Title: Legacy - Betrayal

Summary: AU Takes place two and a half years after the end of the series. The movie never happened, but if you’ve read the comic book Those Left Behind, it did. Everything Inara has worked for in her life is finally happening but an old friend shows up, making her doubt everything she’s wanted.

 

You left me, sweet, two legacies,-

A legacy of love

A Heavenly Father would content,

Had He the offer of;

 

You left me boundaries of pain

Capacious as the sea,

Between eternity and time,

Your consciousness and me.

 

Two     Three     Four     Five     Six     Seven     Eight     Nine     Ten     Eleven     Twelve

 

Thirteen     Fourteen

 

CHAPTER ONE

 

Mal walked up the metal steps towards the shuttle that he and Inara had shared for the past month. He carried his brown coat and shirt over one arm having had to remove them so that Simon could tend to the nick he'd suffered on his left arm while on the job. Things were getting back to normal. Another job, another injury.

He knew that Inara would more than likely be attempting to sleep at this hour. Seldom did he actually find her asleep until he was safe back on Serenity. Still, with a glance to the cargo bay below to make sure it was clear, he removed his boots as he neared the door to the shuttle so that the sound of them on the metal didn't wake her up.

Pushing aside the heavy velvet curtain, he set his boots down inside the door and then laid his coat and shirt on the couch. Inara was on their bed, still dressed and holding a book to her chest. A small smile curved on his lips at the sight of her.

 

He went to the basin of water and soaked the sponge in it before running the sponge over himself to bathe. He looked in the mirror that Inara used above the basin at the bruise forming on his cheek from the brawl that had ensued when both he and Jayne had been unable to keep their mouth's shut. Yes, this time they were both to blame and Zoe had quietly fought alongside them as always.  Secretly he knew he’d been itching for a good fight going into this job and had been on the lookout for the opportunity.

He lifted the razor he used and began to shave the stubble that had grown on his face, trying to stay as quiet as possible so that he didn't wake Inara.  Once the numb feeling wore off, he knew he wouldn’t be able to shave over the dark bruise for a few days without hurting himself.  On a normal day, he wasn’t a glutton for punishment.

 

Inara stirred quietly at first, casting one arm out to Mal's side of the bed, searching for him. When she found his side of the bed empty, she jerked into wakefulness, realizing he was still on the job and she'd fallen asleep. "Mal?" she said sitting up, relaxing slightly when she saw him standing in front of the mirror shaving. She laid her book on the nightstand and got up. She walked up behind him, her arms circling around his waist, and placed a kiss to his bare shoulder blade. She noticed the bruise on his cheek first then the bandage on his arm and attempted to quell the panic rising up inside of her.

"You're hurt," she whispered against his skin. It was the first injury he'd had since she'd moved back on Serenity.

 

Mal looked to the reflection in the mirror that showed Inara behind him. "Just a scratch. Doc got me patched up real quick." He said, leaning forward to continue shaving.

He smirked lightly. "Needed a good old fashioned fight anyway. Been awhile. Lucky that the boys we was dealin' with fought for the Alliance. Made 'em kinda easy to anger between me and Jayne talkin'."

 

"I hope the other boys look worse than you do," Inara teased. She wanted to admonish him for getting hurt, tell him how much she worried or that she had spent more than half the night praying for him. She knew none of it would do any good. "You were careful though, right? And if you weren't, lie to me. I worry enough when you go out as it is."

 

"Alliance boys look a lot worse.  Can promise you that." Mal set the razor on the back of the basin and turned around to wrap his arms around Inara. There were times when he still couldn't believe that she was here, that he was living in her shuttle... their shuttle, or that she actually loved him and they had nothing to hide.

Things weren't perfect yet. He still had extreme moments of insecurity where she was concerned. Sometimes his thoughts about life in general got so dark that they would draw him in with them.  Memories of war, prison, beatings, and Sihnon seemed all too real. Inara had caught him staring off into space more than once and somehow, she always seemed to know how to jolt him back into reality. Smiles were still few and far between and only when he and Inara were alone. He was trying to work on that though. His crew needed him to work on it if not for himself, then for them.

"M'always careful." Mal said, repeating the words he always told her when she reminded him to be careful. "Didn't you know that?" He tilted his head slightly attempting to look as innocent as possible.

 

"It's harder to remember when you're hurt though," she told him, reaching up to ghost her fingertips over the bruise on his cheek. She placed her hand against his cheek then slid it down his neck and over his shoulder to just above the bandage on his arm. "Simon says it's alright? Did you need stitches?"

 

"Just a weave. It'll heal soon enough." Mal answered her. "You're s'pposed to be sleepin’. Didn't mean to wake you." He reached up to slide his thumb just under one of Inara's eyes along her cheekbone.

 

“I can't sleep with you gone. You know that. I worry too much," Inara answered, leaning slightly into his touch like a cat. "I'm surprised I fell asleep at all. I guess Hemingway wasn't as interesting as I remember," she smiled.

 

"A little long-winded." Mal nodded in agreement as he led Inara across the shuttle towards the bed. "Guess that means I don't gotta feel bad 'bout needin' sleep since you had none yourself." He got into the bed and turned to hold an arm out to Inara. The look on her face was so telling. He knew it still surprised her when evidence presented itself that he actually did read literature worth reading.

"Gonna make me sleep by myself?" Mal asked, only half joking. He never could sleep anymore unless Inara was next to him.

 

"No, but only because it's just a weave and a bruise," she smiled at him as she took a nightgown out of one of her trunks. "But if it had been more serious, you'd be sleeping alone," she said as she slipped out of the dress she wore and slid her night gown over her head and let it slide down her body. They both knew she was joking. If he'd been more seriously hurt she'd be right beside him, angry and upset but right beside him. She slipped into bed, laying her head on his shoulder. "So, is Hemingway regular reading material for a ranch hand and space pirate?" she asked. On occasion he'd say something that indicated that he was more literary than he let on and she was always curious about it.

 

Mal nodded slightly, his arm circling around her shoulders to hold her to him. "'Round my ma's ranch it was. Conjure it just stuck with me. I ain't stupid... I mean most people underestimate my smarts and I like it that way. Gives me the upper hand. Ain't schooled like you and the doc but I ain't a ben tiansheng de yidui rou neither. Got my own kind of smarts... got enough."

 

"I didn't mean to imply...I know you're not stupid, Mal. I've never thought you were," Inara told him as she hooked one leg over his leg and snuggled closer. "Sounds like I would have liked your mother. I wish I could have met her." Although, given Mal's opinions on her previous profession, Inara wasn't entirely sure Mrs. Reynolds would have been pleased to meet her, much less to find out that her son was in love with her.

 

"She was a character. Wouldn't take crap from anyone and didn't let anyone tell her what to do. Hands respected her." He closed his eyes. "She was a good woman."  Mal half smiled into the dark room.

 

After a moment his smile faltered and he shook his head. "M'only half the man she raised. Ain't so sure she'd know me anymore if she were still alive. A lot about me changed when I decided to volunteer… and even more after the war." It was still awkward talking about himself to Inara. Since she'd come back to Serenity, they'd lain awake talking for hours about this or that. When it got to the subject of the past, many times they'd change the subject or clam up. Mal didn't want Inara to think worse of him for things he'd done in the past and he knew Inara felt the same way.

 

"There's nothing wrong with change. All of it has made you the man you are," Inara told him. "I wouldn't want you to be any one else or any different."

 

"You're sayin' that now... you've already been after me for how different I am than you." Mal said lightly, his eyes still closed as he held Inara to him. "'Bout leavin' my clothes everywhere and the like..."

 

"Well really. I just want things pretty in here," Inara answered. "And one of these days I'll get up in the middle of the night, fall over your boots and break my neck."

 

"Never let that happen..." Mal said, his arm tightening around Inara. "'Sides... all them pretty rugs got paddin' in 'em. Noticed that last time we were on the floor. They're too soft to break any bones."

 

"Oh you noticed that did you?" Inara laughed softly and pressed a kiss to his collarbone.

 

Mal nodded. "I did... course I'm guessin' we could test it out again just for closer inspection." He teased, his eyes still closed, but a small grin playing at the corners of his lips. "Wouldn't want you to fall and break anything valuable... which on you would include your entire bein'."

 

"Oh I wouldn't oppose testing it out again. Just to make certain of course," Inara teased. She watched him with a smile, reaching up to touch the corner of his mouth. She loved seeing him like this, smiling and joking. She'd caused him so much pain; it was nice to be the cause of such happiness too.

 

Mal sat up, guiding her out of the bed with a playful tap to her backside. "Well get on then... gotta make sure you're safe." He followed her onto one of the plush rugs in the shuttle, and settled himself on top of her.

 

She tunneled her fingers in his hair, settling him against her. "You sure you're feeling up to this inspection?" Inara asked, her fingers brushing against the bandage on Mal's arm.

 

Mal nodded against her neck as he nuzzled it gently. "Oh I'm up for anything that's havin' to do with your safety, 'Nara.  As your lover I’m wantin’ it and as your captain this inspection’s an order."

 

"Mmmm, well in that case...Carry on, Captain Reynolds," Inara purred as she dragged her fingers up Mal's back and down again. She arched up into him, her head going back to expose the long line of her neck. "I wouldn't want to interfere. Just let me know exactly how I can help."

 

"You just lay back, darlin'... let me take care of you." Mal whispered, gently moving the silky fabric of her nightgown off of her shoulders. It was moments like these when Inara could make him forget that there was Alliance, jail cells, or anything else. It was just the two of them, and she was here with him. She wasn’t leaving and that was more than enough for him.

 

 

CHAPTER TWO

 

The slight feel of Serenity setting down on Haven was more than welcome for the crew.  Mal knew they loved being on land even though to him, he could only stand it for small amounts of time and the only reason he tolerated it at all was for them.  He tapped the button that would open the cargo door as his crew trickled into the cargo bay. "Stayin' here for a few days then we'll be leavin’ to look for a job. Rest up 'fore we get back to work."

"Yay!" Kaylee squealed and clapped her hands together as she rushed out to meet Book in a welcoming hug.

Zoe followed her, giving Book a one armed hug. "Shepard. Good to be seein' you."

"Ain't like we're missin' sermons or nothin'." Jayne patted Book on the shoulder.  “Familiar faces is good is all.”

Book raised an eyebrow, an arm going around River in another hug. "Oh I've saved sermons a plenty just for you, Jayne. Have a few for the captain too." He was a little anxious to see Captain Reynolds after Wash had sent him the news that he'd been in prison for three months. He was all too familiar with how former Browncoats were treated in Alliance prisons, especially those who didn’t believe in the word ‘former’. 

 

"Doctor." He nodded a greeting to Simon and then spied a too thin Mal walking off the ship with Inara's hand in his.

"Capt'n and 'Nara are together." Kaylee whispered quietly. "Ain't that shiny?"

Book nodded, a small, knowing smile curving along his lips. "Quite."

"Preacher," Mal nodded at Book, holding a hand out to him in greeting.

Book took Mal's hand and pulled him into a half hug, patting his back. "Captain, it's good to see you... very good. I was just telling Jayne that I've saved a few sermons for you."

Mal smirked. "Ain't needin' any sermons, preacher… just safe harbor for a bit."

"Like candy... sweet and nice." River commented.

Mal shook his head, glancing at River and looking back to Book. "Ain't so bad to see you either though..."

Book nodded softly then looked to Inara, his smile growing. "Inara." He held his arms out to her.

 

"Shepard," Inara smiled, releasing Mal's hand long enough to hug Book. It'd been a long time since she'd seen him, much too long. He looked older but happy. "How are you?" she asked pulling away from him and looking up at him with a smile.

"I'm doing well. And yourself? It's good to see you back with the crew," Book told her.

"I'm doing wonderful and it's good to be back home," Inara said as she hooked an arm in Book's and let him lead her out into the community. "The others have told me a little about your place here. I understand Simon has a clinic here."

Book nodded as he led Inara toward the town square. "He does and it's much appreciated. Praying doesn't heal all wounds. The township loves seeing everyone else too."

As he spoke one of the little boys squealed and ran full tilt at Kaylee who bent at the waist and caught him up in her arms. She carried him on her hip like she was accustomed to having him there. Another gaggle of children surrounded Wash, begging him to do a shadow puppet performance later that evening.

Even Jayne was a popular subject, some of the older kids asking if he'd play guitar and sing later that night. Zoe and Mal walked along behind everyone else.

"When you told me you'd be landing I arranged a celebration," Book said as he and Inara slowed to let Zoe and Mal catch up. "The women in the community have been cooking all day in preparation."

 

"Now, now Shepard. Talkin' real food is right pretty talk." Mal said, stepping up behind Book and Inara with Zoe.

Zoe glanced sideways at Mal. "Yeah, maybe you'll actually eat it, Sir. Good to be here."

Book raised an eyebrow. "Not eating, Captain?"

"Eat just fine." Mal nodded, glancing at Zoe.  “Crew’s just overly worryin’ is all.”

"Lying isn't in your nature." Book shook his head. "Perhaps what we feed you will not only be better than protein powder, but also food for the soul."

"Soul's just fine too." Mal said matter of factly even though he knew his soul was weary.

Book chuckled and shook his head. "Some things never change... or should I say change more slowly than others."

"Just stubborn is all." Zoe watched Mal for a moment as if gauging his reaction.  He’d been in better spirits since Inara had come back to Serenity, but there were times that she knew it was a show.  "Now I'm off to find my husband."

 

Inara reached over and took Mal's hand with her free one, lacing her fingers with his. "That's kind of you, Shepard. I have to admit I share the others excitement about the food. I'm not sure a person ever gets entirely used to so much protein."

"I'm off to check on the clinic supplies. Maybe open it for a few hours before the celebration," Simon said then looked over at River. "Are you coming with me, Meimei?"

River shook her head. "No. She's going to stay. She has to be aware. Always on her guard," she said as her gaze fell solidly on Inara.

Inara shivered slightly at the look in River's eye, moving unconsciously closer to Mal. She'd never been scared of River but she supposed the time away from the girl had left her more vulnerable to her oddness.

"She'll be fine," Book assured Simon. "All the townspeople know to look after her."

Simon nodded hesitantly and started toward the clinic.

"Now, if you two will excuse me, I'm going to check on some of the preparations for tonight," Book told Mal and Inara. "Captain, you know your way around, make yourself at home."

 

Mal nodded, watching Shepard walk away. He looked around the immediate area where his crew scattered around with the locals. Even Jayne was smiling as he played with a few of the kids, lifting them up on his shoulders.

He looked back to Inara. "You alright?"

 

Inara smiled and nodded. "Yes..." she told him. In truth, she was feeling a little like she didn't belong.

"You don't," River said giving Inara another one of those looks that said she knew more than anyone else did before she slipped away toward Simon's clinic.

Inara furrowed her brow and watched after River for a moment then shook her head. "I'm fine." She glanced around the township. "This is nice. Kaylee's told me about it during her wavs but its different seeing it. Everyone seems to belong here, almost the way they do on the ship. It was kind of Shepard to plan a celebration for us."

 

"Preacher's a good man." Mal nodded slightly watching after River. "Can relax here. Nothin' to worry about for a few days."

 

"That'll be refreshing," Inara smiled.  “… and different.”

 

**

 

Inara wasn't sure why she felt the compulsion to change her dress except that it was a celebration and in her world that meant dressing for dinner. She did pick one of her more casual gowns. It didn't quite trail the ground and was a deep orange-red color that often reminded her of the sunset. It left her shoulders bare, nipped in her waist, and like most of her dresses showed off her cleavage.

She left most of her hair down in curls because she knew Mal would eventually take it down anyway. She did pull the sides up to keep it out of her face, securing them with coral combs. Finally, she spritzed on some Jasmine perfume and turned to Mal who was sitting on the couch. "I did warn you about the amount of time it took me to get ready to go somewhere didn't I?"

 

Mal lifted a corner of his lips in a half grin. He could already hear the party in full swing outside and shook his head at Inara. "Don’t mind the waitin' when I got the time. Means I get to do the watchin' too which holds a certain amount of goodness."  He’d been enjoying watching Inara prepare for the celebration and was lazily lounging on the couch.

 

"Something I'm going to have to become accustomed to," Inara told him. It made her a little self-conscious to have him watch her. Inara was completely insecure on the inside. The dresses, makeup and hair acted as her armor, giving her confidence. It was a bit eerie having someone watch her put on that armor.

 She held out her hand. "It sounds like the festivities have started without us. Shall we go?" Actually going someplace with Mal, as his lover was a new experience for Inara, one she was looking forward to. He made her feel like a sixteen-year-old girl in love for the first time. Sometimes the little girl in her that got closer and closer to the surface all the time worried that he'd drop her hand as if it burned and shy away from her. The guild house had taught her that falling in love brought inexplicable pain. She supposed a part of her was waiting for that pain.

 

Mal stood, a hand going out to grasp Inara's. They headed out to the night air. A large bonfire was blazing in the middle of the open area. There was dancing, laughing, and a large assortment of food. "Guess you like makin' an entrance." He teased.

 

"A lady always does," Inara laughed softly and winked at Mal. She caught sight of River dancing among the others and Kaylee sitting next to Simon with a plate of food. They were both talking to Book.

Jayne of course had taken up with some of the single women while Zoe and Wash sat on the edge of the crowd, plates of food in their laps, snuggled up to each other. Inara watched them with a soft smile on her face. Every time she thought of a perfect marriage she pictured them. It wasn't that they didn't fight. She knew they did. It was just that they loved each other so much that the fights didn’t matter. It was obvious to anyone who caught sight of them.

"We should get something to eat. It all smells wonderful," Inara said as they made their way over to the tables burdened with food.

 

Mal piled a plate with food as he went along the buffet table behind Inara. He knew he wouldn’t eat half of it but it was good to keep up appearances. "Got some peaches over there. Know you like those."

 

Inara picked and chose what she wanted from the buffet, a smile forming on her mouth at Mal's mention of peaches. It'd come up during a conversation one evening. "You remembered," she said as she leaned over and spooned some of the fresh sliced peaches onto her plate along with some cottage cheese. Once they'd filled up their plates they found a place near the bonfire to sit down together.

 

Mal sat next to Inara and pointed to where some kids were playing jump rope a few yards from the bonfire. He took a bite of food and watched as the children continued to play. "When I was little, the ranch hands used to..." He trailed off and shook his head. "They're cute young'uns..."

 

"They are cute," Inara smiled as she watched the children for a little while then looked back at Mal. "Do you ever think of having your own?" she asked as she glanced up at Mal.  Inara wasn’t suggesting that he have children with her. It was never something she considered because of issues that ran deeper than she cared to examine. Inara liked children. One of her greatest joys had been working with the younger girls at the guild house and she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t imagined children with blue eyes and dark, curly hair. It was a dream though, something sweet to while a way the afternoon, not a serious consideration or a life plan.  She’d learned first hand that there were some people who weren’t meant to have children. Her father had been one of them.

 

"Used to... not anymore." Mal answered, his voice lowered as he took another bite of food and looked back over to the kids. "I'd just end up messin' 'em up."

 

Inara shook her head at Mal's comment. "No. I grew up with a father who ‘messed me up’. I saw you with the girls at the guild house...the way you are with Kaylee and River. You underestimate yourself. I'd be a different person if I'd had the kind of father you'll be," she smiled at Mal. "I don't think you'd mess them up at all."

 

"Havin' their attention for a few minutes and havin' 'em for a lifetime is two different things." Mal said, shaking his head. "I mean, you got kids, their lives and minds are in your hands. Easy to mess up.... even without knowin' it."

 

Inara smiled and put one hand on the back of Mal's neck for a moment, smoothing the hair down there. "I'm betting you'd do better than you give yourself credit for. Besides, you'd make awfully pretty babies."

 

Mal actually leaned back and chuckled at that comment. He shook his head and looked to Inara, his eyes sparkling in amusement. "Well, now I know someone besides my ma and myself thinks I'm attractive. Gotta be the rugged yet handsome profile." He joked.

 

"You should laugh more often," Inara smiled. "It's a good sound and it does wonders for that rugged, handsome profile," she teased him.

 

Mal shook his head and reached for a mug filled with brew. He took a healthy swallow. "If I was to laugh all the time it would get old. 'Sides, I'm a mean old captain... got a reputation to keep."

 

"Oh yes, I'd almost forgotten the mean old man," Inara laughed. She glanced up to where Kaylee and River were dancing. "Dance with me? Or does that ruin the mean old man reputation?"

 

"Ain't really a dancer 'less I gotta be." Mal said. He glanced at Inara, and then downed the brew before getting to his feet and holding a hand out to her.

After helping her to her feet, he led her closer to the bonfire where several people were dancing to a lively tune. He watched the other couples for a moment, trying to gauge the steps. "More of a slow dancer..." He said before beginning to move with the music, his feet in time as he held both of Inara's hands in his.

 

"There's nothing wrong with dancing slow," Inara smiled and stepped closer to Mal. She put his right hand at her hip and her left hand at the nape of his neck, pulling him close. "Nothing wrong at all," she whispered as she tilted her face up, brushing her lips across his.

Book caught sight of Inara and Mal across the square and smiled softly. Perhaps the Captain had finally found something to believe in. It wasn't quite what Book would have him believe in but it was a start. He excused himself from the group he was speaking with and walked over to the musicians. He whispered something to them and they nodded.

In mid song the music changed to something slower. Simon took the opportunity to ask Kaylee to dance.

 

"This is more my tune." Mal said quietly. He held Inara to him as they danced. "Shiny."

 

"Yes, I think we have Shepard to thank for that," Inara smiled and glanced over Mal's shoulder at Book who was still standing next to the musicians. She touched her lips to her hand and waved at Book who nodded and smiled before walking back over to a group of people and sitting down.

Book nodded at Inara.  She and the Captain were beginning to forge a relationship but they could still use a push from time to time.

 

Mal glanced over to the preacher and then looked back to Inara. He knew he should go talk to him sometime tonight. Part of him dreaded it because Wash had told him that Book knew all that had happened to him. "I'll go thank him later." He told Inara.

 

Inara nodded in response. "I'll go with you if you like...or just wait in the shuttle for when you're finished talking to him." She knew Mal needed to talk to Book. In many ways, he was a father figure to Mal. He might not always take his advice but he valued the man's opinion.

 

”Well now just ‘cause I ain't right by your side don't mean you gotta leave the party." Mal teased as they continued to dance. "Like you close by... and you're easy on the eyes."  He also liked her where he could see her for his own peace of mind.

 

"Well I should hope so. I did spend an hour getting ready and this dress cost more than I want to think about. I'd hate to think it was for nothing," Inara teased, her eyes twinkling as they danced. "By the time we're finished dancing I'm sure I will have worked up an appetite. I'll have to go see if I can convince one of the children to burn me a marshmallow over the fire. Once we're finished dancing. Right now...I'm perfectly content where I am."

 

Mal let a small smile appear on his lips. "I like where you are too. Nice place to be. Can teach you to be shootin' a gun tomorrow. Ready for that?"

 

"I'd like that," Inara smiled at Mal. "The guild teaches us archery but that's a bit different than shooting a gun. Guns aren't considered ladylike you know," she teased him.

 

"Guild's got an off way of thinkin' Guns've saved my life many a time. Sure they'll help you out too if you're wantin' to go on jobs and the like." Mal said.

 

"I'd like to. I'm not sure how proficient I'll be at it but I'm a quick learner," Inara told him. "Perhaps another gun, however badly wielded, will help keep you from getting shot so much."

 

"Zoe and Jayne try... and they're both right good with a pistol or a rifle." Mal smirked and shook his head. "But maybe another one will be helpin' a bit."

 

"I just worry," Inara admitted. She dipped her head, fixing her gaze on her feet. She'd never been able to admit her feelings while looking at Mal. "I gave up my life...so now you're my everything...if something happened to you..." she trailed off, shaking her head slightly.

 

Inara looked back up to Mal, her bottom lip trembling. "You'll be careful, right? Even though we've got all that...and I don't want the flippant answer with the wink and the sexy grin. I'm serious. You'll be careful." Her voice was just tinged with tears.

 

"You don't like my winkin' and sexy grins?" Mal asked jokingly, then sobered and nodded. "Can't promise I won't be gettin' hurt, 'Nara. Can be careful though."

 

Inara nodded and held her breath a moment before letting it out. She leaned her forehead against Mal's shoulder, pulling him closer. "Okay...that's all I ask then." She looked up at him with a soft smile. "And yes I do like your sexy grins and winks."

 

The music ended and another quick paced tune started. "Afraid that's all the dancin' I got in me for now."

 

Inara tiptoed slightly and kissed Mal quickly. "Go talk to Shepard. I'll dance with Kaylee or get a drink or something. I'll be around."

 

 

CHAPTER THREE

 

Mal found Book on the outskirts of the party, watching everyone from afar. For a moment he thought of turning back, not wanting to interrupt prayer if that was indeed what Book was doing out here all alone.  When Book spotted him he met him halfway, embracing him in a one-arm hug.

He gave the preacher a small half grin. "So how goes it, Preacher? Keepin' the flock in line?" He started with casual conversation.

 

"Trying," Book answered with a smile. "Most of the time I think they're keeping me in line. And you? Keeping the crew in line?"

 

Mal smirked at the comparison. "They are keepin' me in line. Been downright over bearin' for awhile now." <I>Since prison..</I>. He shrugged, mentally brushing away any thoughts of his time in prison. "Conjure it ain't necessarily a bad thing."

 

"Proof someone cares about you," Book responded. "No, it's not a bad thing." He glanced out at the crowd dancing around the fire, laughing and singing. He wasn't sure whether to broach the subject of Mal's time in the Alliance prison or not. "Sometimes we can't take care of ourselves. We need someone to do it for us. You're fortunate to have people who will.  There are times when it helps to let someone else do the taking care of instead of always being the one with the responsibility."

 

"Ohhhh I got a lot of someone's." Mal nodded with a lithe smirk.  “Whether I’m needin’ it or not… which I ain’t.”  He was silent for a moment, then followed Book's gaze out to the bonfire. "I’m a lucky man. 'Nara and me... finally decided to quit pretendin' we didn’t see each other."

 

"I gathered that and Kaylee told me," Book turned to smile at Mal, his arms crossed over his chest. "I take it she's quit her job?"  He knew that this was a given.  It was something that the Captain wouldn’t and couldn’t make himself compromise on.

 

Mal nodded at Book then answered him aloud. "She did. Still times I can barely believe it. Told me ‘no’ right on four times before she finally gave in. Things got pretty messed up there for a bit."

 

Book took a deep breath, his lips thinning as he considered what Mal was telling him. He could be the naysayer, make warnings and all sorts of things. That wasn't what Mal needed right now. If Inara intended to hurt him in the long run no warning would prevent it.  "Do you have intentions of 'making her an honest woman' as they used to say."

 

"I do." Mal started, surprised by the answer that had taken no consideration. "Can hear my ma in my head yellin' at me if I don't. And I'm wantin' ‘Nara that way. Just ain't thought that far yet... but eventually... yeah I'm wantin' her to marry me."

 

Book nodded. "It'll be good for both of you." He stuck his hands in his pockets and let the silence lie between them for a moment before he prodded for more. He knew if the subject were going to be breached, he’d have to bring it up. Mal didn’t talk about himself without being prodded. "How is everything else?”

 

Mal drew a deep breath and considered finding a way to avoid answering this question honestly.  He knew Book would see through any lie. "Dark... dark 'less she's in the room." He shook his head. He had talked to Book about things before, but since the preacher had decided to stay planet side he had become a confidant and a mentor. Maybe it was because he didn't have to see him everyday. "Got nightmares that won't seem to stop comin'. You know how it is.... Much as you know 'bout the Alliance, you know that my open opposition to them made me pretty special in their eyes." He looked over to Book. "Wash told me he told you... and that you donated money to help get me out. Guess I owe you a thank you."

 

"No thanks necessary," Book told him. "I wish I could've done more." He kept his focus on the party rather than looking at Mal. It always made confession easier if one didn’t have to look their confidante in the eye. It was the whole reason Catholics had screens between the priest and the parishes. "In my experience nightmares fade with time. They're worse when you're hurting...under stress. Give it some time. Anything I can do to help?"

 

"Don't need any help." Mal said flatly. "Never have."

 

Book sighed and nodded. He'd expected the rebuff from Mal. He'd have to make the offer to Inara. The others knew if they needed help, or if Mal did, they could ask.

"Thought as much," he said, keeping his gaze fixed on the party. "Never had any children. Don't know that I've ever told you that. Come to consider you a lot like a son though. I'd consider it an honor if you'd come to me when you needed a thing."

 

Mal gave a barely perceptible nod, even though he knew Book wasn't watching him. No one would ever know how much what Book had said to him had meant.  He quickly changed the subject, true to form.  "Mighty fine party you're throwin'. Crew likes comin' here."

 

"We like having you stop over. Everyone misses you all when you're gone. Besides, they love having an excuse for a party," Book said, not missing that Mal had skipped over the whole conversation. It didn't matter as long as Mal understood that if he needed to talk, Book was there.

 

"Think this'll stick? 'Nara and me?" Mal asked straight forward. He valued Book's opinion and couldn’t help the hint of worry that laced his voice.  He was continually afraid that Inara would realize everything she’d left behind and leave him.

 

Book shrugged, considering the question for a moment. "It's hard to tell something like this. I never married but I wasn't always a Shepard either. It's a big commitment of sorts that she left her profession. Companions are well respected by most in the core planets. Have you spoken with her about the idea of marriage? Or children? What were her thoughts on it? Things like that can indicate how dedicated someone is in a relationship."

 

"Not the marriage part... the kids part yeah." Mal nodded. "She thinks I'd be better than her father was. Which from what I've heard 'bout him, a step higher than him wouldn't be so shiny as one would think."

 

Book nodded. "I'd say you two have as good a chance as anyone. I don't suspect it'll always be easy. From what I've heard, marriages never are. However I don't think quitting will be a problem for you," he smiled at Mal.

 

Mal smirked. "Ain't one for quittin'. And easy is boring."

 

"I've noticed that about you," Book smirked. He glanced back at the dancers, noticing Inara dancing with a whole group of people and laughing. She didn't fit in here but somehow, in a way, she did. "When you do get around to marrying her, I hope to be invited."

 

Mal followed Book's gaze to where Inara danced. Even his features held conviction and belief when he looked at her. He put a hand on Books shoulder and squeezed. "You'll be performin' the ceremony."  He said his attention completely diverted.

 

He walked away from Book, making his way to Inara and slipped an arm around her waist. He joined in the dance with her, and at that moment, there was no one else in the world but her. "Wǒ ài nǐ" He said to her, above the music.  If he was anything, he was a man of action.

 

Inara turned to face Mal, surprised at his words. Her eyes were wide a little shocked at the admission. He'd told her that he'd never loved anyone this way before he left her at the guild house but he'd never said I love you before in Chinese or English. "Wǒ ài nǐ," she repeated, a smile curving her lips as she put a hand at the back of his neck. "What was that for?" she asked after a moment.

 

"Cause I'm about to ask you somethin'... somethin' important and it sounded right comin' before it..." Mal said hesitantly, then shrugged slightly. "And cause I do." He added before leaning down close so that his lips were to her ear. "Want you to marry me... say you will."

 

Everything in Inara stiffened up. Her throat closed and the entire universe seemed to narrow to just her and Mal. She knitted her fingers in the hair at the back of Mal's neck, physically holding him closer to her. "Mal...I-it's not. I-" she stopped. Oh Holy Buddha...don't let this be the end of us. "You know how I feel about you. You know I l-love you...I just...I can't."

 

Mal shook his head, having heard her but not understanding. "Can't hear me?" He took her hand in his and started back towards Serenity and the quiet of their shuttle. They needed to get away from noise and music.

 

Inara let Mal lead her back toward Serenity to their shuttle. She didn't say anything until they got to the shuttle. She felt sick to her stomach, almost like it was Sihnon all over again. She looked up at him, not sure exactly what to say. She knew in part, she was rejecting him yet again but the idea of marriage even to Mal, terrified her. She'd grown up with a first hand example of how badly it could be messed up.

 

Mal pulled Inara close to him a grin on his lips. "Now if you weren't hearin' me properly... I'm askin' you to marry me ‘Nara."

 

Inara took a sharp, shallow breath unable to look up at him. "Mal… I-it's not that I don't-you know how I feel about you. You know I lo-love you. I just...marriage is-I don't want to mess anything up. Things are... perfect the way they are and-I just-I can't. Can't we just leave things the way they are?"

 

Everything seemed to slow down to a dead stop except for Mal’s heart that he could suddenly feel pounding loudly in his chest.  His brow furrowed in surprise and confusion.  "You... You're sayin' no to me."  It was more a statement of shock than a question.

 

Inara ducked her head, her cheeks flaming red. She shook her head. "No… I mean-I just… Remember how I said I was scared? Marriage is whole new level of terrifying for me. I-marriage… it's scary," she finally said in a half whisper. "Please don't leave me," the last was barely a whisper laced with tears.

 

"Ain't leavin' 'Nara..." Mal said immediately, without a thought. He ran a hand back through his messy hair agitatedly. "If you can fly, you can do anything. Can't be spendin' your whole life bein' scared of livin' it."

 

Inara took a deep breath and fisted her hands in the skirt of her gown. "I know I've alluded to the kind of man my father was...but I haven't told you. I've got... many commitment issues and I know that. There's a good reason for them though. The reason I became a companion...my mother wanted to get me out of his house as soon as possible. She tried to get the guild house to take me earlier at 10 but they wouldn't...As far as I know, my father never hit my mother...he didn't have to. His women belonged under thumb and on their knees. He was the lord and king of the castle and they were the servants...Gui... he treated the servants better. I think it started sometime after I was born. He expected my mother to give him a son. Only she didn't. She messed up, gave him a daughter and then couldn't have any more children. She almost died having me...he turned her into the family dog...except I think he loved the dog more. One night at dinner he asked her to pass the mashed potatoes. She dropped the bowl. We had these beautiful teak floors in the dining room...he made her get on her knees and lick the potatoes off the floor..."

 

Rage boiled just under the surface at a million different things he couldn't name just yet. "'Nara you ain't your ma and you best be knowin' I'd never do that to you. Cause if you don't you got me all wrong."

 

"No… that's never a-no. I never even considered you'd be like that, Mal," Inara was quick to reassure him. She looked up at him and tried to give him a small smile. "That's what I grew up with as an example of marriage...then I met Zoe and Wash." she pulled her bottom lip through her teeth and dropped her gaze to the floor. "They're so perfect and so different from what I thought marriage was about...I'm afraid I'll never live up to that. I'm afraid that-You would never be like my father...but I've got his blood...his genes...what if I could be like that? There are some people who shouldn't get married and shouldn't have kids. What if I'm one of them?" Her voice was thick with tears. "My father was..."

 

"Darlin' you won't be like your father. First of all I'd only let you be hittin' me once in one sitting and only if I deserved it. Second, I ain't eatin' off no floor. That was just a prison thing. And third, your daddy obviously didn't love your mama cause that ain't love. We got it.  We got the love ‘Nara." He tried to assure her. "They didn't, but we do. And I seen you with them girls at the guild house. Good with kids."

 

"Just give me some time?" Inara asked. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I haven’t had any doubts about that in a long time. I just-the idea of it scares me." She reached out and took his hand in hers, taking a step closer. "Can you just be holding me? I need you...more than I need anything else."

 

Mal watched Inara, perplexed. She was a walking contradiction. She could run away from the guild but couldn't say yes to him. She said she wanted to spend her life with him and yet the idea of it scared her. She was pushing him away and pulling him close at the same time. "You're messin' with me, 'Nara." He said plainly even as his fingers laced with hers.

He bowed his head so that his forehead rested against hers and brought his free hand up to cup her cheek. "Always messin' with me." He whispered, for now resisting the urge to turn and walk out with the anger that boiled inside of him.

 

Inara stepped closer to Mal, curling up into him. She tilted her face up and kissed him softly. "I'm not trying to mess with you, Mal. I'm trying to be honest about why I'm so dysfunctional. I can't help it. If I could, it'd make my life easier."

 

Mal let a sarcastic smirk escape from him and just shook his head. If he heard anymore or said anymore he knew it would turn into a fight and he wouldn't get to hold her tonight whether it was his doing or hers. "S'just go to sleep..." He said quietly, stepping away from Inara and starting at the buttons of his shirt. He really needed to stop with this hope thing and thinking she'd want things with him. It was too much of a let down when she didn’t.

 

Inara dipped her head, knowing she'd hurt Mal yet again. She couldn't force herself to say the words though, anymore then she could have forced herself to leave the guild house before she did. She unzipped her dress, letting it fall to the floor before she grabbed a black silk nightgown and slipped it over her head. She gathered up the dress and hung it in the closet then went around behind Mal and placed a kiss to the curve of his neck, her hands going around to the buttons on his shirt.

"Hey...that's my job," she whispered against his skin, trying to make up for the hurt she'd caused him.

 

Mal kicked off his boots and stepped away from Inara "I got it..." He said as he finished the buttons on his shirt. He shrugged his suspenders off so that they dangled at his sides. He took his shirt off and tossed it towards the clothes hamper, then watched it fall to the floor missing it by a few feet.

 

Inara stepped away, almost as if she'd been burned. She simply nodded and watched Mal throw his shirt toward the hamper. Out of habit, she walked over and picked it up, stuffing it in the hamper then went over to their bed and curled up in it, watching Mal carefully.

 

Mal stood there for a moment, looking at where she'd put his shirt in the clothes bin. Part of him itched to get it and throw it back onto the floor... mess up the perfect little world in a carefully crafted box that Inara had devised the same way she messed up his. Instead, he turned back to the bed and crawled in after Inara. He pulled her to him and closed his eyes. Another fight for another day...

 

Inara put her hand over Mal's on her stomach, lacing her fingers tightly with his. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. They could handle this. He wasn't leaving or dumping her back on Sihnon. They could deal with this.

And I was right...even the mention of marriage destroys things...we were perfect until then she thought. She knew she wouldn't get much sleep but there was nowhere else she wanted to be right now, asleep or not.

 

 

CHAPTER FOUR

 

Mal walked out of Serenity to where the bonfire had been the night before. Smoke still wafted from it towards the sky and as he walked past it he kicked some dirt into it. He'd woken up early, wanting to get out of the shuttle. For the first time, the air in it had been anything but liberating.  It had felt suffocating. He'd needed to get out before she woke up... before Inara could wake up and convince him <I>not</I> to get out.

"Always was an early riser, Captain. Last to go to sleep, first to wake up."

Mal turned to see Book sitting at a wooden table and munching on a pear. "Old habits die hard." He sat at the table across from Book.

Book held a pear out to Mal. "You look a far cry from the man I saw last night... a rumpled spirit perhaps?"

"New day." Mal said simply, taking the pear and pulling out his knife to slice it open. "Gonna teach 'Nara to shoot a gun today, then we'll be on our way."

"Leaving so soon?" Book asked, surprised. "I thought you would stay more than a day."

Mal shrugged lightly. "Plans change." The truth was that he needed to get back into the sky where he belonged. The claustrophobia of the shuttle was spreading to the whole planet. It was odd. He'd never had this trapped, closed in feeling on Haven.

"Sad to hear it..." Book studied Mal, knowing that even through the tough exterior something was amiss.

Mal drew a deep breath and looked towards the movement out of the corner of his eye.  Zoe, Wash, and Jayne were coming from Serenity towards them. "You ever wantin' back in the sky just let me know..."

"Nice to know the invitation is open. But we both know I do more good here."  Book grinned at Mal.  “Even for you.”

Mal raised an eyebrow. "Callin' me a lost cause?"

Book chuckled heartily and shook his head. "Not at all, Captain. These little visits have done more good than me being under your foot up there."

Mal grinned lightly at Book and shook his head. "Still ain't needin' savin' Preacher."

"Says you..." Book turned to greet Jayne, Zoe, and Wash as they got closer. "Good morning. Plenty of fruit for everyone."

 

"Mornin' Preacher," Zoe greeted as she grabbed an apple, slipped her knife from her pocket and sliced it in half.

"Lambytoes, I can almost promise Shepard didn't put any grenades in his apples," Wash said as he sat down, grabbed an apple almost out of defiance and took a bite of it.

"Old habits die hard," Zoe smirked and continued to slice her apple.

Jayne grunted in greeting, stabbed a pear with his knife and began eating it.

Inara stepped out of the shuttle, relieved to see Mal sitting next to Book by the remains of the bonfire. She hated waking up alone but she wasn't surprised after the complete lack of a fight they'd had the night before. She’d half expected to wake up with him completely gone.

"Morning," she said quietly as she walked up and got a pear out of the basket at Book's feet. She smoothed the back of her long skirt with one hand as she sat down a little ways from Mal.

"Inara," Book nodded in greeting, noticing the woman was quieter, more subdued than she'd been the night before. Combined with the difference he'd noticed in Mal, it didn't take much to come to the conclusion that they'd had some sort of argument.

 

"Jayne, Zoe... S'ppose you could be helpin' me teach 'Nara to shoot a gun today?" Mal asked.

"No reason why we can't, Sir." Zoe said, surprised that Mal wanted them around for that.

 

Inara’s eye’s widened only slightly at Mal’s words before her face went back to its customary, smooth composure. She’d rather hoped it would be just her and Mal for that. It was something she’d been looking forward to and she wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about learning how to shoot from Zoe or Jayne.

Mal nodded. "Good. Then we'll be on our way."

"Already? Just got here yesterday." Jayne argued, an eyebrow shooting up in confusion.  “What happened to stayin’ a few days?”

"And we're leavin' today." Mal said curtly. "Ready to go."

Wash chuckled. "What if we aren't ready to go? I mean we're having fun with the land and the parties and the funny hats."

Mal stood up. "We're leavin' and that's final. Hear more arguin' you can all stay here on Haven."

"Maybe we will." Wash said, anger growing inside of him. He couldn't help it. This was a selfish move by Mal. They'd all been stuck onboard at Sihnon while he'd gallivanted about and now they were spending less than a day here?

"Probably for the best if you do." Mal called behind him as he went towards Serenity to get pistols and rifles.

"Wash..." Zoe said simply, watching after Mal. She knew he got stir crazy on land sometimes. It had just never happened on Haven before. He was usually comfortable here.

Wash spun around to Zoe. "No Zoe. It isn't fair. He spent all that time on Sihnon with us in the air just waiting for him. It's our turn to do the solid ground thing."

 

Inara dipped her head, shame and guilt washing over her at the mention of Sihnon. She fixed her eyes on firmly on her feet. She didn’t want to go after Mal because she knew he needed some space from her right now but she really didn’t want to sit here and hear this conversation either.

"Your man's got a point." Jayne pointed at Wash with his dagger. "Ain't fair way I see it neither."

"See? ... wait... while the fact that Jayne agrees with me is scary… See? He agrees with me." Wash said to Zoe then turned on Jayne. "And don't point sharp objects at me."

"Captain wants to leave, we're leavin'." Zoe said calmly.

Wash nodded as a long sigh escaped him. "Of course we are... I'm going for a walk. Make sure you call him Sir while you’re agreein’ with him. He likes that." He turned away.

"One word from you, Jayne and I'll shove that dagger down your throat." Zoe said before Jayne could get a snide remark out.

With a grunt, Jayne grabbed another piece of fruit, pushed away from the table and stalked off. He grumbled under his breath as he walked away but it was low it was little more than a growl.

"Mornin' everyone." Kaylee beamed a smile as she walked to the table, her hands shoved into the pockets of her coveralls. "Oooo fruit. What's goin' on?" She grabbed a peach from the fruit basket.

"Good morning, Kaylee." Book said. "Your smile is welcome."

"We'll be headin' out by the afternoon." Zoe said calmly before getting up and walking off.

"Already?" Kaylee asked, looking between Book and Inara.

 

Inara put down the pear she'd picked up uneaten and stood. "I'll just...go change into something more casual." The dress she was wearing was already as casual as she got but she needed an excuse to get out of there. Now not only was she causing problems for Mal, she was causing problems between Wash and Zoe and everyone else.

She disappeared into the ship and on up into the shuttle. Was it so hard to just say yes to Mal? She knew he wouldn't ever treat their marriage like an ownership, her being the property but she was terrified somewhere inside of herself that she would.

She sat down at the vanity in front of the mirror, staring at herself. She had her mother's eyes but she had his hair, his nose and even his jaw. He was the obsessively neat, organized one in the family. She'd inherited his compulsion to plan everything. She couldn't help but wonder what else she'd inherited from him.

 

"Well that wasn't shiny." Kaylee sat at the table with Book.

Book shook his head. "No, but the Captain is who he is... They're about to teach Inara to shoot, which should prove amusing to watch. Somehow I can’t imagine a lady as proper as she shooting a gun.”

 

River snuck up behind them all, snatching an apple from the bowl. "Benedict Arnold," she laughed and sat down on the bench across from Kaylee and Book. She pulled her feet up onto the bench, her knees to her chest and took a bite of her apple. "No power in the verse can stop me," she smiled at Kaylee and indicated her apple.

 

**

 

Mal walked off Serenity and glanced at the table. Only Kaylee, River, and Book were sitting there now. He made his way to one side of Serenity with two rifles in one hand, his pistols, and a bag of ammo

Inara followed shortly in the same peach colored skirt and cream top she'd put on earlier. She'd pulled her hair back tightly and switched her slippers for a pair of high-heeled boots. She gave Kaylee and Book a smile from a distance that had companion written all over it. She'd slipped her mask into place. She and Mal might be falling apart but there was no reason they had to advertise it to everyone. She stopped a few feet from Mal and watched him a moment. "What are we going to shoot?" she asked quietly.

 

Mal pointed to a bush twenty yards away. "Gonna shoot for the center of it." He told her as he stood next to her. He held the pistol up and took her hands. "This hand goes here, and the other..." He placed her hands on the pistol. His arms wrapped around her from behind and his hands went around her wrists. Even when he was this close to her in public, he could feel his heart rate pick up speed. "Always hold a pistol out from you... arms completely extended. And look along this line; see the notch above the barrel? Gotta be linin' up that with your target."

 

Inara could feel her heart beat harder with Mal's arms wrapped around her. She swallowed hard and nodded. "Okay..." She lined up the pistol, closed one eye and looked along the barrel the same way she would an arrow in archery. She wet her lips; the tip of her tongue sticking out in concentration then squeezed the trigger...and missed her target completely. The kick from the pistol knocked her back, right into Mal and threw all her careful aiming off.

 

"There now... backfire's gonna be stronger than you. It's stronger than me, so you gotta use your muscles to keep her steady. Anticipate it but don't give into it." Mal directed, helping Inara aim the pistol again. "Remember, anticipate it... don't give into it. Gotta master the weapon and don't let it master you. Aim..." He drew a breath of her hair and kept his arms wrapped around her to help her steady the pistol.

 

Inara nodded, trying to steady her breathing. Somehow she couldn’t help but think that while it wouldn’t be as nice to learn how to shoot from Zoe, it’d be easier.  "Okay," she said again, stiffening her arms, widening her stance and trying to brace herself for the kick.

 

“No.  Don’t lock your elbows.  Gotta give the weapon some give.”  Mal instructed.

 

Inara nodded and looked down the barrel of the gun, aiming it and firing again. She didn't quite hit her target but she got a lot closer this time, which brought a big smile to her face. "I almost got it! Did you see it that time? I was close," she said excitedly looking over her shoulder at Mal.

 

Mal couldn't help the small smile that spread on his own lips. Inara's smile was contagious. "Saw it." He nodded then stole a kiss while she was turned in his direction. "Say yes to me..." The words were out of his mouth before he realized it. "You know I ain't your father and you sure as hell ain't him. Marry me."

 

Inara's breath caught in her throat and her heart started pounding even faster. Her breath finally burst from her throat, coming in quick, shallow pants. Her chest was tight and her head woozy and she knew she had to answer him before she fainted. She nodded and her eyes filled up with tears. "Yes." It came out wheezy and breathless. She held the pistol with one hand. Her other hand tightened over Mal's wrist. She tried to take gulping breaths of air that seemed like it wasn't there. "Panic attack," she managed to choke out between wheezy breaths.

 

Mal chuckled and shook his head. He grabbed Inara, a hand at each side of her waist as he lifted her into the air with a loud whooping holler. He spun her around in the air and then set her down again. "No time for panicin', darlin'. Heard you say yes and I'm gonna hold you to it." He took her lips in a wet, open-mouthed kiss.

 

Somewhere between the kissing and listening to Mal, Inara managed to get her nerves under control enough that she wasn't in danger of fainting. She put her hand over his chest, on his heart and concentrated on the feel of his heart pounding against the palm of her hand as she returned the kiss, pouring herself into it. It didn’t matter that she was breathless. She was always breathless around him.

Kaylee and Book looked up from the table and Kaylee's smile stretched ear from ear. "Wouldja look at that..." she said, pointing at Mal and Inara. "Ain't never seen the Capt'n like that."

 

Book chuckled softly. "I guess she gave him the right answer this time," he smiled at Kaylee.

"Answer? Answer ta what?” Kaylee asked then realization dawned on her face and she looked like a child on Christmas morning. “You mean he asked her ta marry-You knew he was gonna ask?" Kaylee looked to Book, surprise on her face.

Book shrugged. "I had an idea he might."

 

"What was that? Captain okay?" Zoe ran to where Book and Kaylee sat.

"Captain's shiny." Kaylee smiled. "'Nara said yes."

River unwound herself from where she'd been curled up on the bench and wordlessly wandered in a large circle behind some of the buildings.

 

"Capt'n's getting married?" Zoe asked. She still had issues with Inara and she had her doubts that Inara would or could make Mal happy but for the moment, she'd hold her opinion. Captain was happy right now. It’d hold until they could discuss it more calmly.

 

"Ain't it shiny?" Kaylee beamed.

"Ain't what shiny?" Wash walked back to the table, looking out to where Mal was with Inara. Jayne walked up behind him and stabbed another apple with his dagger before taking a bite.

"Capt'n's gettin' married." Kaylee said happily.

Wash lifted his eyebrows in surprise. "Hey, does that mean we get to stay a few more days?"

Kaylee shrugged. "Maybe."

 

"I suspect you will. Got a wedding to plan after all and I don't expect Inara to let him off with some small affair," Book smiled at Wash. "Could be wrong though. It's happened before."

 

Mal ran his hands back through Inara's hair in an attempt to soothe and calm her. "Can even have Book do the weddin'. Nothin' to panic about." Mal said again, kissing her forehead. She still hadn’t said anything and he wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing.

 

Inara nodded as she put the pistol she was holding down and grabbed handfuls of Mal's shirt. She looked up at him, eyes still shining with tears. "You won't let me turn you into something you're not...right? I almost did on Sihnon and I didn't mean to. I didn't want to but I-I don't want to be like him and I'm scared I will be."

Mal shook his head at Inara. "We'll be on Serenity. Can't nothin' like that happen on Serenity. And we'll have all the crew with us. It'll be shiny. Won’t let it happen. You're gettin' me... honest and true."

 

Inara nodded, still terrified over the commitment she was making. "Okay," she whispered and nodded again. "Okay." She reached up, her hand shaking and tangled her fingers in Mal's hair. Her breath was still coming in uneven, sometimes shallow pants. "Just tell me we'll be okay. Tell me we'll be like Zoe and Wash. No matter what, we'll love each other that it's enough." Her voice was pleading and completely terrified but at the same time she was neither broken nor defeated just scared.

 

"Darlin' we'll be okay... This ain't a scary thing, 'Nara. It's a future with... with a life together like it should be." Mal explained. "Promise... it'll all be shiny."

 

Inara nodded and rested her forehead against Mal's shoulder for a moment. When she looked back up at him, her eyes were more hopeful and the smile on her face was excited. "Okay," she said. It sounded less desperate and more certain than it had before. "I’ll hold you to that," she told him teasingly.

River slipped up behind the couple silently. She picked up the pistol Inara had put down, aimed it and fired three shots lightening quick. "Traitor. Tattle tell. Won't even know it's there. Can't get it out. Can't get it out. Can't get it out," she shrieked and then crumbled to the ground, curling around herself. She rocked back and forth, muttering "Can't get it out, can't get it out. Tattle tell, can't get it out."

"NARA!" Kaylee screamed, jumping up from the table and running as hard as she could toward Mal and Inara.

 

Zoe passed her, getting there first. She snatched the guns up and shoved them in Kaylee's hands.  "Lock those up first," she directed in that cold, no nonsense tone she had when things got bad.

Book stared in mute silence for a moment, unsure of what to do, his mouth gaping. He recovered after a moment and ran over to where Inara and Mal were.

 

Simon had been watching Mal and Inara from the open door to the cargo bay. The moment River had shot the gun, he'd felt his heart trip hammer in his chest. <I>No...</I> "River! No!" He shouted as she ran to her. He knelt next to her and gathered her in his arms. "Shh, River it's alright."

 

The pain was sharp at first, making Inara scream as a fire burned through her. It faded fast though, faster than she thought it would. She couldn't breathe though. Her brow furrowed and she looked up at Mal confused. "Panic attack?" she asked in a gurgled, breathless choke of words. It didn't feel like a panic attack...it felt like cold and getting colder. Blood filled her mouth and trickled out the corner and she couldn’t make sense of why or how.

Mal's eyes were wide and startled, as he held onto Inara's shoulders to hold her upright. When her knees gave out, so did his. He fell to the ground with her, holding her to him in shock. "'Nara? 'Nara look at me!" He laid her back in the dirt and turned her to her side. He tore open her blouse then ripped at his shirt then pressed the torn cloth against each of the wounds. Her white blouse bloomed crimson with her blood and her skin was smeared with red.

His eyes frantically darted up and around the area as his crew gathered around. They landed on where Simon held onto River. "Doc... you ain't wantin' me to put a bullet in you and your sister's head, you best be gettin' things to fix the wounded."

Simon knew it was an empty threat. The captain would never harm them, but still he nodded, let go of River, and got to his feet to run after his doctor's bag.

"'Nara!" Mal put one blood soaked hand to Inara's cheek and held pressure on one of the wounds with the other. "Look at me.  Been shot a number of times and I’m just fine.  You will be too." When her eyes rolled to the back of her head briefly, he bowed his head, his brow furrowed.  <I>No…</I>

For a moment a hesitant prayer began to work its way through his mind.  God hadn’t helped him in so long… Without another thought, he lifted her in his arms and began carrying her towards Serenity.

"Where're you goin'?" Jayne asked.

"Doc's takin' too long. Takin' her to him." Mal said, walking into the cargo bay and towards the corridor that would lead him to the infirmary. He ran into Simon. "Sure are movin' slow doc." The words came out more harshly than he'd meant them.

Simon turned following the captain back towards the infirmary followed by the rest of the crew. "My bag was in my room and the sedative was-"

"No time for excuses." Mal laid Inara on the bed in the infirmary. "Fix her." His voice carried every bit the order that he'd meant it to be.

 

Inara kept looking at Mal confused. She couldn't quite figure out what was going on. "C-cold," she managed to say, her words liquid and bubbling with blood. "Mal...what happened?" she asked, sounding lost and very, very young. "Scared..." she whispered. "Always so scared."

 

"Inara, you need to be quiet." Simon pressed a hypo to her neck that would put her under, the less blood that was pumping through her heart and veins, the less she would loose. "We're going to take care of you." He told her as her eyes slowly closed and she went under the effects of the hypo.

He turned her over onto her stomach with Mal's help and ripped the rest of the way at the material of her dress to get it out of the way. "Lung, spleen, maybe heart..."

Mal shook his head, watching Simon from the other side of the infirmary bed. "What's that mean?"

Simon felt his heart skip a beat. The wounds were bad... she'd lost too much blood. He didn’t have the equipment or the necessary stored blood to give her a transfusion, nor did he have the equipment to repair the damage that had been done to her lungs and possibly her heart. "We need a hospital."

"Come again?"

"She needs a better doctor than me, Captain. One who has better equipment." Simon explained. "River and I can't go into the core. You have to take her. We'll stay here on Haven."

"Tama de hundan..." Mal came around the bed and grabbed Simon's shirt in his hands. He shoved him against a wall, every ounce of him filled with fire and urgency. "Fix her!"

“I can’t!” Simon shouted back, and then narrowed his eyes, his voice lowering slightly. “And the longer you stay here arguing with me the closer you get to her dying.”

Mal was quiet for only a moment before letting go of Simon and looking back to Inara. He ran a hand agitatedly back through his hair. “What do I need to do?”

“Pressure to the wound. Keep them pressurized and get her to a hospital.” Simon instructed. “You need to hurry.”

“Alliance has a station around on the other side of the planet. You just have to get her there. They’ve been there for the past month.” Book instructed from the door.

Mal nodded and looked back to Simon angrily. “Get you and your sister off my boat. Wash get us in the air. Zoe, Help me. Kaylee, get the cargo door shut.” He pressured some gauze against one of the wounds at Inara’s back.

Book nodded at Simon reassuringly and went to get River off of the ship with him.

 

Kaylee ran and shut the cargo bay door. Wash had the ship taking off even as the door was closing. Kaylee ran from the cargo bay to the engine room, knowing Wash was going to want a full burn.

Wash hit full burn, heading for the Alliance hospital as fast as they could physically go.

 

Zoe grabbed some sterile gauze pads and pressed a bunch of them to the wound piercing Inara's lung. "Ain't nothin', Sir. We'll get her to a hospital...have her back in those fancy dresses in a week or so," she said in her calm, cool voice. The truth was it was bad. She wasn't sure Inara was going to make it and if she didn't, Zoe wasn't sure how Mal would make it.

 

Mal looked across the bed to Zoe. He’d seen enough war wound to know that this was really bad. Men died from wounds like these. "Don't need to be humored, Zoe." He said almost blankly.

 

"Not tryin' to humor you, Sir," Zoe said looking up at Mal. "Jus' tryin' to be optimistic. Heard there's benefits to it." She looked down at Inara. The gauze pads she was holding to the wound on her back had turned crimson. She got fresh ones and placed them over the wound. Without asking she handed Mal a fresh pile of gauze. "Alliance hospitals can do amazin' things, Sir. They'll get her fixed up. Kaylee said you got a weddin' to plan."

 

Mal replaced the blood soaked gauze with the fresh one that Zoe gave him. He'd completely forgotten that he'd asked Inara to marry him. It felt like a dream that hadn't really happened and this was the opposing nightmare. He swallowed hard and shook his head. "Can't think about that. Her bein' here with me... Out of place... where she's safe." Mal rambled, knowing that he was only making sense to himself.  ”Ain’t lookin’ forward to seein’ Alliance again… me bein’ on their people they ain’t keen on list.”

 

"We'll keep her safe. Don't worry 'bout that, Sir," Zoe told him.  “and we gotta do what’s gotta be done.” They both fell silent, the only sound that of them switching out pads when the old ones became soaked with blood.

 

Mal watched closely as Inara’s chest rose and fell with small, shallow breaths.  He watched the monitor counting every heartbeat and noticing even the slightest of inconsistencies.  God couldn’t be this mean.  He knew that God wasn’t with him anymore, that He’d lost faith in him.  But to take away something he’d finally begun to believe in.  He couldn’t think that even a God that didn’t care about him anymore was this cruel.

 

 

CHAPTER FIVE

 

Simon kept an arm around River's shoulders as they watched Serenity take sky until they couldn't see her anymore. "I don't understand." He shook his head, every bit of him full of confusion.  He’d thought River had been doing better, and then this.

"Why don't you bring her in?" Book instructed, leading them to one of the small apartments.

Once Simon had River settled, he sat down next to her. "What happened meimei?" He asked, smoothing her hair back gently. "You hurt Inara."

 

River kept her head down but she glanced up at Simon through her hair. She shook her head and curled up tighter into herself. "Can't get it out. She tries and she tries but she can't get it out."

 

"Were you trying to help her get something out?" Simon asked, curiously, trying to push River to talk about it. "They're family, River. You hurt one of us all of us hurt." He was mainly talking about that Captain. He'd be surprised if they were allowed back on Serenity after this.

 

"No..." River shook her head. "Can't think. Can't reason. Forward, backward, sideways...they all lose their meaning." She looks up at Simon, her gaze clear and hard. "I was trying to kill her before she can hurt him."

 

"Inara would never hurt anyone. We all know that she wouldn't... not if she could help it." Simon shook his head again and looked down to the mattress they sat on. "I just don't understand, and I'm not sure that anyone else will either."

 

"Cull the herd, protect them. It has to be done. Not pretty but it has to be done," River answered. "It's not safe. He shouldn't have gone to the Gingerbread house. He'll get lost in the maze and Mommy won't be able to save him. Little bits of cookie laced with arsenic. Mommy doesn't know."

She twisted a strand of her hair around her finger as she rambled.

 

"Shhh, mei mei." Simon shushed River in a quiet whisper as he looked back up to her. He pulled her to him to cradle her in his arms. "It'll be okay. It has to be okay."

 

"We're not little kids anymore, Simon. Daddy can't take this away and he can't protect himself or us. There's a snake in the woodpile, Simon."

River curled up, letting Simon rock her as she fell silent.

 

**

 

It seemed like an eternity before Kaylee poked her head into the infirmary. Her eyes were red and puffy. She leaned against the doorframe and chewed on her lower lip. Inara looked too pale and small lying on the infirmary bed. Her hair was a dark blot against all the sterile whiteness and Mal stood next to her, both of his hands holding one of hers. Zoe sat on one of the shelves in the infirmary, watching quietly.

"Gonna be at the med facilities in a few minutes," Kaylee said in a hoarse voice. "'Nara gonna be okay?" she asked plaintively

 

"She'll be shiny" Mal said, going to a closet in the infirmary to get a stretcher. With Zoe's help they moved Inara’s limp form to the stretcher. "She'll be just shiny, lil' one." He repeated to Kaylee as Zoe and he walked past her with the stretcher towards the cargo bay. He sounded as if he were trying to convince himself as much as he was Kaylee.

 

Kaylee nodded and followed Zoe and Mal to the cargo bay. "I got shot that one time an' I was shiny...'Nara will be too." She took Mal’s lead and attempted to reassure herself more than anyone else. “More’n shiny…”

Wash requested docking at the med facility then prepared to be boarded by the Alliance. He silently hoped that Mal had kept all the papers and cargo in order. They didn't need any more complications right now.

 

Mal opened the door to the cargo bay and stood back, hands in the air as he offered papers to the entering officers.  “Got wounded.  Needs attention now.”  His voice, while still commanding carried a hollow feel.

 

"Captain Malcolm Reynolds... Firefly class, Serenity." The commander said as he walked aboard the ship with several Alliance officers. "Amazed that you would willingly come to us. We didn't even have to arrest you. I'm sure we can find something illegal if we look hard enough. I'm Commander Hyer."

"Ain't lookin' for no trouble. Got a hurt crewmember, like I said. Needs medical attention." Mal said curtly, nodding to the stretcher as the commander took the papers that were obviously forged.

Commander Hyer chuckled and shook his head as he looked over the papers. "You say these are authentic?"

"My crew member." Mal pointed to where Inara still lay on the stretcher. His voice carried a hint of worry and urgency to it that he was unable to hide.

Commander Hyer glanced to the body on the stretcher and drew a deep breath. "We are not a medical facility for just anyone."

"She ain't just anyone. The next High Priestess of the guild on Sihnon." He explained, desperation setting in.  He was willing to use any tactics necessary to get Inara in to the doctors.

One of the officers nodded, looking up from a small cortex screen he'd been looking at. "Companion was traveling with them."

"Very well." The Commander nodded. "Take the captain into custody and the companion to the medical ward."

"Custody? What for?" Wash asked worriedly.

Zoe shook her head as she stepped forward. "Ain't no reason for you to take him into custody."

Mal shook his head at Zoe, the silent movement an order not to argue, as two officers took him by the arms and led him through the airlock and into the Alliance facilities.  He didn’t want any trouble for his crew, and Inara <I>needed</I> this to go as smooth as possible.

The commander glanced at Zoe. "He has a reputation as an unsavory character for us. We'll just make sure he causes no trouble while you're docked at our station. Purely a precaution.  And interrogation to be sure that he’s telling the truth about what happened to Mistress Serra." He shoved the papers for Serenity at Zoe and started into the station.

"But the Capt'n ain't done nothin' wrong." Kaylee said, her voice full of tears. "It ain't-"

"Kaylee..." Zoe reprimanded as two officers carried the stretcher into the space station.  Mal had silently asked for no argument, and for now he’d get it.

 

Jayne watched the officers with his jaw clenched. "Ben tiansheng de yidui rou," he muttered under his breath. "Mal didn't do nothin' wrong. Gorram cowards...scared to death he's gonna-"

"Jayne," Zoe said with a look of warning. If the alliance decided to turn Inara away from the hospital they'd never make it back to Haven where Simon was before Inara died.

"Ain't ruttin' right," Jayne grumbled again. "How much coin it gonna cost us this time to get him out," he snarled at one of the remaining officers.

 

The officer shook his head at Jayne. "So far nothing. I mean they'll check his record from the last time he was in prison to make sure that there are no new offenses. I suspect they'll keep him locked up until you leave though. He's a risk we aren't willing to take." He strolled around the cargo bay, opening boxes and checking the cargo as three other guards stood at the cargo entrance.

Jayne tried to feel relieved that they weren't going to have to give up more coin, but couldn't quite muster up the feeling. He shook his head and chuckled.

"Why are you laughing?" The officer patrolling the crates looked to Jayne.

Jayne shrugged. "Just funny that you strong Alliance types is so scared of him is all..." It gave him an odd sense of respect for the captain... almost like pride.

The officer chose to ignore that and walked towards the cargo door. "I'm sure you'll all be kept informed of the situation." He said before leaving them to their own.

"Ain't right..." Kaylee said, wiping at her damp cheeks.

Zoe shook her head. "Captain knew what he was comin' to by bringin' Inara here."

"I'm still with Kaylee on the not rightness of it all." Wash added.

 

Zoe nodded. "Never said it was right. Can't help it anyway." She started pacing the cargo bay. They really didn't have much to do until the doctors came in to let them know what was going on with Inara.

 

**

 

Mal felt the cuffs clamped around his wrists even more than he heard the clink of them. He sat on a bench in the containment cell quietly. He hadn't fought the guards coming in here, hadn't even had a sarcastic remark. He hadn't fought when they put the cuffs on him and hadn't even said anything as the insults were hurled at him as the door had been locked shut.

Inara had been shot right in front of him. He kept playing the moment over and over in his head, trying to figure out how he could have stopped it. His guard had been down. He hadn't been alert enough. They always hit you hardest when your guard was down. And now he wasn't even sure who 'they' was anymore. He just knew that he'd been hit enough... from all sides.

Right now he didn't even care if he was stuck here. If Inara was alive and taken away from him where she could be safe... this would be worth it.

 

**

 

Inara was numb everywhere. She literally felt like she was floating inches above the bed. Her eyes were grainy and dry, too heavy to open for a moment. She remembered everything. She and Mal had been happy. He'd asked her to marry him again and she'd said yes. And then there'd been a fire...she furrowed her brow, eyes still closed. No, a fire wasn't right. There'd been gunshots...someone had shot her. Her fingers twitched a little, her hand twisted as if she were searching for something or someone. When she didn't find it, she forced her eyes open. The room wavered uncertainly before her eyes. It was empty and too bright. She closed her eyes against the light. "Mal," she croaked through lips too dry. The words had to be forced through a burning, raw throat. Until a few hours ago, she'd had a ventilator to help her breath. She found the nurses call button and pushed it. After a few moments, a nurse entered the room.

"Oh my goodness, Mistress Serra...we weren't sure you were going to wake up. Let me go get the doctor." The nurse rushed out before Inara could stop her. She returned several minutes later with a doctor in tow.

The doctor checked all her vitals and made many notes in his file. "You're a very lucky woman, Mistress Serra. I'm sure the guild house will be thrilled to know that you should make a full recovery after a certain amount of rest."

Inara shook her head, not certain why they kept referring to her as Mistress Serra or why the doctor mentioned the guild house. "Mal," she croaked again. "I want to see Mal."

The nurse stared at her and shook her head. "Sweetie, I don't know what you're talking about.  You’ve been unconscious for four days.  It’s possible the drugs are causing you to hallucinate."

”Four days?” She was so tired already and her chest was beginning to burn. For a moment, she was tempted to give up and try later but she knew Mal wouldn't have. "Malcolm Reynolds...brought me here."

The doctor exchanged looks with the nurse and shook his head almost imperceptibly. Inara caught it though.

 

“She mentioned his name a couple of times in her sleep,” the nurse whispered to the doctor. “We all thought she was delirious.”

"Know he's here. Wouldn't leave me." Inara tried again. Her words came in short, shallow bursts of breath. "Mal."

"Miss, we're going to have to sedate you if you don't settle down," the doctor warned her.

Inara shook her head and started struggling without much success to sit up. "Mal," she said again. This time it was weaker. "Please?" The word was almost mouthed rather than actually said.

The doctor watched her for a moment then sighed. "If I manage to get him up here will you settle down and rest?"

"Thank you," Inara barely whispered and stopped struggling. She was so tired already and out of breath. She just needed to catch her breath.

The doctor stepped out of the room and gestured to one of the regular security guards.

"There's a man in the holding cells. Malcolm Reynolds. My patient is asking for him. If you'd have him brought here on my orders."

The guard nodded and lifted a portable comm to his mouth. He repeated the doctor's instructions, nodded and then turned to the doctor. "They'll have him up in a moment, Doctor."

 

**

 

Mal had been in the holding cell for almost four days. They hadn't brought him food, just water that he'd drank as if it were sweet nectar he'd craved. Each time an officer came into his cell, he'd received a sharp blow or more and an insult.  His mind had gone to a time when he’d been under Alliance thumb for three months.  By the end of that time, the insults had been easy to believe.  He’d never dealt with what they’d done to him in prison the last time.  And now he was paying for it… easily believing every name they called him, every slap to his face, and judgment of character.

They were trying to provoke him. The problem was that there was nothing to provoke. Until he knew how Inara was, he was a shell.

The lock on the door sounded and he looked up through the one eye he could fully open. An officer walked in and landed a backhand to his already bruised cheek.

"Mistress Serra is asking for you. I suppose you're lucky... it’s been a laugh seeing who could get the most hits in." He got Mal to his feet and started him down the hallway, thankful that his hands were still cuffed behind his back. As they walked into the medical ward, he grabbed the captain's neck and pushed him against the wall. "If I were you I'd hope that your luck holds." He let go and ushered Mal into the wing that held the beautiful companion.

The moment Mal saw Inara he felt the first wave of emotion race across his features since he'd been put in the holding cell. He walked to the side of her bed and tugged at the cuffs at his wrists behind his back. He itched to touch her but couldn't. "'Nara..." He said quietly. He looked back at the officers. "Uncuff me."

One of the officers grinned and shook his head. "I don't think so Captain Reynolds. You're lucky you have this much for now. This isn't your ship where you can give orders."

Mal scowled and looked back to Inara, his features softening when he saw her. "You're alive."

 

Inara's brow furrowed when she looked up at Mal. She tried to raise one hand to touch his bruised face but was too weak. She looked at the officer and attempted to give him the sternest expression she could manage, asserting all of her companion 'authority'. "Uncuff him. Vouch for him. Not going to do anything."

 

The officer shook his head again. "I'm sorry Mistress Serra. We can't do that."

"Can't or won't?" Mal snapped in their direction.

The officer smiled a sadistic smile. "And now he fights back. Are we going to have to arrest you for misconduct to an officer?"

Mal looked back to Inara and just shook his head.  He just had to make it through this and they could get out of here. "They say how long 'til you can get out of here?"

 

"Reporting this to Priestess Dria," Inara glared rather unconvincingly at the officer then she looked at Mal and shook her head. "Doctor...ask. So tired. Sit," she said, patting the bed beside her. She pushed the call button for the nurse again.

 

Mal sat at the side of the bed rather awkwardly with the cuffs. "Bound to be a little tired after takin' three bullets." The words came out almost blankly as he tried to make conversation and not loose anymore control in front of any Alliance. "Soon as you're able we'll be gettin' you back to Serenity." <I>and maybe away from Serenity too... to where there's safety.</I>

 

Inara nodded, slipping her hand back to awkwardly twine her fingers with his despite the fact that he was still handcuffed. "Wanna go home," she whispered breathily. "Miss you." It was said quietly in hopes the officers still in the room wouldn't hear.

The doctor came back in the room, pleased to see that Inara had settled down. He frowned at the presence of the military in the room but had no jurisdiction to send them out. "Mistress Serra, Captain Reynolds," he nodded at the both of them. "You had some questions?"

"Home," Inara said as loudly as she could, just a little above a whisper. Her chest hurt and she wanted to go back to sleep but she wanted Mal to stay with her a little longer.

"Home? Oh...I don't know. I wouldn't even consider it for a couple of more days...possibly three. You've had some fairly major surgery. You punctured a lung. We had to re-inflate it. We removed your spleen and repaired some internal bleeding. The other bullet was dangerously close to your heart."

Inara furrowed her brow, knowing she couldn't tell them that Simon would take care of her. "Want to go home. Now."

 

The doctor sighed, made some more notes in his file and nodded then left the room to order her release. The last thing they needed was to anger the guild. They were a surprisingly powerful group of women with friends in all the right places.

 

Mal was surprised with how quickly the papers were drawn and Inara was moved to a stretcher with instructions printed out to keep her alive. The companion title held a lot of weight in an Alliance facility.  He followed and watched as the stretcher was taken into Serenity. He stopped short when his cuffs were pulled on from behind.

"Now I'm not so sure that we're letting you go." The officer hissed in Mal's ear.

Zoe came to the cargo door with Kaylee and Jayne. She found Inara on their stretcher and Mal still in the air lock with some officers. His face was bruised and his hands were cuffed. "Ain't done nothin' warrants keepin' him."

"Sure you'll get 'nother chance." Mal said calmly, looking at where Inara laid on the stretcher inside the cargo bay. He felt a hard punch to the gut and then one to his face before he doubled over with the impact. He stood back upright. "Sure I'll be gettin' my chance too..."

The officer unlocked the cuffs and pushed Mal towards Serenity. Mal walked the rest of the way on his own his hands rubbing at his wrists. "Zoe, close the cargo door." He punched the button for the comm that went throughout the ship. "Wash... we're takin' off."  He needed to get away from this place now, or they <I>would</I> have a reason to keep him.

"Capt'n they hurt you." Kaylee said.

"M'Alright. Jayne, help me get her to the infirmary." He lifted one end of the stretcher and started for the infirmary with Jayne.

"Why'd you let 'em beat on ya?" Jayne asked.

"Seemed like the thing to do..." Mal said.

 

Inara was mostly asleep through the activity. All of the talking and signing papers had exhausted her. She opened her eyes half way when Mal lifted up the stretcher, a half smile slipped across her face for a moment before she closed her eyes again, falling into a restless half sleep..

Wash got the ship in the air, not pushing it as hard as he had on the way out here. There was no need. Inara was stabilized for the moment.

 

"You okay, Sir?" Zoe asked as she followed Mal and Jayne into the infirmary

 

Mal nodded absentmindedly to Zoe. "M'Alright..." He hooked Inara up to the monitors in the infirmary and pulled a chair close to the bed so that he could have a seat. “Just a few scratches. Ain't nothin'."

 

"Why don't you let me take care of those cuts an' scrapes then?" Zoe said as she rummaged through the infirmary and came up with antiseptic, weaves, tape and gauze. She walked over to Mal and started dabbing antiseptic on the cut beneath Mal's eye. She didn't ask if having Inara treated at the hospital was worth what Mal had gone through. She knew at least to him it was. She'd do the same thing without a second thought if it'd been Wash or even the captain himself.

"Goin' to be alright now. They wouldn't have released her if she hadn't been out of the woods."

 

"Four days... we got a shiny doc of our own who can be takin' care of her from here on in." Mal said as he tilted his bruised and cut face up while Zoe mended the scrapes.

Jayne grunted from where he sat on the counter. "You could've taken any of those officers, ya know Mal? Ain't understandin' why you let 'em beat on you... or cuff you for that matter. Once you're cuffed the fightin' gets a mite bit harder. Just ain't-"

"Jayne." Zoe said. "Captain had his reasons."

Mal looked to where Inara laid on the bed. "Weren't no promise that they would take care of 'Nara. Needed to cause as little trouble as possible. Guess they searched the ship for the doc and his sister?"

Jayne nodded. "Yeah, weren't no coin for them to take this time though."

 

"Good thing 'bout bein' broke," Zoe said as she finished up patching Mal's face.

Jayne looked at Inara then Mal. He understood why Mal had done it but he didn't quite comprehend it. He had no problem rescuing someone, fighting his way out of a situation but to stand there and take the blows...that wasn't something Jayne could wrap his head around. He grunted and nodded. "I'll be in my bunk iffin' you need somethin'," he said as he got up from the counter and walked out of the infirmary. He stopped by the door and looked at Mal a moment again. "Glad I-Nara is alright," he nodded before taking off again.

 

Mal looked to Zoe. "They didn't hurt any of you?" He asked. He'd known also that if he hadn't complied with what the Alliance had wanted, it could have been harder on his crew. "Didn't give you any trouble?"

 

"Just made a nuisance of themselves, pokin' about," Zoe answered. "Ain't nothin' to worry 'bout," she assured him and she leaned against the cabinet.

 

"River girl shot 'Nara... Heard from Simon?" Mal shook his head. "Ain't understandin' it."

 

"Talked to him a couple of times since we been here," Zoe answered. "Says River's havin' a bad time of it right now. He's had her sedated since it happened. Says she keeps talking about traitors an' tattletells. Sharin' secrets but she don't say which secrets. Lots of screamin' 'bout can't get somethin' out. He don't have a clue what's goin' on with her. She won't answer him straight when he asks why she shot Inara, just goes back into a catatonic state muttering about all those things." She looked at Inara for a moment then back at Mal. She took a deep breath, knowing Mal really wasn't going to like what she was about to say. "Don't suppose maybe she's thinkin' Inara is a traitor...maybe she was responsible for gettin' you thrown in jail?"

 

"Ain't likin' your train of thought Zoe. 'Nara would never do such a thing as that. She was surprised as any when she learned on Sihnon I was in jail." Mal said dryly. "Be on the lookout for somethin' amiss though... somethin' that has nothin' to do with 'Nara."

 

Zoe nodded, biting back words she'd never say to Mal. She still had issues with Inara, with the way she'd jerked Mal around on Sihnon. It'd been an easy subject to avoid with the companion herself as she and Mal had pretty much kept to the shuttle. "Will do, Sir," she responded. She still didn't like the way Mal blindly trusted the companion.

 

Mal nodded and turned away from Zoe. Out of everyone on the crew, he could always trust her. She would quit that line of thinking right now. Still, with the things, River had said and done, and his and Inara’s relationship, some uncertainty clouded his mind. "Just gonna sit here for awhile." He looked to where Inara rested on the bed.

 

Zoe nodded. "I'll leave you to it, Sir. Be near by if you need anything though," she said as she pushed away from the counter. She squeezed Mal's shoulder as she walked by and out of the infirmary.

 

 

CHAPTER SIX

 

Inara woke with her chest aching. It bordered just on the edge of real pain. She tried to take a deep breath and the ache burst into full-fledged pain. She furrowed her brow and turned her head before opening her eyes.  A smile spread on her lips in spite of the pain. Mal was sitting next to her with his forehead on the back of her hand, his hand holding hers.

"Hey...was afraid you'd be gone when I woke up," she whispered. It was barely a whisper, almost just a soft exhalation of breath.

 

Mal lifted his head surprised to hear even a whisper from her. He'd been sitting next to her for an hour and knew they had to be nearing Haven. "Doc will be able to look at you soon." It was the first thing that came to his mind to say; even though there were a million things he could have said.

He ran his thumb lightly over the back of her hand. "If you're in pain, I know how to give painkillers. Alliance fixed you up real good."

 

"You're hurt," she said as she reached up slightly to touch the bandage on his eye.

 

Mal shook his head, his hand resting over hers. "Ain't nothin' but a scratch... not worth the worryin'."

 

Inara nodded, knowing that he'd been in the alliance prison because of her, in the position to be hurt because Simon couldn't help her. "Sorry," she whispered and took a breath, pain arcing through her again. "Painkillers...please."

 

Mal nodded and went to one of the drawers where he pulled out a hypo spray that would dull the pain. He pressed it to her neck and it went in with a woosh. "Nothin' to be sorry about. You're alive and ain’t no apologizin’ to be had about that."

 

Inara sighed softly. The pain relief was almost immediate. She knew as it took effect she'd get even groggier and probably silly. "Sure you're okay?" she asked, needing to make certain.

 

"Shiny. You're the one needs worryin' about." Mal said quietly, not willing to tell her how he felt like his whole life had been turned upside-down. In the cell, he'd remembered everything from the last time they'd had him for months. And all he'd been able to care about was that if he made a ruckus, they wouldn't let him out. He'd never get to know if Inara made it or not. He wouldn't get back to Serenity this time.  They’d hurt his crew. A million different scenarios had gone through his head and he knew he'd already had all the luck he was going to get. He had to make his own now.

He saw Inara watching him and shook his head, sitting back in the chair by the bed. "M'fine 'Nara. You will be too." He grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips, his head bowed mainly to avert his gaze from hers. "Was worried about you... What I get for teachin' you to shoot."

 

"Don't think that way," Inara told him quietly. "I need to know how to shoot and I still want to learn...just perhaps when River isn't around." Inara didn't ask why River had shot her. There was little rhyme or reason to why River did anything. Now that the painkillers had kicked in, it didn't hurt to talk or breathe, but her voice was still a hoarse whisper. She squeezed his hand slightly in his. "I'm glad to be home. Thank you for helping get me out."

 

"Got yourself out, darlin'." Mal’s gaze went back over to Inara from the tops of his eyes. "I got no say on an Alliance station."

 

"Yes, but you carried me out," Inara told him. "And you let me come home. I was afraid..." she shook her head. "I'm just glad to be home and I'm glad you're here."

 

"Lots of things to be glad about." Mal nodded. "I only carried you from the cargo hold to the infirmary though." Was cuffed up until then. He knew her memory was blurred and hazy from the medications she’d been given.  "M'glad we're home too."

 

"Wanna be back in our bed with you holdin' me," Inara whispered. The painkillers were beginning to slur her words slightly.

 

"Sounds nice, but we need to keep you in here where these machines can watch over you." Mal squeezed Inara's hand lightly.

 

"Stay with me?" Inara asked. "Even if the drugs make me silly?" she half giggled. The room seemed to slide sideways

 

"Nothin' wrong with silliness at the opportune moment." Mal said, his fingers running lightly over the knuckles of the delicate hand he held.

 

Her brow furrowed at the answer. "Didn’t say you'd stay," she pointed out to him. "Have to stay, remember? Everything..." she sighed and rolled her head to one side, closing her eyes. "Been in love with you for so long, Malcolm Reynolds," she said in a slurred voice before turning back to him and smiling a little silly at him.

 

Mal couldn't help but lift the corners of his lips in a small smile to return the one Inara gave. "And see, that's why you're not perfect. Know the old sayin', nobody's perfect? Been tryin' to find out what your imperfections are and the like... finally found one. Lovin' a misbehavin' sky pirate like me."

 

Inara giggled at Mal's comment and pointed to her nose. "Freckles 'cross it." Then she pointed to her lips. "Top lip uneven...jus' a lil. An' the doctor said there'll be scars on my back...bullets."

 

Mal sobered at the mention of the bullet scars. He dropped his gaze for a moment then looked back to Inara, shaking his head. "Still ain't seein' the imperfections... perfect in every way, 'Nara." He reached over and brushed her hair back away from her forehead.

 

"S'good. I like you nearsighted...or farsighted which ever it is," Inara giggled. She reached up and touched the bandage on Mal's eye. "Like all your scars. Badges of nobility...like the knights in shining armor in fairy tales. Think that makes me the damsel in distress?"

 

Mal shook his head. "Damsel ain't a word I'd use to describe you... too cliché. And on a most days you ain't in distress." 'Cept when you're around me.

He bowed his head, eyeing Inara's hand in his. "Guess I ain't the knight in shinin' armor. Metal never looked good on me anyhow."

 

"S'okay. I prefer your brown coat," Inara told him drunkenly. "You look...like a pirate in it. Always preferred pirate stories to knight stories anyway."

 

"We're much more pretty on the eyes. Ain't so covered up in all that steel." He narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. "Must've missed becomin' a pirate... ain't quite rememberin' it."

 

Inara giggled at the comment and turned slightly on her side so she could see Mal better. "Think it has to do with the ship an' the cargo and the commandeering of other ship's cargo on occasion. But you're a good pirate...no rapin' an' pillagin' for you," she wagged her finger at him which made her burst into another eruption of giggles. "Well...you can pillage me..." Another fit of giggles.

 

"Maybe when you're more in one piece. 'Sides, if I was to pillage you right now, you wouldn't be rememberin' it." Mal said, a corner of his lips lifting in a small, half-grin. "Like it when you remember it."

 

"Oh alright," Inara mock pouted "But only if you promise," she giggled again then sobered slightly. "Being shot isn't as bad as I thought it would be. I was more worried about you...I don't remember very much but I remember they took you away from me when we got there."

 

"Couldn't have me runnin' about free... ain't civilized." Mal said, a hint of dark bitterness lacing his tone. He drew a deep breath. "Bein' shot ain't always the end of it all, 'less you're hit in the right spot. Someone's watchin' out for you, darlin'."

 

"M'glad..." Inara said lazily. "Not ready to be reincarnated yet. Might come back as a beetle an' it'd be awful hard to find you then."

 

"Beetles ain't pretty enough a creature for you." Mal said lightly

 

"Doesn't work that way," Inara answered. "You get reincarnated into somethin' that's befittin' the life you lived. Sometimes it's another person; sometimes it's an animal. If you've lived good enough you get to move onto a higher plane. Hope I don't come back as a snake," she half mumbled and reached out, holding onto both of Mal's hands. "You're so far away."

 

Mal stood up from the chair and sat on the edge of the bed. He wasn't one for caring about preaching and religion and the like. At one point, he had, but it had been so long ago and it was nothing like what Inara was talking about. "Don't wanna hurt you."

 

"Not goin' to hurt me," Inara told him. "Just want you close. Still afraid I'm going to wake up and you'll be gone and I'll still be in the guild house." She was no longer talking about the hospital or even being shot. It wasn't a fear wrought by being shot. It was a fear she'd held onto for a long time.

 

Part of Mal wanted to believe that she was better off here, but the other part knew that she was better off far, far away from him. Guilt over what had happened washed over him. He should have seen that River had a gun… should never have been so distracted. The bullets should have gone in his back and not Inara's. "I'm here, 'Nara..." He whispered.

 

"Just stay with me," she whispered, her fingers closing over his as her eyes slipped closed.

Wash's voice came over the com. "Landing on Haven now." The landing gear could be heard descending from the ship as Wash slowed Serenity and let her down easy on the planet.

Inara opened her eyes again when Wash's voice faded. "Are we staying for a little while or going back up when we pick up Simon and River?" she asked. Truthfully, for the first time Inara was a little afraid to have River on board. There'd been no provocation for River shooting her, no warning, nothing at all. She knew next time it could be Mal or Kaylee, either one would be completely devastating to her.

 

"Ain't rightly sure yet..." Mal answered honestly. He didn't know how the doctor would feel about traveling with the poor condition Inara was in. And he wasn't leaving her on Haven.

 

"Okay," Inara half smiled at Mal. "Doesn't matter. 'Long as I get to stay here..." she furrowed her brow. "Only not here the infirmary here. More our shuttle here...Simon needs bigger beds in the infirmary so you can lay down with me. You look tired."

 

"M'fine, 'Nara. Get some rest later when I'm needin' it." Mal knew that he needed to sleep. Jail cells weren't exactly comfortable... especially Alliance ones.

Simon hurried into the infirmary followed by Book. "How is she?" He immediately started inspecting her vitals and the wounds on her back.

"Been talkin' for awhile. Probably needs some rest." Mal explained.

"And what happened to you?" Book asked, already knowing.

Simon narrowed his eyes and shook his head. "They did that to you?"

"Ain't nothin'. Zoe fixed me up." Mal said, standing up. "Got a few things to do. Don't be leavin' her alone. I'll be back later."

Book watched as the captain noticeably retreated into himself. He hadn't just been hit a few times. He knew the Alliance too well... more than he liked.

"We won't captain." Simon said, watching the captain's retreating back. He glanced at Book and turned back to Inara. "Are you in any pain?"

 

Inara shook her head at Simon's question. "M'shiny. Mal gave me some painkillers. All fuzzy feelin'," she slurred her words and gave Simon a lazy smile.

"Hello, Shepard..." she smiled and waggled her fingers at him. "Don't need a Shepard do I?"

Book's smile grew slightly. "No. I don't think you need a Shepard. I'm just here to check on you. In fact I think I'll leave you in the doctor's capable hands for the moment." He looked to Simon who nodded at him. He reached out and patted Inara's hand then went out the way Mal had gone, following him to the cargo bay.

 

Simon nodded, glad that the captain and Zoe had at least a basic medical knowledge. "Good, he knows how to do that." He leaned over to inspect the wounds on Inara's back and began to change out the bandaging. "They did well at the hospital. I'm sure you were treated with care."

 

"Hated it. They were mean to Mal," Inara answered with a sigh. "Glad they let me go early."

 

Simon nodded. "Yes I can see that they hit him. It’s easy to understand how he would have been disruptive with everything that had happened." He disinfected the wounds carefully, and then turned to get more bandages out of the cabinet.

 

Inara winced slightly at the antiseptic stinging the wounds. "I'm worried about him," she said quietly.

 

"What worries you?" Simon asked as he reapplied the last of the bandages. "Having you here with him has done wonders for his psyche... I mean at least what we see. I know he goes off alone a lot but... do you think he needs mood enhancers?"

 

"No..." Inara shook her head. "I don't. Mal… Mal has to figure out things on his own, he has to...I don't know. My head is all fuzzy and confused. He can't blame River. He won't an' he can't blame me...Jus' leaves him to blame. Like Atlas with the world on his shoulders."

 

Simon raised an eyebrow at the comparison, realizing how fitting it was. "Inara... I want to apologize for... for what happened. I know I didn't do it personally, it's just... It's River. She can't even explain it in her head."

 

Inara shook her head at Simon's apology but she couldn't bring herself to say it was okay. The truth was it wasn't okay. She had scars scattered across her back and always would. River scared her. It scared her that next time; she would shoot someone in the head rather than the back. "She's getting worse," she whispered, barely loud enough for anyone to hear her.

 

"She is..." He said simply. There was nothing more to say. It was the truth.

 

"I'm sorry," Inara whispered. She couldn't imagine how Simon felt. She had no siblings and the family she had left she cared very little about. She was silent as Simon finished up treating the places on her back.

 

**

Mal started up the steps towards his and Inara's shuttle when he noticed Book following and watching him. He rested a hand on the railing and looked at him, "Ain't in need of no preachin', Shepard." He said.

 

"Didn't come to preach to you, Captain. Just came to see how you were doing," Book answered and leaned on the railing.

 

Mal smirked lightly and shook his head. "Thank you preacher, but I'm just shiny. Reckon it'd be nice to get out of these clothes I been wearin' for five days though." He knew that he looked a mess. His shirt was un-tucked and half open from the manhandling. He was covered in bruises. "Ain't as bad as last time. They didn't have long enough." He said almost in a whisper, knowing that scars on the outside were nothing like scars on the inside or the guilt he felt over what had happened to Inara.

 

"Not that they needed long I'm sure," Book said quietly. He straightened up and nodded. "I'll let you get changed and cleaned up then. We've got a couple of real bathtubs and shower stalls in Haven if you'd like to use one. My house is open to you."

 

"I'm alright..." Mal said more for himself than anyone else. It surprised him yet again that Book could always see into the thick of things. He hesitated and then turned and started up the stairs. "No thank you, preacher. I long for the familiar." He said over his shoulder before disappearing into the shuttle.

 

Book watched as Mal disappeared into the shuttle and sighed. He’d never seen such a contradiction; so strong and yet always running.  After sending up a silent prayer, he shook his head and walked heavily down the stairs back into the cargo bay and to the infirmary.

 

 

CHAPTER SEVEN

 

Mal sat in the shuttle, letting it surround him like a warm blanket. He'd needed to be in here not with his things but with Inara's things. It was easier to believe things were as they should be when he was here. Everything was laced with her scent and had her name written all over it.

He'd bathed and had sat down to put his boots back on. That had been an hour ago. Now, he sat on the couch lost in thoughts, scrambled and fragmented. All of them melding into each other as if they belonged together.

He went over the entire scene on Haven over and over, trying to think of what he could have and should have done differently. Never let your guard down... never again. The things the Alliance officers had said to him and the names they'd hurled at him... both the first time and before. My day's gonna come. Never let my guard down.

"Captain... you may want to come look at this." Wash's voice sounded over the comm.

Mal finished putting his boots on and pulled on a blue shirt. After tucking it in and putting on suspenders, he grabbed his holster and headed out of the shuttle towards the bridge. He found Wash and Kaylee there, looking almost sick. "What is it?"

"Well, we did what we normally do an' hacked into the Alliance programs to get the latest want ads and the like... found somethin' we shouldn't have." Kaylee said, wringing her hands together nervously.

Wash watched Mal, wide-eyed. "The motherload of things we shouldn't have downloaded."

Mal leaned in to look at the screen and began reading. "Zhe shi shenme lan dongxi? I don't understand... kidnapping?"

"Well, it's hard to understand, we only got some of it and there are parts that are encrypted... We'll have to study it more, but it looks like one of the programs run by the Alliance. Kidnapping, programming, and using... heavy on the using." Wash tried to explain. "It's all muckity muck right now."

"Un-muck it." Mal shook his head, disbelievingly. "Programming... something like what they did to River?"

Kaylee nodded. "Seems that way. Only got a few of the cases but the data's all mussed up. There're pictures though."

Mal scrolled down and opened one of the files. A small child seeming to be no more than seven or eight stared back at him. He opened another one to find a picture of a grown woman. "Gotta be more than this. Work on unscramblin' these files. Wanna know what's goin' on here."

"How's 'Nara?" Kaylee asked.

Mal paused and shrugged lightly. "She'll be fine."

Kaylee took a step towards the captain. She could tell he was completely closed off and it worried her. "Weren't your fault you know..."

Mal stepped back and then started out of the bridge. "Get to work on them files." As he left Kaylee and Wash behind he cursed silently under his breath. Wangbadan Alliance... Always thinkin' they can change human bein's to fit their needs. Can't ever break. Never let my guard down.

 

* Two Days Later*

 

"You can't keep him, you know...I've known a lot of men, Inara and men like him don't stick around. He'll get restless, need more, want more than you've got to give. Particularly now that you've got so little to offer. You're scarred and jobless. The guild wouldn't even take you back at this point. It's a shame. You had such a bright future at one point and you've thrown it all away for a man who will leave you,” Dria knitted as she spoke. It was a long scarf that piled around her feet, getting longer and longer with every second.

"You're wrong. He loves me. He wants to marry me," Inara protested but it sounded slightly weak even to her.

"Does he? He might have before you caused him so much trouble. Men don't like women who cause them trouble. They like things simple, uncomplicated. That's why companions are such a lucrative profession. Only you're not a companion anymore. You've got all the disadvantages and pitfalls of a regular woman," Dria continued.

"You're wrong," Inara told her but the words were said to convince her rather than Dria.

"You're wrong," Inara murmured in her sleep. She woke up with a jolt, casting her eyes around the room. She found Mal sitting across the room on the couch watching her sleep. She smiled, calming a little at the sight of him there. She sat up slowly and moved over to the couch with Mal.

 

Mal heard Inara say something in her sleep induced state but didn't make out the words. He got to his feet and met her halfway, helping her the rest of the way to the couch. It had been two days since they'd gotten back to Haven, but Simon still hadn't been completely sure that it was okay to travel with Inara in her condition.

He was getting restless and fidgety being on land for so long. Maybe today they could get in the air and find some work. He'd spent most of his time checking on Inara and looking over Kaylee's and Wash's shoulder to keep track of their decoding of the Alliance files. So far, there hadn't been much luck on that front. When he could, he escaped to walk about Haven away from anyone and anything that would get in the way of his needed time alone.

He got Inara to the couch and sat back down next to her, his arms wrapping around her to hold her to him. "Brought you some food." He told her quietly. He reached out and lifted a cloth off of a plate he'd piled with roasted ham, fruits, and vegetables then set the plate in his lap where Inara could easily reach it. "Always got good food here. Can see why the preacher's likin' it."

 

"Thank you," Inara smiled, picked up the fork sitting across the plate and speared a long slice of zucchini. She delicately took a bite off the end and sighed contentedly. "They do have good food here. It's the one thing I miss being out in the black...all the food."

 

"Don't really miss anything out in the black." Mal said, watching as Inara ate. "What was that dream about? Talkin' in your sleep and such."

 

Inara fixed her gaze on the floor, eyes narrowed as she focused on the pattern on the rug below her feet. She dipped her head and shrugged. "It was...nothing. It just...it was ridiculous." She took a deep breath then winced at the pain it caused. "Dria was just...telling me that you'd-you aren't thinking about leaving me...are you?" she asked, casting a quick glance at Mal before dropping it again.

 

Mal paused for a moment, not sure what to tell her or how to answer that question. "Ain't gonna lie. Thought has crossed my mind of how much better off you'd be without my influence about you." His own gaze lowered to the floor of the shuttle. "Hard to think about not havin' you though..." He trailed off and was quiet for a bit before looking back up to her and lifting a corner of his lips in a small half smile. "No need to be worryin' your pretty head 'bout that right now, darlin'. We're right fine. Now eat up. Your body's got some healin' to do."

 

Her stomach roiled at Mal's words and she put down the zucchini she'd been eating. Inara pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded slightly. "Is it-is it because of the scars on my back? Or because...because of what I did to you before on Sihnon? Have you just changed your mind?" Her voice was quiet, tattered around the edges.

 

"No, 'Nara... Nothin' like that. You're beautiful and I'd want you even if there were scars on your face or anywhere. Be kinda hypocritical of me to be leavin' cause of scars and the like." Mal reached up to brush Inara's hair back and put a hand under her chin to lift her gaze to his. "Ain't said I was leavin'... and I ain't really wantin' to talk about it. You got me where it counts... no matter what, dong ma?"

 

"Dong Ma," she half whispered and picked up the plate on Mal's lap. She set it aside on the low table in front of the couch and pulled her legs up, laying them across Mal's so that she could curl up into him. She took a deep breath of him and closed her eyes, laying her head against his chest so she could hear his heart beat. "I should have said yes that night and insisted Shepard marry us that night." Her voice was a low whisper aching with fear.

She could see the value of the cage marriage provided now. If they’d been married he’d be beholden to stay with her. Yes marriages could be dissolved but it took time, effort and paperwork. It made it much harder for him to leave her logistically.

 

Mal wrapped one arm tight around Inara and draped the other one across her legs. He smirked lightly and shook his head. "Couldn't be doin' that... woulda offset your stubborn nature. M'likin' you the way you are. Ain't lookin' to change anything."

 

The corner of Inara's lips lifted in a slight smile. "Oh so you like it when I tell you no a few dozen times before I say yes?" she asked in a lightly teasing tone.

 

"Annoyin' as all hell... but also you. Wouldn't change a thing about you." Mal said.

 

"Not even my obsessive neatness?" Inara smirked. "You can't tell me it doesn't drive you crazy when I go around behind you and pick up after you."

This was much easier, avoiding the real issues and laughing and teasing about their relationship. It also added a little bit of evidence to support Mal's claim of not thinking about leaving her.

 

A small chuckle escaped Mal and he shook his head. "One of these days you'll give up on me. Start leavin' things where they drop and the shuttle will be a mess. Long as you're pickin' them up means you're still carin'."

 

Inara smirked at Mal's comment. "I used to follow the maid's in my father's house and go behind them and clean up what they'd missed. Don't count on me giving that up." Her brow furrowed a moment and she reached out and glided her fingertip over Mal's eyebrow. The bandage was gone but the skin was still new and pink where he'd been cut. "I'll always care," she whispered, her voice gone from light and teasing to serious.

 

Mal lifted Inara in his arms and stood up carrying her to the bed where he set her down as gently as possible. Toe to heel, he kicked his boots off and then crawled into bed after her and then pulled her to him and kissed her temple. "Rest now, 'Nara... Thinkin' we should leave soon and I want you well as can be."

 

Inara turned on her side, putting one hand to the back of Mal's neck. She leaned in and kissed him softly, letting it grow into something deeper, more passionate. "I've been sleeping enough. I don't want to sleep right now," she said in a husky whisper against his lips.

 

Mal returned the kiss, pulling away after he'd let a quiet moan escape into her mouth. "'Nara..." He rested his forehead against hers, a hand resting at the curve of her waist. "What are you wantin'? Cause you ain't exactly in top shape." Even as he spoke, his fingers were gathering the silky material of her nightgown, pulling it up over her legs.

 

"I just want you," she whispered, her fingers toying with the top button of his shirt. She unbuttoned it and then moved to the second button. "We can take it easy. And Simon did say moderate exercise is good for me, as long as I don't wind myself up," she whispered teasingly against his mouth then nibbled at his bottom lip.

 

Mal slid his fingertips up Inara's leg to her hip. "Can do all the work... you can just be layin' here and enjoyin' yourself." For the briefest of moments he wondered if Inara had ever let a man do all of the work. His fingers ran lightly over her stomach, pushing aside loose material. "Let me please you..." He whispered against her lips, glad to have something, anything besides dark thoughts and guilt to focus on.

 

Inara tangled her fingers in Mal's hair, pulling him closer. She twined one of her bare legs with his. "Sounds like paradise to me," she whispered before kissing him again.

 

**

 

Inara lay on her side in bed propped up on one elbow. She was watching Mal sleep, a soft smile on her face. She fisted a handful of the sheets to keep from reaching out and touching Mal. He was a light enough sleeper that he’d wake if she did. The night before had been perfect. He'd been sweet, tender and gentle, almost worshipping her. She'd always been the worshipful one in the bedroom. It was part of the job. She'd never been the one worshipped until last night.

She heard Simon approach before he ever knocked. She slipped out of bed as quickly as possible, grabbing a silk kimino from the chair beside the bed as she did. She was still tying the belt at her waist when she cracked open the door. "Mal's asleep. Come back later," she told him in a half whisper.

"I wanted to check on you," Simon told her, confusion muddling his features.

"And I'm fine. Perfectly wonderful. Mal's sleeping. I'll come down to the infirmary later and let you do a thorough check up," Inara whispered.

"You're...uhm...rather you aren't...I mean...you're not exhausting-that is to say..." Simon stammered.

"I'm being good, not getting short winded or too tired out. Now go give the residents of Haven shots or something," she shooed him.

Simon grinned and nodded. "Alright. I do expect to see you later though."

"You will," she promised and shut the door. She crept back to bed, her breath catching as Mal stirred. She relaxed and slipped back under the blankets once he'd grown still again. Her chest ached slightly with the activity but it was worth it to allow Mal the rest he needed.

An hour or so later, there came another knock on the door. Inara nearly slipped and fell trying to get a robe wrapped around her and the door answered before Mal woke up. It was Shepard Book with a tray.

"I thought perhaps you and the Captain might be hungry. Some of the ladies prepared a lunch," he said gesturing with the tray.

"Thank you," Inara said as she reached out to take the tray.

"You shouldn't be carrying anything. I'll bring it in for you," Book offered.

"No! Mal's asleep. I'd really like to keep him that way. I can carry it," Inara quickly assured him, trying to pull the tray away from him.

Book smiled and relinquished his hold on the tray. "I'm glad he's getting some rest. I'll leave you to it then," he nodded slightly and stepped back away from the door.

"Bye," Inara said, a little too rushed for politeness as she shut the door. She placed the tray on the table as quietly as she could and then reached in her bedside table, opened a small plastic pouch and sprinkled a little of the contents onto the ham before putting it back.   She snuck back into the bed, grateful that Mal had remained asleep through the visit. A calm took over her when she resumed her position on her side, watching Mal sleep. The rise and fall of his chest was relaxing.

 

**

 

“Been a thorn in our side for awhile Malcolm Reynolds. Nothing but a bùyàoliǎn nuòfu.”

Mal felt the sting of a boot to his side over already cracked ribs and grunted as he doubled over. He’d been on his knees in the mess hall full of Alliance officers for an hour now and knew it had to come to an end soon. Leaning back upright, he grinned and shook his head even as the officer ripped his shirt open and cut it off of him. “Admirin’ how pretty I am?” Mal asked quietly and felt another stinging blow to his cheek. He pulled at the cuffs at his back, wanting to strike back but gave up as the metal scraped along skin already raw from pulling at his restraints.

“Just going to have a little fun…” The officer whispered in Mal’s ear as he hauled the man to his feet. He would break this man no matter what it took. He pulled the prisoners pants down to his ankles and then forced him back to his knees.

“Must be runnin’ out of ideas. Should know by now I ain’t got a problem being naked…” Mal spouted even as the room filled with insults and laughter. For the first time, fear sparked in him at what they were going to do to him. He was in no condition to fight against a whole hall of officers. He was weak… hadn’t been fed in days. He’d fight though. He’d fight if any of them got near him. They would have to kill him.

The officer was behind him again and he tried to think quickly of a way out of this. There wasn’t one. “Sure are a pretty hundan.” Mal felt a dagger slide across his chest and for the first time in his life he was glad to be cut on like this. They weren’t going to rape him… for now. A lot of the officers in here looked pretty sly and the way they were looking at him didn’t ease the tension in every muscle in his body. After he was cut on for awhile, left over food was hurled his way. He didn’t mind that either compared to the alternative.

 

Once he was back in his cell, he relaxed slightly. The humiliation for the day was over. That was a good thing. He’d made it through another one. He hated being helpless, and that was exactly how they liked to keep him. Always drugged, always chained, always under their thumb.

He heard the door open and looked up to see two of the officers standing at the door. He simply watched them as they walked in, shutting the door behind them. They hauled him to his feet and pit his wrists in chains that hung from the ceiling.

“We’ve decided you’re an animal, Captain… Animals don’t need clothes.”

His pants were removed again and this time taken completely off. “Thought you’d had your fun for the day.” He caught sight of the horsewhip in one of the guards’ hands and rolled his eyes, knowing what was coming. More pain… he could take it. He had to.

“Never enough fun where you’re concerned. We just want to hear you voice your agreement that you’re an animal.”

Mal tilted his head slightly as the chains were pulled tight so that he dangled from the ceiling. “Well now some would consider human beings a mammal of sorts.”

“No no… you’re an animal… a pet. We want to hear you say it.”

Mal shook his head. “You’ll be waitin’ awhile for that one.”

An hour later, Mal could feel the blood dripping from his back down his buttocks and legs. It dripped off of his toes into puddles on the floor. The sharp whip crack against the raw, torn skin of his back stung like nothing he’d ever felt. Its effects resounded through every inch of his body and out into the small cell.

“Say it.” The officer ordered.

Mal drew a shaky breath and stayed quiet, keeping his eyes closed. He could take this. He could take it. Another whip crack and he grunted with the pain, letting the sound turn into a sarcastic laugh and then a sound he hadn’t meant to let out. A small whimper of pain. ‘No no no… you can’t be doin’ that. Never break.’

“You’re an animal. Say it, dog.”

Mal was still quiet and shook his head. This time when the whip cracked against his skin he couldn’t help the small cry that escaped him. He was losing it… his control. ‘Stop it. Keep it together.’

“Dog.”

’Can’t loose it. Keep it together. Not a dog. You’re a human bein’… a damn stubborn one. You can do this. Never break. Never let your guard down… never. No.’

 

**** CRACK****

Mal jerked awake and to a sitting position, checking his wrists for shackles that weren’t there and his back for bloodied cuts that were now only scars. His knees came to his chest as the flowery scent of Inara’s shuttle washed over him like a warm blanket him and he rested his elbows on his knees, burying his head in his hands. He was naked, but that was from earlier when he’d been with Inara. Inara…

He looked around the shuttle finding her next to him. His eyes were red and puffy with unshed tears and fear laced his features, a very rare look. “Time is it? Didn’t mean to sleep so long. Just supposed to be a nap.” He buried his head again and shook it, trying to shake the memories of prison and compose himself as quickly as possible.

 

Inara closed the bottom drawer of the table beside the bed after dropping something inside of it not even certain what she had been in there for.  She moved closer to Mal, curling around him with one arm across his back, her hand on his shoulder and the other one with her palm flat against his chest. She pressed a kiss to his bare shoulder blade. "You needed the sleep," she told him in a whisper before pulling him even closer to her. "Want to tell me about it?" she asked. She didn't need to ask if he'd had a nightmare. That much was obvious. "Let me rephrase...tell me about it."

 

Mal shook his head, keeping it bowed against his hands. "Ain't lookin' to talk about it." He whispered.

 

Inara moved back slightly and pressed a kiss to one of the scars on Mal's back. Of course, she'd seen the whip scars before but she hadn't pushed him to talk about it. She kissed another scar and then another. "Tell me about it," she whispered before pressing another kiss to another scar on his back. "It's just me and you, Bao Bei. Just me and you," she whispered before placing another kiss against his scarred back.

 

Mal felt his resolve slip away a little more with each kiss to his back from Inara. A darkened look laced his features as he lifted his head. The silence dragged on as kiss after kiss brought him back to this shuttle, this bed, and Inara.

"Horsewhip..." He finally whispered into the shuttle. A sarcastic smirk escaped him as he narrowed his eyes, looking straight ahead at nothing in particular. "Wanted me to tell 'em I was an animal... a dog. Guess they never seen the way people dress up some of those fine pets in the core cause they said animals ain't needin' clothes. Took mine. Made me sit there in front of all of them... laughin' at me. Not a dog... wouldn't say it."

 

Anger made Inara stiff, tense for a moment before she willed herself to let it go. Mal didn't need her to be angry for him. He just needed her to be there. Guilt washed over her, regardless of how irrational, because she'd put him back into that again while she was in the hospital. She placed another kiss on his back.

"Good. I'm glad you didn't," she said quietly. She could have admonished him, told him he should have said it so that the whipping would stop. He didn't need that either. She breathed out slowly, letting her breath slip across his skin before kissing one of the scars again. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes tight. "I love you, Mal."

 

"Took everything I had to keep it together there. There were times I didn't and I hate that. Lettin' them break me..." Mal shook slightly with the emotional memories that swept over him. He rambled over words that spilled from him. "Just couldn't sometimes... and things got fuzzy and messed up in my head with all the drugs they was givin’ me. Got dark. Things get dark and I can't find a way to get out of the dark. Sometimes I think it's safer there... but then sometimes it ain't. I can't..." He trailed off, bowing his head again and gasping for air as if there were a shortage.

 

Inara's heart broke for Mal and anger at Zoe for letting this happen to him washed over. It could have all been prevented if the first mate had just waved Inara. She forced herself to keep all the tension and anger out of her body and actions though. Mal didn't need her anger.

"Shhhh Bao Bei Deep breaths, in and out. You're okay. You're sitting right here in our shuttle and I'm right here with you," she told him in a calm half whisper. She bowed her head and kissed the back of his neck, then his shoulder and the middle of his back. "I'll help you find a way out of the dark. I promise."

 

Mal shook his head and smirked a forced, sarcastic smirk. "You don't need this. You don't need this, 'Nara... man who can't get past what's done and over with?"

He stood up, getting out of the bed and obviously not caring that he was naked. A shaky hand ran back through his hair as he rambled. "Was with Niska... never broke. Died once with him. Man killed me and brought me back for more torturin'." A small laugh escaped him. "Three months... three months with the Alliance and I lost it. Before Zoe finally came to get me... part of me was wishin' for them to kill me. Always fight... never give up... just keep goin'... work your way through it. Just keep fightin'. I couldn't keep... Thought I wouldn't make it through."

He looked back to Inara, his eyes still wide with hard emotion. "Fallen off that pedestal yet? Mighty high up there..."

 

He'd died? Anger and outrage at that swept through Inara, oddly enough anger not at Niska but anger at Mal that he'd gone and died on her. She bit the tip of her tongue, physically holding back the barrage of words, pushing her own fear down. If he'd died once he could die again and then...She used the method the guild had taught her of pushing back emotions and issues. She opened a door in her mind, put the anger there then closed and locked the door. She could take it out later and examine it. For the moment, Mal needed her to be calm. He needed reassurance, not recrimination.

Inara got up in a graceful, fluid movement from the bed, dragging the bed sheet with her. She walked over to Mal and wrapped her arms around him, pulling the sheet around both of them. One hand slid up to his face and she laid her palm flat against his cheek. "Look at me. We're both here standing with our feet on the ground. There's no pedestal." She knew a few things about pedestals and how far it was to fall when people realized you didn't belong up there. Companions were born on pedestals and they fell regularly.

 

"It's just you and me in here. There's no need for pedestals. And if there were and you did fall...I'd catch you," she smiled softly at him then tiptoed and placed a soft kiss against his lips. She rested her forehead against his, her fingers entwined in the hair at the nape of his neck. "And I swear to Buddha if you ever die on me again, I will make Niska and the Alliance both look like sweet grandparents," she told him in a half teasing, half serious voice.

 

"Ain't possible..." Mal whispered, his head bowed as he studied Inara. "'Sides, you're the one who almost died... Woulda died anyway if you had." He closed his eyes, leaning into where the palm of her hand touched his cheek. "So sick of the Alliance messin' with people. Like to get in your mind and make you do things that you shouldn't and do things you don't want to. Get in there and screw everything up this way and that anyway they can. Humiliate... shame... hurt... Make a gorram mess in my head."

 

"Shhh. We'll straighten the mess out," Inara told him, running her fingers through his hair. She slipped one hand to the back of his head and pulled him against her, letting him rest his head on her shoulder, his nose tucked into her neck. "There's no humiliation or shame here and I'll take care of all the hurt," she told him in quiet whispers, rocking him slightly as she held him.

 

Mal thought about pulling away. Inara didn't need to be coddling him or taking care of him. He was supposed to take care of her. She'd been shot on his watch, right in front of him. Just a few moments of this wouldn't hurt though. He needed it. He felt worn and tired as if he hadn't just woken up. His muscles were relaxed as if he hadn’t just had a nightmare that was all too real.

"M'okay..." He whispered after the silence had completely permeated the shuttle. "I'll be okay, 'Nara..." He pulled back slightly so that he could see her through weary eyes. "Just... gotta work through it, just like everything else."

He reached up to trail his fingertips over her forehead. "You gotta sit down... can't be movin' around so much just yet."

 

"Only if you'll come sit with me," Inara told him, slowly uncoiling from him. The truth was she needed this as much as he did.  "Grab that tray over there and come back to bed. Shepard Book brought us some lunch while you were sleeping."

 

Mal grabbed a pair of his pants and pulled them on, then got the tray and took it to the bed after Inara. He climbed in and sat next to her. "You know I got things to be doin'. Can't stay in here all day." His voice lacked the normal spark it usually carried. He felt like he'd been hauled behind a galloping horse and even though he knew he hadn’t, he was weary from it.

 

"I know," Inara answered. She realized Mal needed time to himself. He had things to sort out in his head. "They'll wait until you've eaten something," she told him, uncovering the tray. It was filled with a plate of ham and two bowls full of vegetables and fruits. She handed him a slice of ham. "We'll make it through together. I'm stubborn, remember?" she smiled at him.

 

Mal took the slice of ham and bit into it. "You gonna eat too?" He asked.

 

"As long as you do," Inara grinned at him and picked up a slice of apple from a bowl of fruit beside the plate. She bit into it, savoring the flavor. "Shepard brought me some of that the other day and it was wonderful." She popped the rest of the apple in her mouth and cut a piece of ham for Mal, holding the fork out for him.

 

Mal took the piece of ham from the fork with his fingers and took a bite. "S'good..." He nodded. "Don't gotta feed me 'Nara... M'fine." He finished the piece of ham then lay down again on the bed.

 

"I know I don't have to. Ever consider that I like doing it? I enjoy mothering you, Mal. Especially because you don't expect me too," Inara said as she lay down next to Mal. She put the plate of food on his stomach, took a bite of a peach for herself and then plucked a strawberry from the plate, holding it up to his lips.

 

Mal hesitated for a moment then leaned up to bite into the strawberry that Inara held out to him. "Say it again..." He said quietly after a moment. "Heard you say it earlier, just didn't register 'til now. Said you love me and I wanna hear it again."

 

Inara dipped her head, blushing slightly. "I love you, Mal," she whispered. She looked up at him after a moment and smiled softly. "I spent so long denying it. It's the reason I left Serenity in the first place. I don't want to deny it anymore. I love you."

 

Mal reached over, his hand going to the back of Inara's neck and pulled her to him for a strawberry sweet kiss. "Good to hear..." He whispered against her lips then lay back against the pillows, a yawn escaping him. "Don't know why I'm so tired again..."

 

"Well I did make you work hard last night," Inara teased him as she reached over and smoothed the hair off his forehead. She cut another piece of ham and held it up for Mal to eat.

 

"Didn't make me... was a thing I wanted to do." Mal said, a small grin lacing his lips. He took the piece of ham and bit into it.

 

Inara took a bite of the peach she held and smiled at him. "You were very good at it too," she paused, bowing her head for a moment. "I'm not used to that...I mean...not like that. You made me feel...cherished and loved. Thank you," she whispered a little awkwardly.

 

"Well you are... both of those. Only right you should be feelin' it." Mal finished the small bit of ham Inara had given him. He grinned lightly, happy to hear that no one had ever simply pleased her before. "Glad I didn't disappoint."  He liked being different to Inara from those who had come before him.

 

"Oh no. There were lots of things, mostly fuzziness but there was no disappointment what so ever," Inara grinned at him. She picked up another apple slice, bit it in half and held the other half up for Mal to eat.

 

Mal leaned up to get the other half of the apple with his teeth and then rested back against the pillows as he ate it. "Don't want anymore food." He said quietly after a moment around another lazy yawn. "Close my eyes for a little bit, you'll wake me up if anyone's needin' me?"

 

"Sleep..." she whispered. "I'll wake you up," she promised as she moved the plate over to the nightstand and laid her head on Mal's shoulder, her arm across his stomach.

 

Mal was snoring softly beside her, a soft rumbling sound. Inara slipped out of the bed, wrapping a silk robe around her waist. She sat down at the comm screen and glanced over her shoulder, making certain that Mal was still asleep. Once she'd assured herself he was, she signed onto the cortex, logged into a special email account and typed out a message.
 

Will be leaving Haven soon. Nothing else of note to report yet. Will keep you posted.

I.S.

She signed off the cortex, powered down the comm screen and slipped back into bed with Mal. She curled up to him, placing a soft kiss on his shoulder and closed her eyes. Within moments she was asleep again.

 

 

CHAPTER EIGHT

 

The crew of Serenity was getting her ready to take to the sky when Book walked into the cargo bay to find Mal securing everything to take off. Book walked up to him and laid a hand on the box Mal was moving. "Got a destination in mind?"

 

Mal looked up and wiped his forearm over his brow, wincing slightly as he hit the still fresh cut above his eye. "Head to Persephone. Sure Badger's got somethin' we can be doin'."

He looked to Book for a moment, recognizing the look of concern on his friends face. "Thank you for the hospitality. Always good to get a real meal. Just gotta get back in the air... you know how it is... Work to be done..." <I>You know how I am...</I>

 

Book nodded. "They used to say sailors got restless being landlocked too long. I suspect that holds true for those who live their lives in the sky too. You're welcome back anytime. Left some boxes of fresh vegetables over there. Ladies made some bread, cakes and cookies. Should do you for a little while, at least until you get to Persephone."

 

Mal nodded, a silence dragging on as it always did when the Shepard wanted him to say something. "I'll be okay... ain't like it never happened before." He said, referring to prison. "Same uniforms different faces. Just gotta find some light is all..."

 

Book nodded. "Funny thing about light...sometimes you have to look for it. Sometimes it's right in front of your face. You've got a lot of light on this ship, Mal. Lot of reasons to find the light. Take advantage of that."

 

"I aim to... wish people would leave us alone is all..." Mal replied. "But wishin' never got anyone anywhere, right? Sure you ain't wantin' to come with?"

 

"Maybe someday when I've gotten Haven on its feet, for a small vacation," Book smiled at Mal. "Just remember, it's not about the obstacles that get in your way. It's about the way you overcome those obstacles. The obstacles are only as big as you let them be."

 

Mal nodded at Book and then looked up as Zoe walked in. Instantly the rock exterior was back in place.

"Wash says he'd ready when you are." Zoe said, and then gave the preacher a one armed hug. "We'll be missin' you Shepard."

 

"I'll miss you too, Zoe. Make this captain of yours visit more often," Book smiled at Zoe. "Be careful and I expect to see you back here for that wedding soon," he told Mal with a smile.

 

Mal looked back at the preacher and was still and quiet for a moment before nodding only slightly. "Yeah... we'll be seein' about that." He walked away towards the bridge to make sure everything was in order, leaving Zoe and the preacher behind.

 

Book watched after Mal and then shook his head slightly. He looked over at Zoe. "You'll call me if he needs anything? I can take a vacation from Haven for a few days if need be."

 

"I'm sure we can handle ourselves just fine, preacher 'less the captain gets thrown in jail again. Then we might be callin’ on you quick." Zoe said with a nod. "You do the same for us if there's anything we can be doin'." She offered as they walked towards the cargo door.

 

"Will do. Fly safe," Book told her as he stepped out of the cargo bay and watched as Zoe raised the door on the ship. He stayed there, watching until they'd taken off and disappeared into the sky.

 

**

 

 

 

Kaylee knocked on Inara’s shuttle door then pushed it open, stepping inside. A smile lit her face at the sight of Inara sitting on the couch. “Hey…you’re lookin’ all kinds of shiny.”

 

Inara smiled back at Kaylee. She’d found it was impossible not to do so. She patted the couch beside her. “I’m feeling okay,” she told the little mechanic as she sat down next to her.  She did feel better but she was still taking pain medication on a semi regular basis. She still got tired and out of breath very easily.

 

“Capt’n’s takin’ care of you?” Kaylee asked as she sat down.

 

Inara smiled and nodded. “Yes. He’s taking care of me. I’m lucky if he lets me walk across the shuttle without his assistance.”

 

“How it should be,” Kaylee declared with a big grin. She got up and crossed over to Inara’s vanity. She picked up Inara’s brush from there and carried it over to the couch.  “Turn ‘round. My turn to pamper you,” the red head grinned.

 

Inara chuckled very softly and even that made her chest ache. She turned with her back to Kaylee and closed her eyes as the mechanic ran the brush through her hair. “Mmmm, you’ve got a talent for this, Meimei,” she said after several minutes.

 

“Learned from the best,” Kaylee quipped as she continued to brush Inara’s hair. “You started plannin’ your wedding yet?” The excitement the young girl felt at the prospect of a wedding laced her voice.

 

Inara smiled, her eyes still closed. “It’s just going to be small. We’ll have Shepard Book perform the ceremony on Haven. I’ve been thinking about my dress.”

 

Kaylee squealed at that. “Is it gonna be one of those white, fluffy, ruffled things?”

 

Inara laughed, wincing at the pain it caused. “No…I was thinking something much more simple, elegant and red.”

 

“Red? You can’t have a red weddin’ dress. S’posed to be white,” Kaylee argued.

 

Inara shook her head slightly. “Kaylee…a white wedding dress signifies virginity. We all know I haven’t been that in a long time. I won’t insult Shepard or Mal by wearing a white dress.”

 

“But red is what…well…harlots wear red,” Kaylee stammered as she brushed Inara’s hair erratically. “I ain’t callin you a…I mean you know that.”

 

Inara smiled and reached up to put a hand around Kaylee’s wrist. “I know you aren’t, Meimei. The last time I wore a white dress was the night of the debutante dance.” At Kaylee’s furrowed brow and confused expression, Inara offered more explanation. “Twice a year at the training house there is a ball, the grandest on the planet. All the companions newly turned eighteen attend. It’s a companion’s first ‘job’. Her virginity is auctioned off, discreetly of course. We all wear white dresses for it.”

 

“Well that’s just…awful,” Kaylee said, horrified.

 

Inara shook her head. “It’s not as bad as it sounds. Anyway, I don’t want to wear a white dress again. I’ll find something pretty.”

 

“Don’t matter much what you wear, you’ll be gorgeous. Bet the capt’n will think so too,” Kaylee said her customary beaming smile back.

 

“I hope so.” Inara paused a moment, then smiled. “I’m rather hoping you’ll be my maid of honor.”

 

Kaylee dropped the brush and squealed, her hands going to her mouth. “Really?” she said after a moment.

 

“Really,” Inara smiled. “Of course you’ll have to help me dress the day of the wedding and do my hair and do my makeup. You’ll have to wear the pink dress you wore on Persephone.”

 

Kaylee squealed in delight again and impulsively hugged Inara cautiously so not to hurt her. “I gotta go tell Simon!” she said as she started out of the shuttle. “I’ll come back an’ finish brushin’ your hair later!” she promised as she rushed out the door to find Simon.

 

**

 

Mal had been trying to keep himself busy all day. It wasn’t that he was avoiding Inara, seeing her was just a reminder of what he'd let happen to her. And since he'd told her even just a little of what he'd went through in prison, he worried about what she thought of him. On most days he only saw her for a few minutes at a time until he was tired enough to sleep.

 

He'd confined River to her room on Serenity and the doctor had agreed that for now, it was for the best. Eventually, he knew he would need to go talk with her also. Right now his temper wouldn't be able to handle it. It was good to be in the air again. Every now and then he would go to the bridge and just look out into the black to make sure it was still there.

By the evening time he knew Inara would start worrying and wondering where he was. He made his way to the shuttle stopping to do something here and something there, drawing it out until he entered unannounced to the shuttle as always. He still found pleasure in that small act even though he was living there now too.

He was surprised to find Kaylee there and the room seemed to go quiet with his entrance. "Well, if you're busy woman chattin' I can come back later." He looked over to Inara, making sure she was alright and felt almost relieved for the excuse to get back out. "Be back later." He turned towards the door.

"No! Wait Capt'n." Kaylee knew Inara had been worried about him, and the last time she'd seen the captain earlier that day he'd been working himself to a frenzy trying to keep himself busy. "Was just leavin'." She squeezed Inara's hand. "I'll come see ya tomorrow too." She hugged her then walked past Mal. "Night capt'n."

Mal nodded and turned back inside the shuttle. He pulled the curtain in front of the door closed and then sat on the couch to remove his boots. "How're you feelin'?" He asked Inara around a yawn that he couldn’t stop.

 

"Alright," Inara answered. "I get tired and out of breath easier than I like but I haven't taken as many pain pills today. Simon visited for a check up earlier and said the wounds were healing well. My lungs sound fine. I missed you though," she told him, moving closer and putting a hand on his leg. “How are you doing?"

 

A small lift of his shoulders in a half shrug and then Mal nodded. "Shiny. Little tired.  Got a lot of work done today... Have you looked out?" He got up and pushed aside the drape that separated the rest of the shuttle from the bridge. "Stars." He looked back to Inara, a small grin on his lips as he thumbed his suspenders off of his shoulders.

 

Inara got up and walked slowly over to the bridge. She knew if she went too fast she'd end up breathing too hard and it would worry Mal. She leaned against the pilot's chair and smiled. "That's a nice view...It seems like a long time since I've seen those."

 

Mal began to unbutton his shirt before hesitating and stopping.  Inara was standing and already looking winded.  He sat in the chair at the helm and pulled Inara down into his lap resting his cheek against her shoulder as he stared out into the black.

 

"You're doing my job again," she teased him, running her finger down the slice of bare skin exposed by his half unbuttoned shirt. "If you keep that up I'll be useless and there's no room on Serenity for useless people."

 

"Ain't hardly useless. Well, you are now bein' shot an' all but once that heals up... you know how to shoot a gun now." Mal said, not sure how he'd handle seeing Inara hold a gun again even as he said the words.

 

"True," Inara smiled at Mal. "I'll be able to help out on jobs. That'll be nice...helping keep Serenity up here where she belongs." She looked back out at the stars as she said it and rested her head against Mal's. "I like that you're protective but I'm glad you aren't putting me in this cocoon...another cage. I want to help out Serenity."

 

"You will, darlin'. Promise you that." Mal nodded, his arms wrapping tight around Inara. "Headin' to Persephone. See if Badger has any work. Usually does."

 

Inara nodded. "Perhaps I'll be well enough to go see him with you, finally meet the infamous Badger," she smiled and sighed contentedly. Mal's arms around her made her feel safe and loved. “I love that, you know...when you call me darlin'," she said in a hazy, sleepy voice.

 

"Like that, huh?" Mal said, realizing that for the first time. "Doubt we'll take you planet side this first time, 'Nara. You won't be up to full strength." He said honestly. "Some of Badgers men ain't much in the trustworthy way. Can probably help with the job he gives us if it ain't too much legwork."

 

"Let's keep it that way," Inara smiled. "I like being the only one." She furrowed her brow and nodded. "I'm likely to be stir crazy from staying in the shuttle by the time I'm okay to walk around. You'll have to take me out on the mule sight seeing."

 

"Once you can walk more'n a few steps you can walk about serenity... and then we'll find you someplace to set foot on that ain't a ship, I s'ppose." Mal said.

 

"I'll be content just to walk around Serenity," Inara answered. "I love our shuttle but it gets old quickly when I'm in here all the time, particularly while you're working somewhere else."

 

Mal bowed his head, his gaze lowering from Inara's and even from the sight of the stars out of the window. Guilt suddenly rose in him that he’d been avoiding the shuttle.  "Was just busy today is all. Had... captain-y things to be doin'."

 

"Hey," Inara whispered, putting her hand against Mal's cheek and her thumb under his chin so that she could lift his gaze back up to hers. "It's okay. I understand. Kaylee entertained me anyway and I sleep a lot. You had things to do. I can't and don't expect you to neglect that just because I'm sick."

 

Mal quirked an eyebrow and looked back to Inara worriedly. "You're sick?"

 

"No, I didn't mean sick...just hurt," Inara reassured him. "And getting better."

 

Mal nodded slightly and looked back out of the window. "Had me worried there for a minute."

Another bout of silence drew out between them for a few moments before Mal began talking, about what he wasn't sure. "When I was little, my ma used to make this stew when I was sick. She only made it when I was sick cause she said it had magic to be makin' me better." He trailed his fingers through Inara's hair as he spoke. "One time I faked bein' sick just to get some of the stew. Ain't rightly sure why, just wanted some. She made the soup and I guess I forgot to be sick... cause she found out I was fakin' it. Got madder than a rooster in a hen house. Said God was gonna get me for lyin' to her like that. Got a whoopin' like nothin' else, but then I caught her laughin' 'bout it to some of the ranch hands."

A lazy smile had spread over his lips as he'd told the story. "She made me the stew when I asked for it after that though. Said she could put the magic healin' into whatever she made anyway..." He trailed off, his voice growing quiet and then to nothing.

 

Inara smiled at Mal's story, reaching over to touch the corners of his lips as he smiled. His smiles were still infrequent enough that they took her by surprise. "I don't know how your mom would have felt about me but I would have loved her simply because it's obvious she loved you so much."

She leaned her head against Mal's again and put her hands over his across her stomach. "I wasn't allowed to have chocolate when I was little except for special occasions. My nanny knew that but every Tuesday she and I had a special occasion that no one else knew about. It was Princess day. I'd put on this tiara my mother had gotten me then Nanny and I would sneak out into the garden beneath this giant Willow tree we had growing near this little creek. We'd crawl underneath the leaves and sit there in our green palace. Nanny always brought chocolate on Princess days."

 

"My ma loved me too much I'm thinkin' Got away with damn near anything. I mean I got whoopin's when I was bad but... Weren't a whole lot that was bad enough for that." Mal said.

He studied Inara as she told her story. "Guess them princess days stuck... still a princess." He said lightly, somewhat relaxed.

 

Inara laughed softly. "I'm not good at much else. I was raised to be a lady from nearly the day I was born. The only difference between a lady and a princess is the tiara and the title. Sometimes I wonder if Mother always wanted me to go to school to be a companion or if the plans were something much more along the lines of marry someone rich and the guild house became a way to get me out of my father's house as soon as possible."

 

"You're more'n any of that, 'Nara." Mal said, bringing his fingers to her chin to turn her head to face him. "Got a good life now. Here with me." The realization was more for himself than her. How could he ever even think of taking her back to the guild house? He needed her here and she needed to be here. "You like it here, right? Here with me?"

 

"I love it here and I love being here with you," Inara told him, her brow furrowed slightly. "Serenity is everything I wanted my father's house to be while I was growing up. It's filled with love and family. It's okay to touch the walls and eat in any of the rooms. It's okay to scream in the cargo bay or run up the stairs. I'm with people here who love me. Serenity is home." She ran her fingers through his hair. "Before the guild house I wanted all the things little girls want. Before everyone told me I couldn't have it, or that I shouldn't. Before I got old enough to realize there were more frogs than Princes...before I got old enough to be scared of someone that would turn me into my mother...before all of that, I wanted you."

 

Mal hugged Inara close to him, holding onto her as if she were a life raft keeping him afloat. "You got me, 'Nara. Just scared of what I'll do to you... already got you shot. Had to tell the Alliance you were a High Priestess to get you in there. Might not have taken you without it."

 

"I wondered why they kept calling me Mistress Serra," Inara smiled at Mal. She turned slightly in his lap so that she could press a kiss against his temple. "You had nothing to do with me getting shot. And if the Alliance hadn't taken me then...I would have died knowing you want to marry me. My soul would have come back looking for yours. I don't want to die, Mal. I'm terrified of it in fact. I want to live a long life with you. I want all the things I was told I couldn't have with you, but if something like that happens again, I don't want you taking me to an Alliance hospital." Almost unconsciously she reached up and ran her fingers feather light across the still healing cut above his eye. "I don't want to be responsible for this ever again," she whispered.

 

Mal shook his head. "No 'Nara. I ain't promisin' anything like that. They was the only ones close 'nough to fix you. Woulda banged down their door and held 'em at gunpoint if I had to." His voice carried such conviction and emotion. "I ain't losin' you... not when it feels like I just got you, dong ma?"

 

Inara sighed softly and flitted her fingers through Mal's hair. She understood his reasoning. If it'd been him she would have done the same thing, even if she'd known a horrible fate awaited her. Better me than him she thought. "Dong ma," she said resignedly. She leaned in and pressed a butterfly kiss to the cut above his eyes. "I almost wish you'd held them at gunpoint. They'd have treated you a bit better then."

 

"Was outnumbered, 'Nara... by a couple hundred. Woulda ended up dead." Mal said, "Not that I wouldn't have done it. You know how I can be with my stubborn side. Just wasn't a better option."

 

Inara cupped Mal's face in her hands and placed a tender kiss on his lips. "Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you for wanting me alive enough to go through this for me," she said as she kissed the cut just below Mal's eye again. "I wish I could take it away."

 

"Thought you were likin' my scars..." Mal said, with a small grin. He bowed his head so that he was close to her.

 

"I love your scars. Every single one of them," Inara answered as she glided her fingers over the scars on his body, finishing as she always did with the one on his ribs that Atherton had given him. "I wish I could take away the pain behind them though. I wish I could take away all the darkness so that there's only light in your life."

 

"Take all that's behind 'em away and you wouldn't have me." He paused a moment before continuing. His fingertips trailed lightly over her jaw line. "'Sides, I got a light right here. Just gotta remember it's here."

 

"I'll remind you," Inara whispered as she leaned in and kissed him softly, letting it linger and grow deeper but still remain tender. "I love you, Mal." She smirked slightly and chuckled. "Those words were so hard to say for so long and I don't know why. Now I don't want to stop saying them."

 

"Like a drug... once you start can't ever get enough." Mal said, brushing her hair back off of her shoulder. "You're still gonna marry me?"

 

"Do you still want me to?" Inara asked, leaning into Mal's touch.

 

"Don't want you to get hurt..." Mal bowed his head, his eyes closing for the moment. His life seemed to be wrought with nothing but pain lately. Something good would happen and then it came crashing down. Could he really put Inara through this roller coaster ride?

He couldn't be without her. She was like the air he needed to breathe, and his ship he needed to stay airborne. "I want you to though. Want you to marry me... be mine."

 

"Yes, I still want to marry you," Inara answered, a slow smile slipping across her face. "And I'm already yours. Marriage doesn't change that. It just makes it legal on most of the planets." She touched the scar in the middle of his chest that Niska had given him and took a deep breath. "Promise me again you won't let me be like my father. I don't want you locked in a cage anymore than I want to be in one."

 

"'Nara, you wouldn't be lockin' me in a cage. First of all I ain't so good at stayin' in 'em 'less I'm beaten, cuffed, and drugged. You'd never do that to me. Second, you said you was lovin' me. Cages ain't any part of lovin'." Mal said.

 

Inara nodded, her fingers still tracing the scar in the middle of his chest. She laughed bitterly after a moment. "Isn't it fun dealing with all the issues he left me with? That's the good thing about facades. They hide the mess."

 

"The mess is part of you... ain't so bad way I see it." Mal said, watching as her fingers traced over his scar. "You're always touchin' my scars... the messes behind 'em. S'only fair I get to see your messes too."

 

"I don't mind your messes. They're sexy and scarred and give me reasons to hold you and touch you more often," Inara told him with a smile. "My messes just make me say no when I want to say yes. They turn me into something I don't want to be." She paused a moment and let her fingers trail up to the scar on his shoulder. "One of these days he's going to die and leave me everything. I'll sell it all and keep Serenity in the air for years. Eventually something good will come of that house and that life."

 

Mal's fingers slid from Inara's chin up to her cheek. A small, soft smile played at his lips and he shook his head as he looked at her. "It already has..." He whispered. "Sooner you see that, the better." He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss against her lips.

 

Inara kissed him back, her hands sliding up his chest and shoulders to tunnel in his hair, pulling him closer. She broke the kiss and dipped her head, burying her nose in the crook of his neck. She took a deep breath, drowning in the scent of him. She sat folded into him like that for a moment, just breathing him in.

 

"S'go to bed." Mal said after a few moments. "Been a long day and I'm a mite tired." He lifted Inara and carried her to the bed, laying her down first and then removing his shirt the rest of the way before crawling in after her to rest on his side. One of his arms rested behind his head and the other draped across her stomach.

 

She turned on her side to face him, burrowing into his chest, her nose in the hollow of his throat. She rested one hand on his chest, feeling the thump-thump of his heart beneath her. The other hand rested at the nape of his neck, pulling him in as close as she could get. "I thank Buddha for you every day," she whispered against his skin.

 

Mal thought of a million witty come backs for that one. For now, he opted to keep his mouth shut. He didn't need it, and neither did she. He kissed her forehead and closed his eyes, quickly drifting off to sleep.

 

Hours later Inara closed the top drawer to the bedside table and glanced at Mal asleep beside her. She carefully slipped out of bed and logged onto her comm. It took only a few moments to sign into the email address she'd been instructed to use.

.Peresphone. Going to talk to Badger.

I.S.

As soon as she'd sent the brief message she turned the comm off and slipped back into bed, burrowing into Mal. He stirred slightly and she shushed him with a soft kiss to his collarbone before closing her eyes and falling back asleep again.

 

 

CHAPTER NINE

 

Mal flipped off the comm screen on the bridge and stood to walk back through Serenity. They were close to Persephone and the meeting with Badger looked to be a promising one as far as coin went. He thoroughly disliked the man, but they needed work.

His hand ran along the cool wall of the corridor, feeling the slight hum of his ship moving beneath his fingers. Something made him pause just outside of the brig he'd locked River in, and he knew he couldn't put it off anymore. It wasn't fair to her or himself, not to mention the crew.

He unlocked the door and pushed it open.  He stood in the frame of the doorway looking down to River, his features softening slightly at the sight of her. "So, lil one..." He started, and then squatted down so that he was eye level with her. "Sorry to keep you locked up in here... just can't have you puttin' bullets in my crew. You understand?"

 

"She understands. She doesn't comprehend," River said as she looked up at Mal. "Already hurting so much. Just don't want it to hurt anymore. Besides, she's not your crew. Night blooming jasmine."

 

"She's my crew now... you gotta understand that." Mal said quietly, trying to wrap his mind around everything she was saying. "I don't take kindly to people shootin' at you, and I don't want people shootin' at her either. You got an itch for a bullet to break skin, point it at me, dong ma?" <I>I'm the most deserving of it.</I>

He paused before adding. "Although no bullets would be the preferred choice here."

 

"No you don't," River told Mal, looking directly at him. She furrowed her brow then got to her feet. She tiptoed over to Mal and reached out. She touched her face and smiled almost saintly at him. "Just being protective. Do you know who Benedict Arnold was?"

 

"Earth that was... Revolution and he was plottin' against his own from the inside." Mal said, knowing that his knowledge of history and books was a surprise to most. "Now tell me what that's got to do with you shootin' 'Nara. You the Benedict Arnold?" He asked, watching River's reaction carefully.

 

River laughed and shook her head. "No, Silly. She's just a girl."

 

Mal stared blankly for a moment and then smirked, his head bowing and gaze lowering hidden beneath long lashes.  "You gotta help me out here, River girl.  Little more'n lost in the dark right now.  Gotta help me understand."  Tired of the dark... too much of it.

 

He looked back up to her, his eyes wide but filled with concern also.  "Don't like keepin' you locked up in here.  I been locked up before and..."  He trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.

 

"It's okay," River smiled at Mal. "When you're not here, Serenity talks to me."

 

"What does she say?"  Mal asked quietly.

 

"She tells me that Kaylee loves Simon. Sometimes she talks to Serenity in the engine room about him. She says she misses Book sometimes but she knows he's okay. She wishes you weren't so sad. It makes her sad when you're sad. She tells me that Zoe and Wash had a fight about kids last night. She wants them. He wants to wait until they've settled somewhere. That makes Serenity sad. She'd like little kids playing hopscotch in her cargo bay," River rambled with a sunshine smile on her face.

 

"Ain't sad..." Mal lied with a shake of his head. "Tells you all that, huh? What's she say about 'Nara?"

 

River closed her eyes and made a face, sticking her tongue out.

 

"Gotta be careful, your face'll freeze like that." Mal said calmly, not missing that she hadn't answered him about Inara. "You mean a ship this big is talkin' to you 'bout everyone but the one you shot three times in the back? Hard to believe."

 

"She's jealous. She says you love her more now," River answered, her face still set in an unhappy expression.

 

"Serenity's jealous of 'Nara? Love 'em both." Mal rambled, still not convinced he'd gotten everything out of River that he needed to make a decision about whether to keep her locked up or let her free. "No call for jealousy. Both got my attention."

 

River shrugged. "Tell Serenity that." She walked over and ran her hand along the wall of the brig.

 

"Serenity and 'Nara gotta get along. Both gonna be here so there's no call for not gettin' along." Mal watched River walk along the