Stumble Into Grace

Title: Pear Shaped World

Summary: AR Buffy's world is tumbling down. Who does she run to? B/A

A/N This is a WIP. It will probably be a WIP for a while but one day, I will finish it. Just warning ya ;)

Chapter One

She stared down at the little blue line and then snatched the box up. She read the instructions again even though they were burned into her memory. This was her third test, her third blue line.

“Okay, so blue is positive,” she said under her breath.

She glanced up at herself in the mirror and chewed on her bottom lip.

“Shit, blue is positive,” she muttered.

She tossed the third test in the waste basket and slid down the wall, crumpling into a compact pile on the cold tile floor. She sat there huddled, eyes utterly dry and the coolness of the tile seeped into her bones. She didn’t see the glances the girls coming and going cast her way. She didn’t hear the whispers.

Willow found her there hours later. She folded herself onto the floor beside her.

“Buffy,”

Buffy turned gray eyes toward the red head. She managed a small, broken smile. “Hey, Will.”

“Buffy, some of the girls came and got me. They said you’d been here a while. What’s wrong?” Willow asked.

Buffy shook her head and felt the tatters of her world fall around her. She could almost hear them clink on the floor.

“Is it Parker?” Willow asked.

Buffy paused a moment and let out a shuddering breath. “Yeah, I was just-you know,” she said.

“Oh, Buffy, you know that wasn’t your fault. You thought he was a nice guy. You had no way of knowing he was a poopy head. You know they really should have vamp faces, or something like it, so that you know they’re poopy heads,” Willow said.

Buffy plastered on the smile that had become so automatic the past several months. “I know. I’m okay, Will.”

Willow stood up and extended her hand. “Come on, dinner at the cafeteria is spaghetti and it’s usually edible.”

Buffy took Willow’s hand and let her pull her to her feet. She could hear her joints, stiff from sitting so long, creak and pop.

Buffy rested her forehead against the coolness of the toilet. She only had a moment before another wave of nausea over took her. She vomited until her stomach muscles were sore from the effort. She stood slowly, her legs shaking underneath her. She made her way back to her dorm room and lay down on the bed. Willow woke up at the noise of the bed springs creaking. Her eyes went wide and she sat up in bed.

“Buffy, what’s wrong?” Willow asked.

Buffy shook her head and swiped a hand across her forehead. She was clammy and covered in a cold sweat. “Sick,” she answered.

“Wow, do you want me to call Giles or your mom? Or take you to the hospital?” Willow asked.

Buffy smiled weakly at her. “No, I’ll be fine, just a stomach virus I’m sure.”

“Kay, I’ll tell Professor Walsh you’re sick and take extra good notes for you,” Willow said as she got up and rushed around to get ready.

“Thanks,” Buffy said. She bit her bottom lip hard enough to draw blood to keep from breaking.

Buffy threw up three more times before the day was over. Morning sickness turned out to be all day sickness with her. When it was dark she slipped out of the room while Willow was at a study group. She seriously needed to kick something’s ass and work out some of the emotional baggage she was carrying right now.

She ambled through the park, her mind so far from what she was doing that she didn’t even hear the vamp until he spoke.

“Sssslayer,” he hissed.

She sighed tiredly and turned around. “Vampire, I’m tired can we get on with this?”

She performed a sloppy roundhouse kick that got nowhere near the vampire. He caught her with a right hook. She stumbled back and shook her head. She just barely ducked under a cross punch and slammed her fist in the vampire’s stomach. He grunted and stepped back. Buffy dropped to the ground and tried for a leg sweep. She was off by inches. She kicked up and staggered slightly. The vampire stepped back and regarded her strangely. He sniffed the air and looked her up and down.

“Slayer, what’s the matter? You seem a little, okay a lot, off your game. I mean I’m good but you’re staggering and missing all over the place,” he said.

She muttered under her breath. “Great, vamp sympathy that’s all I need. Next time send a card then I can stay in for the night,” she said.

Buffy stepped forward with a sidekick aimed at the vampire’s gut. He caught her ankle and jerked her toward him. He grabbed her around the neck and inclined his mouth toward the long column of her throat. He stopped abruptly and sniffed her skin. He grinned and Buffy could feel the drool drip onto her neck.

“Slayer has a secret,” the vamp sing-songed.

Buffy slammed her head back into the vamp’s nose. He stepped back screaming and clutching at the ruined mess of his face. She rammed a stake into his chest but missed the heart by several inches. She stared in disbelief. The last time she’d been this off her game was on her 18^th birthday and the whole disaster that had been the crucitium drugs.

The vampire stared down at his own chest and then he turned tail and ran into the woods. Buffy started to pursue him but frankly she was just too damned tired. She sighed and turned to walk back toward her dorm room. Buffy was used to dealing with exhaustion. She wasn’t sure there was a time she had been completely rested since she had been called, but this was extraordinary exhaustion. She felt like she could sleep for a week, hell a month even. Maybe she could be like Sleeping Beauty and just crawl in bed and sleep for a year, all of this would be over by then.

Buffy took a deep breath. Parker stood just across the quad talking to his latest would be conquest. Her stomach roiled and the Day sickness she tended to have threatened to over take her. She closed her eyes and tried to calm her mind the way Giles had taught her. She opened her eyes and walked across the quad in careful, measured steps. It took 227 steps to get to Parker. She knew because she counted. She stood just behind him and cleared her throat. It took him a minute to look up at her.

“Buffy, hey,” he said.

“Parker, could I talk to you a second, alone,” she said with a glance to the girl standing across from him.

Parker glanced back and forth between the girls and then shrugged. “Sure. I’ll be right back, Sarah.”

Buffy led Parker over to an isolated spot off away from the quad. She twisted her hands and looked down at the ground. She swallowed hard. She wasn’t sure how you told someone this.

“Look, Buffy if this is about what happened a few weeks ago-“he started.

“It is. But not like you think. I’m not pining over you or trying to get you to commit or anything. It’s just I found out yesterday that I’m pregnant,” Buffy said.

The silence was so thick Buffy was sure it would choke her. She kept glancing up at Parker through her lashes but couldn’t bring herself to actually look into his face. When he finally broke the silence it was like a lash from a whip.

“So, why the hell would you think it’s mine?”

Her head whipped up and she stared at him, her mouth agape.

“Don’t give me the good girl routine not with the way you jumped into bed with me. God, it’s not even like you made me try hard,” Parker said.

The tears she’d been holding back since she found out she was pregnant threatened to spill over. She bit her lip, unwilling to let him see her cry. “Parker, you’re only the second person I’ve ever had sex with.”

Parker laughed and it broke the brittleness of the air. “Please, if you’re going to try the holy virgin routine you’ve got to keep those pretty knees together longer.”

She trembled with rage. Before she could stop herself, Buffy raised her hand and slapped him hard enough to knock him down then she turned and ran.

“Bitch!” Parker yelled after her.

Buffy downed her head and just kept running.

Chapter Two

She stood in front of his door shivering with cold. It had been raining when she gotten off the bus and her brain hadn’t really been functioning on the higher levels. So now she stood drenched in front of a door that didn’t have a sign or any kind of indication what sort of business it housed. She knew it was the right address. She’d ingrained in her mind where he was, just in case. A harsh, bark-ish laugh erupted out of her mouth at that thought. Just in case what, Buffy? Just in case you get pregnant by a jerk who only wanted a one night stand?, she thought. She wrapped her arms around herself and had just turned to go when the door was jerked open.

She swallowed hard. She knew without looking who had opened the door. She felt it, all the way to her toes, deep in her bones.

“Buffy,” he said.

She nodded, unable to actually form words.

“Buffy, are you okay?” He asked.

Maybe it was the way his voice was heavy with concern or that she was so exhausted she was ready to drop right there but the steely resolve she’d drawn around herself collapsed. Her shoulders hitched with tears before she ever actually made any sound and he was there, scooping her off her feet and bundling her into his body.

“I’ll get you all wet,” she half sobbed.

“Shhh, let me worry about that,” he said as he carried her inside.

He carried her down the stairs into his basement apartment and sat down on the bed. Buffy clung to him. She grabbed his shirt in fistfuls, refusing to let go and buried her nose in the crook of his neck where it had always seemed to fit so naturally. He ran his hands over her checking for any wounds or anything that might be the cause of her distress. Angel dipped his head and sniffed at her like an animal would. He grew very still and his tight embrace loosened. His jaw clenched and his eyes went cold.

“Oh, God, you hate me,” Buffy sobbed and started to get up. Angel tightened his arms around her, keeping her in his embrace. His entire demeanor changed. His eyes went soft again and his embrace tender and possessive.

“Shhh no, Buffy, I could never hate you, not even if I tried. Shhhh, it’s going to be okay. I’ll make it okay,” he said.

“I didn’t know where else to go, Angel. I couldn’t-I-“ she stopped.

“No, it’s right that you came here,” he said.

He stroked her hair and made soothing noises. He kissed the crown of her head, her temple and her shoulder, all chaste, comforting kisses. Eventually she stopped sobbing and he noticed they were both wet to the skin.

“Come on, lets get you out of these wet clothes,” Angel said setting her on her feet. He walked across the room and rummaged in his dresser for two pairs of black sweats and two white tee shirts. He handed her one set and that’s when he noticed the dark circles under her eyes and the way exhaustion painted lines on her face that made her look so much older then she was. His dead heart ached and he promised himself he would make who ever had done this to her suffer.

“The bathroom is right over there. I’ll change out here,” he said.

“Thanks,” she whispered and retreated to the small bathroom.

Buffy changed her clothes and splashed cold water on her face. She didn’t recognize herself in the mirror. It was odd to think only two days ago she hadn’t known. Her world hadn’t gone all pear-shaped yet. There was a light knock on the door and she shook her head, shaking herself out of her thoughts.

“Buffy, are you okay?” Angel asked from the other side of the door.

She plastered on the oh-so-fake smile she’d become accustomed to and opened the door. She found for some reason she couldn’t hold the smile when he was around. She swallowed hard and nodded.

“Yeah, I’m just-tired, really tired,” she said.

“Come on, let’s get you into bed. You can sleep and get warm,” he said.

She nodded and recalled another night he had given her clothes and told her to slip under the covers, just to get warm. Sobs washed over her, taking her by surprise and driving her to her knees.

Angel was on his knees beside her, holding her. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

He almost didn’t understand her through the sobs.

“Getting under the covers to get warm and do you know how different this would be if it were yours and God, Angel, I want so bad for it to be yours and not Parker’s,” she sobbed out incoherently.

“I know, I know,” he whispered and helped her to her feet. He managed to get her in the bed and pulled the covers up to her chin. He placed a kiss on her forehead and watched as her eyes slid shut. She yawned.

“Safe and warm here, so long since I felt safe, Angel,” she whispered as she drifted off into sleep.

Buffy started to wake up slowly, a soft yawn, a little stretch and then she bolted out of bed and made a mad dash for the bathroom, banging her shin on the door frame. She just barely made it in time to puke her guts up. Angel walked in half way through and wrapped his body around hers, holding her hair back and letting her lean up against him in between bouts of nausea. She finally collapsed back against him.

“I think I fractured my shin bone or cracked your door frame, one of the two,” she said with a weak laugh.

Angel smiled and brushed her hair back from her face. “As long as it’s the door frame it’s fine. Do you feel better now?”

“I think I just threw up my large intestine,” she grumbled.

“Sorry, bad question. Let me get you some tea and some crackers,” he said and helped her to her feet.

“You know about crackers and morning sickness?” She asked surprised.

He grinned. “No, I know about crackers and hangovers. Some things haven’t changed in two centuries. They were good for nausea then they’ve still got to be good for nausea now.”

Buffy sat down at the small table in the apartment and watched as Angel rummaged through cabinets. He pulled out a box of saltines and set them down on the table. He put water on to boil and turned around to face her, leaning against the counter. Buffy looked away and downed her head as the blush crept up her face.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asked.

She shook her head. “I-I’m ashamed. I-how could I be so stupid?”

“You don’t have anything to be ashamed of, Buffy,” he said.

“How do you know? You don’t know what happened? You don’t know how I got pregnant in the first place,” she almost shouted.

“Want to tell me about it?” He asked.

“Do you mean do I want to tell you how stupid I was when I thought Parker might actually want a relationship? Do you mean do I want to tell you how much of a slut I was going home with him after a party? Do you want me to tell you how stupid I was when I didn’t insist he use a condom? I was so stupid. I’d only met him a couple of days before and he seemed nice. We hadn’t gone out on a date I didn’t know anything about him. I was just so lonely and I was trying so hard to get over you, to move on with my life and it wasn’t working,” Buffy stopped. She hadn’t meant for it to sound like an accusation, like this was his fault because she was the one that had done the slutty sleeping around without using a condom.

Angel knelt beside her chair. He placed his fingers under her chin and forced her to look at him. “You are not stupid, you are not a slut. You were lonely and naïve and he took advantage of that. That is not your fault,” he told her.

Tears welled up in her eyes. “What am I going to do with baby?” She croaked.

“What are we going to do with a baby?” He corrected.

Chapter Three

Buffy picked her now dry skirt and top off the chair and slipped in the bathroom to put them on. She folded Angel’s sweats and tee shirt up and put them on the toilet. She bit her bottom lip and regarded the neat black and white pile. She picked it up and balled it up under her arm. She glanced at herself in the mirror. If she never saw Angel again at least she had a couple more things to add to her pitifully small collection of Angel memorabilia.

“Patheta-sad,” she said to her reflection. She cracked open the door and slipped out, tip toed up the stairs. She was surprised when she ran smack into Angel’s chest. Her eyes crept up his chest, over crossed arms, up his neck and finally met his eyes.

“Where are you going?” He asked.

She cast her eyes down and cleared her throat. “Uhm, home.”

“Why?” He asked.

“Because I’m not going to do this to you. I’m not going to ruin your life like I’ve ruined mine. You’ve got this brand new shiny life here in LA. I can’t do that to you. This is my responsibility. I’ll deal with it” she said.

Angel sighed and uncrossed his arms. He braced his hands on either side of the doorframe. “Did it ever occur to you that this might be what I want?”

“How could it be? You left me four months and five days ago. It was your choice. That was what you wanted. Now all the sudden you want me and a baby, a baby that’s not even yours, in your life?” Buffy said. Her voice rose steadily with each word.

Angel took a deep, unnecessary breath. “I can’t have children. I’ll never be able to have children, at least not my own. Maybe the idea of raising a baby with you appeals to me, regardless of who the father is.”

“Oh, so it’s the baby you want, not me. I just happen to be part of the deal,” she said. Anger flushed her skin red.

“No, Buffy, that’s not it at all. I want you, I’ve always wanted you. I didn’t leave because I didn’t want you. I left because I thought it was the best thing for you. I left because I can’t give you children. I can’t give you anything a normal girl would want-“

“You mean like eternal love, a lifetime with the person she loves more then anything else in this world?” Buffy interrupted.

Angel scrubbed his hands through his hair and over his face. “Maybe I was wrong.”

“Maybe?” She said.

“Buffy, I still think you deserve more but I also think you need someone to take care of you. You’re vulnerable right now,” he said.

Buffy set her jaw and flashed daggers at him with her eyes. She dropped her shoulder and barreled into him, taking him down with a tackle any offensive football player would have envied. Angel landed on his ass on the floor. Buffy glared down at him.

“I’m the Slayer, Angel. I’m never vulnerable.” She stalked into the office past Cordelia and Doyle.

“Buffy, hi! I didn’t realize you were here,” Cordelia said.

“Don’t worry, I’m not staying,” she said and walked out the door into the bright sunlight.

Angel ran into the office as Buffy was leaving. He ran to the door and looked out. “Buffy!” he yelled. He cursed as she kept walking.

“Want me to go after the girl?” Doyle asked.

Angel sighed. “Watch her, find out where she’s going and make sure she’s safe. Call and let me know something. I’ll meet you after dark.”

“She’s got a bit o’ a head start on me. Any idea where she’s headed?” Doyle asked.

“Try the bus station,” Angel said.

Buffy ducked into the bus station. She stood flat against the wall and waited to see if the dark headed man from Angel’s office was going to follow. It was just a moment before he walked through the doors. Buffy slammed the flat of her palm into his chest and pushed him up against the wall.

“Why the hell are you following me?”

The man gulped. “Buffy isn’t it? Relax, my name’s Doyle. I work with Angel. He wanted me to follow you, make sure you were safe.”

“He never stops, does he?” Buffy said, stepping back and letting Doyle up.

Doyle grinned at her. His blue eyes twinkled. “Not with the people he loves.”

“That’s the problem. Angel thinks he can just bulldoze in people’s lives and make decisions for them and I’m not a little girl anymore. He can’t decide what’s best for me. He doesn’t know what’s best for me. He’s not in my life anymore which was a decision he made for me without me in the first place!” Buffy ranted.

“Okay, Darlin’ you’re preaching to the choir here. I don’t even know why Angel sent me after you except that he couldn’t come after you.”

“So he sent you to bring me back?” Buffy asked.

“No, he just wanted me to make sure you were safe,” Doyle said.

Buffy started pacing in front of Doyle. She buried her hands in her hair and sighed. “I don’t know what to do. I’m supposed to be able to handle anything. I’m the Slayer but I don’t know how to handle this. They don’t exactly put things like this in the Slayer handbook, which I didn’t get by the way and why is it me that’s always breaking the Slayer rules? I mean is everybody the perfect cookie cutter Slayer like Kendra, well no of course not because hello Psycho slayer Faith but she didn’t just break the rules she blasted them all to hell. I don’t do that. I don’t go evil and kill people because I can; well at least I haven’t so far. And I know none of this is making any sense to you because you have no idea what I’m talking about but God-I just-I don’t know what to do,” she rambled.

“Okay, Sweetheart, you lost me somewhere around the handbook but sounds like you’ve got a lot to work through. Maybe you ought to hang around a little while, see if Angel can help you work through it,” Doyle suggested.

“I know he wants me to stick around but I don’t know if it’s because of…circumstances or because he really wants me stick around,” she said.

“Darlin, I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about and I don’t need to know but I can tell you one thing. Angel’s crazy ‘bout you. He thinks he’s fooling me and Cordy when he sits in his office ‘reading’. We both know he’s looking at this black and white picture of you. Cordy says he’s brooding over you. When I asked her how she could tell she went into this long explanation that I didn’t catch most of but the jest of it was he had something she called ‘Buffyface’,” Doyle said.

Buffy smiled and chuckled a bit. “Willow always says I have an ‘Angelface’ too.”

“He loves you and it has nothing to do with circumstances,” Doyle said.

Angel felt her before she got there and breathed a sigh of relief, a physical release of the tension that had been building since the moment she walked out the door. He had to restrain himself from meeting them at the door. He settled for pacing in front of Cordy’s desk.

“Oh, will you stop! You’re going to give me a headache on top of driving me crazy. What’s your deal?” Cordelia asked.

“I’m nervous. Doyle is bringing Buffy back,” Angel said.

“Awfully confident in his manipulation abilities aren’t you?” Cordelia said.

“It wasn’t manipulation and I know they’re almost here. I can feel her,” Angel said.

“Okay, that’s a little weird and a lot creepy.” She made a face as she said it.

Angel just ignored her. Cordy hadn’t understood him and Buffy when they were in Sunnydale. He didn’t expect her to understand them now or ever. Within minutes Buffy and Doyle walked through the door.

“Angel, we need to talk,” Buffy said.

Angel nodded. Buffy started down the stairs to Angel’s apartment. He followed her, leaving Cordelia and Doyle to speculate about what was happening.

Buffy leaned against the cool cinderblock wall and closed her eyes. “So where exactly do we go from here?”

“What do you want, Buffy?” Angel asked. He sat on the table, his hands loosely knit together between his knees.

“I don’t know. I mean it’s not even real yet and I haven’t made any decisions about the baby yet. I don’t know if I want to keep it or give it up for adoption or what, you know? And I don’t even know if I should even consider keeping it. I’m the Slayer and last time I checked I still kill my goldfish. How am I going to do with a baby?” Buffy said.

Angel smiled at her. “You’ll do great, a wonderful mom.”

Buffy let her head fall back and bounce softly against the wall. “Angel, you and I both know I’ve already outlived my life expectancy.”

“And you know that I’ll out live every one’s life expectancy. This child won’t be alone, Buffy no matter what happens.”

“So that’s it. I walk in here. I don’t even tell you I’m pregnant, you smell it, not going to mention how gross that is and you offer to be the baby’s father without any further information?” Buffy said.

“The only thing I need to know is you’re the mother,” Angel said.

Buffy swallowed the tears that rose in her throat. She couldn’t help the few that oozed from her eyes. She swiped at her eyes and sniffed, trying to regain her composure. Angel could always wipe away every bit of composure she possessed.

“You’re sure about this, Angel because once you commit, if you back out it’s not only my heart you’re breaking this time,” Buffy said.

Angel folded his lips between his teeth and sucked a sharp intake of breath. He deserved that he knew. He nodded. “In two hundred and fifty years, I’ve never been more certain about anything.”

Buffy nodded and fought the tears that threatened her. “Okay then. Once it gets dark you can take me home. We’ll stay in touch. You’ll come see me. I’ll come see you. We’ll talk on the phone and I’ll keep you updated about what is going on, how I’m doing.”

“Have you seen a doctor yet?” He asked.

Buffy shook her and chuckled bitterly. “I haven’t even told anyone. I found out day before yesterday. I went to talk to Parker, tell him I was pregnant. He said some really ugly, hateful things and I just couldn’t handle it. I ran.”

“You ran to me,” Angel said.

“I ran to the only safe harbor I’ve ever known, Angel,” Buffy said. She stared into his eyes.

“I’ll always be your safe harbor,” Angel said.

Chapter Four

Buffy walked back into her dorm room in a half daze. Her thoughts drifted to Angel, who was on his way back to LA. He’d dropped her off, placed a kiss on her forehead and given her a longing look and then drove away with a promise to call when he got back. Willow’s screech jerked her out of her thoughts.

“Buffy!”

Buffy jumped and dropped into a defensive stance.

“Down, girl. It’s Willow, the one who lives here. Remember?” Willow said.

“Sorry Will. You scared me. My brain was elsewhere,” Buffy said.

“Yeah I got that and hey your body was elsewhere, for a couple of nights at least,” Willow said.

“Oh, yeah. That,” Buffy said absently.

“Where were you? I called your Mom but she said you weren’t there.”

Buffy made a face. “You didn’t-“

“Mention you were missing? No. I did the best friend cover up for both your mom and Giles. I thought maybe you were with Parker but then-“Willow paled and stopped abruptly.

“Then what?” Buffy prodded.

“Well-uhm-you know no one here on campus believes it or well, no one who knows you,” Willow said.

“Which would include you and if we’re going to widen it to acquaintances, Riley. Spill, Will,” Buffy said.

Willow shifted uncomfortably on the bed. “Well-uhm-this morning in the cafeteria Parker was kind of talking loudly to all his friends saying that –uhm-well- you two slept together and –uhm- you were kind of –uhm- easy, which everyone knows your not, and –uhm- that you were pregnant and trying to pin it on him But you’re not and everyone will see that in a few weeks even if they do believe Big Jerk head Parker so don’t worry. You know maybe you could go hit him or something,” Willow rambled.

Buffy didn’t say anything. She grew pale and looked down at the floor. She sat down slowly on the bed and wrapped her fingers around the headboard. Willow quickly moved and sat beside her.

“Oh, Buffy it’s okay. No one believes him. He’s just a big dumb jerk and everyone will see through it,” Willow said.

Buffy looked up at her best friend, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I’m pregnant, Will”

Willow’s jaw dropped. She quickly closed it and tried to mask her expression. She started to talk but for the first time in a very long time she was rendered completely speechless, not even a babble burst through.

“I told Parker and he said it couldn’t be his but it is because there’s only been him and Angel. I kind of couldn’t deal. I panicked and ran to LA,” Buffy said.

“To Angel,” Willow said.

Buffy nodded.

“How-how did he-I mean did you tell him?” Willow managed.

“Not in words. Nifty fact to learn and know, vampires can smell when you’re pregnant and probably a host of other things I don’t want to think about,” Buffy said.

“Like what?” Willow asked.

Buffy just looked at her. Willow’s eyes went wide after a moment’s thought.

“Oh! Ewww, okay and well I guess good. Cuz you don’t have to discuss embarrassing stuff he already knows,” Willow said.

“Yeah but I’m still going with ewww. There are some things I don’t want my boyfriend to know,” Buffy said.

“Oooo you said boyfriend! Is he your boyfriend again?” Willow asked.

Buffy sighed. “I honestly don’t know what Angel is. He-we talked and he wants to be there for me. He says so anyway. He-I don’t know. He wants to help with the whole baby thing.”

“Oh, well that’s good. That is good right?” Willow said seeing the look on Buffy’s face.

Buffy shrugged. “I don’t know. I want Angel with me because he wants a life with me not because he feels obligated.”

“It’s not his baby. Why would he feel obligated?” Willow asked.

Buffy gave her a Duh look. “This is Angel we’re talking about, Will.”

“Oh yeah, he’s big with the obligation,” Willow said.

Buffy nodded.

“So are you going to keep it?” Willow asked.

Buffy sighed and flopped on her back on the bed. She rested her hands over her still flat stomach and looked down in disbelief that there was a baby growing in there.

“I don’t know. At first I thought No, I mean maybe not even have it. Then I talked to Angel. He really seems to want this baby, even if it’s not his. He wants to help me raise it. I’m not sure what that means for us, except that I won’t be raising a baby on my own and we’ll see each other regularly which is definitely of the good but there are still problems. I brought up the slayer life expectancy thing and he brought up the vampire life expectancy thing. If something happened to me he’d raise the baby. This may be his only chance to ever have children. I can give that to him, Will,” Buffy said.

“Wow, I mean that’d be kind of neat. It sounds like you’ve made up your mind to me,” Willow smiled at her.

Buffy smiled back. “Yeah, I guess I have.”

Willow grinned. “Oh and Angel is so going to beat Parker.”

Angel called just as he’d promised. Willow picked up the phone and was so giddy she could hardly tell Buffy who it was. Buffy took the phone and couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face.

Willow squealed. “You have Angelface!”

Buffy clamped her hand over the phone receiver. “Shhh! He’ll hear you!”

“Sorry, it’s just been so long since I’ve seen you smile like that,” Willow squeaked.

Buffy grinned and put the phone to her ear.

“Angel.”

“Buffy,” Angel’s velvet voice rolled over her.

“I’m glad you called,” she managed to say.

“I heard. I’m trusting from the tone of Willow’s voice that Angelface is a good thing?” He could remember another face he had made her make, one that involved tears and broke his undead heart.

Buffy blushed. “It’s-a smile.”

“A big smile!” Willow shouted from across the room so Angel could hear.

Angel chuckled into the phone. Buffy was convinced the word chuckle had been made for that particular not quite laugh of his.

“How are you feeling? He asked.

“Exhausted,” she said but was sorry she had said it the moment the words were out of her mouth. Angel became instantly worried.

“Maybe I should come pick up your patrols for you,” he suggested.

“No really vamp activity is slow. I can take Willow and Xander with me,” Buffy tried to reassure him.

“If it gets dangerous get home and call me. Dorms don’t count as public buildings right? They were after my time so I don’t really know. Hotel rooms do sometimes though. I’ll be there in an hour to test the theory just to make sure. Do not invite me until we know. I can’t just go around and have random vampires testing. Well I guess I could. I could always force them to do it and then stake them afterwards but I can’t guarantee you won’t get knocked down or hurt in the process.” Angel was actually rambling. Buffy stared at the phone speechless.

“Angel really, I’m sure-“the dial tone sounded in her ear. He’d already hung up.

Buffy hung up the phone. “He panicked. He’s afraid dorm rooms’ count as public buildings. He’s on his way here to test it out so don’t invite him in until he gives the okay. Will, he rambled. Angel, man of few words, taciturn incarnate, rambled.”

Willow laughed.

“Yeah, can you say over protective much?” Buffy said.

Chapter Five

Less then two hours later there was a knock on the dorm door, before Buffy could even get to the door Angel was shouting through it “don’t invite me in!” Buffy giggled and opened the door. Angel stood there leaning against the barrier that kept him from coming inside. He looked immensely relieved.

“Not public buildings I guess,” she said.

“Nope,” Angel grinned.

“Do you feel better now?” Buffy asked.

“Immensely,” he said.

“Can I do that thing where you don’t stand in the hallway?” she asked.

Angel chuckled and nodded.

“Angel, please come in,” she said, stepping aside.

Like magic that barrier disappeared and Angel stepped inside the dorm room. Willow waved from her bed.

“Hi, Angel,” she said excitedly.

Angel smiled. He’d always liked the little red head. “Hello, Willow.”

Willow jumped up from her bed. “I’m gonna go-uhm to the library. I’ll just leave you two to-you know-talk,” she said nervously twisting her hands.

“You don’t have to do that, Will,” Buffy said.

“Actually, I’m going to patrol for Buffy. Stay here with her, Willow,” Angel said.

Willow paused. “Are you sure? ‘Cause I don’t mind. I like the library,” she said.

Angel smiled and nodded. “Buffy’s tired. I don’t want her patrolling.”

Willow shrugged. “Okay,” she said.

Angel leaned over and kissed Buffy lightly on the forehead. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours. Try to sleep,” he said turning toward the door. He stopped about half way there and patted the outsides of his jacket.

“I have one of those cell things. Cordelia made me get it. I don’t know the number,” he said, concern creasing his face.

Buffy stood up and felt inside Angel’s leather jacket until she produced a small flip style cell phone. She opened it and punched some buttons. She found Angel’s cell phone number and wrote it down on a note pad beside the bed. She beamed at him, closed the phone and deposited back in his jacket.

“Call me if you want some milk, or ice cream or pickles. What else do pregnant women crave?” Angel asked.

Buffy grinned. “I don’t know. I guess we’ll find out,” she said.

The widest smile Buffy had possibly ever seen spread across Angel’s face. “I guess we will,” he said. He stared at her a moment longer with that smile and then disappeared out the door.

“I didn’t know Angel could smile that big!” Willow giggled once the vampire had closed the door.

Buffy laughed. “Me either,” she said. She lay back down in the bed, turned on her side towards Willow and tucked a hand under her cheek. A wistful, sad look crossed her face.

Willow’s smile faded and she sat down on the bed next to her friend. She ran a hand down her shoulder and arm. “Don’t be sad, Buffy. You know, things like this maybe they’re supposed to happen,” she said.

Buffy smiled softly. “You mean like prophecies and drowning?”

“No! Not like prophecies and drowning. I mean like, Angel and you not being able to have a baby together together and so maybe this is the baby you get to have? You know?” Willow said.

Buffy nodded. “I just-” she stopped.

“What?” Willow prodded.

Buffy bit her bottom lip hard. “I haven’t told Mom or Giles yet.”

Angel woke up, squinting his eyes at the filtered light coming through the curtains in Buffy’s dorm room. They had been drawn for his sake but it was still brighter in here then his own room in the Hyperion. He glanced around. Buffy wasn’t in the narrow twin bed with him. She’d had to nearly sleep on top of him the night before but when he’d gotten back to the dorm room, Buffy had been throwing up. He hadn’t wanted to leave her while she was sick and once she felt better, he would have been pushing it to make it back to LA before sunrise.

He sat up and stretched. Willow was absent from her bed also and the dorm room was empty. He glanced at the clock and was surprised to find it was still early, much earlier then he would normally wake up. A frown creased Angel’s face and he scrubbed his hands through his hair. He rolled his shoulders and took a deep breath. Buffy’s scent was everywhere, throwing off his ability to tell if she was still in the building or if she’d gone to classes. His question was answered when she walked into the room pale and shaky. He was on his feet and by her side in a moment.

“What happened?” He asked, placing his hand against her forehead. She felt slightly warm and clammy to him but then her skin was always so hot to his own room temperature touch.

Buffy shook her head and sat down on the edge of the bed. She lay back against the pillows and Angel could feel the tremors going through her body. “Morning sickness,” she finally said.

“Do you have crackers in here?” Angel asked glancing around the room.

She shook her head. “Nope, didn’t exactly plan for this.”

“Is there a vending machine in the building?” Angel asked.

“Downstairs but there’s a bank of windows along the hallway,” Buffy said.

Angel smiled and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “I can move pretty fast when I need to. I’ll be right back,” he said.

He was out the door before she could protest. When he returned a little bit later he smelled slightly singed but seemed to be fine. He handed her a packet of cheese and peanut butter crackers and a ginger ale.

“They didn’t have plain saltines. I hope those will do,” Angel said.

Buffy smiled. “They’ll be fine. Thank you,” she said.

“Willow’s gone to class?” Angel asked.

Buffy nodded. “Yeah, I can’t remember what she has. She’s supposed to try and get some notes for me from the classes I’ve missed and am missing,” she said with a sigh.

“Eat the crackers, drink the soda and maybe you’ll feel like going,” Angel said.

Buffy nodded. She was half way through the package of crackers when she groaned and slapped her palm against her forehead. Angel quirked an eyebrow at her.

“I’ve got psych class today and the TA-” she stopped and glanced at Angel.

“The teacher’s assistant…” Angel urged her on.

Buffy gnawed on her lower lip. Angel reached up and rested his index finger against her bottom lip.

“Don’t chew your lip and just tell me. You don’t have to be nervous about it,” he said.

Buffy smiled a little and shrugged. “It’s just-before-I mean before I knew that I was-you know and I went to LA and everything-well before that the TA, Riley, we were kind…I don’t know-interested in each other,” she stammered.

Angel struggled to mask the look on his face, to make it one of neutrality. “Are you still interested him?” He asked.

“Oh! No! I mean not if you and I-” she stopped and sighed. “Not if you and I are going to give things another try as a couple. It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m pregnant now, that’s just not terribly attractive to most men.”

Angel smiled and ran a finger down her nose. He kissed her mouth softly. “You’re beautiful. You couldn’t be anything less if you tried.”

Buffy smiled. She was feeling surprisingly better. She finished her crackers, drank her ginger ale and then went to take a shower.

“Will you be okay here?” Buffy asked as she gathered her books for school.

Angel nodded. “Yeah, I’ll probably lie down for a little while. I need to call LA and let them know I’m here. I left pretty suddenly last night. I’ll be fine. Go to class and I’ll be here when you get back,” he said.

Buffy nodded. “Okay. Are you going to head back to LA when it gets dark?”

“I thought maybe we’d go talk to your mom and Giles, then we’ll see what happens,” Angel said.

Buffy wrinkled her nose. “You really know how to ruin a girl’s day,” she said.

Angel smiled sadly at her. “I just don’t want you to have to do that alone.”

Buffy nodded. “Thanks,” she said, kissed him on the lips and then slipped out the door to go to class.

Buffy glanced over at Angel. It was dusk; they were standing in front of Giles’ house. Buffy squeezed Angel’s hand hard enough to make it hurt. He never winced or asked her to let up.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” Buffy said.

“Do you want to talk to your Mom first?” Angel asked.

Buffy shook her head. “No, I-I’ll tell Giles first.”

“It’ll be okay, Buffy. I’m gonna be here, no matter what,” he said.

She took a deep breath and nodded. She knocked on the door and waited, holding her breath until Giles opened the door.

“Buffy, Angel,” Giles said looking from the blonde slayer to the vampire. He hadn’t been aware Buffy and Angel were even speaking but from the way the girl held onto Angel’s hand, they were more then speaking.

“Come in, come in,” he said after a moment.

“Thanks, Giles,” Buffy said with a small smile. She stepped inside the apartment, tugging Angel behind her. She sat down on the couch uncomfortably. Angel sat beside her just as uncomfortably.

“Can I get you something? Perhaps some tea?” Giles asked, sitting in a chair across from them.

Buffy shook her head. “N-no, we don’t need tea. Th-thanks,” she said.

Giles sat back in his chair and removed his glasses. He took his handkerchief out and began cleaning them. “Is there something wrong?” He finally asked when it became apparent that neither Buffy or Angel were going to say something.

Buffy chewed on her bottom lip and stared intently at her and Angel’s hands entwined between them. “Uhm-I haven’t told anyone yet except Angel and Will, I-I just found out a couple of days ago. I-” she stopped and glanced up at Angel. He nodded at her.

“I’m pregnant,” she said in a rush.

Giles went very still and pale. After a moment he recovered. He cleared his throat and cleaned his glasses again. “G-goodness, I-I wasn’t aware th-that vampires-” he stammered.

“No, it’s not-it’s not Angel’s,” Buffy said. She glanced down at the floor, a flush creeping over her face.

Angel leaned over and whispered in her ear that it was going to be okay. She nodded and took another deep breath. “I-there was a guy at college. He-he didn’t want anything to do with me when he found out,” her voice wavered as she spoke.

Shock drained out of Giles’ face. It was replaced by concern and sympathy. “Oh, Buffy,” he said tenderly. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees.

“I’m so sorry, Giles. I know you’re ashamed and disappointed-” she started.

“No. I am sorry that you have to go through such an experience but I am not ashamed of you. I will never be ashamed of you, Buffy, regardless of what you do,” he said.

Buffy looked up at him. Her eyes were red rimmed and bloodshot.

“What are you going to do?” Giles asked.

Buffy glanced up at Angel, still unsure of his participation. He smiled at her and rubbed his thumb along the side of her hand.

“I’m staying with her. I’ll help with the slaying and support her,” Angel said.

Buffy bit her bottom lip. “Angel and I have talked about it some. I think I want to keep it,” she said.

Giles smiled slightly. It was more to cover up the worried look he was giving Angel. He nodded. “In any case, it’s not something you have to decide right at the moment. Should you need anything at all, let me know.”

Buffy smiled slightly at him. “Thank you. We gotta-go tell Mom,” she said with a sigh.

Giles nodded softly and walked them to the door. “I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, Buffy but it will be alright,” he said as they left.

Chapter Six

Angel leaned back against the headboard of Buffy’s bed. She had finally fallen asleep in his arms, lying on his chest. She’d cried herself to sleep. Telling Joyce had been much harder then telling Giles. Buffy’s mom had broken down in tears, which had made Buffy cry. Joyce had said how disappointed she was. She’d expected more from Buffy. She had yelled and sobbed. Eventually Angel had stepped in and taken Buffy out of there. It wasn’t good for Buffy or the baby to get so upset. It’d taken her hours to fall asleep.

He woke up to Buffy sobbing and grabbing fistfuls of his shirt. It took him a moment to remember where he was, what had happened. He gathered her in his arms and talked to her in whispers until she calmed down.

“Tell me it’s going to be okay,” she said. Her voice was hoarse from crying.

“I promise, Buffy. It’s going to be okay. I’ll make it okay,” he said.

Buffy buried her nose in the crook of his neck and wrapped her arms tight around him. Angel kissed her temple and settled her body against his. He caught sight of Willow watching them in the dark from her bed. He could see the tears shining in her eyes. He kissed the top of Buffy’s head and then looked back at the little red head.

“I promise, I’m going to make it okay,” he said a little louder this time. Willow smiled slightly and closed her eyes.

Angel hung back in the shadows that gathered around the dorm hall. He’d managed to get the boy’s name out of Willow and his dorm assignment and other pertinent information out of the girl at the information desk. He went through the front doors and up to the second floor. He knocked on the door for dorm 267. He put his hands in his pockets and downed his head. After a few seconds a thin boy with dark hair and eyes answered.

“Yeah?” He said.

Angel looked up and smiled as congenially as possible. “Parker Abrams?” He asked.

“Yeah, that’s me,” the boy said looking warily at Angel.

“My lit professor gave me your name. He said you were a tutor. I’m kind of struggling in there and thought it was best to not get so far behind before I got some help,” Angel said.

“Yeah, I tutor on occasion. You wanna make an appointment?” He asked.

Angel rounded his shoulders and tried to look sheepish. “Actually, I’ve got a test tomorrow. I was kind of hoping we could do a study session now. I’d pay you double, since it is such short notice,” he said.

Parker paused a moment and then shrugged. “Alright, I can spare a couple of hours. Come on in, let me get my stuff together and we’ll go to the lib-” Parker never finished his sentence because Angel had him slammed against the wall by his throat. He was in full game face.

“You know what I am?” He growled.

Parker struggled to swallow, struggled for breath. Angel gave him just enough breathing room that boy wouldn’t choke. Parker nodded, “Va-vampire,” he squeaked.

“My name’s Angel and I eat spineless, little shits like you for dinner. Do you remember Buffy Summers, pretty, blonde?” he snarled.

Parker nodded again, too scared to actually speak. Angel could smell the fear rolling off of him. The distinct smell of urine filled the air. The boy had pissed his pants.

“If you want to save your miserable, worthless life, you’ll do a few things for me. First, you take out a public apology to Buffy in the school newspaper. Second, if you ever get within breathing distance of her again I will skin you alive and feed you piece by piece to wild animals. Understood?” Angel growled.

Parker nodded. His entire body quaked with fear. Angel released him and stepped away. He carefully straightened Parker’s shirt. “If I don’t see a public apology or if you do get within breathing distance of Buffy, I will know,” he turned to go and stopped just before he got out the door. “Thanks for the invitation, now I come back for a little visit anytime I like.”

Angel knelt in front of Buffy. He glided his fingers over her stomach. He pushed her tee shirt up and kissed her still flat belly. Buffy bit her lip and stifled a moan. Angel looked chagrined.

“Sorry, I-saying hi to the baby,” he said.

Buffy smiled. “It’s okay but now you have to come say hello to me,” she said, bending over slightly and kissing Angel. She leaned into the kiss pouring heat and desire into it. She sunk to her knees, her fingers tangling in Angel’s hair. She nibbled on his lower lip, eliciting a groan from him. He pulled away from her panting harshly. Buffy bit her bottom lip.

“Sorry, I-my hormones have kinda been crazy the last few days,” she said.

Angel gave her that special smile reserved for only her, the half grin that made her stomach flip. “It’s okay. I just needed some space,” he said. His voice still sounded shaky.

She nodded and shoved her hands through her hair. Angel stood up and paced the other side of the room.

“I’m going to go get you some ice cream and make a sweep through the cemetery,” Angel said.

Buffy nodded. It was best that they give each other some space. “Why don’t you stop by the video store and grab something. Mom’s at Aunt Darlene’s. I could gather up the gang and we could do the movie thing,” she said.

Angel smiled. “Okay, anything in particular?” He asked.

Buffy wrinkled her nose and thought a moment. “Something chick flick-y maybe with Sandra Bullock in it. I’m gonna go on over to Mom’s, so just meet me there.”

Buffy watched him leave the campus through her dorm room window. She took her coat out of the closet, slipped it on and grabbed her psych book. She tucked a stake into the pocket of her coat. It was an easy, uneventful walk to the house on Revello but it still exhausted her. The pregnancy book she’d bought assured her some of the exhaustion would abate in the second trimester, of which she had approximately a month and a half left.

The house was dark and quiet. Buffy put her psych book on the table and walked up the stairs to her room. Thank goodness Mom had finally gotten all the crates out of it. She sighed. The last time she’d been here had been telling Mom the news. She still wasn’t on speaking terms with her. Joyce had called the answer machine in her dorm room when she knew Buffy would be gone to let her know she would be out of town.

Buffy picked up the phone to call Willow. The red head answered right away.

“Hey, Will, Angel is out grabbing some movies. I was gonna call Xander and see if you all wanted to have movie night at Mom’s house. She’s out of town for the weekend,” Buffy said.

“Yeah, I’ll call Xander if you want and be right over,” Willow said.

“Kay, see ya then,” Buffy said hanging up the phone.

She wandered down to the kitchen and poked in the fridge. It was pretty bare since she didn’t live there anymore. She found some Chubby Hubby ice cream back in the freezer. She sprinkled some granola over the ice cream. She’d had this craving for crunchy things lately.

True to her word, Willow arrived shortly. She was waving the UC Sunnydale College newspaper when she walked in.

“Buffy, you’ve got to see this,” she said shoving it in front of her.

I’d like to extend a public apology to

Buffy Summers for the shameful

Way I treated her. I don’t deserve

Her forgiveness, she does however deserve

My deepest regrets and apologies.

Parker Abrams

“Oookay, has Giles seen this? I’m thinking demon infection, maybe empathy demon?” Buffy said, pushing the paper away.

Willow shrugged. “If he’s starting to act like a person, do we really wanna exercise the demon?”

“Well, it could kill-okay you’re right,” Buffy said.

“You don’t think he wants to-you know get back together and be a dad?” Willow asked.

“First of all, there was no together to get back and secondly, *my* baby has a dad,” Buffy said.

They were discussing the merits of Parker being infected by an empathy demon when Angel burst in through the back door. He was bleeding heavily from a cut on his forehead and his bottom lip was split.

“We’ve got to go. Now,” He said and rushed up the stairs to Buffy’s room. Willow and Buffy clattered after him.

“What? Where? Angel, you’re bleeding. What happened?” Buffy asked.

Angel was tearing through her closet throwing some things into a suitcase. He stopped and looked at her.

“They know, Buffy. They know and they’re looking for you.”

Chapter Seven

Buffy had been full of questions when they got in the car. Angel answered them all as vaguely as possible. He didn’t want to know the real horror of what he’d heard. He’d happened on a pair of celrash demons in an alley near the Bronze. They were mercenary demons and they were chatting about finding the slayer. It had taken a little while but Angel had gotten the information he needed out of them.

A group of demons were hoarding in a warehouse near the Bronze. They were going to capture the slayer and decide what to do with the baby. There had been varying opinions according to the Celrash demons. Some of them wanted to sell the fetus to a necromancer, others wanted to keep Buffy alive to bring the baby to term, and still others wanted kill her while they could. There’d been close to twenty five demons. Angel had taken over half of them out but enough of them had escaped that he was worried. It wasn’t an idea they were going to let drop. He could protect Buffy and the baby from most things but if enough demons got in on this, well he was vampire with a soul, not an army.

Angel threaded his fingers through Buffy’s hair. She was curled up on the bench seat of the GTX with her head in his lap sound asleep. He knew she was sleeping a lot lately and he’d been worried about it. Cordelia had bought him a book called What to Expect When You’re Expecting. He’d read it cover to cover and found out that this exhaustion was normal. He still needed to get her to a doctor but she’d been dragging her feet, complaining about how much she hated doctors. He’d make her go once they got to Los Angeles.

Angel pulled his car into the alley behind his office building. He gently shook Buffy awake.

“We’re here,” he said.

She yawned and slipped out of the car. Angel grabbed her bag from the backseat and showed her into the office building. It was deserted this time of night/early morning.

“This is the office. I live in an apartment downstairs. The elevator is pretty slow sometimes,” Angel said as they walked down the stairs into his apartment.

Buffy glanced around the apartment and smiled. It looked like Angel. The colors were all deep and rich. The lighting was warm. He took her bag into the bedroom and came back out.

“Are you hungry? I could make an omelet. I don’t keep much food around but occasionally I make breakfast for Cordelia and Doyle after a case,” Angel said.

Buffy nodded. “An omelet would be good. I’m going to call Giles and let him know we got here okay,” she said.

Angel nodded. “The phone is in the bedroom, there’s a bathroom off that. Make yourself at home,” he said and busied himself with cooking. He could hear snippets of Buffy’s conversation. She was trying to assure Giles that she was fine and that she’d keep checking in with him.

“He’s big with the research right now. He’s trying to find out if there’s a reason in particular someone could want my baby or if there are other instances of Slayers having babies,” Buffy said stepping into the kitchen. She sat down at the table and watched Angel cook.

“Where’d you learn to cook?” She asked.

Angel shrugged. “I picked it up over the years. I don’t cook very many things, eggs and pasta pretty much covers it.”

He set a plate of eggs in front of Buffy and then sat in a chair next to her. “How do you feel?”

“I’m okay, Angel. Really. We need to get you cleaned up though,” Buffy said. She looked at his face, which was still covered in blood.

He probed the cut on his eyebrow with his fingers. He’d forgotten about it. It had already begun to close as had the one on his lip. “I’ll just take a shower. When you’re done just leave the dishes. I’ll get them later. You can turn on the TV. I’m pretty sure Cordy had cable installed a couple of weeks ago,” he said.

“Wow, you with a TV. One of these days we might just drag you into this century,” Buffy said with a smile.

Angel kissed her forehead and went to take his shower. They didn’t get to watch TV. Buffy was sound asleep in the bed when he got out. He smiled at the picture she made. She was curled up among the pillows and blankets, one hand tucked under her cheek, her golden hair fanned around her, the faintest of smiles on her face. He pulled the blankets up to her chin and crawled in bed beside her, prepared for a long night of just watching Buffy sleep.

“She’ll be up here in a little while. Cordelia, be nice,” Angel warned the brunette beauty.

“What? Like I have no tact? I’m not going to come right out and say something about her getting knocked up,” Cordelia said.

Doyle stifled a chuckle and nodded at Angel. “We’ll be like a second family to the girl,” Doyle said.

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Angel grumbled. He opened the mini fridge and got out a container of blood to heat up in the microwave. He poured it into a coffee mug. He smiled when Buffy walked up the stairs into the office.

“Morning,” he said and went to give her a quick kiss on the head.

“Hi,” she smiled at him and then as if she remembered there were other people in the room, she turned. “Hi Cordelia, Doyle.”

There was a chorus of good mornings. Cordelia poured herself a cup of coffee and held it aloft, “Would you like some coffee, Buffy? Oh- wait you probably can’t with the baby and all. I mean Angel told us about the pregnancy and everything. What?” Cordelia said as she caught the looks Doyle and Angel were giving her.

“No, its fine, Cordelia. I mean I’m pregnant, eventually it’s going to be obvious so it’s not a secret,” Buffy said.

“Speaking of which, I made an appointment for you this afternoon,” Angel said.

Buffy wrinkled her nose. “I don’t want go to the doctor. According to the books I’m completely normal,” she said.

“I know, but you still need to see one. For me?” Angel said.

Buffy sighed. That was playing dirty and Angel knew it. “Alright, if it will make you feel better,” she said.

Angel hid under a blanket in the back seat of the car while Doyle drove Buffy to the doctor’s office. He parked in a garage so that Angel wouldn’t have to rush through the sunlight, duster pulled over his head. It was less conspicuous. The waiting room was full of women in various stages of pregnancy.

Angel read every pregnancy and parenting magazine he could find in the lobby.

“Maybe we should subscribe to this one,” he said to Buffy holding up a Motherhood and Maternity magazine.

Buffy laughed softly. He was cute when he was being over protective and uber worried. “If you want to,” she said.

“Maybe we should try some different things to help your morning sickness. This woman says hers was better if she ate something sweet before getting out of bed and I need to make sure you eat more vegetables and drink more milk. You haven’t been drinking enough,” Angel said scanning an article.

“Alright, Mom,” Buffy teased. That instantly brought the reminder that her own mother wasn’t speaking to her. She sobered quickly. Angel noticed and looked up. He took one of her hands in both of his.

“It’s going to be okay. I promised, remember?” He said.

Buffy nodded as tears welled in her eyes. She sniffled and wiped at her eyes. She laughed softly. “My hormones are just…crazy,” she said.

Angel put an arm around her and pulled her into his body. “I know, its okay.”

The nurse stepped out into the waiting room. “Miss Summers?” She said and glanced around.

“That’s me,” Buffy said with a small smile.

“Dad, are you coming in?” The nurse asked Angel with a smile.

Angel looked at Buffy in askance. She pulled him to his feet.

“Yes, he’s coming in,” she said.

Cordelia had gone out on a date with someone but at Doyle’s insistence Buffy and Angel had gone with him to a pub that served, according to Doyle the best hamburgers in Los Angeles. They were celebrating what the doctor called “a perfectly normal pregnancy”.

“I told you I was fine,” Buffy said. She sipped on a glass of milk that Angel had ordered for her.

“I know, but I feel better now that a doctor has confirmed it,” Angel said.

“Besides, I got those nifty horse pills I have to take everyday,” Buffy said and made a face at the thought of the prenatal vitamins the doctor had given her.

“They won’t be that bad,” Angel said.

“Says you. You don’t have to take them,” Buffy said.

“I will if you want me too,” he said.

Buffy shook her head. “No reason why both of us have to suffer.”

Doyle had barely finished his first Guinness when a vision slammed his head down to the table. It scared Buffy at first but Angel knew what it was. When it was over, Doyle’s eyes were red and fear flitted across his face.

“Demons, a lot of them. On their way for her,” he said.

“Call Cordelia, take her to your place then spread some rumors. Let them know we got out of town and send them anywhere. I don’t know where we’re going, it’s best if you don’t either,” Angel said, pulling Buffy to her feet.

They never even went back to the apartment, just got into the GTX and drove.

Chapter Eight

That was what started their road trip. After Los Angeles, they hit Las Vegas. They were there three days before someone found them. Next was a little town called New Castle, Utah. They were there almost a week. In Iowa she got teary because she remembered Riley was from Iowa and that was just another person to add to the list that included Willow, Xander, Mom, Giles, Cordelia, Doyle and Anya, of people she’d never see again, not that she missed Riley that much. She hadn’t known him very well, but it was the point that mattered. Angel had pulled the car over, comforted her and promised her she’d see all those people again. The stress of moving and always having demons chase them seemed to make the mood swings and hormones worse.

From Iowa they’d gone through Illinois, only stopping at little motels during the day, and into Indiana. They were in South Bend, Indiana now. Buffy was in the bathroom of their hotel putting on makeup. Angel pounded on the door.

“Come on, Buffy. Let’s go, there’s some place I want to show you,” he said.

Buffy arched an eyebrow at her reflection. “Gimme a second, when you look like a house it takes a little while to get ready,” she shouted back through the door.

“You do not look like a house, you’re beautiful,” he said.

Buffy smiled because she could hear Angel’s smile in his voice and suddenly it didn’t matter if she was fat. Angel thought she was beautiful. She stuffed her mascara back in her makeup bag and opened the bathroom door.

“Okay, all ready. Where are we going?” She asked.

“It’s a surprise. Come on,” he said, wrapping his fingers around her wrist. She laughed and followed him out into the twilight that covered this place like a soft, gray blanket. They got in his car. Buffy loved this car; it was so much like Angel she couldn’t imagine him in any other car. He had contemplated selling it in Illinois. She wouldn’t let him. Buffy sat next to Angel, one hand on his thigh, the other on her rounded stomach. She was five months pregnant now and it was pretty obvious. Even though she no longer fit into her clothes, she refused to wear maternity clothes, opting instead for workout pants and one of Angel’s shirts, usually one he’d taken off. Buffy laughed when Angel pulled onto the Notre Dame University Campus.

“Angel, sweetheart, I did pretty good on my SATS but I didn’t do this good,” she said.

Angel laughed. “You aren’t going here, our baby is.”

Buffy laughed. “Angel, the baby isn’t even born yet and you’re making college plans for it?”

Angel’s brow furrowed. “It’s going to be an Irish baby; where else would it go to school?”

His words sobered Buffy. She didn’t mention that technically, it wasn’t an Irish baby it was whatever Parker was baby. Angel pulled the car into a spot and turned it off. He twisted in his seat and caught her hands up in his.

“This is my baby, Buffy, our baby. It doesn’t matter who the biological father is. It’s my baby, it’s an Irish baby,” he said.

Buffy nodded slightly and smiled. “How do you always know just the right thing to say?”

Angel shrugged. “I don’t. I’m just telling you the truth, if it happens to make you feel better, then all the more reason to say it.”

The campus was quiet at night. It a nice place to walk and talk about the future Buffy knew in the deepest parts of her they’d never have.

“You have to see the Basilica of the Sacred Heart. I stopped by here in the early 1900’s. It’s beautiful,” Angel said.

“It’s a what? Basket?” Buffy asked.

Angel laughed. “It’s a cathedral, kind of. You’ll see,” he said pushing open the doors.

Buffy was literally awed into speechlessness. She stood in the middle of the main cathedral and turned in a slow circle, head thrown back so she could see the gold mural painted on the ceiling.

“An artist from the Vatican painted in 1874. It took him seventeen years to finish the ceiling and all the murals in here,” Angel said.

“Wow, talk about dedication to your work. Don’t tell Giles, it’ll make me seem like a slacker,” Buffy said.

“Oooo, look over there! I dropped one of those on Spike,” Buffy said pointing to the pipe organ.

Angel chuckled. “I remember, well actually I remember you telling me about it. I was kind of out of it at the time,” he said.

Buffy smiled. “Yeah having your life force sucked, or whatever it was that Spike was doing, will do that to you.”

They walked around the Basilica of the Sacred Heart; even saw the bell tower then they hit the campus itself.

“What do you think of Grady?” Angel asked.

“For what?” Buffy asked.

“The baby. It’s Irish,” Angel said.

“Oh, it’s nice. I was thinking maybe Liam,” Buffy said biting her bottom lip and looking up at Angel through a fringe of lashes.

Angel shook his head. “No,” he said.

“Why not?” She asked.

Angel sighed and took her hand in his. He threaded her fingers with his. “I know you have this idealized view of what me human would be like. Liam wasn’t a bad person but he wasn’t a good one either. He drank too much, whored-“

“You can just pretty much skip anything that has to do with whores,” Buffy interrupted.

Angel grinned. “The point is, I want this baby to be its own person, have a clean slate. I know what it’s like to live with baggage and I don’t want him to have any, including the name of someone living or dead.”

“What if it’s a girl?” She asked.

“Nah, it’ll be a boy. He’ll play hockey here, or maybe football,” Angel said.

Buffy grinned. “And if it is a girl? Will she be a cheerleader?”

Angel looked at her with horror on his face. “No! She will not be wearing those short little skirts so that men can ogle her,” he said outraged.

Buffy laughed. “Oh, it’s alright for you to ogle but not for anyone to ogle *your* daughter?”

“I don’t ogle,” Angel protested.

“But you know the cheerleaders wear short skirts,” Buffy said.

“I’m a vampire, Buffy, not blind,” he said.

She grinned. “Okay but seriously, names for a girl?”

Angel shrugged. “I don’t know, there are a lot that are popular now that weren’t when I was human, maybe Kiley?”

Buffy let out a shriek. Concern blanketed Angel.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, scanning the area for predators.

Buffy giggled. “It kicked, the baby kicked me.” She grabbed Angel’s hand and put it on her stomach. A look of wonder and awe crossed his face. He sunk to his knees in front of her, both hands on her fairly prominent belly.

“Hey, baby, how you doing in there?” He half whispered.

Buffy giggled as she got kicked again.

“He knows his daddy,” Angel said looking up at her with pride in his eyes.

Buffy smiled softly. She laid one hand on Angel’s cheek. “Yeah, he does.”

They went back to the hotel and ordered food. After the long walk and the excitement of the baby kicking for the first time, Buffy was hungry and exhausted. She flipped through the channels on the TV. Angel was in the shower. There was a knock on the door.

“Room service,” someone said through the door.

Buffy’s stomach growled in response. She grinned. “I know you’re hungry, baby. I’ve got food coming,” she said to her stomach.

She threw open the door and was shoved to the ground by a demon with small horns and blue skin. His hands closed around her throat. She coughed, struggled to breathe and couldn’t draw any air. Buffy drove a knee up into his groin and shoved the demon off her. She was much more awkward getting to her feet then she usually was. The demon took advantage of that and backhanded her hard enough to knock her back a couple of feet into the armoire that held the TV. Her head hit the corner and her vision swam.

Angel burst from the bathroom, battle axe in hand. The demon wasn’t prepared for him. He sliced its head off with one upsweep of the axe. The body fell and the head rolled away, both turned to blue goo in a matter of seconds. Angel crouched beside her, his fingers feeling for a bump or cut on her head.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

She coughed and nodded. “Yeah, just woozy now.”

Angel’s hand came to rest on her stomach. “Is my baby okay?” He asked, his eyes searching hers.

Buffy smiled. “Your baby is fine,” she whispered.

He kissed her stomach and then her mouth. He pushed her hair behind her ear and pulled her into his arms. He picked her up and carried her to the bed. He sat her down, crawled up beside her and buried his nose in the nape of her neck. His lips found the curve where neck and shoulder meet, the curve decorated with his scar. He kissed it, softly at first and then ran his tongue over it. His hands stroked over her belly, down her hip and thigh, back up again. Buffy groaned and pressed herself back into him.

“I love you, Buffy. No matter how much I tell myself I can’t, I love you,” he whispered huskily.

“Me too, Angel,” she whispered. She turned on her back and wrapped her hands behind his neck. She pulled him down to kiss him. His cool breath tickled across her lips and she wound her fingers in his hair, increasing the pressure of his mouth on hers. He tangled his fingers in her hair while his other hand slide over the expanse of her belly, over her breasts until he found the top button on her shirt. Nimble fingers that hadn’t forgotten how undo complicated corset stays and ties, found the buttons no challenge.

Buffy gasped Angel’s name when his hand cradled her bare breast. That jerked Angel into reality and he sprang off the bed like he’d been electrocuted. Buffy blushed and wrapped her shirt around herself.

“I just-I needed to touch you. I’m sorry,” Angel apologized.

Buffy shook her head. “It’s okay, I certainly didn’t stop you.”

Angel paced the room and growled low in chest. He spun on his heel. “I’m going to take a very cold shower.”

Buffy waited until she heard the water turn on, then she grabbed a pillow and sobbed into it.