet. Have tea with me?" she asked. Tea would give her something to do with her hands. It'd instill a sense of normality to this encounter and assure her that she wasn't dreaming. He was here.

 

"Ain't sure that's such a good..." Mal started then trailed off before he could completely say no. She was standing here... he could smell her, the smell he'd imagined so many times in her empty shuttle.  Tea wouldn’t hurt anything, he quietly decided.  "Right here?" He finally asked, setting his bag down with the rifle this time.

 

"My room is just next door if you'd be more comfortable there," Inara offered, knowing that it wasn't a good idea. "You can leave your things and we'll go through the patio." Butterflies flitted in her stomach at the idea of Mal in her space once again. She knew from experience it would smell like him for days and though she knew once he was gone that would be a knife in her heart, it was one she welcomed.

 

Being here at the guild house already had Mal’s nerves jumpy.  It was nothing compared to the unease he felt as he followed her out to the patio and to her room where everything about the space was her. It was bathed in the flowery scent that defined her and was even more ornate and luxurious than the room he’d been shown to.

He walked farther into the room and his gaze floated slowly around it, taking in every detail. "Mighty fine place you got here. Can see why you like it." How had she ever stayed on Serenity as long as she had, he wondered.  She was made for beautiful things like this.  Although, the vision of her in the cargo bay on Serenity in one of those dresses she wore could rival how she looked right now.

 

Inara glanced around the room at Mal's comment and waved it away with one hand. "It's...nothing," she dismissed the room with her casual tone of voice. "In truth it's too big and open for my liking. Everything is too new, too quiet..." she trailed off and smiled slightly. "It's a lot of too's."

She knelt in front of a cabinet and got out the tea set she'd always used on Serenity. She'd never used it here before. It hadn't seemed right. She had a much more ornate one the Dria had given to her when she'd returned to the guild house. She usually used that one. She put the water on to boil and then sat down on the couch. It was a different one then the one she'd had on Serenity. She kept that one in storage. It held memories too painful to see everyday. And now so will this one, she thought.

"Have a seat, Mal," she invited him with a gesture to the space beside her, almost managing to keep her voice under control.

 

Mal thought about refusing, knowing how close it would put him to Inara. He needed to sit though. The Doc had been right about one thing, he was still weak. He moved to sit next to Inara, pushing his long coat back to reveal the two pistols that hung at his hips.

"Still real nice." He said, continuing to look around the room in an attempt to keep from staring at Inara. "Far cry from that shuttle you were in on my boat.”

 

"No bad mouthing my shuttle," Inara warned him in a teasing tone. She was trying desperately to smooth out the awkwardness between them. She wanted there to be something besides pain when he walked away this time. "What exactly have you done to her this time? No scratches? I hope everything in good working order, the way I left her?"

 

"Works well enough." Mal said quietly, stopping himself from telling Inara that it wasn't her shuttle anymore. To him, it would always be her shuttle and he wasn't up for a fight. "Ain't been flown in awhile... 'til now. Stretched her legs to come here."

He finally let his gaze rest on her. "She said you were in trouble. Kind of trouble only I could be helpin' with. I didn't know... she said..." He shook his head. "Shouldn't have come... but seein' you ain't so bad on the eyes. Should be congratulatin' you on your thing next week. What you wanted…it’s good.”

 

Inara ducked her head at Mal's comment about the high priestess position. "Yes...it's..." she cleared her throat. Things were back to painful and awkward. The kettle trilled, giving her an excuse to get up. She busied herself for a few moments, making a pot of tea, arranging the sugar and lemon on the tray, then taking it to the low table in front of the couch. "I'm glad you came," she said in a soft, shaky whisper. "It's good to see you."

 

Mal smirked and shook his head. "May have been a long while since we been around each other but I'm pretty sure that you seein' me ain't a good thing. 'Specially knockin' at the door of your big parade."

He let a long sigh of a breath escape him. "Think you need to be talkin' to that lady who was in there. She's thinkin' you ain't good enough or somethin'. Tried to tell her you were better than good enough but she said you changed since... we all change." He finished darkly, and then looked back out towards the patio door trying to gauge how quickly he could make it over there and away from here. "Think you need to talk to her and pray to that God of yours I didn't mess anything up.”

 

Inara poured tea for them, letting it occupy her hands and her time. He was right. She should be doing precisely that; instead she was sitting here thinking of ways to make him stay just a little while longer. "It's Buddha...not God. He's the one you don't believe in anymore...of course I don’t suppose you believe in Buddha either...not that it matters much," she half smiled at him as she put his tea in front of him.

Inara started to tell him that her position was as good as set into stone. She'd spent the last two years preparing for it. To her knowledge, Dria had no other prospects. She took a deep breath and glanced up at Mal, her eyes taking in the hollowness of his cheeks, the scar that was still angry and pink on his cheek. Everything she was going to say fled with that one look. "What happened?"

Her fingers itched to reach out and touch the scar on his cheek, to run over his ribs and see if he was as thin as he appeared to be and to glide over the scar she could just barely see on his neck.

 

Mal furrowed his brow for a moment, trying to figure out what she was talking about. The worry that graced her features was the same he'd seen on every member of his crew for the last two weeks and he knew what it was about. He brought his fingertips to the scar on his cheek, glad that Inara couldn't see the countless others on his body or the few bruises that were still fading.

 

"Kaylee didn't tell you? Kinda glad she didn't. Just a scratch... Alliance finally caught up with me. Took the crew a bit to come up with the money to get me back... few months, little more. Nothin' worth worryin' about." His voice had grown dark with memories. It surprised him that Kaylee hadn't told Inara that he'd been in an Alliance jail. Part of him was thankful for that and part of him was curious as to why not.

 

Inara swallowed hard, the hand holding her tea going still. She put the cup on the table, sloshing some tea out onto the lacquered surface. "Oh...Mal..." she said, her voice filling up with all the tears she'd never shed. One hand went to her mouth, conveying the speechlessness at the news. The other reached out to tentatively touch the scar on his cheek, fingertips just barely touching his skin.

"Kaylee didn't...we-she never said anything. If I'd known...I would have-I would have paid your bail. Tell Zoë if something like that ever happens again to wav me. I won't let you sit in an alliance jail," she finally said, unable to tell him that the reason Kaylee never mentioned it was because he was a topic they avoided. Fury threatened to choke her. She had money that she would have gladly given to get Mal out of jail. She had influence and a reputation, both of which she would have used had her money not been good enough. The idea of Mal sitting in an alliance jail broke her the way very little else could have. It was like caging a beautiful bird meant to fly.

 

Mal actually flinched at Inara's touch and closed his eyes, hating himself for it. He'd even cursed himself for shying away from Simon when he was medicating the deep cuts. It showed weakness, but the beatings and abuses were still so fresh that he couldn't help it.

After a moment he leaned into the feel of her fingertips on his skin and looked back to Inara, thankful that she didn't say anything about the reaction to her touch. "They ain't really treatin' a former browncoat that steals from Alliance very good in prison. I got special attention." He stopped himself from continuing to talk about it. She didn't need to know everything they'd done to him... no one did. He didn't need to talk about it. "S'okay now. 'Til I'm gettin' caught again. Jayne's gettin' antsy. Gotta find a job soon, get back to work. Just need to be gettin’ back to what’s normal is all.”

 

Inara shook her head, tears pricking her eyes and threatening to tumble over the lashes. She turned her fingertip touch into a more solid one as he spoke, her palm against his cheek, her fingers at his temple. "I'm sorry...I didn't know," she said in a quiet whisper. "If anything like that ever happens again...just give them my name. Tell them you're a personal friend mine and to call me. I'll get you out," she told him, tears finally winning out and trickling down her cheeks slowly. I’m not crying, just...leaking, she thought wryly. "Promise me?”

 

Mal started to say something, then shook his head. "Can't be promisin' that 'Nara. Try to keep my word and I'd never drag you anywhere close to that Hell."

The feel of Inara's hand at his cheek sent a coursing heat wave through him. The tears from her eyes were too much. He put a hand to each side of her face and scooted closer to her as his rough calloused thumbs slid over her damp cheeks. "Shhh 'Nara. Tears for me is just a waste of tears. Ain't deservin' of them. Alliance prison is nothin'. Didn't really hurt 'til I let it when I was back on Serenity." He opted not to mention that it hurt when he was drugged too.   A forced smirk escaped him.  "Don't you know they think I'm an unbreakable crazy hundan.”

 

"I tend to agree with them," Inara said with a half smirk. She sniffed and struggled for a moment to get the tears under control. She didn't want to move away from Mal. She didn't want him to stop touching her...but since when had what she wanted ever been a consideration where Mal was concerned. She closed her eyes and reached up with her free hand, wrapping her fingers around his wrist.

"That's one good thing about being House Priestess...I'll be able to help you out of scrapes from a distance," she tried to joke, knowing it fell flat partially because she was still crying and partially because now that he was here, house priestess seemed more like a trap and less like something she wanted to do.

 

"Supposin' that's true." Mal said just as flatly as the statement she'd just made had been. He dropped the hand that she didn't have a hold of to his lap but left the other at her cheek unable to stop touching her just yet. "Don't need to be helped. Deserve what I get.”

 

"Not when it's that sort of thing," Inara assured him softly. She watched him for a moment, her hand still at his cheek, her fingers softly stroking his temple. Suddenly her eyes lit with a brightness that she hadn't had since she'd returned here and the smile she gave him was honest, genuine and bright. The sort of smile that used to make Dria comment on how Inara shone.

"Take me flying. Please. I'm going crazy here not seeing the stars. We'll sneak out through gardens. I just want to go flying again. Just you and me. I'm not ready to see everyone on Serenity yet but I desperately want to be in the air again.”  With you…

 

 

Chapter Five

 

Mal was surprised, the request had been unexpected and for a moment he had to make himself believe he'd actually heard her right. The smile on her face was real and true with an unguarded excitement to match. There were times when he thought she couldn't get more beautiful and this was one of them.  If she wanted to go flying, he would take her.

He stood up from the couch. "Gotta get my things." He started for the door to the patio, hope in his throat that she might slowly be working her way to going back to Serenity with him.

 

"Alright," Inara smiled, happy that he hadn't questioned the somewhat odd request. She grabbed a hooded cloak from her wardrobe. It was a bit heavy for the weather but as the next house priestess she was very recognizable and well known around the city. Right now she just wanted to be Inara, not Companion Serra or Mistress Inara.

She walked out to the patio, her hood pulled up around her face and stood at the door to Mal's room, barely able to hold still in her excitement.  She wasn't aware of it but she looked very much like a beautiful, excited child.

 

Mal came out of his room with his bag and rifle. He couldn't help the ghost of a smile that played on his lips for a moment at the sight of Inara. He tossed his bag over the railing of the patio and then helped Inara over after himself. "Gonna have to show me how to go about sneakin' you out of here." Without a thought to it, he grabbed her hand in his and began leading her through the gardens since he already knew that much of the way.

 

"We used to do it all the time as students here," Inara grinned mischievously. "We'd sneak out and go down into the city, usually for fairly innocent purposes but there was this one girl who had a boyfriend, a big no no in the guild house. We'd help her sneak out to meet him because we all thought it was terribly romantic," she chattered as she let him lead her through the gardens. She kept an eye out for anyone taking an evening stroll but mercifully they remained empty. It never occurred to her to take her hand out of his. The contact just seemed natural.

 

Once they got to the edge of the gardens she took the lead, weaving down the path away from the guild house. "Once we get to the street, if you'll get a transport, I'd appreciate it. I don't want anyone to recognize me. I can reimburse you the money.”

 

Mal nodded even though he had no intention of ever taking money from Inara. He paid the transport to take them to the docks of Sihnon where the shuttle was. Once they started moving, he sat next to Inara and spared a glance over to her. "You're sure 'bout this? Goin' up with me?" He hadn't felt so alive and full in a long time. The hollow empty shell he had become over the past few years and in an Alliance prison was being completely filled up in every way with Inara. His eyes sparkled with life even if he couldn't force a smile.

 

"More sure then I've been about anything in years," Inara smiled at him. She felt like herself with him here. She didn't feel like a companion or the house priestess to be. She just felt like Inara and it was a wonderful feeling.

 

Mal felt his heart pounding inside of his chest as he reached for her hand. It was a deliberate move this time, something he'd thought about and decided to do. Since he'd touched her, there was no going back. "Good answer." His fingers laced with hers and his other hand cupped the back of her hand he held. "They don't know you there at that guild, 'Nara. This is you... right here. I’m likin’ you.”

 

Inara looked at their hands entwined and then looked up at Mal from beneath her lashes. "I like this side of me too. It's one I don't get to share with anyone else."  Particularly not now. She’d had more pressure on her then ever to project a certain image and live up to expectations set so high that sometimes it scared her that she'd never be able to keep up.

 

Mal drew a deep breath, for the first time feeling like he had her... all of her. The thought that it could all come crashing down at any minute was overshadowed by the hope inside that he could get her back to his ship and they could go away from this place.

The transport stopped at the docks and Mal led Inara out of the caravan and towards the loading docks. He stopped just short of the shuttle and pointed to it. Making sure Inara could see her home before they went to the hatch and he punched in the code for it to open. He led her inside and closed the hatch behind him. It was then that he remembered all of his things he'd had scattered about from living in the shuttle. He strode past them to the bridge trying to ignore them and hoping she would too. “Be up in the air in no time.”

 

The butterflies that had been in her belly all evening fluttered like mad at the sight of her shuttle. It'd been so long since she'd set foot on it.

She was surprised by the state of the shuttle once they were inside. Mal had clothes scattered about the floor and piled in corners. There were books next to the bed, a bed that was made up with sheets and blankets and looked to have been slept in the night before. The entire shuttle smelled like him, sweat, leather, gun powder and something else uniquely him. It was reasonably obvious he'd been living here for some time.

Inara didn't say anything, just sat down on the edge of the bed. The corner of something stuck out from beneath his pillow and she slipped it out.  Her heart trip hammered as she saw the capture Kaylee had taken all those years ago when she'd left Serenity. The edges of the capture were worn from being held. The playback button was smooth and shiny from being pressed over and over again. She bit her bottom lip, her head bowed, hood still covering her hair. She just held onto the capture and nodded. All these years he'd kept it, played it back over and over...And now he was living here...in her shuttle.

 

The shuttle launched into the sky and Mal called back to Inara. "Gonna miss breakin' atmo. Best sight you ever seen when everything goes black and it's just stars and you.”

 

"I'll be right there," Inara called. She stood up and laid the capture on the bed then stepped up into the bridge. She put her hands on Mal's shoulders for balance and watched the sky as the shuttle rocketed through it. There was a moment she held her breath when the shuttle broke atmo and everything before her turned black and studded with stars. She gasped a little at the sight, reaching up to slide the hood of her cloak off her head.  A look of complete wonder painted itself across her face. It was almost as if she was seeing the stars and the black for the first time.

"I forgot..." she whispered, the sound barely more than a breath.

 

Mal looked up to Inara as they broke atmo and again she looked more beautiful than he'd ever seen her. She was completely unguarded and for the moment, so was he. His arm slipped around her waist and he pulled her down into his lap in the pilot’s chair. He rested his cheek against her shoulder and looked out into the black. "Hard to forget..." He said, vowing to never forget this moment with her.  For him, it held so much promise of a future.

 

Inara smiled, not taking her eyes off of the sky. "Maybe forget is the wrong word...I just...I don't remember it being this pretty or feeling this...free," she responded. She didn't realize just yet that she was sitting in Mal's lap or that his arm was around her waist. Right now, she was completely focused on the stars and the black and that ache inside of her that reminded her how much she'd missed this.

 

Mal smirked and shook his head. "No one can take the sky from you, 'Nara. No one. It is free up here... free as you can be gettin’." Right now he couldn't imagine a more perfect moment. It was as if the time spent apart had torn down any walls they'd had up. He kept hoping it wouldn't come apart at the seams.

 

Inara glanced down at Mal, stiffening slightly as she realized for the first time just where she was sitting. She glanced down at her lap and took a deep breath, forcing herself to relax. There was no one here to see them, no one to care. This didn't change anything and it wouldn't bring either of them crashing down. She looked back to him and smiled. "Maybe you'll have to visit more often, take me up in the sky to remind me of that every now and then.”

 

Mal shook his head, his free hand reaching up so that his fingers traced her lips. "Once you're in charge there you won't have time for..." He trailed off and stared at her for a moment. His fingers trailed along her lips, to her cheek and then through long silky curls. "'Nara...”  Everything inside of him screamed to take her back to Serenity with him.  He needed her there.  He needed her to be his and wanted so badly to be hers.  “I'll remind you." His voice was a mere whisper before he slipped his hand to the back of her neck and pulled her down into a heavy, needy kiss that spoke of years of want.

 

Inara was surprised at first then she responded, tangling her fingers in his hair and kissing him with as much emotion as he gave as he kissed her. She pulled away slightly when she couldn't breathe, only to kiss his neck, moving aside his jacket and his collar so that she could trail kisses along the new scar on his neck. "Set the shuttle on autopilot. I don't want you crashing us," she told him as she unbuttoned his shirt.

 

Mal fumbled with the controls, setting it to autopilot, his eyes never leaving Inara. Need coursed through every inch of him and now that he'd finally let it out, it couldn't be taken back. He was a man of conviction and action… it was all or nothing with him and he was ready for it all with Inara.  "We'll be crashin' together if it happens." He pushed her cloak off of her shoulders, watching it fall to the floor in a heap. "Ain't so bad together."

 

Inara paused, looking up at Mal. For the moment her eyes were wide and filled with emotion, love, want, need all tainted with the pain of knowing this couldn't ever last. She pushed the pain away, basking in the love, desire, and need. She'd wanted there to be more than pain between them when he left this time. Now she'd have this.

 

"Not so bad," she whispered, her fingers trailing through his hair and down his neck to his collarbone, her thumbs lingered on the skin there for a moment before she pushed the straps of his suspenders and his shirt off his shoulders. Her breath caught slightly at sight of him shirtless. He was just as beautiful as she'd always thought he would be.

Her eyes filled with tears again as she noticed the fading bruises, cuts and scrapes scattered across his skin. There were old scars, but the one that drew her attention and left her breathless was the one on his side, between his ribs, the one Atherton had given him. Her fingertips drifted down to the scar. She touched it for a moment, exploring the raised skin then let her hand drift to his arm, sliding down to his hand. She pulled him up from the pilot's chair and back toward the bed. She stopped after a couple of steps, the desire to feel his mouth on hers again overwhelming everything else. She tiptoed, her mouth consuming his in a raw, desperate kiss.

 

Mal returned the kiss, his fingers tugging, pulling, and tearing at the buttons that lined the back of her dress. Some of them came undone and some of them ripped out of the fabric. He wanted this... her. He'd wanted it for so long and now he knew that he'd have her. No fears, no games. She'd be his and he'd belong to her just as it had always been in his mind.

His hands went to her shoulders to slide the fabric down off of them. "Too many gorram buttons." He whispered against her lips in between kisses.

 

Inara knew he was ripping her dress and she knew that she should care but she couldn't make herself think about anything except his mouth on hers and his bare skin beneath her hands.

There was a moment when an image of them flashed through her mind and she thought how disgraceful, disheveled and desperate they must look, half dressed, clothes torn and for a moment she thought about stepping back, regaining control of the situation and removing their clothes like civilized people. Then Mal was nibbling at her neck and the only thought she could process was that she needed more of him. She scraped her nails across his back hard enough to leave their own mark as he nipped at her skin. A moan escaped her as she guided him back closer to the bed.

 

The backs of Mal's knees hit the side of the bed and he fell back bringing Inara with him. He rolled them over so that he was on top of her. His tongue caressed her neck and he left greedy kisses in its wake. Trails of love marks were left on the pale, delicate skin there.  His hands worked her dress down lower and lower. "Wanted you for so long... so long 'Nara." He breathed into the mass of silky curls spread on the sheets beneath her head.

He knew the bed in the shuttle would smell like her now and he didn't mind. He wanted all of Serenity to carry her scent.  It would when he got her back there.

 

"Mal..."

It was half whimper, half plea. Her hands trailed over his shoulders as he finally discarded her dress on the floor beside the bed. She pushed him back slightly, her fingertips trailing over his skin. She touched the old scar on his shoulder then moved to a fresh cut beneath that. She leaned forward, placing a kiss on the cut, lingering for a moment before moving down to the fading, yellow green bruise on his ribs. She kissed, touched and lingered over every bruise, every cut, every scrape on his chest, saving the scar Atherton had given him for last.

"For me," she whispered against his skin as she kissed the old scar. She was trying to show him just how much she loved him, how deep her feelings ran with her actions, to make up for the words she thought she’d never be able to say.

 

"Everything's for you, 'Nara." Mal said honestly, putting everything he had into this. He never did anything halfway. It just wasn't in him to do anything anyway but completely. "It's all for you..." He whispered, his fingers digging into the dark strands of her hair as she seemed to worship every part of him... every flaw. She seemed to be loving the flaws on the outside. Could she possibly love the ones on the inside too… the flaws left by cut-throats and Alliance that no one ever saw? Would he ever be deserving of that love? Would he ever be able to tell her the extent of his own love for her? Someday... this was a start.

 

Inara looked up at Mal, her eyes on his as she unbuttoned his pants. "I want you to know...I've never...not like this," she whispered, needing him to know that he was different in so many ways. "Mal...I-" the words lodged in her throat and she found that she couldn't say them. "I need you. I need you so much," she settled for being able to say those words. She would never be able to explain to him just how much she needed him or how or why. Right now she just wanted him to know that she needed him.

 

Inara needed him. Those were the only words Mal heard and they kept repeating in his head like a prayer he'd tried to memorize as a boy when he used to believe in something. "Need you too..." His voice was rough and low when he spoke. "I'll try to be gentle, 'Nara... I'll try." He knew that nothing about this would be gentle. It was passion, raw and needy; a love that had been denied for far too long. His fingers slid over her soft, flawless skin as his lips met hers. "Need you too.”

 

“You don't have to be," Inara whispered. "Just make me feel alive again," she pleaded as he buried himself completely in her.  It was Heaven… perfect and complete.  Nothing and no one could take this moment away… she wouldn’t allow it.

 

 

Chapter Six

 

Inara lay in bed fighting sleep, her head on Mal’s shoulder, her fingers gliding over the various cuts, scrapes, bruises, and scars on his upper body.  She dipped her head, placing a kiss over a particularly nasty looking bruise just over his heart.  A smile curved along her lips and she looked up at him, a mischievous glint in her eyes.  “I don’t know about you, but I came up here to look at the stars.”  She teased as she sat up, clutching the blanket around her body.  She tugged on Mal’s arm, pulling him off of the bed and towards the bridge.

 

Mal wasn’t sure how something they’d fought against for so long could feel so comfortable.  As she led him to the bridge, he tapped her rear playfully and raised an innocent eyebrow when she looked back to him.  “Thought we were already seein’ ‘em.”  He sat in the chair at the helm and pulled Inara down into his lap again.  His arms circled tight around her waist, pulling her back flush against him.

 

“That’s an entirely different kind of stars.  A kind I enjoyed seeing immensely.”  Inara told him with a content smile.  She settled down into his lap and wrapped the blanket around them both.  She laid her head against his shoulder and just stared out at the stars, happy with just the silence for now.

 

Mal’s arms wrapped around her forced a sigh of perfect contentment to slip from her.  He’d never know how truly naked she was with him right now.  Her clothes, makeup, and manners were her armor.  By sitting here naked with him she was allowing herself to be completely vulnerable.  Her eyes drooped sleepily and a lazy smile crossed her lips.  “This is perfect.”  She murmured.

 

“Got a hard time believin’ it gets any better than this.”  Mal turned his head to press a kiss into Inara’s hair.  He drew a deep breath of her and looked back out into the black, nodding.  “Perfect.”  He agreed, deciding that he could do this for forever and be happy.  Once he got her back to Serenity, he would shower her with kisses, slowly breaking down any masks the guild had forced her to wear.  He’d make love to her everyday and every chance he got.  At least his crew would be happy that they’d quit pretending they didn’t love each other.

 

Inara drew a needed breath and stared out of the window, almost too content to move.  The lazy smile curving her lips got wider as she recognized one of the groups of stars.  She pointed it out to Mal.

 

“That’s Calliope’s Hope.”  She said, beginning to recount a story her mother had told her when she was young.  “Back when the world was just considering leaving Earth-that-was, there was a girl named Calliope.  Her father was a proud Alliance official.  Much to his chagrin, she was in love with a young man who was a rabid Independent supporter.  Calliope found out she was pregnant and she and her lover were planning to run away together.  Her father found out about it and forbade it.  The next day he sent her lover on a shuttle to settle one of the first moons.  Within three months her lover was dead.  Three weeks later, Calliope killed herself.  The thing her father didn’t know is that you can’t thwart destiny… no matter how hard you try.  Calliope and her lover never got to spend their mortal life together so destiny put them in the stars so that they could live together forever.”

 

As she spoke, her fingers traced a shape in the air.  “See, there are two human heads.”  She pointed out pinprick stars.  “The brightest star is their heart.  They share one.  There’s their arms, their legs, and if you fly straight for the heart, you end up on the moon Calliope’s lover died on.”  She smiled.

 

Mal put his gaze in line with Inara’s hand as her fingers traced designs in the sky.  “Never heard such stories as that.  Sounds like a whole lotta death and dyin’ for supposin’ to be so happy and in love.”

 

He kissed her bare shoulder and trailed his fingers back through the silky strands of her hair.  “Too much for my likin’.”

 

Inara smiled, leaning back into his touch.  “The point is that there are some loves too great to be denied.  They’ll always find a way, maybe not here and now, but somewhere, sometime.  I think it’s terribly romantic, but if you tell anyone I said that, I’ll deny it.”  She teased.

 

“Secret’s safe with me.”  Mal squeezed Inara tighter to him, loving the feel of her bare skin against his.  “Nothin’ wrong with likin’ the romantic things though.”  He felt as if he could be the most romantic man in the world with Inara by his side. No… romance ain’t that bad. He thought.

 

Inara’s smile softened, knowing that she could argue that point with him.  There was no place for romance in a companion’s life just as there was no place for falling in love but she didn’t want to fight.  There’d be time for that later and right now she just wanted to keep this peaceful, perfect feeling.  She turned in his arms, a mischievous grin replacing the smile that had just been dancing across her lips.  She dipped her head and placed a kiss on his collarbone.

 

“You know, Zoe and Wash have a thing about doing it on the bridge.  I’ve never done that…” She grinned against his skin.

 

Mal closed his eyes and his head lolled back to give Inara more room as her attentions were on his neck and collarbone.  He gave himself freely and completely to her and it felt so nice that he never wanted to stop.  One more round and I’m takin’ her back to Serenity where she belongs.

 

His hands slid down her back as he easily moved her so that she was straddling him in the chair.  His hands cupped the curve of her hips and a light moan escaped him before his eyes snapped open.  “Wait… Zoe and Wash huhwhat?”

 

Inara’s head tilted back in a light, playful laugh before she returned to nipping at his neck.  “Don’t worry about it…” She whispered over the dark marks she’d left on his skin.

 

* * *

 

Inara woke with a soft yawn and a contented feeling washing over her skin.  She stretched lazily and then snuggled closer to Mal, her eyes still closed.  At some point during the night, they’d made their way back to the bed.  Another round of lovemaking had ensued and the entire shuttle smelled of a mixture of Mal, herself, and the love making they’d indulged in over and over.

 

Something inside of her jolted her awake and she sat up, glancing around the shuttle for a clock.  It was six in the morning.  She knew that one of the girls would be coming to serve her breakfast in a little while.  While the thought of leaving this peaceful place was nauseating, she didn’t want to deal with any more questions or rumors than necessary.

 

“Mal, wake up Bao Bei.”  She whispered, placing a kiss on his collarbone.  “I need to get back to the guild house.  Priestess Dria will find out I’ve gone and think I’ve been kidnapped.  We could have breakfast together.”  She slid a finger down the line of his neck to his chest as Mal woke, clearly trying to register what she was telling him.  “Have to keep your strength up.”  She teased with a grin.

 

“Can tell the priestess you decided to come with me.”  Mal said around a yawn as he looked at the time.  He was just coming out of a heavy sleep, the kind he hadn’t had in a long time.  “We’ll get back to Serenity.  Kaylee’ll be happy to see you.  Can already see the smile on that girl’s face.”

 

Inara hesitated at Mal’s words and the contentment and joy she’d just had bottomed out into despair.  How could she not have known?  This was Mal, there was no way he would have done this if he hadn’t thought it would be completely.  There wasn’t anything but all the way with him.  She bit her bottom lip, keeping her head down so that Mal couldn’t see her face for the moment.

 

“Mal… I thought… I can’t…” She whispered, squeezing her eyes shut almost as if she were anticipating a blow; not a physical one because she knew Mal would never hit her, but a blow nonetheless.  And this one would hurt far worse than any physical one ever could.

 

“I’ve… For two years I’ve done nothing but train for this.  In a week they’re holding the coronation to make me House Priestess.  The entire guild house is counting on me… the responsibility… I can’t.  She shook her head as she stumbled over the words while everything inside of her screamed for her to not say them.  All the logical parts of her knew that she had to go back and become the House Priestess.  The rest of her wanted to stay here with Mal, in this perfect place forever.

 

Mal felt every relaxed muscle in his body slowly tense up.  The realization that he’d just opened up to Inara in ways that he couldn’t to anyone else and that she wasn’t coming back with him literally knocked the wind out of him.  It was more painful an attack than any of the abuses he’d received in an Alliance prison.  He felt as though she’d hit him hard and that his heart had just shattered into a million tiny pieces that could never be put back together again.  He’d been hurt too many times and not being completely emotionally healed yet from prison, this was a deathblow.

 

He sat up on the bed and reached for his pants, pulling them on and yanking them up his legs to button them at his waist.  He pulled on his shirt and started working the buttons on it.  Used me… She used me to get her kicks and now she’s off to that whore house.

 

“Get out.”  He whispered, his hands shaking so badly that even buttoning his shirt was difficult.  He couldn’t bring himself to look up to her because he knew he would break just as badly on the outside as his heart just had if he did.  Instead, he closed off, put walls up around his emotions, and shook his head.  “Get out, ‘Nara.”  This time his voice carried more volume with his hurt, pain, and anger.  “Goin’ back to my ship.”  Stupid… gorram yúchûn for fallin’ for this goushi.  Yúchûn for thinkin’ she’d want to come back with me. He cursed himself mentally for his stupidity and the vulnerable place he’d allowed himself to be in.  He’d been weak and gullible.  Yúchûn…

 

Hurt raced across her features and for a moment, Inara thought she was going to fall apart right here in front of him.  She bit her bottom lip until she tasted blood, forcing herself to focus on that pain rather than the one inside that threatened to hollow her out. Her entire body trembled and she had to stop herself from crying out that she took it back. Everything in her yearned to be back on Serenity like this with him but fear took over, stopping her words.

 

She got out of the bed, her gaze anywhere but on Mal.  If she looked at him she knew she’d shatter.  She couldn’t afford that right now.  She could feel his eyes on her as she snatched her dress from the floor and put it on. She stumbled, anything but graceful in that moment. The buttons in the back were ripped, making it gape and hang off of her.  She crossed the shuttle; her eyes still fixed on the floor and grabbed her cloak from where it lay in a heap on the bridge.  She risked a small glance at Mal, not meeting his eyes but looking instead at his chest where he still hadn’t gotten the buttons closed.  She had just been lying so contentedly there a few moments ago and then it had all fallen apart.

 

“This hurts more than you will ever know, Mal.”  She slipped out of the door, tears finally breaking free.  She knew that by tomorrow it’d be all over Sihnon that the next House Priestess had been seen fleeing the docks in tears and at that moment, she didn’t care.

 

Mal had to make himself not go out after Inara, hit her on the head, and carry her back to Serenity with force.  He didn’t want to be any more the fool than he’d already been.  He stopped messing with the buttons on his half buttoned shirt, his trembling hands going to his forehead as tears filled his eyes.

 

He never cried.  Never.  But in this moment, maybe it was the fact that he was still weak, still hurting from being beaten so badly, hadn’t dealt with the emotional side of what had happened recently… in this moment tears escaped him, making slow tracks down his cheeks to drip off of his chin.  He wasn’t in the middle of a job and no one was around to see them.  He had no reason to hold everything together and didn’t have the strength to even if he had one.

 

The shuttle smelled of Inara and the love they’d just spent hours giving each other.  It had been lovemaking on his side.  Now he knew better about Inara’s half of the sex.  It had been another customer, another roll in the sack to her.  His body shook, as the silent tears turned to sobs that escaped him uncontrolled.  He’d just let himself have this one moment to break… lose himself here for a little while, and then he’d go back to Serenity where he belonged.  He’d been played again… used, and this time by the person who could hurt him the most; the woman he’d given his heart to… Inara.

 

 

Chapter Seven

 

Inara reached into the pocket of her cloak, realizing as the transport pulled up to the guild house that she didn’t have any money with her.  “I’m sorry…I don’t have any…if you’ll send the bill to the guild house it’ll be paid,” Inara said, trying to control her emotions for just a little while longer.

 

“It’s alright Priestess Serra,” the driver said, looking at her through the rear view mirror. “Is there… something wrong? Anything I can do?” he asked hesitantly. He could tell the priestess-to-be was upset despite the fact that she tried to hide it beneath a poorly constructed façade and a hooded cloak.

 

“I’m not the Priestess yet,” Inara said in a whisper as she slipped out of the transport. “Thank you.”

 

She ran up the path to the guild house, ducking inside. She knew that there would be students already awake and even that Dria herself might be awake. At this point, she didn’t care who saw her. All she wanted to do was get into her room before the mortar holding her together gave out.

 

She slammed the door behind her then collapsed in a heap on her bed, sobs ripping from her very core.  She hadn’t known a human being could survive with this much pain. She knew she’d hurt Mal but it hadn’t been intentional. She thought he’d understood. She thought that he knew what they were doing. She never considered that Mal wanted a relationship of any sort with her. Not this way, not now.

 

There was a knock on the door and a pause before the door opened. Cian, the young girl who brought Inara her breakfast every morning, stepped inside with a tray. She faltered when she saw Inara on the bed crying.

 

“Mistress Serra…” her voice was a mouse squeak in the room. “Are you-“

 

“Get out,” Inara choked on the words.

 

“Mistress Serra…I brought your breakfast…I…should I go get the Priestess?”

 

“Get out!” Inara screamed at the top of her lungs, sitting up on the bed. She knew she looked like a wild woman, her hair still disheveled from the night before, her makeup completely gone, her dress ripped and her face and eyes red from crying. “Get out, get out. Get out!”

 

The girl dropped the breakfast tray with a shatter in her haste to get out of the room.

 

It wasn’t long before Inara heard the door open and shut again. She didn’t move from her fetal position on the bed or open her eyes even when she felt a slight weight on the edge of the bed. A gentle hand rested on her back.

 

“Cian told me what happened.”

 

Inara opened her eyes. “Leave me alone.” Her tone was less respectful than it should have been considering the words were directed to Dria.

 

“I feel I must apologize. I had no idea it would go this far.”

 

Inara sat up, fury sweeping over her. “Why did you bring him here?” she asked, anger coloring each word.  She was looking for someone to blame and Dria was right within reach.

 

“I needed to know how deep your feelings were for him,” Dria explained, her tone as calm and cool as a glass of water.

 

“You should have asked me. You can’t play with people like this,” Inara snapped at her.  The cold, painful tone of Mal’s voice as he’d told her to leave still rang in her ears.

 

Dria watched the companion carefully, as if studying a specimen. She’d never seen this side of Inara. “Would you have told me? Would you have told me that you are so much in love with this man that he can break you entirely?”

 

Inara dipped her head, unwilling to answer. “He’s been through enough. He didn’t need this too.”

 

“Thus the reason I’m apologizing. As I said, I had no idea it would go this far. It was never my intention for either of you to get hurt.”

 

“I left for a reason. Mal and I are incapable of bringing each other anything but pain. I left so that I would never be this person,” Inara said, her gaze going back up to Dria. The anger she’d felt moments before had been replaced with pain.

 

Dria sighed and got to her feet. She walked across the room, opened one of the French doors and looked out to the garden. “This isn’t the end of your world or his, Inara. And it’s not the end of your relationship with him, unless you want it to be. The Guild makes allowances for the house priestess. You can never openly share a relationship with him, particularly a man like Malcolm Reynolds. You have to remain Alliance friendly in all appearances, but as you will no longer take clients…you are tolerated a relationship. I had one with a man for twenty-five years. It was as much a marriage as an active companion ever gets. I was deeply in love with him and him with me. No one ever knew.” She turned and smiled softly at Inara. “He died six years ago. I was with him when it happened.”

 

Inara stared at the priestess, trying to adjust to this new image she was being introduced to.  Dria smiled at her, walked over and ran a hand over Inara’s hair. “Rest. I’ll clear your appointments for the day; have Sheydra take over your classes indefinitely. Think about it. Perhaps you can speak to your pirate later. Things are never as bad as they first seem.”

 

* *

 

Mal lay back on the bed, his forearm resting over his eyes. There were two paths he could be taking right now. One was to Inara and one was away from her back to Serenity. He'd spent all day brooding in the shuttle, unable to make himself go one way or the other. He didn’t know why he was paralyzed in this place of indecision and uncertainty.  Maybe he’d finally been pushed just enough to be truly broken.  Either way, he wasn’t sure that he recognized himself anymore and it scared him.

His heart was so hurt and everything in him hurt with it making the pain both emotional and physical. He'd cried for the first time since his ma had died. He cried for Inara, then he'd cried for everything else... tears that he hadn't let go when Niska had tortured him, tears that he'd held back when Serenity had gone adrift from a faulty pressure coil, tears that he hadn't lost when Zoë had brought him back on Serenity from the prison he'd been abused and captive in for three months. He’d cried more tears in the last few hours than he had in his entire lifetime and now he felt like he had no more tears to cry, which was probably for the best. He hated being weak and right now he felt nothing but weak.

Inara... of all people had used him. And like a ben tiansheng de yidui rou he still wanted to go to her. He'd spent so long avoiding being with her and now that he'd had her, he wanted more. The little he'd had wasn't near enough and he found himself wondering if it ever would be. He felt like a glutton for punishment because he knew that he was nothing more than a good time to her, and yet he still wanted her. Now that he’d had a little of her, the want had turned into an aching need that begged to be met.  He wanted the impossible.

He sat up and looked out into the night sky through the shuttle windows. Just as he'd never been able to stay away from her shuttle on Serenity, he couldn't stay away from Inara herself now. He put his belt on and a holster to hang lazily at his hips. After shrugging on his long brown coat, he set out for the guild house on foot. Just gotta see her... He told the lie to himself, knowing that just seeing her wouldn't be enough.

After making it to the guild house, he traipsed through the garden he'd escaped from earlier with a smiling Inara. He found her patio and pushed at the glass door that would let him inside. It didn't budge and for a moment, he thought about turning around and going back to the shuttle. It was only a moment… As if of their own accord, his fingers tapped at the glass of the patio door. Needy and weak... He cursed himself and his need for Inara as he waited.

 

Inara was lying on the bed wrapped around a pillow. She'd stopped crying hours ago because she simply had no tears left to cry. Her eyes were dry, red and swollen, her hair still a tangled mess. At one point during the day and she’d changed into a silk robe because it hurt too much to be wearing the dress he'd taken off her hours ago. It was hanging on the back of the wardrobe right now because she couldn't bring herself to hide it away.

She sat half way up when she heard the tapping at the French doors, her heart racing. Don't be completely stupid, Inara. She told herself. Mal was miles from here out in the black with Serenity. Even so, she got up, heart dancing all the way up in her throat and answered the door. Her breath was completely stolen when she saw Mal standing there. She threw her arms around his shoulders and jumped up, wrapping her legs around his waist. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, tears she didn't realize she still had flooded her eyes and streamed down her cheeks.

 

Mal shook with the raw emotion that coursed through him as he carried Inara into her room and shoved her back against a wall roughly. The kiss was hungry and full of raw need, hurt, and anger... too many emotions to pinpoint just one. He bit at her lower lip and pulled lightly then rested his forehead against hers. "Need you..." The only words he could get out at the moment came out a hoarse whisper. One hand came up so that his fingers tangled in her messy hair to push it back from her face. His lips were on hers again, rough and full of desire

 

Inara raked her fingers through Mal's hair, returning the kiss with every emotion raging through her. Need, pain, anger, love and hope. She groaned softly as his lips trailed down the column of her neck. "Can't breathe when you're not here," she whispered. "Need you so much."

She pushed his coat off, letting it tumble to the floor and then moved aside the suspenders from his shoulders.  Her hands ripped at his shirt, popping buttons off. She could hear them scatter across the hardwood floor. She pulled the tails of his shirt free from his pants and started unbuttoning them. Everything inside of her needed him.

 

It took all of Mal's energy to get himself and Inara to the bed in the middle of the room. He fell on top of her on the bed and pulled at the silk that barely covered her body until he could see every inch of her.

He knew that she'd probably never been so roughly handled before and was glad for it. It meant that he was nothing like any of the 'clients' she'd kept. He was something entirely different and the fact that she herself was full of just as much abandon as he was told him that he was correct in thinking so. This wasn't the companion. This was Inara and she was someone none of them had ever met or had.

 

"Couldn't go away... tried and couldn't." He said roughly as his lips trailed over her body, He licked, nibbled, and bit at her skin, tasting her, driving her insane with need for him. He wanted her to want him every bit as much as he wanted her. He wanted her to need him like she needed air to breathe. He wanted her to need him... just like he needed her and he didn't want there to be any doubt that she did.  He wanted her to be his, no matter what the cost.

 

* *

 

Inara's head rested on Mal's chest, his heart thundering underneath her ear. His chest and neck were scored with nail marks and bites. There was little doubt in her mind her skin looked much the same way.  She'd been anything but the companion with him. She drew on his skin with her nail, leaving red marks in her wake. She drew the Chinese letters for her name and then the ones for absolute necessity.

 

For as many emotions as Mal had had when he came into this room, the blank numb feeling he had now was a surprise. He could feel Inara's warmth next to him; her fingers gliding over his stomach in what he thought were random patterns, and her breath against his chest. He was sated, content and tired Thought and emotions hadn't caught back up with him yet. "Can I be stayin' here with you tonight without everyone knowin'?" He asked quietly, his stomach growling with hunger even as he pulled her closer against him.  He knew that he wasn’t supposed to be here with her and didn’t want her in any trouble caused by him.

 

Inara nodded softly, relief washing over her. He wasn't leaving, at least not right this moment. "I'll lock the door," she whispered as she slipped out of his arms. She walked across the room naked and locked the door, then locked the patio door.

She heard his stomach growl and picked up a bowl full of fruit from the coffee table. She tucked it under her arm and carried it over to the nightstand. She slipped back in bed, back into his arms and reached over, fishing an apple out of the bowl. She held it up for Mal to take a bite of.

 

Mal shook his head. "Don't need nothin' but to stay here with you." His voice was almost flat, carrying no weight to it. Still, he pulled her close to him.

 

“Mal...You have to eat something. You've already lost too much weight," Inara pushed. "I've got grapes, apples, oranges, bananas and peaches. I can call and order something from the kitchen but you need to eat. Please." She knew she sounded vaguely like she was begging but she was worried about him. She never pulled away from him or moved out of his arms, just held the fruit up for him to eat.

 

Mal didn't want to take anything from this guild, not even the food. If he took anything it would be Inara herself. Still, he was hungry and just one piece of fruit wouldn't be so bad. Just one.

He sat up and took the apple from Inara to take a bite of it. The apple was juicy and sweet, the first food he'd had in awhile. He rested his elbows on his knees and took another bite.

 

Inara smiled and sat up beside Mal. She ran her hand over his back as he ate, then reached over and grabbed a bunch of grapes. She plucked one off the bunch and ate it realizing she hadn't eaten anything today either. Cian had dropped her breakfast tray and been too afraid to bring lunch or dinner. It wouldn't have mattered; she wouldn't have eaten them anyway.

"You should try the grapes too. They're good," she told him, happy to see him eating at all.

 

Mal shook his head and took another bite of the apple. He looked around the large, spacious, moonlight soaked room. Never had he felt more out of place in his whole life. He'd come here after Inara and found himself in a world he had no idea how to be in. The door for him to be here had been opened and while he didn't want to leave Inara yet, he also wanted to run back out into the night, back to the shuttle and his ship.

He was sitting in a bed of silken sheets and satin pillows... her bed. He'd imagined this so many times except it had been on Serenity in her shuttle or in his bunk. He knew she was using him and still he couldn't make himself leave.  They were hiding in the shadows when he wanted to proclaim to everyone that she was his and he was hers. He felt sick to his stomach and held the mostly eaten apple out to her. "Can't eat any more right now, 'Nara."

 

Inara nodded, took the apple core and tossed it in a trashcan next to the bed. She wrapped her arms around Mal from behind and placed a kiss on his shoulder blade. She closed her eyes, feeling oddly confessional right now. "Wǒ ài nǐ. I didn't want to. I tried not to. I've run away from it and... None of it helps. I thought after all these years it'd be easier...it'd fade but...it hasn't. I can't stop it anymore then I can stop my own heart through force of will. Wǒ ài nǐ."

 

Mal closed his eyes and exhaled a long, slow breath at the words on her voice that he willed to be truth. So many times he'd wished for this and now that she'd said them, they almost seemed a mockery of the love he felt for her. It was easy to see how people could come here and feel a connection with a companion though. There was an almost magical feel to the house and the women had been trained to know all of the right things to say. He knew deep down that this place was full of false personas and lies. He'd been lured here by a lie and then he'd lied to himself when he'd thought Inara would want to be with him completely. If she truly loved him, she'd have no problem leaving this place filled with people who didn't even know her. She'd go back with him.

He reached back and put a hand to the back of her head, his fingers digging through her hair. He turned his own head to place his lips against hers in a gentle open-mouthed kiss. "Go back to Serenity with me?" He whispered the request against her lips. Inviting her back to live with him was the best 'I love you too' he could make right now and anyone who knew anything about him would know that.

 

Inara dipped her head, resting her forehead against Mal's lips. Tears sprang to her eyes and flooded over her lashes, trickling down her cheeks. Every single part of her wanted to go back with him. Just the same, she knew she couldn't. She had responsibilities here. Her hand was on the back of his neck, she squeezed it slightly and swallowed hard, unable to say anything. She couldn't refuse him but she couldn't go with him either, no matter how much she wanted to.

 

Mal waited, letting the silence fill the room and an invisible space between them that grew every aching second. Her silence was so telling in the dark room. She wanted to be here at the guild house but couldn't tell him no just as he could never tell her goodbye. He kissed her forehead before whispering sadly, his breath warm against her skin. "S'what I thought..."

He lay back against the pillows, pulling her with him. "Just let me sleep with you. Ain't nothin' wrong with that, right?  No one will know." Everything he was feeling right now was not good. He felt low, cheap, weak, and used. The only thing that felt right was the warm body next to him and the way it seemed to mold to his like a perfect piece to a puzzle. That warmth was enough for now and it kept him from leaving.

 

Inara moved closer to Mal, tears still falling down her cheeks. "Nothing wrong with that," she whispered. She knew Mal was compromising everything he was, everything he believed in and felt in order to have whatever he could of her. She also knew she should make him leave because of it. She knew she should send him back to Serenity and tell him not to ever contact her again. She couldn’t. It’d be like severing one of her limbs, worse…like ripping out her own heart. She needed him. She thought she couldn't hurt anymore than she had earlier that day. She was wrong.

 

 "I wish..." she trailed off. "I wish my life were different. I wish...I wish I could be who you want me to be. I wish I didn't have responsibilities."

 

“Who you are is up to you, 'Nara..." Mal whispered, his eyes closed and his fingers sliding along the line of her spine. "No one else can make you somethin' you don't wanna be. Deep down under everything else, you're exactly who I'm wantin' you to be." Just like I’m here in this Hell cause I’m wantin’ to be.

He sighed and shook his head, more disgusted with himself and the things he wanted that he could never have than anything else. "Don't wanna argue, 'Nara. Just wanna hold you."

 

Inara nodded and placed a kiss on Mal's chest. "That's all I want too," she whispered, hooking one leg over his and burying herself as close as she could get to him.

 

* *

 

Mal had always had an internal clock. Being raised on a ranch where everyone got up just before dawn had made him alight sleeper and an early riser. He was disoriented when he awoke the next morning and took a moment to realize where he was. Inara was curled up next to him and memories from the night before came crashing back to reality.

He kissed the top of Inara's head and carefully sat up trying not to wake her. As he shuffled about the floor for his clothes, he heard the rustle of silk behind him and knew Inara was awake. His back was to her as he ran his palm over his forehead and his fingers back through his hair agitatedly. He had no idea what they were to each other now, if anything and the whole situation in general was bothering him.  Sex and then sneaking away to avoid being found out… it wasn’t what he wanted.  But he also wanted <I>something</I>.  After having her at all, he needed something rather than nothing.

He found his pants and pulled them on then turned to look at her. "Mornin'... I'll just be sneakin' back out the way I came in. Didn't mean to wake you up." He pulled on his shirt and buttoned the few buttons that were left attached to it

 

Inara wrapped the blanket around her and got out of bed, shaking her head. "No. I'm glad you woke me," she said as she stepped toward him. She put a hand on his chest and smiled crookedly. "I guess I messed up your shirt," she said quietly to avoid asking the question she wanted to. She looked up at him from beneath her lashes after a moment. "Are you-are you going back to Serenity?" Are you leaving me?

 

The heat from where Inara's hand rested at his chest could have scorched through his shirt and he wouldn't have cared. Mal thought for a moment. He had no idea where he was going or what he would do. Part of him wanted to flee back to Serenity and forget he had ever been this weak. Another part knew he would probably never recover from leaving Inara, whether he was being used or not.

He looked down to Inara and took in every inch of her; the oversized blanket wrapped around her, her bed messed hair, lack of makeup, and the small crooked, unguarded smile on her lips… so perfect.  He wished more than anything that they were on Serenity right now and not in this nightmare. He brought a hand up to cup her cheek, his thumb gliding over her cheekbone. "Be on the shuttle... at the docks." He heard the words come out of his mouth barely believing that he was agreeing to stay here and be... what? For the moment, he didn't care. "You can be reachin’ me there?"

 

Inara thought her knees were going to go out from underneath her when she realized he wasn't leaving. She nodded without hesitation.  There was nothing in this universe that would keep her from getting down to the docks. "I'll wait until the girl brings breakfast, check in with Dria and then I'll be down there. Sometime this morning. Okay?" she asked, looking up at him almost like a little girl, afraid he'd say no.

 

Mal reached for his coat and shrugged it on after belting his holster around his waist. He nodded slightly. "Okay." He hesitated before awkwardly putting a hand to each side of Inara's face to tilt her head up into a lingering kiss. When he pulled back, he stared at her for a moment before turning to escape out of the patio door and through the garden back to his shuttle.

 

He felt like he was living someone else’s life, doing things he’d never thought he’d let himself do.  He’d just agreed to continue with this charade of star-crossed lovers that he was getting the raw deal on.  He couldn’t say no.  Since he’d kissed her, Inara had become an absolute necessity.

 

 

Chapter Eight

 

Mal worked at the buttons to his shirt so that he could put up appearances that he hadn't completely given into life as Inara's whore away from the guild. They were settling into a routine that was completely against everything he believed in, everything he was. It scared him but was addicting all at the same time.

The sometimes wild, sometimes sweet love making on his end was blissful until she left him alone to his own thoughts. His self loathing was at an all time low when he was alone and could think about what he was becoming, what he wanted from Inara, and how what he was to her was so far from what he wanted to be.

Today had been perfect. She'd brought some food that she'd eaten and he'd nibbled at. It was easier to not think about it being from the guild when it was here in the shuttle. Of course, he'd been getting good at pretending things were different than they were when she was around. When she was near he pretended things were fine, that he was alright. Every time they were together he promised himself it was the last time, and then when she left he knew he couldn't leave.

They'd spent the day making love and avoiding any subjects that could cause a fight or make either one of them leave the other. Mal had to admit that looking back on it; he almost preferred the constant fighting to the masks they both wore.

She'd just left and now he sat at the comm. and sent a wav to Serenity. He had no idea what he would say when he asked for Zoë.

 

"Zoë." He nodded a greeting when she appeared over the comm. screen. "Lettin' you know I'm okay." He lied. He was anything but okay.

 

“Beginning to wonder about you, Sir. Just talkin' to Wash 'bout whether we should launch a rescue or not," Zoë said as she leaned back in her chair. "How's Inara?"

 

"She's..." Mal started, glancing away from the comm. and back to Zoë. "Shiny. Wasn't really anything worth the big fuss. Don't need a rescue but I'm stayin' for a bit more. How's the boat?"

 

At that moment Zoë realized things weren't quite as shiny with the captain as he'd have her believe. "We're doin' fine up here. Enjoyin' the downtime," Zoë answered. It was a lie. Jayne was fonching at the bit to get some work. Kaylee wanted to go down to Sihnon and see Inara and Wash was getting the flyboy blues but Zoë figured if the captain needed a few more days they could all just wait.

"You sure 'bout that rescue, Sir?" she asked, unable to put her thumb on exactly what was wrong with Mal but certain there was something.

 

Mal looked down into his lap, quiet for a moment as his brow furrowed. <i>This is your out... right here. Best be takin' it if it's what you want.</i> Could he make himself leave? "M'sure..." His own voice sounded foreign to him, as if someone else had chosen to stay here in this life.

Slowly, his gaze lifted back to Zoë’s face on the comm. "You ain't needin' me up there, are you?" He asked, thinking that if Zoë or the crew needed him, he could blame the escape on them. Right now, he couldn't make himself leave Inara of his own accord. It would mean leaving his broken heart here and right now he was clinging to whatever was left of the pieces.

 

For a moment Zoë considered telling Mal that they needed him on the ship. He was obviously struggling with something there but she knew that'd just give him a reason to run away from Inara again. He needed to get whatever issues he had with her settled at least to the point that he could live with himself.

Zoë nodded and then looked at Mal for a moment before speaking. "We're doin' alright up here, Sir. If you need us down there, don't hesitate to let us know. Even if it's just to see a friendly face. I'll send Jayne down to talk to you," she joked without cracking a smile.

 

Mal stared at Zoë for a moment then forced a smirk and shook his head. "Think I'll pass on that offer. Got enough coin to keep her fueled?" He asked, it could be one more out if Serenity needed money to be fueled.

 

“Doin' alright for now. Wash says we'll probably have to fuel her next moon but for now, we're shiny," Zoë responded, still trying to get a bead on exactly what was going on with Mal.

 

Mal nodded and was quiet for another moment before speaking again. "Zoë..." He paused, running a hand back through his hair. "If Wash was to be leavin' Serenity.... I mean really wanted to go somewhere else, you'd be goin' with him?”

 

Zoë narrowed her eyes, watching Mal for a moment. "S'pect I would. Know he left everything behind that he wanted in life for me. Had a job all set on a luxury liner, full benefits. Says he took one look at me and told 'em to keep their job." She fell silent again for a moment.

"You thinkin' 'bout leavin' us, Sir?" She couldn’t imagine Serenity without Mal, much less Mal without Serenity. After the war, this ship had been his only saving grace.

 

Mal froze. Even the idea of leaving Serenity made him sick to his stomach. The thought had never crossed his mind. He shook his head; the movement barely even a movement at all. "No..." He said quietly, his voice more uncertain than he'd expected it to be.

Zoë loved Wash; he knew she loved Wash without her even having to say it. Now he knew that because she loved him, she'd go where he wanted to go. Her question put a new perspective on the situation he was in. Would he stay here for Inara now that he'd unleashed his feelings for her? He couldn't answer the question aloud, but deep down; he knew that it was possible. And the fact that Inara wouldn't leave her position spoke volumes also. Another mask... another lie.

Without his ship, he was nothing compared to the man he was with her. Inara knew that... she had to. Was she willing to accept that? And was he willing to accept being with someone who wasn't willing to risk it all for him?

He cleared his throat. "Just wonderin' is all. Best be goin' now."

 

“Good to know, Sir," Zoë said with a nod. "Need anything give us a call."

She knew something was going on with Mal and Inara on Sihnon but until he was ready to talk to her about it there wasn't much she could do about it. This was his war and one thing she’d learned was that everyone fought their own battles differently.

 

*

 

 

 

 

It was just before sunrise when the transport pulled up to the guild house. Inara paid the driver and quickly slipped up the path through the garden. If she hurried she’d have time to change into her nightgown before Cian arrived with her breakfast. She glanced around as she walked up on the patio, verifying that no one had seen her then she unlocked the door and slipped inside her room.  She set the small picnic basket, now empty by the door, intending on taking it back to the kitchen at some point then took off the hooded cloak she wore and hung it up in the wardrobe. She’d snuck out sometime yesterday afternoon, taken a transport down to the docks and spent the day and all night with Mal in the shuttle.

 

From behind her someone cleared their throat. Inara froze; panic fluttering inside of her as she turned to see Dria sitting in a chair in her room.

 

“Early morning walk?” Dria asked, her voice hinting that she knew Inara hadn’t taken a walk.

 

“I enjoy the morning air,” Inara insisted as she got out her nightgown and laid it at the foot of her bed.

 

“Inara, don’t lie to me. It does neither of us any good and insults me.  Next time you go see your Captain Reynolds, call for a transport. Ask for Roland. He’s paid particularly well to keep a secret. At least every cab company in the city won’t be gossiping about where you’re going,” Dria told her, a tinge of irritation in her voice. “A house priestess or one to be, must have discretion about these things. You can’t flaunt it in front of the city and not expect to suffer the consequences.”

 

Inara looked down at the floor, properly chastened. Her mind was whirling with a thousand different things, certain that Dria was going to snatch the high priestess position away from her. She wasn’t sure that would be such a bad thing at this juncture.  Worse, she was afraid Dria was going to forbid her to see Mal, something that wasn’t even close to an option right now. And if she did…I’d…what? Leave the guild house? Take Mal up on his offer?

 

The idea of a life with Mal scared her. There was so much potential for pain there. She’d have to throw her whole life to the wind and hope he caught her but that wasn’t the part that scared her. Mal would save her, just as he’d save anyone on his crew. What scared her was that one-day he’d fail to save himself and then she’d be left with nothing except memories of a life they’d had together.

 

“And you don’t have to hide away in his shuttle. As the next high priestess you’ve got the power to make sure that a place is properly secured and private before entering it. If you’d like to take him to see the museum, call. They’ll empty it for you for a couple of hours. If there’s an Opera you’d like to see, the guild house has a private box. The same goes for the ballet and the theatre.”

 

Inara smiled, almost laughed at the idea of Mal going to an Opera or ballet. “I don’t think Mal is much for Opera, Priestess.”

 

“Perhaps not. Some men aren’t. In any case the same goes for any place in the city or on the guild grounds as well. You needn’t sneak food either. Again the kitchen servants are well paid not to ask questions.”

 

Inara looked up at Dria for the first time. “I’d like to take him somewhere nice…relaxing. Maybe the hot springs?”

 

“It’ll be available after noon until well into the evening. In the future, you need not ask me. Merely post a bulletin to the school, informing them that the hot springs will be off limits until a certain time.” Dria got to her feet and smoothed her skirt then looked at Inara. “It’s not an easy life but it can be a gratifying one.”

 

* *

 

After her conversation with Dria, Inara went down to the kitchen and arranged to have a picnic basket packed. She made certain that Dria had posted the bulletin to the school then went back to her room and left a message for Mal on the shuttle comm.

Meet me at the edge of the garden at noon,

Yours,

Inara

She turned the comm. off and hurried to get the things done she needed to out of the way before it was time to meet Mal.

 

* *

 

Mal switched off the comm. in the shuttle, and contemplated sending a wav back to her to tell her not to give him orders and that she didn't own him. The only problem was that in parts of him, she did have say over what he did and he was dying to see her again.

He made his way to the garden and stood outside, hidden in the brush where he could still see her patio. He waited, seeing some girls walking through the actual garden and wondering what they would think if they knew he was standing there.

 

Inara dressed in one of her most casual dresses, wrapped a silk scarf around her neck to hide the marks Mal had put on her skin, picked up the picnic basket from the kitchen and stole out into the garden through her patio. She ran down the garden path, unable to get to Mal fast enough. She saw him hiding in the brush and set the picnic basket down, an involuntary smile coming to her face at the sight of him. She threw her arms around his neck and captured his mouth in a hungry, needy kiss. It'd only been a few hours since she'd seen him but it felt like a lifetime. "I missed you," she panted against his mouth in between kisses.

 

A corner of Mal's lips lifted just slightly in a small half smile when he saw the smile that shone on Inara's lips. His arms circled around her waist and he held onto her, returning the kiss with every bit of emotion she put into it.

He pulled back to look down at her and already knew that he would again, promise to be here tomorrow and not leave. "Missed you too, 'Nara."

 

Inara dipped at the waist, picked up the picnic basket and hooked one arm through Mal's. "I've got something special planned for us today," she told him with a smile. There were moments things between them were so painful it hurt to breathe, but there were also moments like this that were so perfect, she'd go through Hell to get to them.

 

Mal let Inara lead him through the brush. "Special doesn't cost coin, does it? Runnin' low." He said lightly. "Don't mind it bein' just us anywhere. Don't need fancy things." Just need you...

 

“Just us," she said to him with a smile. She dipped her head as they walked, her brow furrowing slightly. She already knew Mal wouldn't take any money she offered and she wouldn’t insult him by making the offer.  "I guess you're going to have to leave to take a job soon..." she glanced up at him, ”You'll be back though...right?"

 

Mal was hesitant to take any jobs because he wasn't sure that once he left this life that he'd come back to it. It felt like it belonged to someone else. "Ain't rightly knowin' what I'll do. Haven't thought about it." He lied with a light shrug.

 

Inara nodded, letting silence fall between them for a moment. She could push it, but she wasn't sure that it wouldn't end in a fight. She didn't want to fight right now. If he left while they were fighting, she wasn't sure he'd ever come back.

The hot springs were empty, just as they were supposed to be. Inara glanced up at Mal, a smile returning to her lips as she waited to see his reaction. "I thought we could have a picnic here. It'll be just you and me until morning.”

 

Mal stopped short, his grip on Inara's hand tightening slightly as he eyed the large area with different sized steaming pools scattered about the ground. It was beautiful against the brush that surrounded it. "Don't look like it's normally this empty. How are you knowin' it's gonna stay this way?"

 

“Because there was a bulletin released this morning telling all the students and companions that the hot springs were off limits until tomorrow," Inara answered, looking up at Mal puzzled.

 

“They all know you're here with me?" Mal asked eyebrow raised high. Surely not or she wouldn't still be sneaking around in the shadows with him.

 

“Dria does," Inara answered hesitantly. This was edging remarkably close to a fight. Avoiding a fight was still new territory between her and Mal. She was never certain if she was doing it correctly. "The rest of the girls...they'd just whisper, make up rumors."

 

Mal took a step back and eyed Inara. "This place belong to the guild?"

 

“Sort of. It belongs to the city of Sihnon. The guild leases it monthly. There are certain days it's public to the residents of Sihnon, part of the lease agreement. Today isn't one of those days," Inara answered. She was beginning to have a sick feeling in her stomach, afraid that this wasn't such a good idea after all.

 

Mal looked back to the springs for a long moment, the silence dragging on for a long minute. "Never seen anything like these..." He walked farther into the area and looked into the pools. "They're in the gorram ground. Did you know that? How're they steamin'? Where's the temperature regulator?" He finally asked, looking back to Inara.

 

Inara let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding and set down the picnic basket. "They're heated by the planet's core. The magma deep inside...there's no regulator but they stay the same temperature all year long." She walked up beside Mal as she spoke, winding her arm around his waist.

 

Mal reached over and laced his fingers with Inara's at his waist. "Don't seem natural is all. People actually get in these things?"

 

"Yes," Inara said with a smile. She unwound the scarf from around her neck and let it float to the ground. "That was sort of the plan when I brought you here. For us to get in them at some point." She rested her head against his shoulder and took a deep breath, breathing him in. She still felt like this was all going to fall apart any moment now and all she'd be left with was memories.

 

Mal smirked sarcastically and shook his head. "Ain't gettin' in that." He looked to where her head rested at his shoulder. "You're expectin' me to get in that thing out here in the open? You know how many people use these things? Probably full of diseases and such."

 

Inara arched an eyebrow at Mal then reached back behind her, undoing the buttons on her dress. She grinned mischievously at him. "Well I'm getting in...Naked," she told him as she slipped the dress down over her shoulders.

 

Mal watched as the dress slipped from Inara's shoulders and he wasn't quite sure whether she was taunting him or the dress was. "Gettin' in there... naked?" He asked, his gaze darting around the enclosed area and back to Inara.

 

Inara stepped away from Mal and let the dress slip down her body to puddle at her feet, leaving her completely naked. She turned toward him, bit her bottom lip slightly and gave him a come hither look before nodding. "Naked," she purred as she took a backwards step toward the nearest hot spring. "It's a shame you don't want to get in with me. I'll be awful lonely." Her voice was breathy, pouty and loaded with implication.

 

Mal swallowed over the lump that had formed in his throat and knew that he had to be the biggest, most yúchûn son of a bitch in the verse. He knew she was playing him. He knew she was using that companion training she'd spent so much time on. This time he knew and still, his hands started at the buttons of his shirt. They had a mind of their own as they slipped the suspenders off of his shoulders and pulled off his boots and pants.

He took one more look around the steamy garden before following Inara into the hot spring. He sat down and pulled her into his lap before pulling her down to him and placing a wet, needy, open-mouthed kiss on her lips.

 

*

 

Inara sat on Mal’s lap, her chest pressed against his, her head on his shoulder. They were still sitting in the hot spring, water bubbling and steaming around them. Sweat and steam slicked both their bodies. Her hair was a particularly curly, wet mass around her shoulders and down her back. She twisted the damp hair at the back of his neck around her fingers, completely content for the moment. "I'm never moving again," she said with a soft sigh.

 

"Skin'll get all wrinkly." Mal said, placing a kiss to Inara's damp shoulder.

 

“Oh and you're saying you won't want me when I'm all wrinkled," Inara teased. She moved slightly so she could press a kiss against his neck. "Always going to want you, Mal," she whispered against his skin. For a moment the pain of knowing this couldn't last threatened to rip her in half. She took a deep, trembling breath, pushing all that pain down then exhaled it in one smooth, controlled whoosh.

 

The tremble was almost unnoticeable, but Mal had felt it race through Inara's body. He wasn't sure what had caused it, but instinctively his arms tightened around her. She'd said she would always want him and he couldn't help the small hope that flickered inside of him that he immediately pushed away out of sight. It wasn't enough... her want for him wasn't enough for her to go away with him. Instead, he was staying here in a place living a half-life that resembled something of a nightmare for him at times.

Yet, he couldn't make himself leave it. He was taking whatever he could get of Inara and even though he was settling for less than what he wanted, it was enough. When this had become enough for him, he wasn't sure. Maybe it was from spending so much time apart. Maybe she had him from the moment he decided to rent the shuttle on Serenity to her. Either way, this was not the way it was supposed to happen. This was not his ideal scenario. In no way did he feel good about it except when she was right beside him like this. In moments like this, the bad didn't seem so bad.

"Always want you too, 'Nara." He whispered quietly, another request on his lips for her to come back with him. He knew the answer though and right now, he couldn't take the rejection. "Even old and wrinkly." He added, trying to keep from slipping farther into the dark thoughts clouding his mind.

 

Inara stayed the way she was for a few minutes, her nose tucked into the crook of Mal's neck, trying to pull everything inside of her together, to keep from falling apart, and to keep from wanting more then she could have. She raised her head and looked at him, a smile on her lips but her eyes were serious, pleading with him to make those words true.

"I'll hold you to that," she told him in a voice that wasn't quite teasing. She glanced up at the picnic basket sitting on the grass. "Come on, let's get out before we're old and wrinkled before our time. I brought lots of food that I don't want to carry back."

 

Mal followed Inara out of the steaming pool and sat with her in the grass. "Always tryin' to make me eat... M'noticin' a trend here.”

 

Inara rolled one shoulder in a graceful shrug. "I enjoy mothering you." As she sat down in the grass the thought crossed her mind for a moment that they should probably get dressed. She furrowed her brow, going still for a moment. She wasn't sure why they had to get dressed. They were alone and were going to stay alone for the rest of the day. It wasn't as if Mal hadn't seen her naked and he was certainly comfortable enough without clothes. It was just something that a proper companion didn't do, sit around without clothes on out in the open like this. A smile curved her lips at the next thought. She didn't have to be a proper companion all the time. She didn't have to do what everyone said she should or thought she should. On occasion she could do exactly what she wanted to do.

Her smile grew as she got a blanket out of the basket and rather than wrapping it around her, she spread it on the grass then got out the fried chicken, carrots, apple slices, grapes, cheese and cider she'd brought. She opened the containers and fished a cube of cheese out of one of them. "Lunch is served...and that's about as domestic as I get."

 

"Better than a protein drink." Mal said, looking over all of the food then back to Inara. "Pretty smile." He commented.

 

Inara dipped her head, blushing lightly. She looked back up at Mal, still smiling. "They look good on you too, you know," she said, reaching up and brushing her thumb over the corner of his lips.

 

Mal's gaze dropped to the ground. "Don't really smile much anymore, I guess. Don't look half as good on me as they do on you." He looked back up to Inara and leaned over to place a short sweet kiss on her lips.

 

Inara closed her eyes as Mal kissed her, fighting back tears at his words. When he pulled away she smiled at him again, determined not to add all her pain to his. He had more than enough for both of them. "One of these days, I hope you've got a reason smile again," she told him quietly.

 

Mal reached for a handful of grapes and ate one, more to fill the silence than anything. He wasn't sure what to say. He wanted to scream at her that she could make him smile, even when she was angry at him and yelling. "Two days 'til your birthday... the big to do with your position at the guild." He tried to make conversation. "Nervous?"

 

Inara wrinkled her nose a little, the cheese she'd gotten out untouched now. "I'm..." she trailed off and shook her head slightly. "I'm...scared. I'm scared that once I become house priestess that I won't have any control over my own life anymore. I'm scared that this boxed in feeling will get worse and worse." She knew she should stop, she wanted to stop but once she got started she couldn't stop. "I'm dreading it. I'm dreading everything about it. I thought this was what I wanted. This is what I've worked for my entire life since I was twelve years old and now I'm just..." she stopped, took a deep breath and pushed back the tears.

"I'm nervous," she said as if the ramble never existed. “Cold feet I guess.” She knew it wasn’t cold feet or nerves that made her feel this way but right now she couldn’t conceive of another life. She never really could, she supposed. Even when she had been living on Serenity, she’d always known that at some point she’d return to the guild house. Serenity had been her big rebellion, her last hoorah before shackling herself to the guild house just as she was expected to.

 

Mal furrowed his brow, his eyes narrowing. What was she doing to him? Why couldn't she see that he could make her happy on Serenity? "Stop it." He whispered. "You're twistin' my mind all about, 'Nara. Sayin' you might not want this when I know good and well that if you didn't want it you wouldn’t be doin’ it.  You'd be comin' with me. You're stubborn as all goushi. You wanna do somethin' then do it."

He reached out to her, almost a desperate movement to pull her to him. To get her closer, to make her see... His hand smoothed back over her hair and he whispered, his warm breath fluttering against her neck and ear. "Guild never gave you control over your life, 'Nara. You take control. You ain't never had freedom here like you had on Serenity... like you could have... with me. Come with me." He couldn't help the pleading, begging tone the last sentence held anymore than he could help the emotional overload that was bubbling inside of him

 

Tears welled up in Inara's eyes at Mal's request. She wound her arms around his neck and took a deep breath, breathing in the scent of his skin. She didn't miss that he'd said she could have a life on Serenity with him and that made it all the more difficult.

"I want to...more than I've ever wanted anything in my entire life." She paused, trying to keep the tears from overwhelming her. "I can't. I’ve got little girls I teach…and classes and…They’ve given me so much…a life I wouldn’t have had. I've got a responsibility to the guild. The same way you've got a responsibility to Serenity and her crew. No matter how much I want to go with you...I'm trapped here."

 

Mal pulled back from Inara and shook his head. He reached for his clothes making quick work of putting them on. Tears filled his eyes and he knew he just had to hold it together long enough to get to the shuttle. The rejection was too much. Her reasoning, comparing it to Serenity and the crew he felt degraded him and those on his ship.

After he was dressed, he reached for his coat and began pulling it on. He looked over to her; she had reached for her own clothes and was pulling them on. "Only thing trappin' you here is your own mind, 'Nara. You got a cage that you built around yourself that no one can break into. And don't let me ever hear you comparin' my ship to that cold house full of lies you're livin' in or my crew to those wearin' the masks or me to anything that’s havin’ to do with them."

He stared at her angrily for a moment, and then shook his head, his features softening only slightly as hurt and rejection settled into place. Tears rimmed his eyes, threatening to break free, but he was more stubborn then they were right now. He bravely held them back. "Be on the shuttle..."  He whispered before turning to make his way out of the garden, away from the guild house, and away from Inara.  Shock, surprise, and anger took over the hurt when he’d still promised to stay here.  Even now, he couldn’t make himself leave her.

 

 

Chapter Nine

 

Mal was fuming, not only at Inara but also at himself for allowing the fall it had taken to get in this position in the first place. The minute he'd known Inara wasn't coming back with him he should have been gone, maybe even before that when he knew that she wasn't in any real trouble. Why was he still here? What did she want from him? He'd asked her twice now to go with him and had been rejected both times.

Staying here even this long, knowing that she didn't want to go with him was against everything he'd been raised to believe. It ate at his insides killing what was left of him since he'd realized Inara just wanted sex from him. She said she loved him. She said she wanted to go with him. Part of him believed that and part of him knew that if she really loved him, she would come with him just as Wash had come to Serenity for Zoë. That was love. His staying here as long as he had, being her toy to play with; That was love. It was painful, degrading, and addicting love. That was the only reason he was still here. His mind and body were weak. Seeing her again after three years had messed with his mind. And he loved Inara too much to let go or mind that he was losing himself.

He stopped short at the path to the docks, seeing a limo transport by his shuttle. When he was closer he opened the hatch to the shuttle, drawing a pistol as he went inside. The elder priestess was inside sitting at the front of the shuttle. "What brings you down to the sticks? Weren't expectin' no visit from a priestess... a lyin' one at that." He said bitterly, shoving the pistol back in its holster.

 

Dria arched an eyebrow at Mal and nodded slightly but she didn’t move from her seat.  "You've got every right to your anger. Honestly, I had no idea this would happen when I asked you here. I knew Inara was fond of you. She couldn't hide the warmth in her voice when she spoke of you and I suspected you were in love with her. She's...hard not to love. However I had no idea she was so very much in love with you."

 

Mal smirked sarcastically and shook his head at Dria. "She ain't in love with me. You train all the lovin' out of companions at that place you call home." He turned and shut the hatch to the shuttle before looking back to Dria, his arms crossed over his chest in an attempt to look every bit as strong and intimidating as he could right now, even if he didn’t feel it.

 

"We do try," Dria answered. Her voice was calm and matter-of-fact.  "Companions are schooled not to fall in love. Then they're taught that should they fall in love to run from it as fast and as far as they can." Dria stood up and walked to the bridge of the shuttle, looking out of the window. "Inara, however, is in love. Which is why I'm here. I've got a proposal for you." She looked over her shoulder at Mal.

 

“A proposal?" Mal said, eyebrows raised curiously. "Let me guess, want to get rid of the evidence as quick as you can... anything that would soil 'Nara's good name..." He shook his head. "Tried to tell you how much I mess her up. Didn't listen. Just so you're knowin'... she's picked you and yours over me three times now. And you was so so worried 'bout her."

 

Dria looked at Mal, surprise flickering over her face before she buried it under her mask. "You asked her to go with you and she said no?"

 

Mal nodded slightly, his gaze averting to the floor for a moment. "Asked her twice... just thought she would once. Seems she's right fond of your lies." He looked back to Dria, the harshness in his voice betrayed by the hurt lacing his features and his eyes. "Shot me down right quick."

 

Dria wasn't cold hearted. She could see and hear the pain Mal was going through. "Perhaps my proposal will help. I understand you own a ship named Serenity. If you make Sihnon Serenity's homeport, meaning you return here after jobs, between jobs, that sort of thing, the guild will pay you a monthly bonus of sorts. Something to cover living expenses, fueling of your ship...things like that. They'll continue to pay you as long as you and Inara continue to see each other."

 

Mal's eyes narrowed as he just stared at Dria for a moment. "I'm sorry, must've been my bad ear. Had one cut off a few years back. You wanna whathuh?"

 

"The High Priestess is afforded certain privileges. She is allowed a relationship as long as she keeps it secret. Inara is in love with you and you already have established a relationship. The guild will pay you to make Sihnon Serenity's homeport. A fair sized sum. Generally we pay for an apartment but I assumed you'd want to continue running your ship.  However, if you wish an apartment, one may be furnished." Dria answered, completely unruffled. "As long as you continue to see Inara you will continue to get paid."

She watched Mal for a moment. "I had a lover for twenty-five years. The guild paid his living expenses nearly the entire time I was high priestess. I'm offering you the same opportunity."

 

If Mal needed any more proof of how low he had gone, he'd be a stupid bastard.  This wasn’t one little tap on the wrist; it was a slap in the face… a harsh one at that that hurled him into the reality he’d been trying so had to ignore.  They wanted to pay him to continue to see Inara. They were even offering to put him up if he wanted to stay in port.

His hardened gaze stayed on Dria for a long few minutes before he spoke. "Actually, I uhm... don't want your money or anythin’ to do with this place anymore. See, it's funny... I'm from one of those backwater planets. Old fashioned, you might say. If I see 'Nara still I don't need any incentive for it. Just good old fashioned feelin’s.  Do what I want when I want. But I don't think you'll have to be worryin' about that anymore. Got a sneakin' suspicion you won't be seein' me again."

 

“I don't expect you to believe my words, Captain Reynolds but I will be sorry to see you go. It will hurt Inara," Dria said as she started to the door. "If you reconsider my offer, you have two days. Inara becomes high priestess then and those sorts of things will be up to her. I do wish you the best where ever you decide to go," she said as she stepped outside the door.

 

"If anyone hurt 'Nara it's you for callin' me here." Mal said sharply, pulling the door open for the priestess. She hadn't only hurt Inara, but he let it go at that. "She'll make a good priestess, no matter what you think of her."

 

"We'll see," Dria smiled at Mal, not arguing his word, just not certain about Inara's position as priestess anymore. "It was never my intention to hurt anyone here. If I'd realized the depth of emotion...I would have left things alone.”

 

"Nice to look back and say you should have done somethin'. What exactly was your intention, I'm wonderin'." Mal asked, attempting to keep his exterior hard as a rock. He’d just been offered to be a paid whore and not just a willing one.  It had cut deep.  "And I gotta know that I didn't ruin this for 'Nara. She wants this. I don't wanna be the reason for her not gettin' it."

 

Dria paused and looked back at Mal, deciding she owed him an answer. She chose her words carefully, taking her time. "Very little goes on in the guild house that I don't know about. I watch Inara particularly close because since she was fifteen, she's been my pick to take over my position. I worry because there is a part of Inara that doesn't want to be in the guild house. I catch her outside in the gardens at night trying so hard not to look up at the stars that it makes her cry. This only started after she came back from your ship. There are few things that can affect a woman so. A man or a child. I assumed Inara did not have a child while she was gone. That led me to the conclusion that it was a man. It doesn't take much research to find out you're the only man in Inara's life. Men, or children, make a woman unpredictable. It makes her throw away the things she thought she wanted most in life. Reassess her priorities if you will. I needed to know that Inara wouldn't decide one day that she'd rather be on a ship with you than a house priestess here."

She took a deep breath and considered Mal for a moment. She didn't understand this man. It was obvious he loved Inara yet he pushed and rallied for Inara to get the house priestess position despite the fact that his life would be easier if she weren't. "As far as the position goes...if she's willing to stay here then I'm willing to give her the position."

 

“Ain't fair... playin' with people like they ain't nothin' but a pawn to you." He smirked dryly, looking away from the woman as everything in him ached. All of the physical pain seemed dull compared to the ache in his already broken heart. "And all you had to do was say her name and you had me in your little game."

He shook his head, disgusted with himself more than anyone else. After seeing her, he was hooked in no questions asked. He would not be halfway Inara's man. He didn't want half. He wanted it all. "Lucky that she's been so brainwashed that she'll stay where she doesn't wanna be stayin'. Lucky... for you, that is." He gave her a small, forced smile and gently ushered her off of his shuttle. "You best be leavin', priestess."

 

Dria stepped outside the shuttle, surprised by Mal's tenderness, despite the fact that however unintentionally she had hurt and angered him. The man continued to surprise her. She paused and looked at him. "It doesn't make anything better now, but I am sorry. You're a very unique man, Captain Reynolds. I know why Inara has struggled so with this decision and I understand why she broke the cardinal rule of a companion and fell in love with you.”

 

"Seems my unique nature ain't enough to be keepin' her." Mal said, quietly. He helped the priestess into her limo. He leaned down, a hand on the frame of the door and the other on the door itself. "And the apology does mean somethin'. Appreciate it... just not in a good headspace right now." He stood back with a curt nod and watched the limo driver shut the door. After the limo had left, he scanned around the docks at the onlookers that were staring at him curiously then went into the shuttle. They had to be thinking the worst of him, but he couldn't worry about it right now. He needed to get ready to go see Inara for the last time.

 

* *

 

Inara was still curled up in her bed, the blanket they'd sat on at the picnic wrapped around her. She kept reminding herself that he was still at the docks. He hadn't left yet. He just needed time. She'd wait until full dark then sneak out to see him. They'd make up and things would be as okay as they could be given the situation.

She knew she couldn't keep doing this to him though. He needed to be on Serenity, he needed to be in the sky, and he needed something that she couldn't give. He thought it was because she wasn't willing. She knew it was because she didn't know how. Somewhere a long time ago she'd forgotten how to be a real live person. She wasn't sure she'd ever remember how

 

The air felt colder than usual even though the sun wasn't completely down yet.  It seemed fitting given what he was about to make himself do.  Mal pulled his long coat around himself as he approached the door to Inara's room via the patio entrance. He thought about knocking but knew that she probably had it unlocked as she had since he'd been here.

He pushed the door open and found her laying on the bed, her back to him. When she didn't move, he walked farther into the room and couldn't help himself when he eased himself down onto the bed behind her and pulled her back to his front. "'Nara..."

 

Inara turned in his embrace, her eyes full of tears. She wrapped her arm around his neck. The other hand traced the features of his face before she rested the palm against his cheek, her thumb on his chin. "You came back to me," she said, her voice choked with tears. "I was so afraid you wouldn't come back to me." Her voice was broken but filled with wonder and hope

 

Mal leaned forward, his eyes closing as his forehead rested against hers. "Hard to stay away from." He whispered, a hand resting at the curve of her neck. "Hard to stay away from, 'less I just go... go far away. Ain't even sure I can do that."

 

Inara's throat closed up at Mal's words. He wasn't here to make up with her. He was here to say goodbye to her. Part of her wanted so badly to beg him to stay, the other part of her knew he couldn't. She was doing the same thing to him that the Alliance had done when they'd put him in jail. Her hands fisted on the lapels of his coat and she couldn't stop the tears that trickled down her cheeks. She’d known this moment had been inevitable. It had been from the moment she'd seen him but it hurt more than she could ever imagine. She bit her bottom lip until she tasted blood to keep from asking him to stay, knowing he'd probably never understand why she hadn't.

 

"Told you before... tears for me are tears wasted. Don't deserve none of that." For once, Mal had no more words. He knew Inara was crying and it tore him in half. Nothing he could think to say sounded quite right and he wasn't sure if he could get his voice to work again with her crying like this. Instead, he leaned forward and kissed the tears from her cheeks and then pressed his lips to hers in a slow, tender kiss

 

Inara returned the kiss, letting it be just what it was, fraught with pain, sorrow and loss. Her hands tangled in his hair and she kept her eyes open, trying to memorize every single moment. The memories would gut her later, but she still wanted to remember the way he tasted and looked, the way he felt and smelled.

 

Tears gathered in Mal's eyes that he desperately tried to keep back for now. He pulled back from the kiss and looked at Inara. "Priestess lady came to see me. Was at the shuttle when I got back. Offered me money... money to be staying with you." He gauged Inara's reaction and knew that if anything she knew what an insult it had been to him. "Almost too funny to be offended... almost. Problem is that in my mind it ain't just an offense to me and I never took offenses to you very kindly. Humor got lost in that."

 

Anger momentarily replaced the pain Inara was feeling. It flashed in her eyes like a beacon. "Mal...I didn't know. She'd told me that she'd had a lover for years but she never told me that he was paid. I had no idea she intended to approach you. If you stay...I want you staying because you want to. Not because of the money. It just...cheapens everything we have and right now it's sacred to me. I don't want that ruined. Not now. Not ever."

 

“Offered me to either keep Serenity's main port here or get a place like her man had." Mal continued, wanting to get all of it out before he changed his mind. "We both know that keepin' port here ain't fair to my crew and me stayin' here..." He trailed off unable to tell her how much it hurt, how it was tearing him apart, and how much of himself he was losing when he didn't have any of himself to spare after the Alliance prison

 

"Is killing you," she said in a whisper. "I've known and I couldn't make myself make you leave. I'm sorry..." she trailed off. Parts of her screamed that she could go with him. He'd take her even now, but those parts of her had been pushed down so deeply through years of companion training that no matter how badly she wanted to go, it never occurred to her that she actually could just go.

She clenched the lapels of his coat tighter, unwilling to let him go. She struggled against her tears, knowing they only made it harder for him. She'd made his life difficult enough. She looked up at him from beneath her lashes; her eyes shone with tears unshed. "Can you ever forgive me?"

Inara believed in forgiveness. She prayed for it, hoped for it, and needed it

 

“Nothin' needin' forgiving, 'Nara." Mal whispered his lips close to Inara's and taking a small kiss. "Even if there was, could forgive you anything. Wanted to be with you so bad... Just not like this, not when I can't be havin' all of you. Right now, I just... feel..." <i>Used.</i>

He shook his head past the word and the feelings. "Losin' myself here, 'Nara."

 

Inara nodded, still struggling with her own tears. "I know," she whispered and tilted her head up to kiss him again. She let it linger but didn't push it to grow into anything more than what it was. She reached one hand up and raked her fingers through his hair. "Maybe one of these days I'll learn how to fly.”

 

"You got the wings, darlin'... just don't know it yet. Might never know it. I can see 'em though... can see what you could be if you didn't have the masks and the cages. You're beautiful without 'em, 'Nara. Hope someday you see that." Mal said his voice hoarse. His thumb ran over her lips as he studied her, memorizing everything he could about her. He knew that either road he took, it was going to kill him. Death wasn't the only kind of dying a man could do. He knew he'd been slowly dying since the day he'd let her leave Serenity. Now, he could die here or on Serenity. For his own conscience, he needed to die with even the smallest bit of his integrity still in tact.

 

Inara nodded slightly, taking a deep breath that threatened to turn into tears. Her fingers traced over his cheek, his chin and down the curve of his neck. Almost unconsciously one hand trailed down his shoulder and his ribs, stopping at the scar on his ribs that Atherton had given him.

"If I ever find them...will you come get me if I call you?" she asked in a threadbare whisper

 

"Can't be doin' this again... gotta be sure if you call me.  Can’t take this again…" Mal was quiet for what seemed like too long. Could he really leave her right now? Knowing what he would become if he stayed, he cursed the part of him that still wanted to be here with her even if this was the only way he could have her.

"Come with me, 'Nara..." His gaze hardened as he stared into her eyes, searching for any sign that she might say yes. "Come with me... Won't be perfect cause I know I'll still make you angry. S'better than this though. Can be yourself... be angry all you want, throw things and don't have to pretend to be somethin' you're not around people who think they know who you are."

He sat up, pulling her to sit up also. Maybe if he could get her started, she would go the rest of the way with him. "Come with me... please." The last word was just mouthed with no air behind it as his eyes begged her to come to Serenity with him. He mouthed the word again, as if it would spur her forward. “Please…”

 

"In two days..." she trailed off and closed her eyes. "I'm supposed to-they're expecting me...I've promised and I've said-" she shook her head, biting down on her bottom lip again, breaking it open so that she tasted blood. Invitations had been sent, caterers had been hired. They were decorating the garden even now. Everything had already been put into motion and she felt as if she had no power to stop that motion.

He would never understand how much she wanted to go with him and she wasn't sure she understood why she couldn't go.

 

Mal lost any determination he'd had as he saw how broken Inara was before him. Her head bowed and eyes closed, shoulders slumped... this was what the guild had done to her. And this was what the guild had done to him. He never begged and yet he'd just reduced himself to pleading. Never in his life had he been this low. Asking her again to come with him was pushing her into this defeated state. If she came with him because he'd worn her down, that would hurt almost as much as her staying.

He sat back on the edge of the bed and took her shoulders, pulling her to him. One arm wrapped around her back the other hand rested at the back of her head, holding her to him almost as he would a small child. "Shhh 'Nara..." He whispered, his hand running soothingly back over her hair.

She wouldn't be coming with him. Just the thought was like a stab through his already wounded heart. When he left, he'd probably never see her again... and if he did, it wouldn't be like this. If he ever saw her in passing, the walls around his heart would be firmly in place and unbreakable. "Never loved anyone like this... should know that 'fore I leave." He said quietly into her hair at the top of her head.

 

She couldn't hold her tears back any longer, not when he'd said he loved her. She'd known it before, even on Serenity in the way he looked at her when he didn’t think she was watching, or the rare occasions that he touched her. If she’d been less than sure, then his time here had sealed it. Mal didn't have casual sex. It was all about emotion for him. "I never loved anyone until I met you," she whispered, grabbing handfuls of his shirt. "I never will again.”

 

Mal felt his own silent tears escape his eyes and trickle down his cheeks to soak in Inara's hair. Very rarely in his life had he ever cried and this week there had been more tears than he could ever remember having.

He leaned back, a hand on each side of Inara's face as he kissed her, his tears mixing with hers on his lips. "I could believe in us, 'Nara. Could believe in us if you'd let me." He whispered against her lips before kissing her again.

 

Inara reached up and wiped the tears off Mal's face. "Mal...I'm not worth believing in." She had hurt him so much and was still hurting him. Yet she couldn't just get up and leave with him. It was almost as if she were physically chained to the guild house. She leaned in and kissed both his cheeks, then kissed him. "I always believed in you though. I pray for you. I pray to Buddha...but when the chips are down, when I thought we'd be taken by Reavers...I knew Buddha wasn't going to get me through it...but you would. It’s almost sacrilegious the way I almost pray to you."

 

A quick, unbelieving breath escaped Mal. He took a step back away from Inara and shook his head. What else could he say or do to convince her? It occurred to him that he was just prolonging something so painful that he was having trouble breathing. His lungs felt tight and his body felt like all of the blood had been drained from it.

He wiped at his own cheeks, brushing away any sign that he'd been crying at all besides the damp lashes and red eyes. His features grew tense as he nodded and started for the patio door, knowing Inara was following him. "I'll keep Serenity in orbit 'til after your shindig tomorrow night." He told her, stopping on the patio and turning to face her. He wasn't sure when he'd made the decision to stay until then, but it was better than saying goodbye to her. He wasn't capable of that... not now, not ever. "Then we'll... got things to do." He reached out, running the backs of his fingers along her right cheek, collecting tears onto his skin.

 

“Places to fly..." Inara said in a half whisper. She reached up and tangled her fingers in his hair, kissing him deep and needy, pouring all of the love she knew she'd never get to show him into the kiss. She pulled back, her fingers tracing over his lips one more time. She just had to hold it together for a little longer then she could die. She nodded slightly and bit her bottom lip, knowing her eyes were still teary. "Okay...be safe Malcolm Reynolds," she pleaded with him as her hand fell away from his face.

 

Mal lingered where he stood for a few moments, unable to make his feet move away from her. Finally, after another heavy kiss to her lips, he forced himself to move. He backed away from her a few steps and forced a small barely noticeable grin. "M'always safe, Darlin'. Didn't you know that?" He asked with a cocky tilt of his head, walls already building around himself for protection against any more pain and hurt.

As he turned away from her and started through the garden that would lead him from the guild, he drew a trembling breath that belied the air of confidence he presented to any who didn't know him. The thought of never seeing Inara again was killing him inside. But at least he was dying his own person and not some fake yanse lang the guild had to pay to keep around. He was going to be at least half of the Malcolm Reynolds he knew while he died, and that was something. He needed to find himself again. And whether he was ready to move forward or not, he would.

 

Inara wrapped one arm around the column of the porch to keep herself upright and watched until he'd disappeared.

"Aren't you going to go after him, Mistress Serra?" she heard a small voice from the rose bushes. A blonde head appeared and then a red one.

"He's not mine to go after any more," Inara responded. She brought a trembling hand to her lips, as if she could keep the feeling of his kiss by holding it in then turned and walked back into her room.

 

 

Chapter 10

 

Mal had never felt so empty. There were no more tears to cry and even if there were any, he wouldn't let them come. He drew a deep breath of release as the shuttle broke atmo and the dark black of sky surrounded him. This was where he belonged, out here in the black away from anything or anyone who might control him, tell him what to do and what to be.

He hit the comm button, hailing Serenity. "Bringin' her in Wash. ETA ten minutes."

"Just you?" Wash's voice filtered into the shuttle.

Mal nodded even though he knew Wash couldn't see it and swallowed over the lump that threatened to form in his throat. "Just me..." He said quietly.

There was a long silence before Wash answered. "It'll be good to have you back, Mal. I'll tell the crew and we'll be ready when you get here."

Mal flew the rest of the way in silence. He tried not to think about the way the shuttle smelled of Inara, or the way his clothes smelled of her too. His throat and eyes hurt from the emotional ride he'd been on the last few days along with the ache in the rest of his body from not taking care of himself. Normal sounded good. He needed it, craved it, and would force himself into it.

He docked the shuttle in her place on Serenity, and then walked out into the cargo bay to find Simon there with his doctors’ bag. Kaylee and Zoe were there too, both eyeing him warily trying to gauge his mood and temperament.

"Captain, do you mind if I check your vitals?" Simon asked, digging a portable monitor out of the bag.

Mal simply shook his head as Simon clamped a metal part to his index finger, then read from the small monitor in his hand.

"Nice to have you back capt'n." Kaylee said, almost tentatively.

"Heart rate's a little slow, low blood pressure..." Simon looked up to Mal worriedly. If it was possible, he looked worse than when he'd left. "Did you eat at all while you were there?"

"Bite here and there..." Mal said, looking over at Jayne as he entered the cargo bay with a grunt. "We'll be shippin' out tomorrow evenin'. I'll find us some work."

Jayne attempted to look like he hadn't come into the cargo bay to check on Mal by walking over to the weight bench and laying back on it. "Wonderin' what's wrong with leavin' now..." He asked, lifting the barbell off of the rests.

"Just ain't leavin' 'til then." Mal said stubbornly, a bit more annoyance behind the words than he'd intended. "Got a problem, you can be stayin' here."

Jayne grinned slightly, glad to hear even a little of the fight back in Mal's voice. Things would get back to the way they should be soon.

"If you don't mind, captain; I'd like to put more ointment on the cuts." Simon began guiding Mal towards the infirmary.

Mal looked to Zoe, a hardened gaze as he passed her on his way to the infirmary. Once there he sat on the infirmary bed and took his shirt off.

Simon noted the marks on Mal's neck, presumably left by Inara, and decided to attempt the question. "So how is Inara? Did you get her out of that trouble?"

"Weren't no trouble." Mal said blankly, looking to the door where Zoe stood having followed them to the infirmary.  Her presence was comforting… familiar.

Wash appeared next to her and smiled at Mal. "Welcome back, Mal."

Mal nodded a thank you, and then winced as the doctor pressed his fingers against a bruise over one of the ribs that had been cracked.

 

Zoe leaned against the door, her arms crossed over her chest while Simon checked Mal out. She watched him carefully, aware that right now he was hurting more than she'd ever seen him. She didn't have a clue what had happened but Mal looked a little like he had the day the Independents had surrendered to the Alliance, leaving them for dead.

"Wash, think it's your turn to cook. Might make some of that soup you like. Think we've got enough in the cabinets for it," Zoe said, never taking her eyes off Mal.

"You're the soup maker in the family," Wash responded, and then he caught that look from his wife. "Ooooh, that soup. Yeah...I make that particular kind of soup...the one with the protein and the canned vegetables. Gotcha. I'll make the soup," he said as he wandered out of the infirmary.

"He gonna make it?" Zoe asked Simon, still watching Mal.

 

Simon opened the antibiotic cream and started spreading the clear substance on the cut across Mal’s cheek, then on the rest that covered like a roadmap on his skin. "He'll be fine if he'll eat and take care of himself." He told Zoe.

"We need you to start eating and sleeping." Simon directed at Mal. "You're not going to get better if you don't. I have... mood enhancers if you need them. I didn't mention them before, but... they might help."

"Don't want anything that makes me somethin' I'm not." Mal said sharply.  He’d been someone he wasn’t the past week… enough for a lifetime.

 

“I'll talk to him 'bout it, Doc," Zoe said as she pushed herself off the doorjamb and walked over to where Mal sat on the infirmary bed. "Now why don't you go wav the Shepard. See if we can spend some time on Haven comin' up in the next day or two."

Simon looked from Zoe to Mal. He was smart enough to know when he was being dismissed. He was also smart enough to know that some time on Haven might do Mal some good. He nodded. "I'll do that. I'm sure they'll welcome the clinic being open for a little while." He took one more look at Zoe and Mal, trying to decide whether he ought to say something or let it lie. Finally he nodded and stepped out of the infirmary. Of all of them on the ship, Zoe was the one best equipped to handle the captain.

Zoe waited until the infirmary door had slid closed then sat on the edge of the bed with Mal. "Wanna tell me why you look like you've been dragged over six miles of bad road?"

 

Mal rested his hands on the bed on each side of his hips as he bowed his head. He thought for a moment about brushing it off with a sarcastic remark but thought better of it. Zoe knew him better than anyone on this ship. "Weren't no trouble... lady wanted to test 'Nara's loyalty to the guild. Used me to do it." He stopped there for the moment, wanting to see Zoe's reaction to that much.

 

Zoe paused and thinned her lips then nodded. "Guessin' it turned out the way the lady wanted it..." She gave Mal a sidelong glance. "Not so much the way you wanted it."

 

“Not sure how I wanted it to go, Zoe. Was gonna go in, make sure 'Nara was shiny, then get out." Mal said quickly, his brow furrowed as he shook his head. "It all got mixed up the minute I saw her. Was gonna leave when the old lady told me why she had me there... 'Nara walked in smellin' like usual and lookin' all proper and nice."

He gnawed on his lower lip remembering the first frantic flight of lovemaking and the crash back to the ground that had happened afterwards. "Had her... the way I wanted her. Thought she'd come back here with me." His voice grew dark. "Was a yúchûn chuin-zi... let her use me… even wanted her to." He smirked sarcastically and shook his head. "Then I couldn't stop... lettin' her. Asked her over and over to come back here. She'd say no and still I couldn't get enough of her. Still ain't had enough."  He bowed his head, avoiding the opportunity to see what Zoe must think of him right now.  The mess his mind had been when he’d been bailed from prison was nothing compared to the mess it was now.

 

Zoe clenched her arms tighter across her chest to keep from lashing out. Not at Mal, but at Inara, for what she'd done to Mal. It roiled in her stomach, threatening to make her sick. She knew she was protective of Mal, but he'd saved her life more than once. It was hard when she couldn't return the favor.

She understood why Mal had asked about her leaving Serenity for Wash now. "Don't think it's possible to get enough of someone you love. Got real lucky with Wash. Won't ever hear me say any different. Lots of people wouldn't leave their life behind, even for love. Wash and I...ain't perfect though. We fight 'bout this life lots. He don't want kids on a ship, with the life we've got. Ain't really made it a secret I do." She stopped, considering Mal again for a moment. She reached over and put a hand over his, a small gesture for anyone else but Zoe didn't touch people or allow herself to be touched.

"Can always send Jayne in there. Have him knock her over the head and drag her back here."

 

"She made her choice. Her big party's tomorrow night. Figure we can be leavin' after it's said and done." Mal knew that Zoe wasn't stupid. Their staying here any longer hinted at the hope that he was still holding out for Inara. "After that I ain't wantin' to come back anywhere close to here." He bowed his head again, not wanting to see Zoe's reaction to his weakness. "Feel lost..." He said quietly. "Took all I had to be makin' it through prison again. Feel like 'Nara has whatever was left." He drew a deep breath and squared his jaw, physically keeping the walls around him in place. "Just need to get back to normal is all." He knew it wasn't that easy. It never was where Inara was concerned

 

Zoe nodded and squared her jaw. "Get you through, Sir. If I have to drag you. Ain't the first time. Sorta what I do."

She paused a moment and then said "Got a new bottle of Kaylee's engine wine. Thought I might take it up on the bridge, 'while way the rest of the night. Welcome to join me if you want."

She knew getting drunk wasn't going to help but Zoe didn't give hugs and platitudes. Zoe listened and tried to help by being stoic. Occasionally she said something that might help, but only if she thought it would help. She knew there weren't words to help the captain right now. He just needed some time and hopefully, one of these days he'd be able to live with himself

 

“Usually I'm the one doin' the draggin'. Ain't used to bein' the one needin' it." Mal said matter of factly. "Think I might just go... to my bunk. It's quiet there."  <I>and it don’t smell like flowers there neither…</I>

 

Zoe nodded. "I can understand that, Sir. You need anything...let me know." She stood up and started for the infirmary door then paused and looked back at Mal. She watched him for a moment before nodding and heading out of the infirmary.

It was a good thing they weren't going down to Sihnon. There was a woman down there Zoe was itching to give a good talking to.

 

* *

 

Dria knocked first, when she got no answer she walked into Inara’s room. She wasn’t surprised to see the companion lying on the bed. The room smelled almost like there was a sickness. In a way, Dria supposed there was. She walked across the room and opened the patio doors, allowing some air and some light in.

 

“From your state of being and the rumors, I assume he’s gone.” Inara didn’t respond and Dria continued. “This is why the guild discourages dating, romance and falling in love.”

 

She moved over to the bed and sat down next to Inara. She reached out to stroke a hand over Inara’s brow and Inara flinched. Dria folded her hands back in her lap. She sighed and looked down at her hands. “My dear girl…it’s a broken heart, but it won’t kill you. The best thing to do is to throw yourself into your work.” She watched Inara for a long time then got to her feet and started out of the room.

 

“The best thing for you,” Inara finally said.

 

Dria paused and turned to face the bed. “Yes…it is beneficial to the guild…but it’s a waste to lie here and mourn something that you never should have wanted in the first place.”

 

“I used to think you were a person. A real, live person…one with emotions and everything,” Inara said as she sat up on the bed. “I wanted to be just like you when I grew up…I guess I got my wish.”

 

“Darling-“

 

“Don’t call me that,” Inara snapped, her voice holding a whip crack threat that Dria flinched from. Mal had just called her darling before he’d left.  The name from Dria’s lips was almost sacrilegious in Inara’s mind.

 

Dria nodded, raising her eyebrows slightly.  “Alright…Inara. I am a person. I’m a person who’s lived seventy years. I know how much pain love can cause. I know what it’s like to have your heart broken and I stopped giving someone that kind of power when I was very young.”

 

Inara shook her head. “You can’t have ever known what this is like.”

 

“Don’t presume to know me, little girl,” Dria said. Her voice was laced with anger as the cool calm around her began to crack.

 

“Why not? You presumed to toy with my life like it was nothing but a game to you.”

 

Dria sighed and closed her eyes a moment, as if gathering her wits for another round with an impatient child. “I apologized to your pirate for that.”

 

“He’s not mine anymore. You made sure of that. And was that before or after you offered him money to be my whore?” Inara snapped, anger surmounting the pain and numbness she’d been feeling since Mal had left.

 

“After actually…” Dria admitted with an almost sheepish tone to her voice.

 

Inara got up from the bed, crossed over to where Dria stood in front of the door and slapped her. The sound was a sharp rifle crack across the room.

 

“I could have you disbarred and put in jail for that,” Dria answered, turning cold, dark eyes on Inara.

 

“I don’t care anymore,” Inara responded. “Get out. You’ve had your little dog and pony show. You’ve proven to everyone I care about that I’m your pawn. So I’ll jump through hoops for you tonight and I’ll do your bidding. I’ll listen to the guild. I’ll be a good house priestess but you never get to speak to me again in private. I’ll make a rule if I have to. Don’t piss me off, Dria. Yeah…I said piss. It’s amazing all the words you’ll learn out in the black. Don’t piss me off. This time tomorrow, I’ll have the power to put you in jail.”

 

Dria turned and opened the door then stopped one more time. “I have to know. If you love him the way you say you do, why are you staying here?”

 

Inara looked down at the ground, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. “Because you and the guild have made sure it’s the only thing I know how to do in this situation. Because the only thing I know how to do is hurt him.”

 

“In my experience, that’s all love ever is,” Dria said as she walked out the door.

 

After Dria was gone, Inara grabbed the blanket she and Mal had used on the picnic and went to sit on the patio steps. She pulled the blanket close and held it up to her nose, imagining the scent of him still lingered. She looked up into the sky, still bright daylight and the sun made her eyes water.

 

He was out there somewhere, just beyond the atmosphere. He was out there hurting and she’d been the cause of it.

 

She’d never intended to hurt him. She’d never intended for things to go so far. Everything had just gotten so tangled up and she couldn’t think. All she wanted when he was near was him. He made her want to throw every goal, every plan, every bit of her life away to be with him. She couldn’t do that. She wouldn’t do that. She’d worked too hard to become what she was, to be self sufficient. She didn’t know how to do anything except this.  She didn’t know how to function in a relationship that lasted more than a few days.

 

And besides, as she’d told Dria, as they’d proved time and time again, the only thing she and Mal knew how to do was hurt each other.  They flung barbs that cut and wounded when they fought. Even when they didn’t mean to hurt each other, the universe conspired to hurt them using people like Saffron and Nandi.

 

And then the cruelest joke of all had come. The fates had given them a chance at a time when she couldn’t afford to take chances. Truthfully though, Inara wasn’t sure she’d ever been able to afford those chances.

 

* *

 

“Qingjin,” Inara said when she heard the knock. Her voice was a monotone, void of emotion. There had been people, starting with Dria, in and out of her room all day in preparation for the coronation to come. She didn’t even look up from the vanity table when the person came in.

 

“Wow…ain’t never seen you lookin’ so glamorous.”

 

It was impossible not to smile in the presence of that voice, even when she was dead inside. “Kaylee,” she said, her voice sounding a little more like herself as she got up and crossed the room, hugging the little mechanic tightly. “I’ve missed you so much.”

 

“Missed you too, ‘Nara. Gotta breathe though,” Kaylee said in a strained voice.

 

Inara half chuckled and released the redhead.  She brought her fingers up to catch the tears in her eyes before they fell. She didn’t want to mess up her makeup. “Sorry…I guess I needed to see you.”

 

Kaylee nodded and looked around Inara’s room. She’d been here before and had gotten over being impressed by it. “Might not want to see me so much once I get done sayin’ what I gotta say.” She looked back at Inara. “S’time to stop avoidin’ the subject of the Capt’n.”

 

“Kaylee…I’m sorry…I can’t. I’ve got to stand in front of the whole guild and a couple hundred guests in a few hours and I can’t fall apart. It took me all last night and today to put myself back together.”

 

“He ain’t put himself back together. Don’t think he can,” Kaylee said “Capt’n’s broken, ‘Nara. I ain’t never seen him this way. Not on U-day, not when we got him outta that Alliance prison. Never.”

 

“I know, Kaylee. I know I hurt him. I don’t need that drilled into me anymore than it already has been,” Inara snapped. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, chastising herself for snapping at Kaylee. “I’m sorry, Meimei. I just-“

 

“You ain’t gittin’ the point, ‘Nara. Capt’n’s broken but you could still fix him.”

 

“Kaylee, the only thing Mal and I manage to do is hurt each other,” Inara told her, tears creeping into her voice.

 

“T’ain’t true. I mean sure ya’ll fight. Zoe an’ Wash fight too. All the time. Fact they were fightin’ yesterday ‘cause Wash is tired of hangin’ round in orbit. He called her some names that weren’t particularly nice. Prolly stung a lil. They’re shiny now though. I don’t know nothin’ ‘bout companionin’ an’ things like that but I watched my ma and pa an’ I watch Zoe an’ Wash. Love ain’t all ‘bout niceties an’ candles an’ romance. Hurts sometimes but the Capt’n ain’t hurtin’ so much when you’re ‘round. He was shiny ‘fore you left. Even when ya’ll fought, he was shiny. He ain’t shiny anymore. Ain’t been since you left an’ now…now he’s jus’ broken. Saw him goin’ to your shuttle las’ night in the middle of the night. Heard him cryin’. Ain’t never heard the Capt’n cry. Pretty much the worse sound ever. Think it’s even worse than Serenity all dead an’ floatin’ in the black,” Kaylee looked down at her feet and scuffed her boot across the floor.

 

“What do you want me to do, Kaylee?”

 

“Ain’t ‘bout what I want…ain’t even ‘bout what Capt’n wants. It’s ‘bout what you want, ‘Nara. I just came here to say my piece. You know, s’funny. I never expected to get off that moon I grew up on. Knew ‘xactly what I was gonna do with my life. Marry Dean Righter, have a couple kids, grow vegetables out back behind the house. Maybe fix the garbage disposal when it went out. Help my daddy in the garage.” She paused and nodded. “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that life. Thought that life was jus’ shiny, ‘til I found out I could have more than that. Scary, leavin’ my ma an’ pa. Not so much Dean ‘cause he didn’t know I was alive, even if it was my life’s ambition to marry him. Anyway…scary, but I wanted it more than it scared me.”

 

Kaylee looked at Inara and smiled. “You look real pretty an’ I bet you’ll make a good priestess but dontcha think you’ll always wonder what mighta happened if you hadn’t been so scared?” She shoved her hands in the pockets of her coveralls and took a deep breath. “Gotta get back. Capt’n don’t know I took the shuttle down. Jus’ think ‘bout. Sometimes what’s scary ain’t so when you get right in the middle of it.”

 

 

Chapter Eleven

 

Sometime in the middle of the night, Mal had made his way from his bunk to Inara’s shuttle.  Would he ever be able to call it anything but her shuttle?  He’d fallen asleep to the faint scent of flowers in the bed sheets and pillows.  The sweet scent was a taunting reminder of her.  He felt it’s lashing every time he’d woken up as if it were the boot of an Alliance soldier or one of their daggers cutting into him while others had watched and laughed.  He was helpless to do anything about it.  Even though the shackles that kept him in the shuttle weren’t cold alloy as they had been in prison, it didn’t make them any less real or binding. 

 

Several times in the night he’d had to stop himself from going to her… from taking the shuttle in to Sihnon and telling her he would stay with her no matter how much of himself he had to sacrifice to do it.  He’d cried only once with the pain in his heart that seemed to seep into every other part of his being.  It felt as if he’d been on a heavy drug and was going through the withdraws of weaning himself from it.

 

Once he’d made it through the restless night he knew he had the ability to make it through anything he put his mind to.  It had been difficult… so difficult that he was actually surprised he hadn’t gone to Inara.  When he’d closed his eyes he saw her.  When he’d slept he dreamt of her.  When he’d awoken he felt an ache so bad that it was hard to breathe or think.  She was in every bit of him like a drug that he felt an overwhelming need for but couldn’t let himself have.

 

Now, he’d been sitting in the shuttle alone the whole day.  He watched out of the windows as one luxury liner after another made it into orbit.  It wasn’t difficult to know what they were all here for.  Inara’s big moment would happen anytime now.

 

* *

 

“Mistress Inara,” A careful voice asked as the door opened. A young woman, approximately fifteen, stepped into the room. She closed the door behind her, a cloak of awe about her.

 

“I’m Emma. Priestess Dria sent me to help you get dressed,” the girl said as she walked over to the wardrobe where Inara’s dress for the evening hung. It was a beautiful red silk dress with a train behind it. The dress left her collarbone and most of her shoulders bare, draping over her body like a caress. It’d been tailored for her weeks ago. In Chinese culture red was the color of new beginnings. That’s what this night was supposed to represent.

 

“Thank you,” Inara whispered, hardly seeing the girl at all.  Her mind was on the conversation she’d had with Kaylee and the things the little mechanic had said.

 

Emma helped Inara dress in silence, finally turning her toward the full-length mirror.  “You look exquisite, Mistress Inara.”

 

“Thank you, Emma” Inara answered quietly with a soft smile for the girl. It wasn’t her fault Inara was being torn to pieces. Inara knew that blame lay entirely on herself.

 

Emma pulled the sides of Inara’s hair back with gold combs then pulled out tendrils to brush against Inara’s shoulders. “Is it true?”

 

“Is what true?” Inara asked, the slightest hint of curiosity peaking her voice.

 

“Your space pirate…Did he leave you because the Alliance is after him? Did you marry him in a secret ceremony?”

 

The questions caught her off guard and everything she’d kept locked away since Mal had left came rushing at her causing her to buckle at her knees. She grabbed the back of a chair to keep from falling to the floor. She sat down in the chair, her breath coming in shallow pants.

 

Emma poured her a glass of water, sloshing some of it on the carpet as she pressed it into Inara’s hand. “It must be true then. You’re pregnant aren’t you? With his twins?”

 

Inara couldn’t help the near hysterical laughter that bubbled out of her. “No… Emma… No. None of it is true…none of it.” Her voiced faded away to become a hollow echo.

 

The teenager looked at her, completely perplexed by the answer. “But…they saw you kissing… Some of it has to be true.  Do you love him?”

 

Inara smiled sadly and nodded. “More than I have ever or will ever love anyone in my entire life…”

 

“Then why aren’t you with him?”

 

Inara started to answer with the same reasons she’d given Dria and Kaylee then her brow furrowed. The words came from somewhere deep inside of her that she hadn’t given a chance to breathe in a very long time. “I-I don’t know.” A hint of a genuine smile caught at the corners of her lips and spread after a moment.

 

“Emma, do you and any of the other girls ever sneak out of here? Don’t worry; you’re not in trouble. Have you ever been caught by Priestess Dria?”

 

Emma turned bright red and glanced down at her feet. “Well…sometimes we dress up and go down to the dances in the city square. The priestess doesn’t have any idea.” Her voice carried a lilt of pride.

 

Inara’s smile burst into a full blown one. “Perfect. Can you sneak me out?”

 

Emma was a willing accomplice. She helped Inara sneak out the front door, down the path to the street. They hailed a transport and that was as far as Inara would allow Emma to go. She borrowed a pen and paper from the transport driver and scribbled something on it. “Give Priestess Dria this note,” she said, handing the paper to Emma.

 

Priestess,

 

I found a different dream.

 

Inara

 

Inara doubled the price of the driver’s fare if he could get her to the docks in less than five minutes. She wasn’t sure what she would do once she got to the docks. For the first time in Inara’s life, she didn’t have a plan. She just knew she had to get to Mal.

 

* *

 

Inara paid the transport driver, draped the long silk train of her gown over her arm and slipped out of the cab. She attracted quite a bit of attention dressed the way she was standing on the docks trying to decide what came next.  Most of the people at the docks were travelers who’d been traveling for some time, or merchants selling things to the travelers or dockworkers moving cargo about. None of them were dressed for a formal affair but even if she’d been dressed in peasant clothing, Inara would have still attracted attention.

 

“Peow-liang de shaojie, is there something I can help you with?”

 

*Pretty lady*

 

Inara turned to see a man standing beside her. He looked reputable enough but at this point she could care less if he was an axe murderer, as long as he got her to Serenity before he tried to chop her up in pieces. “There’s a ship up there in Sihnon’s orbit called Serenity. I need to get there now. I’ll pay you whatever you want but I’ve got to leave now.”

 

“Already fueled up. We can leave anytime you want. Goin’ to a party on this ship?” he asked, his eyes raking her over as he led her to his ship.

 

“No…I’m going to tell someone I’ve learned how to fly,” she smiled softly.

 

The man quirked an eyebrow at her. “Whatever you say, Lady,” he grumbled. Why did he have to get the gorgeous, crazy broads?

 

The man made good on his word to get her out of there fast and Mal had made good on his word to keep Serenity in Sihnon’s orbit until after the coronation. She thought her heart was going to stop when she caught sight of Serenity through the window.

 

“Serenity, this is Caspian 2398 requesting airlock,” the pilot said into the comm. Wash’s face came on screen a moment later.

 

“Caspian 2398…do we have some sort of business with you?” Wash asked.

 

Inara leaned over into the viewer. “Wash, it’s me.”

“Ambassador…it’s good to see you again,” Wash smiled into the screen. He reached up and flipped a couple of switches. “Cleared for airlock.”

“Thanks…I just hope everyone thinks so,” Inara smiled, nerves finally catching up with her. She wasn’t sure what she’d do or where she’d go if Mal told her to get out.

The moment the Caspian locked onto Serenity, Inara went to the door and then paused. Her nerves were finally catching up with her. What if Kaylee were wrong? What if she couldn't fix Mal or he wanted nothing to do with her? She wouldn't blame him if he told her he never wanted to see her again. <i>You’ll never know if you're too scared to find out </i>, she thought. Inara took a deep breath, turned the handle on the door and stepped into Serenity's cargo bay.

 

The Caspian didn’t wait; happy to get the crazy lady delivered and probably afraid Inara would want a refund of her money. As soon as Inara had cleared the airlock, it had disengaged and taken off on a return route to Sihnon.

 

Mal had had enough. He'd spent the last three hours watching as one luxury liner after another arrived so obviously for the coronation. It was a torture he'd welcomed at first, as if each ship were another nail in the coffin of this chapter of his life.

He stood up, pushing himself away from the consol to walk through the shuttle to the entrance. It was time for them to get away from this goushi planet... past time.

He walked out of the shuttle, his boots pounding down the metal stairs without looking up from the floor. His face was blank. He couldn't even force himself to pretend that there was anymore feeling there. On the last few steps something red caught his eye and he looked up, freezing in his tracks on the second step from the floor of the cargo bay.

He saw her... Inara, looking every bit the angel fallen from his dreams and into reality. His eyes closed for a few seconds then opened again to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. When he found her still there, he drew a deep breath and tensed up, ready for more rejection. Was she here to get another roll in the sack before turning to her new life? He hated that he didn't know how he would react to that request. "You get lost?" He finally asked in a voice that sounded nothing like his own

 

Inara’s throat closed up the moment she saw Mal. Part of her screamed at her to turn around and run. She didn’t deserve this man and she didn’t deserve the second chance she was asking for. Part of her knew that she should be at the coronation right now, accepting the position of house priestess but she’d opened her heart to the idea of a life with Mal and she couldn’t leave here without knowing if it was something she could have or not.

 

"I'm kind of hoping I've been found," Inara said in a quiet voice. Her nerves made her voice tremble. The fingers of one hand drummed against her leg, eating up nervous energy. She clutched the train of her dress with the other. "I jumped...and I can fly."

 

Mal drew a deep breath and held it without knowing it. If he still believed God listened to him, he knew he would be praying that he wasn't being played yet again... that Inara meant what she said, and that she would really want to go with him. His heart wouldn't and couldn't take it if she were here just to tell him she couldn't be with him again. Somewhere in the back of his mind he offered up a small prayer that at the same time he denied he'd actually given.  He’d stopped praying long ago and the thought felt awkward.

He reminded himself to breathe and took the last two steps to the stairs down. "Need more than that, 'Nara. Ain't quite sure what to think. Scared of false hope and the like. Can't take that... anymore."

 

Inara ducked her head, shame washing over her for a moment. <I>You don't deserve to have him take you back.</I> She told herself. She took a deep breath and took a step closer to Mal. "I quit. I told Dria I’d found a different dream." Her entire body trembled and she was afraid she was going to throw up, which would really ruin the moment.

She shook her head and bit her bottom lip; aware she was probably ruining her lipstick. "I know I don't deserve another chance. I know that what you should do is tell me to get off your ship. It's what I deserve. I'm hoping you won't though. I don't know if you can ever forgive me for what I did to you. I don't know if I can ever forgive myself but if you can just give me the chance, I'd like to try and make it up to you. I'm figuring in fifty years so..."

 

The silence grew like a chasm between them and Mal felt like he was drowning while Inara spoke. Then he felt like she'd reached a hand out to him to save him. "You listen to anything I say? Told you I could be forgivin’ you anything..." His voice was quiet and hoarse.

He tilted his head slightly, studying her. "You sure 'bout this? Gonna be here with me... no regrettin' it?" He was trembling slightly and hated himself for it, quickly attributing it to the lack of food he'd had and not the emotions that coursed through him or the way the glimmer of hope scared him more than anything ever had. "You'll be here completely... with me?"

 

"Mal...The one thing in my life I have never regretted is the time I've spent with you. Regardless of whether it was spent fighting or..." Inara drifted off, looking down for a moment then back up at Mal. She swallowed hard, fear that he'd send her away still boiling in the pit of her stomach. "As completely as you'll have me."

 

"Then come here..." Mal couldn't stand the distance any longer, not when she was this close. He closed the gap, a hand going to each side of her face as he took her lips in a hungry kiss. "Yours 'Nara... I'm yours." He whispered between kisses.

 

Inara reached up, resting one hand on the curve of his neck and tangled the fingers of her other hand in his hair, pulling him in closer. "That's all I want," she told him breathlessly. She pulled away slightly and looked up at him. She ran her fingers over his eyebrow and down his cheek, touching the scar there. "I'm yours, Mal. All of me. I'm scared though. I'm scared I don't know how to do this...I'm afraid I'll mess it up. Don't let me mess us up."

 

"Nothin' wrong with bein' scared, 'Nara." Mal said, his hands sliding around to the back of her head so that his fingers could dig through the curls wound so tightly. He pulled out pins, one by one as he found them, letting them fall to the floor as curl by curl her hair fell to her shoulders. "Promise you're mine..." He asked quietly. "This ain't a game or a dream... it's real, 'Nara."

 

"Promise," Inara whispered with a smile. "No games. I’m tired of playing them. My whole life as a companion has been games. My dreams were never this good. It's real."

 

Mal kissed Inara's lips, softly and sweetly at first. "Show me..." He whispered. "Show me this is real."  He wasn’t sure what he meant by ‘show me’.  He just knew that he needed evidence, tangible proof that she wasn’t going to turn around and run back to the guild.  While part of him knew that only time would tell, rationality wasn’t in any part of his thought process at the moment.  There was just a desperate need to cling to this… her.

 

It would have been easy to take him by the hand and lead him to the shuttle. It would have been blissful to make love to him here on Serenity. Inara didn’t want to take the easy way out and she wanted to make sure that Mal understood this wasn’t anything like what had happened on Sihnon. There’d be time for lovemaking; right now, he needed to know this was more than that.

 

"I left everything I own, including my clothes there. I left party that was being thrown just for me. There were cakes with my name on them," Inara grinned against his lips. "What more do you want?" she teased then sobered, raking her hand through his hair. "Remember when you said you'd still want me when I'm old and wrinkled? I'm planning on holding you to that."

 

"Want it all, 'Nara. Want all of you." Mal said. "You got me. You got all of me and I want all of you."  His voice was a little harsher than he’d intended it to be, but it still held a sincerity that softened the edges.

 

“You own every single part of me," Inara told him. "You've got my heart," She laid her hand on his chest over his heart. "You've got my soul...you've even got parts of me that I've forgotten how to be." She looked up at him. "Are you sure you want all of me? Even the ugly parts?"

This past week was proof enough to her that there were parts of her she didn't like to look at.

 

“All of it 'Nara." Mal said, his hand gently cupping her cheek. "Only fair if you got all the ugly parts of me... dong ma?"

 

“Yes but see I like those parts..." Inara said as she fiddled with the top button on his shirt. "I'm all in this time, Mal. No matter how scared I get." His scars, both physical and emotional, made him different from her clients or any other man she knew. It also let her think that there was a possibility that as dysfunctional as she was, Mal might still want her, not the perfect, practiced companion but the dysfunctional, insecure girl she was on the inside.

 

"I like hearin' that." He pulled back to look into Inara's eyes, still almost unbelieving that she was actually here. "You with me?" He asked.

 

“Just try and get rid of me," Inara smiled at Mal, her thumb touching the corner of his mouth. "I'm jobless and homeless though. I'm a bit of a burden to be taking on," she warned him. Other burdens were left unspoken like all of the pain she’d caused him or a past that she didn’t regret but she knew he thought she should.

"Oh and apparently, according to the girls who saw us kissing the other day, I'm pregnant with your twins and we were married in a secret ceremony,” she teased, attempting to get a smile out of him. She’d seen him broken and knew she was responsible for it. Right now she needed to see that she could be responsible for a smile too.

 

"Just got you... ain't lookin' to be rid of you. Not ever." Mal said, leaning into Inara's touch. "You ain't jobless either. You're on my crew."

A small, unnoticeable smile lifted at the corners of his lips. Anyone who didn't know him wouldn't have noticed it. "Might as well let 'em be thinkin' what they want. Gives 'em somethin' to do."

 

"There's the smile I've missed," Inara said, touching her fingertips to the corner of Mal's mouth. It was a start of a smile; not a complete one but it was a start.  "And they're teenage girls. I'm sure they've got plenty of fodder for the cannon now. Even before they saw us kissing they had a rumor about us making love in a burning temple. I'm not quite certain why it was burning," she teased and tiptoed, kissing him softly.

 

"Well it's right pretty with the burnin' and all." Mal said lightly. "Could be makin' 'em not so much rumors..." A small, mischievous glint shown in his eye. "Can tell Wash to be findin' me a temple..."

 

Inara laughed, looking up at Mal. It was good to hear him joking. "I missed this. I missed you," she told him, running her fingers down his cheek to his neck. "I think finding a temple is a good idea. Perhaps we could pick up my things first? While the gown is precisely what I would wear in a burning temple, it is a bit cumbersome to wear all the time," she grinned.

 

Mal hesitated slightly, his chest tightening up at her being anywhere but Serenity right now. "Where would be goin' to get these things?" He asked.

 

"The guild house. My room is there...and my storage building. I want the couch I had in the shuttle before and all my other things," Inara said, watching Mal carefully. She knew he might dig in his heels about going back down there, afraid she'd change her mind. "I'd like for you to go with me...we need Jayne for moving the furniture and heavier boxes. You're not feeling entirely up to the heavy lifting."

 

Mal's expression grew serious for a moment as his brow furrowed in thought. "How ‘bout me and Jayne go get your things and you can be stayin' here?" He offered, a small thread of fear lacing his mind that if she went back to the guild house she could be convinced to stay.

 

Inara cupped his face in her hands. She placed a soft, sweet kiss on his lips. "Everything about me belongs to you. Including my future. You don't have to worry. Nothing could make me change my mind now. I want to be here. I want to be with you." She ran one hand back through his hair as she talked to him. "Wǒ ài nǐ."

 

Mal leaned into her touch, his features still hardened with concern. "Don't like the idea of you goin' back there at all. Scared you won't come back."  He voiced the fear directly to Inara, hoping it would convince her to let him and Jayne bring everything back alone.

 

Inara took a sharp breath, knowing he had every right to be worried about that. She'd picked the guild house over a life with him several times. She glanced down, ashamed to meet his eyes. The feeling of not being worthy of the chance he was giving her weighed on her again. She looked up at him, consciously removing the mask she so often wore so that her emotions were naked on her face and in her eyes.

"I promise you that I will come back with you. I know what I want now and I want this with everything inside of me. I want you. I want a life with you. It scares me but I still want it. And I know what I don't want. I don't want to be House Priestess. I don't want to continue to live a life without you in it."

 

Mal wanted so badly to believe what Inara was saying. After the last week, it was hard for him to put complete trust in this. He couldn't live forever wondering if she would decide he wasn't what she wanted. The guild house would be the ultimate test of where she wanted to be.  <I>Better now than later.</I>

He bowed his head, his forehead resting against hers and closed his eyes. He drew a deep, needed breath and then nodded. "Okay... We'll go tomorrow." He said quietly, still unsure of the agreement.

 

Inara tangled her fingers in Mal's hair, pulling him closer and leaned in so that her body was flush with his. She tilted her face up and kissed him, deep and full of promise, hope and love. "I promise," she whispered against his lips then kissed him again.

 

Mal's arms wrapped tight around Inara's waist, holding her against him with everything he had as he gave her wet, open-mouthed kisses. This... on Serenity, felt right. Everything about it was right.

"'Bout time you two were gettin' it on." Jayne said with a smirk. The crew had gathered in the doorway to the cargo bay, most of them wearing warm smiles.

Mal pulled back from Inara to look over where the crew had gathered. "Got a returnin' crew member." He said, a corner of his lips lifting in a small half grin.

Simon smiled and nodded at Inara. "It's very good to have you back, Inara. You were missed."

"'Nara!" Kaylee grinned and squealed as she ran over to give Inara a hug. "Flyin' ain't so bad, now is it?"

"My thoughts exactly... except less with the squealing." Wash nodded at Kaylee and Inara. "Welcome home."

Mal couldn't help the warm feeling inside of him as he stepped back to let Kaylee hug Inara. The crew was complete, as complete as it could be... Family. He looked over to Zoe who had no smile and gave her a small nod even though part of him was still so uncertain of everything involving Inara. She was here and she'd come of her own free will. She'd broken out of the cage and grown wings and that was enough for him right now.


 

Chapter Twelve

 

“Flyin’ ain’t so bad, is it?  Kaylee asked.

 

"Seem a mite dressed up for runnin' back to us thieves." Jayne said to Inara. “Sure you ain’t ‘companionin’?”

 

Inara hugged Kaylee tightly and kissed the top of her head. "I could learn to like flying," she told Kaylee with a smile. She looked at Jayne and shrugged softly. "I wanted to make sure my entrance didn't go unnoticed," she said with a glance to Mal. "It's really good to be back. I didn't realize how much I'd missed the ship until now."

Zoë didn't smile at Inara. She stayed on the fringe of the group, her arms crossed over her chest. She'd been the one to clean up Inara's mess this time, the one to watch Mal go through the pain the woman had caused him. For the moment, she was reserving her opinion of Inara's return. She had no doubt that Inara could make Mal happy. He'd been in love with her almost since the moment he'd seen her. Zoë had many doubts that Inara would make the captain happy.

River wandered into the cargo bay from the catwalk above. She glanced at Inara then lay down on her stomach on the cargo bay floor. A bright, sunshine smile slipped across her face. "Happy."

 

Kaylee smiled at River, keeping an arm around Inara. "Happy's right. Ain't a full and proper family without 'Nara here."

"Stayin' this time?" Jayne asked straight forward. "Ain't a revolvin' door, ya know." Even he hadn’t been oblivious to Mal’s pain and to be frank, it’d cut into business. If they weren’t taking jobs, they weren’t making money. Jayne didn’t like it when he wasn’t making money.

"Jayne..." Mal's voice held just the slightest bit of warning to it. If anyone was going to ask Inara that, it would be him.

"Ain't like I care or nothin'." Jayne said with a non-committal shrug. "But when you’re in one of them piss poor moods, we tend to not work."

"She's stayin'." Mal said, his tone losing the edge it had, replaced by the slightest bit of uncertainty. "We'll be goin' to get her things tomorrow."

"To the whore house?" Jayne's eyes lit up. Now that was a vacation he could get behind.

"Guild house." Simon corrected Jayne.

"Right." Jayne said, stopping himself from voicing the thought <i>Same thing.</i>

Mal nodded. "At the guild house."

Jayne actually smiled a toothy grin. "Shiny."

 

Inara rolled her eyes at Jayne's smile. "Jayne, this isn't Heart of Gold. They won't be allowing you to take payment out in services. Not to mention, this isn't a job. It's picking up my things and yes I am staying." She looked at Mal when she said the last and reached over to take his hand and squeeze it. Her other arm was still around Kaylee.

Jayne's looked turned sour at Inara's words. "Don't see the big to do 'bout companions," he sneered. "Just whores cleaned up some.”

 

Mal took a step towards Jayne, his hand balled into a fist. It didn't matter that he was of the same school of thought. It didn't matter that Inara wouldn't be a companion anymore. And it didn't matter that if he were to fight Jayne right now, he would lose. It mattered that Jayne was talking about Inara.

 

Inara kept her grip on Mal's other hand, moving her arm from around Kaylee, she grabbed his forearm too. "Mal, don't. It doesn't matter," she said quietly. "Besides, after tonight I'm not a companion anymore." Her voice was pitched low, mostly for Mal's ears only.

Zoë stepped up in between Jayne and Mal. "We'll pick up Inara's things tomorrow then head out into the black for a piece. Maybe pick up a job or two on one of the rim planets. Get things all squared away. Dong Ma?" She looked at Jayne as she said the last, a warning in her eyes to back off.

Jayne growled and turned on his heel. "I'll be in my bunk. Call me when you got need for heavy liftin' Ain’t like I got a job to be doin’."

"I'm sorry," Inara whispered. She swallowed hard and kept her gaze on the cargo bay floor. Normally Jayne didn't bother her but normally she didn't feel lower than dirt. Maybe Mal would have been better off without her here. She hadn't missed the way Zoë didn't smile or look to appreciate her homecoming. If she was just going to cause problems between the crew for him...She shook her head slightly, trying unsuccessfully to banish the thought.

"Awww, don't mind Jayne none. He's jus' grumpy," Kaylee said, trying to clear the awkwardness from the air with her cheerful voice.

 

"Jayne? Grumpy? How is..." Wash started and then shook his head. "No, I can't even pretend to be surprised."

Simon smirked lightly, his arms crossing over his chest. "He's just mad because the companion's wouldn't give him the time of day. It really is good to have you back, Inara. Perhaps you can convince our skeleton of a captain to eat and take care of himself."

 

"I'll do my best to get him to eat something," Inara smiled at Simon. "He's awfully stubborn though."

"I'll eat when I'm hungry." Mal said, finally looking away from the door Jayne had walked through.

"Air isn't very filling." River looked to Mal from her spot on the floor. She sat up and crisscrossed her legs. "It's just air."

Wash pointed to River, an eyebrow raised. "Is it bad that that made sense to me?"

Mal smirked and shook his head at Wash. "She's makin' sense sometimes to me too when I figure she ought not to be." He tugged lightly on Inara's arm. "We'll be in the shuttle.”

"Okay," Kaylee said, her hands tucked in the back pockets of her coveralls. She rocked back on her heels, grinning at the sight of them together. "Have good sex," she added as they walked toward the shuttle.

Inara ducked her head, laughing softly at Kaylee's comment as she let Mal lead her up the stairs toward the shuttle.

 

Mal gave Kaylee a stern look as he led Inara up to the shuttle. Once the door was shut behind them, he turned to Inara. "Shuttle'll look a lot better with your things in it... and with you bein' in it too."

 

Inara looked around the shuttle with a soft smile. Things looked much the way they had when the shuttle had been docked in Sihnon. "It'll feel more like home at least. I feel a little bit like a guest right now." Her brow furrowed slightly as she looked over at Mal. "You're not moving out are you?"

 

"Ain't a guest, 'Nara. You're stayin'. You said so. It's your home." Mal turned away from Inara, his gaze roaming over the shuttle, trying to picture what it would look like with when his things were mixed with hers. "Even when you left, shuttle was never mine or Serenity's. Was yours... always. M'sure I'll find myself in here a lot... 'specially with you here." He wasn't sure he could stay in the shuttle without an expressed invitation. It was truly Inara's place.

 

Inara nibbled on the inside of her lip, regarding Mal carefully. She wasn't sure whether he wanted to stay or not. "We're more than lovers, right? I mean..." she trailed off, not sure what she was trying to say. "You want more than just sneaking into my bed at night and sneaking out before morning, don't you?”

 

Mal smirked lightly and shook his head. "Ain't even gonna answer that cause deep down you already know what I'm wantin' 'Nara." He turned back to Inara, his gaze meeting hers. "Question here is what are you wantin'? More than willin' to meet you wherever you want to be, long as it's on Serenity."

 

“I want it all, Mal. I left everything behind. I want everything in return. I want you here in the morning when I wake up and when I go to bed at night. I want to watch you shave and get dressed in the mornings. I want you to live with me," Inara answered then looked down. "But I don't want to push you. I don't deserve the chance you've given me so I'll take whatever part of your life you want me to have."

 

Mal closed the space between them and wrapped his arms around Inara, pulling her close to him. It surprised him that she would feel like she didn't deserve him. If anything she was out of his league in so many ways.

"'Nara, you deserve to have whatever you're wantin'." Mal said. "You want me in here, I'll be here. Ain't sure I can sleep without you now anyway..."

 

"I like that, being necessary even if it is for something as mundane as sleep," Inara smiled and took a deep breath as she laid her head on Mal's chest. "Wouldn't want you to start failing in your captain duties because you're not getting enough sleep." She ran her fingers down his sides and hooked them in the waistband of his pants. "Now if I can get you to eat more than two bites of something, we'll be good," she half teased him.

 

Mal shook his head. "Doc's exaggeratin’. I eat." He knew it wasn't quite the truth. He did eat a bite here and there, not enough, he knew. "Just sometimes hard to keep things down."

 

Instantly Inara was worried. She wore the concern about her eyes like a pair of spectacles. "Mal, has Simon checked you over thoroughly? The Alliance didn't do anything to you that should prevent you from keeping food down...did they?"

A thousand things ran through her head. What if they'd infected him with some disease, something only they had a cure for? "I can go get him and have him come up here and check you over again. Or maybe you should be in the infirmary?" Now that she had him, she wanted to make sure she could keep him.

 

"Ain't really a medical problem, <i>xin gan.</i>" Mal said quietly then nodded. "And the doctor knows. Offered me mood enhancers but I ain't takin' anything like that. Want to be myself.”

 

"Oh," Inara breathed. It was a quiet sound, rife with guilt. She hadn’t realized what a fragile emotional state Mal had been in when he’d arrived on Sihnon and now it seemed she’d only made things worse. <i>Well…if I made them worse then I can make them better,</i> she thought. She nodded slightly and looked up at Mal with a soft smile. “I've got some work to do, making you happier I mean."

 

A million words hung in the air that Mal wasn't sure he could bring himself to say; about jail, things they'd done to him, thing they'd said to him, how he'd lost most of himself there and whatever was left was in her hands.

Long lashes lowered over his eyes as he bowed his head. "Guess you do... if you ain't up for it I can understand."

 

"Hey..." Inara said taking Mal's face in both hands and tilted his gaze up to hers again then leaned in to kiss him tenderly. "I need a good project. Besides, that one is something I'll enjoy doing. You'll be happy again, if I've got anything to say about it."

 

A sense of wonder graced Mal's features as he lifted a hand to place the palm against her cheek. "Already can't believe you're here. Like a dream or somethin'."

 

Inara's smile grew and she dipped her head slightly. "Just stick around awhile. I do many things dream girls don't like turn into a harpy in the morning before my first cup of tea. Not to mention I monopolize the mirror, take at least half an hour to get ready before I ever step out of the shuttle. I sleep with a nightlight. I'm obsessively neat and I'm sure there are a hundred other flaws that will quickly alert you to the fact that this is not a dream. However..." she grinned and looked back up at him. "I can think of one thing that might sustain the idea for a while." She winked at him then started nibbling at his neck.

 

“Works out..." Mal tilted his head to give Inara better access to his neck. "Don't drink tea, look in a mirror as little as possible, get ready in less than two minutes, want to see you sleep every night, and will drive you crazy with messing up the neat." He dug his fingers into her neatly coiffed hair, a few of the pins falling to the floor of the shuttle as her hair fell around her shoulders and down her back.

 

“And in return, I'm sure I'll drive you insane nagging you to pick up after yourself," Inara whispered against his skin as she trailed kisses up his neck to his ear. She licked his ear lobe then sucked on it gently. "You can't say I didn't warn you," she whispered in his ear, letting her breath blow across his skin.

 

Mal groaned and bowed his head to bite and suck at Inara's neck in return. "Best be gettin' that pretty dress off if you don't want me rippin' it." His voice was low and husky when he spoke.

 

For a moment his words didn't register then Inara laughed softly, pulling away just slightly. "While the idea of you ripping clothes off of me is...sexy in a very primal way, I'd prefer to have clothes to wear on occasion. I can't be naked all the time."

She stepped away from him and undid the hidden hook and eye enclosure at her side, her eyes on his the entire time. The dress slipped down her body and she stepped out of it toward Mal, leaving the dress where it was. There was no furniture in here to drape it over.

"Now you've got entirely too many clothes on," she whispered huskily as she started unbuttoning the buttons on his shirt, her lips following the trail her hands made.

 

Mal pulled the suspenders off of his shoulders and the tail of his shirt out of his pants while Inara worked at the buttons. "And why can't you be naked all the time?" He asked playfully. "That's what I'm wonderin'.”

 

Inara laughed as she stood and slipped the shirt off his shoulders, her hand dropping to his chest and sliding down to his stomach, lingering there a moment, teasing him before she started unbuttoning his pants.

"Well, there's the problem of six other people living on the ship with us. And unless you plan on staying in bed with me twenty four hours a day every day, I'll get bored...now that I think about it...You're right, we can both just be naked all the time, stay in bed. Let Zoë run the ship," she grinned as she dipped her head to kiss a scar on his chest and push his pants down over his hips.

 

“Ain't really seein' a problem with this 'cept if Zoë gets hurt that leaves Jayne to run the ship." Mal kicked his boots off, and then pulled his legs out of the pants that Inara had worked down. He placed a hand at each side of Inara's waist. "Least with me workin' there's two people gotta get hurt 'fore the ship is his." He leaned down to nip at Inara's collarbone, his hands sliding over her skin.

 

Inara moaned softly and tangled her fingers in Mal's hair. She tilted her head to one side, offering her neck to him. She hooked one leg behind his, running her foot up his calf to the back of his knee. "Mmmm, let's worry about that if Zoë gets hurt. Until then, I'm really warming up to the naked all the time plan.”

 

"See what I can do..." Mal promised her, his lips trailing down until he was on his knees before Inara, kissing her stomach. "Don't need all those pretty clothes anyway..." He whispered against the smooth skin there. "Pretty without 'em."

 

"Right now, I'm having a hard time remembering why I need them," Inara half moaned. After a moment she slid to her knees so that her body was flush with his, one hand sliding down his spine, urging him even closer. She bit his bottom lip gently then kissed him. "Of course right now I'm having trouble remembering my name," she panted breathlessly against his mouth.

 

Mal's lips met Inara's in a lingering kiss that grew more passionate. He gently laid her back on the floor and settled himself on top of her. "'Nara... your name is Inara. I'm Mal.  You're mine and I'm yours." He whispered against her lips.

 

Inara's fingernails scraped down Mal's back as she whimpered softly. "That part, I could never forget," she whispered as he buried himself inside of her.

 

 

Chapter Thirteen

 

Mal drew a deep breath of flowers and a small, lazy, unguarded grin spread over his lips. He was in that place between sleep and awake when he'd had yet to put up the walls and barriers and shield for the day. He pulled Inara closer to him, perfectly content. They were on Serenity. It was still hard to believe that he had her here with him.

He kissed her bare shoulder and whispered against her skin, knowing she was asleep. "Love you so much... don't ever leave me."

He kissed her shoulder again then pushed her hair away from her neck with his fingertips. Leaning up on an elbow, he kissed her neck, jaw line, cheek, and then turned her lips to his so that he could wake her with a kiss.

Inara woke to a place that was more blissful than her dreams. She twined one leg around Mal's and snaked her arm over his shoulder, pulling him deeper into the kiss. Her eyes were still closed when she whispered against his lips, "If I open my eyes are you gonna go away?" she asked sleepily. Her voice was unguarded without the annunciation and crispness it carried in her waking hours. They'd never actually been able to wake up leisurely together. He'd always had to sneak off or she had. If this was real, she wanted to take her time waking up.

Mal shook his head, reaching up to run his thumb lightly over one eyebrow and then the other. "I'll be here." He whispered.

Inara opened her eyes slowly, the smile on her lips growing. "There you are," she whispered and reached up to run a finger down the bridge of his nose then across his lips. She ran her hand down the curve of his neck, his shoulder and down his side, bringing it to rest at the scar between his ribs. "I could get used to this. In fact, if I start waking up like this, I could turn into a morning person."

Mal kissed at Inara's fingertips as they glided over his lips. "And I could be coerced into stayin' in bed a bit longer with the way you're touchin' me."

“Is that a fact," Inara grinned, dipping her head and nibbling at his shoulder. She slid her hand back up to his shoulder, pushing him gently over onto his back. She straddled him, sitting on top of him. "Now if I'm doing the 'coercing' wrong...let me know," she whispered as she bent over him, dipping her head to kiss his neck.

“Mmmm-no." Mal moaned as his entire body came awake from Inara's attentions. "Think you're right good at it, bao bei."

*

"That was much better than a cup of tea," Inara grinned as she drew patterns on Mal's chest with her finger. She looked up at him, resting the point of her chin on his chest. "I left a trunk here last time...there were some candles, incense, a couple of dresses...things like that. Any chance you found it? I'd rather wear something a bit more casual to move in and I can't exactly go naked," she smiled at him.

Mal nodded and pointed to one of the small compartments at the back of the shuttle. "In there... didn't look in it." He lied.

Inara's brows arched upward slightly. "You didn't?" She asked, slightly disappointed that he hadn't. "I mean it would have been fine if you had. It was just odds and ends. I'd almost completely forgotten about it." That was a lie. She’d left the trunk on purpose, hoping that Mal would find it and come after her. It hadn’t worked out quite as she intended at the time. She got out of bed, pulling the blanket with her and wrapping it around her body. She walked over to the compartment, dragging the blanket behind her.

Mal rolled onto his side and followed Inara's movements with his gaze. "Well, might've taken a peek or two..."

Inara laughed at the comment. "A peek or two huh?" she grinned and looked over her shoulder at him. She knelt in front of the trunk and opened it, taking out a black and gold dress. A smile slipped across her face when she found a bar of jasmine soap wrapped in brown paper. It was a little dry but it would do. She gathered the dress and the soap up and stood, turning toward Mal. "I'm going to bathe and get dressed then we'll go down for breakfast before we go get my things."

"Aye Capt'n." Mal mock saluted in her direction, then watched her fill the water basin and set the sponge in it. He stood, not caring that he was naked and went to stand behind her. "Ain't needin' help with that, are you?" He asked, reaching around her from behind and lifting the sponge out of the water basin. He ran it over her shoulder blades and leaned down to kiss the back of her neck.

"Mmmm, come to think of it I might," Inara answered as she dipped her head and arched her back. She glanced over her shoulder and gave him a cat ate the canary grin. "Of course you'll have to bathe too."

Mal smirked lightly. "Ain't bathin' with no girl smellin' soap."

"Oh Bao Bei I hate to tell you this, but you smell like me anyway," Inara smiled at him as he ran the sponge over her back. She turned to face him, her arms wrapping around his neck, her body coming flush with his. "But we'll use your soap if you want," she whispered then leaned in and kissed him.

"Well now I ain't mindin' smellin' like you if it ain't on purpose." Mal said lightly, running the sponge over her neck, shoulders, and sides. "Tryin' not to miss any spots." He teased, moving the sponge lower and then kneeling to wash her legs. When he stood back up, he was wearing a small grin

Inara couldn't help laughing. She took the sponge from Mal, took his soap from the sink, lathering up the sponge. She started at his toes, working her way up his legs. "I've got to return the favor then," she told him, a smile on her lips.

Mal inhaled a long deep breath as Inara drew the sponge over his legs and up his body. "Conjure S'only fair."

"Exactly," Inara purred, getting to her feet and kissing him on the mouth. She pushed him toward the bed, dropping the sponge somewhere along the way. So much for a bath...

*

Mal set the shuttle down on the landing dock for the guild house. His stomach was flipping all over the place and his nerves were frazzled. He didn’t want to be here and Jayne had been chattering about the 'whores' all of the way here.

They stepped out of the shuttle and immediately Mal reached for Inara's hand, squeezing it a little too tight as they started for the guild house. "Jayne, just remember to be keepin' your mouth shut."

Inara squeezed Mal's hand in return, giving him a soft smile as they approached the house. She had an idea of how nervous he was. In truth, the possibility of seeing Dria again worried her. Dria could be intimidating when she chose to be.

Sheydra was the first to greet them even before they reached the porch. "Inara!" she exclaimed in a half whispered, urgent tone. "We thought we'd never see you again, Meimei. Dria was so angry last night I thought she was going to have a heart attack, particularly when rumors got around as to why you'd left. The whole place was in quite an uproar."

Sheydra looked up at Mal and smiled, extending her hand. "I'm Sheydra, a friend of Inara's. You must be Captain Reynolds." She looked over his shoulder at Jayne, Zoe, Wash and Kaylee. "And I'm guessing this is your crew."

Mal only let go of Inara's hand to shake Sheydra's in greeting. "Captain Reynolds. S’Zoe, Jayne, Wash, and Kaylee." He pointed at each of his crew respectively then immediately took Inara's hand again. "Here to get 'Nara's things and we'll be out of your hair."

Sheydra's eyebrows arched high in surprise for a moment as she turned to look at Inara, then a smile spread across her face. "It's about time," she told Inara in a soft voice. "Of course we're going to miss you terribly." She walked over to Kaylee and hugged her. "And we'll miss seeing you too. Perhaps you and Inara can return for a girl's weekend sometime."

Kaylee beamed at the attention. "That'd be shiny. Bound to have a job in this area eventually."

Sheydra then turned to Mal, her smile still firmly in place. "And it is a pleasure to meet you. Come on, you might as well get started. Most of the house is in class right now so you won't get much interference. Although I can't promise Priestess Dria won't stop in at some point." She turned and led the way through the guild house to Inara's room.

"That mean we ain't gonna get to see the whores?" Jayne asked as they walked down the hallway. Inara looked over her shoulder and shot him a dirty look.

"The term is companion," she told him for the dozenth time.

Jayne scowled and held his tongue just barely in check.

"I'm taking over your classes so make sure you come by and tell the girls goodbye," Sheydra told Inara in parting. She hugged her briefly and then started back down the hall. She paused next to Jayne and smiled mischievously at him. "And who says you haven't gotten to see any companions. What do you think I am?" she winked at him then went on down the hallway.

Jayne watched Sheydra disappear down the hall and into a room then turned to the others sputtering. "She ain't a...I mean she don't look like..."

Inara just smirked. "The term is companion." She opened the door to her room and stepped inside, standing in the middle for a moment, considering what she wanted to take.

"I want the table. I'll strip the bed linens. That trunk over there, the nightstands, and the cabinet. We'll have to get the couch I want to take out of storage. This one is staying," she directed before going over to the wardrobe. She opened it and started putting dresses in a trunk.

Mal walked into the room and looked around it, a little uncomfortable at the memories it still held and at being here at all. He went to the table and started to lift it.

"Capt'n, Simon told me not to let you lift heavy things all by your lonesome." Kaylee said meekly.

Jayne grunted and lifted the other end of the table, helping Mal carry it out.

"Ain't an invalid." Mal said over his shoulder to Kaylee.

Zoe and Wash picked up a cabinet and took it out the door toward the shuttle.

"No...but you ain't been eatin' an' sleepin' 'nough either," Kaylee said with a sigh. "Want some help packin' up?" she asked as she turned to Inara.

Inara watched as Mal and Jayne moved the table outside toward the shuttle with a soft sigh. "Maybe I can get him to rest a little once we're back onboard Serenity," Inara smiled at Kaylee. "If you want to finish putting these dresses in the trunk I'll start putting some of the other things away. Thank you."

Inara stripped the bed of its linens and folded them up, putting them in a trunk. She started picking up the small knick knacks around the room, incense burners, candles, statues and books. They all went into another trunk.

Mal, Jayne, Zoe and Wash traversed in and out of the room, picking up various bits of furniture or trunks and hauling them off.

"All I'm sayin' is if they ain't whores then why're they gettin' paid for... you know." Jayne said as they came back into Inara's room after another load.

"Jayne, I'm done trying to explain anything to the eternal mystery that is your brain." Wash said aggravated as he lifted another trunk with Zoë’s help.

Jayne grunted as he lifted a trunk on his own and followed out after them. "Just sayin'..."

Mal sat down at the foot of the mattress and looked over to where Inara and Kaylee piled dresses into a trunk. He was already worn out and just needed to sit for a few minutes.

"You alright Capt'n?" Kaylee asked, folding another silky dress.

Mal nodded slightly. "Shiny."

Concern raced across Inara's features when Mal sat down. She got a glass out of one of the trunks that hadn't been hauled off yet and filled it up with water from the bathroom. She took it over to Mal and handed it to him. "Drink some of that," she said as she leaned over and placed a kiss on his head. "Then just rest and delegate. I think we agreed on a plan like that last night," she winked at him.

"We gonna have to watch you two be all mushy and that kind of goushi?" Jayne asked with a grumble as he picked up another trunk and started to take it outside. "Don't know what's worse. Watchin' you fight all the gorram time or watchin' you smooch," he muttered as he walked out the door.

"Well I'm in favor of the smoochin'," Kaylee grinned.

Mal looked up to Inara for a moment, and then took a sip of the water. He was ready to get out of here and back to Serenity. He'd been ready since they'd left the ship. "Lot of stuff for one shuttle."

"It seemed like less when I was moving it in," Inara admitted. She glanced around the room as Kaylee shut the trunk with the dresses in it. "I think that's the last trunk though."

She directed Zoe and Wash to the storage building to get the couch and the few things she had in there, mostly things from her shuttle she couldn't bear to use here.

"I'm gonna go say bye to some of the girls," Kaylee said as she bounded out of the room.

Inara leaned over and kissed Mal on the lips, letting it linger just a little while before pulling away. "I'm going to go say goodbye to the girls in my class. Will you come with me?"

Mal nodded, thinking he'd stay out in the hallway while she went to say her goodbyes. There was no way he was letting her out of his sight here. He stood up and took her hand in his. "I'll come."

Inara tugged him up from the bed, lacing her fingers with his and led him out of the room, down the hall. She peeked in through the window of the door, a smile spreading on her face as one of the girls saw her and waved. She waggled her fingers at the girl then pushed the door open, still holding Mal's hand as she stepped inside the room.

Mal was already in the room, a dozen pairs of eyes on him before he realized it. He pulled back gently, starting back out of the room

The whispers started in one corner of the room until they were a dull roar within seconds. Inara just shook her head slightly and laughed then looked at Mal. "Oh no. You're not getting out of this," she grinned at him.

Hands shot up in the air but they didn't wait to be called upon. The questions came rapid fire.

"Is that your pirate?"

"Are you really married to him?"

"Is it because you're pregnant?"

"Is that why you're leaving?"

The girls started directing questions at Mal before long, just as rapid fire and just as awkwardly, although they didn't seem awkward or bashful in asking them.

"Are you her pirate?"

"Do you really run from the Alliance?"

"Did you really save Mistress Inara from a fate worse than death?"

"Was that before or after you made love in the temple?"

"Do you love Mistress Inara?"

Mal listened to the bombardment of questions and narrowed his eyes at one question. He shook his head with a sarcastic smirk. "Don't run from Alliance..." He said defiantly. A hush fell over the room the moment he spoke as every girl listened intently to what he had to say. He'd never had such an impressionable audience and he wasn't going to waste it. "Just don't listen to what they're tellin' me to do either." He added with a half grin.

One of the older women in the room cleared her throat at that comment and Mal shrugged lightly. "S'true. Alliance never did anybody any good, not even this... place." His voice was full of conviction that had been lacking for months.

He looked back to the girls. "M'her pirate and I'm lovin' her." He winked at the girls, a saucy grin curved on his lips. Their reactions were exactly what he had wanted them to be, smiles and giggles full of the possibilities of 'what could be.' No, this opportunity had not been wasted. "Now if I saved her from a fate worse than death, that you'll have to be askin' her."

"Many times over," Inara smiled at Mal, answering the question about saving her. She couldn't help smiling at the way Mal handled the room full of girls. He had every single one of them eating out of his hand, not that she was surprised. When he wanted to be, Mal could be very charming.

"Alright, I think that's enough questions for Captain Reynolds today," she said while the girls were reasonably quiet. "Now come here and say goodbye to me." She stepped closer to the center of the room.

Within moments Inara was swarmed by twelve year olds, all chattering at her, hugging her. Inara spoke to each one of them, saying something before she ran her hand over their hair, smiled and placed a kiss on their foreheads.

Mal crossed his arms over his chest and stood back, watching as the girls said their goodbyes. Even more, he watched as Inara said goodbye. It was obvious that she cared for these kids. Not takin' all of these girls away from here on my boat. He quickly told himself to not even think about it. The guild house might not be the best environment for these girls in his opinion but a transport ship specializing in hauling questionable cargo and harboring two fugitives wasn’t either.

"I hope my pirate is as handsome as you."

One of the girls said to him, pulling him out of his thoughts. Mal grinned lightly and shook his head. "He'll be better lookin' than me."

The girl considered him for a moment, her head slightly tilted. "Maybe..." the girl agreed uncertainly. "In pirate stories, the pirates always call the women wenches. If you're a pirate, does that make Mistress Inara a wench?"

Other girls started to drift over to Mal, emboldened by the first one. One of them smacked the girl who'd asked about the wench in the back of the head. "Wench is a bad word, like whore. Mistress Inara isn't a whore."

The girl stuck her tongue out and rubbed the back of her head. "I know she's not but if he's a pirate..." the girl trailed off.

Another girl rolled her eyes, much more 'grown up' than the other one. "Don't be ridiculous. Didn't you hear him say he loves her? He's probably going to marry her. If they aren't married already," the girls gaze slid to Mal.

"Ain't married... yet." Mal said with a small grin. "And 'Nara ain't a wench... she's just mine." He added.

”That's so romantic," one of the girls swooned and giggled.

"When you've finished saying goodbye to Mistress Inara, you can go out in the garden for the rest of the hour," Sheydra said loudly. It did little to break up the small gaggle surrounding Mal, but a few of them did slip out into the garden.

As the last girl said goodbye, Inara glanced over to where Mal was with the girls, surprised by how well he seemed to be holding his own. She hesitated a moment, watching him and it occurred to her what an amazing father he would make one of these days.

Sheydra stepped in to save Mal from the gaggle of giggling almost teenage girls. "Leave Captain Reynolds alone and go out into the garden before I decide to give you all lines for homework," she shooed at the girls with a laugh. They scattered like leaves blown to the wind. She shook her head as they scattered. "They mean well, they're just teenage girls obsessed with love and everything it entails. And this, Captain Reynolds, is the most romantic thing to happen in the guild house since before I was here."

After a moment Inara decided to interrupt. She slipped her hand in his. "Sheydra, if you're telling Mal all my bad habits I'll think up something horrendous to repay you," she teased the slightly older woman.

Mal was confused by everyone here thinking this was so romantic. He was taking Inara home with him where she belonged... nothing more. He squeezed Inara's hand. "Already know your bad habits." He said jokingly.

Inara stuck her tongue out at Mal and then smiled. She hugged Sheydra with her free arm and then pulled back. "And you send me a wav every now then. There's no reason you have to act like a stranger," she told her.

"I will," Sheydra promised. "Take care of her, Captain Reynolds. She's very special."

Inara smiled and turned to Mal. "Ready to go home?" she asked.

They were interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat. Inara tensed up at the sound. "Priestess Dria," she siad, even before turning toward the door where Dria stood.

"Captain Reynolds. Inara," Dria nodded toward them. "You left me in quite a lurch last night."

"I needed to be somewhere else," Inara answered, squeezing Mal's hand tightly. Regardless of the fact that she was certain about where she wanted to be now and what she wanted to do with her life, Dria still intimidated her. Guilt piled upon her shoulders born from a lifetime of being told that she was responsible to the guild.

"Something you could have decided weeks earlier, even months or years," Dria reminded her.

Inara took a deep breath and dipped her head. "Yes...and I'm sorry I didn't make the decision sooner," she said in a half whisper. Her confidence disappeared the moment Dria walked in the room.

Mal's eyes narrowed at Dria. It infuriated him the way Inara seemed to shy away from this woman. "Way I see it, any lurch you was left in last night is your own doin'. You called me here. Wouldn't have been here otherwise." He put an arm around Inara's shoulders. "'Nara's got a mind of her own and a right pretty one at that. She can be doin' whatever she wants without your pushin' her one way or the other."

His gaze shifted to Inara. "And you got no reason to be apologizin' to her. She done you wrong not the other way around. She's owin' you more than one sorry." He didn't really care that Dria had wronged him also. She'd hurt Inara and somehow still had the power to make her feel guilty.

Inara gathered confidence from Mal's proximity and his belief in her. Dria arched an eyebrow at Mal. "I've apologized for my part in this disaster." She turned to Inara, eyes raking her up and down. Inara held her head up, her back stiffened so that she stood ramrod straight. Within seconds she was the picture of cool and calm. The only betrayal of her nerves was her vice grip on Mal's hand.

"Come on. Let's go home," Inara told Mal as she started out of the room, her hand still squeezing Mal's. Dria kept her place in the door way, making Inara brush past her as she went out the door.

Mal brushed past Dria's shoulder lightly with his own and then gave her a cocky grin as he pulled Inara to a stop. "Ain't such a disaster... 'Pends on which point of view you're lookin' at it from. Right pretty from where I stand." He turned and started off down the hallway with Inara then, not even bothering to look back.

Jayne and Zoe were just finishing loading the couch when Mal and Inara walked into the clearing the shuttle waited in. Kaylee was already inside, having said her goodbyes. The rest of them loaded up, Jayne complaining about not spending more time with the 'companions'. Inara reluctantly let go of Mal's hand when they walked into the shuttle. "Thank you for all the help," she told Zoe, Wash, Jayne and Kaylee.

"Just better be gettin' a good job with lots of coin soon, is all." Jayne said gruffly, sinking down onto the couch.

Kaylee beamed a smile excitedly at Inara. "Goin' back home. Nice to visit places but goin' home is always better."

"They should put that on a greeting card." Wash joked.

Mal sat in the bridge of the shuttle with Zoe and lifted off into the air. "Nothin' like goin back to Serenity." He said calmly, perfectly content.

Kaylee took Inara's hand and squeezed it. "Nothin' like family."

 

 

Chapter  Fourteen

 

17

 

Inara gracefully collapsed on the couch in the shuttle, leaning her head back with a lazy smile. "It's nice to be home." She'd spent all day directing Jayne and Mal in the placement of furniture and fabric hangings and the shuttle finally looked like home. The walls were covered in a dark crimson silk. Fans and other ornamentations were hanging on the walls. The couch was in one corner where it belonged with the low table in front of it. The bed had been re-arranged slightly from the way it had been before to make room for other things. The trunks and wardrobes were snug against the walls and the luxurious rugs were scattered about the floor.

 

It was a little different and Inara liked the differences. They'd squeezed Mal's desk from his bunk in across from the couch. His clothes hung in the wardrobe next to her dresses and his toothbrush and other toiletries sat next to hers at the wash station. She opened her eyes and looked at Mal. "How are you feeling?"  She knew all the moving had exhausted him even if he wouldn't admit it.

 

Mal's gaze swept over the shuttle from where he leaned against the wall by the door. It was an odd feeling, his things mixed in with Inara's. But it was also a good one and something he could get used to. It felt right. "Feelin' alright. Tired." His voice carried every bit of contentment mixed with exhaustion that he felt.

His gaze landed on Inara and a corner of his lips lifted in a half smile. "How 'bout you?"

 

"I feel..." Inara paused, trying to come up with the right word. "Whole...it's like there was a part of me missing and it made me always want more. I kept trying to fill it up. Thinking if I had prettier dresses or I made more money or had friends, prayed more...I don't feel like I have to do anything more. I'm good...right here, right now. I'm whole," she smiled and dipped her head then looked back up at Mal. She patted the couch beside her, inviting him to sit down.

 

Mal pushed away from the wall and made his way to the couch to sit down next to Inara. "Good answer." He said simply, and then turned to look at Inara, eyes wide with amusement. "Much better than mine.”

 

"I can be quite verbose when I'm in the mood," Inara smiled at Mal. She leaned into him, one arm on his shoulder, her fingers flitting through his hair. "You were great with my girls today. They adored you."

Mal shrugged lightly. "Just liked me cause I was with you."

 

Inara shook her head. "Are you kidding? At that moment I think they would have overthrown me and kidnapped you. You had them eating out of your hand. They'll all go to bed tonight with dreams of their own 'pirate' sweeping in to their 'rescue'," she teased him.

 

Mal smirked lightly. "I did give 'em somethin' to think about 'sides companionin', didn't I?" He raised an eyebrow. "Guess I shouldn't have said so much. Like kids good enough... just don't like preset expectations of what they oughtta be. Gotta have room for thinkin' and dreamin' and the like."

 

“Yes and I suspect that was your plan all along," Inara teased as she traced his smirk with her fingertips. She leaned in and pressed a kiss to his shoulder then rested her forehead against it. "One of these days, you'll make a great father." She'd been thinking it from the moment she'd seen Mal with the girls even though the idea of her being a mother hadn't actually occurred to her yet.

 

Mal was quiet for a moment trying to picture the image Inara's words presented, then shook his head. "Hard to see me with little rug rats runnin' about. Fatherin' ain't been on my list of things to do for a long time now." <I>Not since the war.</I>

 

"That’s a shame," Inara answered, her fingers unconsciously straying to the buttons on his shirt. "You'd be so much better than my father was." Not that her father had been a great example but the truth remained that Mal would be a wonderful one.

 

"How do you figure that?" Mal asked, so intrigued by the conversation that he was almost oblivious to Inara's movements at the buttons of his shirt.

 

"Today you made those girls feel special," Inara answered. "You made them feel like more than..." she furrowed her brow trying to come up with the proper words. "…more than pretty decorations. My father has never been terribly...affectionate or happy that he had a girl instead of a boy."

 

Mal shook his head at Inara, instantly protective. He lifted a hand to brush her hair back behind her ears. "His loss, way I'm seein' it."

 

Inara smiled at Mal and leaned in, kissing him softly. "I don't want to talk about him anymore," she whispered. . "Why don't I go down to the galley, get us something to eat and bring it back up here? I think we've got powdered eggs. I can scramble eggs and make slices of tofu ham. It's a delectable menu I know, but you've become involved with a woman of limited domestic skills."

 

Mal's gaze scanned over Inara as he shook his head. "Ain't hungry. Just wanna stay here with you... make sure everything's gonna stick."  Part of him was still so unsure that she would stay with him.  He looked back over the shuttle. "Looks okay with both our things... ain't too crowded or nothin'."

 

Inara glanced around the shuttle and nodded. "Yeah...it does. It feels like home." She glanced back at Mal. "It's not too...girly?" she asked. Her insecurities were always close to the surface lately. She’d stripped away the companion title and it seemed the mask she’d been able to hide behind had come with it. There were times she felt very much the little girl looking for her father’s approval. Only now she wanted Mal’s approval rather than her father’s.

 

“Ain’t really carin' if it is, long as it's just ours." Mal said lightly, looking back to Inara. He reached over to rest his palm against her cheek and then leaned in to place a tender kiss against her lips. "Still ain't quite believin' you're here."

 

"I'm not going anywhere," Inara turned her face and placed a kiss against the palm of Mal's hand. "I keep waiting for it to fall apart," she admitted. When things were so perfect, just hovering on that bubble of happiness there was always this panic twitching in the pit of her stomach that it was going to fall apart, that this couldn’t last here anymore than it had on Sihnon.

 

"It'll only fall apart if we let it." Mal said quietly, his thumb tracing over Inara's lips. "We won't let it... dong ma?"

 

"We won't let it," Inara whispered, summoning up conviction for him. She leaned in and kissed him softly. Her fingers tangled in his hair, drawing him deeper into the kiss. His touch could chase away all her insecurities and leave the little girl inside of her in awe.

 

Mal guided Inara back against the sofa until he was mostly on top of her. The kiss never broke and only grew with passion. He smirked against her lips before whispering. "'Nara... conjure everyone's asleep. Wanna try it on the bridge?"

 

Her laugh was low, deep and sexy. "Are you kidding? It's on my check list of places on Serenity to make love to you," Inara teased.

 

Mal couldn't help the small grin that spread on his lips as he continued to trail a line of kisses down her jaw line to her neck. "Got a list huh? Any chance of me seein' it?"

 

“Mmmm," Inara moaned softly as she arched up into the kisses. "Yes...the galley table...uhm...your old bunk...the...oh God Mal," she broke off as he nipped at her skin. "Uhm...th-the cargo bay...engine room...empty shuttle. If you're planning on wearing clothes on our dash to the bridge, we should probably go now," she told him, her hands toying with the top button on his shirt.

 

"Well, now I'm figurin' since you got all these plans might be best to just break in this here couch first." Mal whispered his breath warm against her skin as he toyed with the material to her dress. "What do you think of that?"

 

“I've got no problems with that, Captain Reynolds," Inara said breathlessly while she started unbuttoning his shirt, her hands working their way down his bare skin. "We've got plenty of time for the bridge, the galley, the engine room; the cargo bay...couch seems like a good place logistically to start."

 

"Well you know how logical I can be. Some might even call me a thinker." Mal teased, his own hands running over Inara's skin as he helped where he needed to in disrobing himself. "Course now that you're here, any place is a good start, long as there ain't a finish."

 

"Absolutely no end in sight," Inara murmured against his skin as she nibbled at his collarbone. "We're kind of like the black that way."

 

"Best place to be... in the black with you." Mal said quietly. "And here I was thinkin' the black couldn't get any better."

 

“Well I do strive to please," Inara teased as she pulled Mal's shirt off and discarded it. She took one of his hands and slid it around to the small of her back. "Since we're planning on making this 'stick', I think it's time you learned about taking clothes off me without ripping them," she smiled as she dipped her head and started kissing his neck. "Feel that knot right there?" she asked, guiding his hand. "Pull on the end of it."

 

Mal raised an eyebrow. "This knot right here? Know I wouldn't have any trouble with the clothes if you'd just stop wearin' 'em." He said, tugging at the knot until it came undone

 

"And now it just all comes off," Inara said as she slipped out of the dress. "I do like the no clothes concept," she told him as she started to unbutton his pants. "But you have to participate in the nudity," she grinned.

 

“Captain can't be runnin' about without clothes on all the time. No one would take me seriously." Mal's gaze raked over Inara, amused. "You on the other hand..."

 

Inara laughed at Mal's comment as she trailed her hand down his spine. "I'm not entirely sure how well the rest of the crew will handle my new 'wardrobe'," she teased. "And Captain...I always take you seriously, but particularly when you're naked." She bit down lightly on the curve of his neck, sucking at the skin until she'd made a dark purple mark there.

 

Mal guided Inara back onto the cushions of the couch. He crawled on top of her and simply looked at her for a moment. Things weren't perfect, but they were better. Parts of him still expected for it all to dissolve as if it were another dream. It was hard to believe that Inara was his and that he even deserved her. Growing up on a ranch as a young boy he never would have expected to crave and need someone like Inara. She was everything that he wasn't, and yet so many things about them were the same.

He saw her quirk a curious eyebrow at him and he just shook his head. "Just happy is all... feelin' I ain't felt in a long time. Feels a little weird." It also felt right. Inara was his. She was here with him... and that was enough. "Been a good day..." He said as he leaned down to take her lips in his. It was a very good day.

 

The End